Long Slow Second Look (16 page)

"Why don't you grab fifty winks while I shower and go make a few phone calls?"

He pulled me closer. "Make them here."

"That wouldn't be a good idea."

"Why not?"

I rolled away from him and sat up, clutching the sheet to my breasts. How much should I tell him? "I need to cancel my date for tonight."

He sat up behind me. "With who?"

I sighed. "Deandre."

"You have a date with him? You said you were here with a female friend."

"I am. But since I lost interest in him, he's been hounding me to go out with him. I finally said yes and we agreed to meet here tonight for dinner and a show."

"And?"

"And nothing. Dinner and a show."

"You weren't going to—"

I turned to look in his eyes. "Dinner and a show, John. Nothing else. How many times do I need to say it?"

He lay back on the bed. "Then cancel your date and come back to bed."

"I think I'll take a shower and go back to my room."

He caught my hand and pulled me back to sprawl on top of him. "No. Make your call and stay with me."

"Nothing's changed. I still need to think."

"What the hell is there to think about, Amber? We both want the same thing; to be together."

"But we want it with vastly different degrees of commitment. I know I want to be your wife and have your kids. You only want that if it can't be avoided. That leaves a vast gulf between us. I need to decide if I can handle that divide and still be happy."

"You're making too big of an issue of our minor differences."

"They're not minor, John. What if the shoe were on the other foot and you wanted marriage and kids and I didn't? Wouldn't that bother you?"

He released me. "Have it your way but you know how I feel about you."

"No I don't because you haven't actually said."

"I've said as much as I'm comfortable saying for now."

I nodded. "I know. Hopefully we'll see each other later." I kissed him and slipped out of bed. I put my clothes on and quickly left before I could change my mind. I was a little disheartened because he made no further effort to convince me to stay with him.

Chapter Eleven

John

By the time I got up, showered, and redressed, I was pissed. Granted, I hadn’t told Amber how deeply my feelings ran for her because I wasn’t prepared to admit that to anyone at that point. Nevertheless, I’d told her I was prepared to get married again and have more kids. Didn’t she realize how big a commitment it was for me to start raising another set of kids with my current two within smelling distances of adulthood?

Agitated, I decided to go unwind. I was surprised to find Shane seated on the casino floor watching his date Myra gambling his money away. When he saw me, he rose and walked over to me. "So? How did things go with Amber?"

I frowned. "How did you know I saw her?"

"When Myra told me you dumped her for someone named Sha, I knew you must have run into Amber."

I blinked. Had I called her cher? "She wants time to consider her options."

"Why? Because you haven’t told her you love her?"

"I haven’t told you I love her," I pointed out.

He nodded. "I know you haven’t, but the difference between me and her is that I know you’re in love with her. So if I were you, I’d admit it to yourself and her and move the hell on."

"Look—"

He held up a hand. "Spare me your nonsense, Johnny. You’re in love with her. Deal with it or risk losing her to some other asshole."

"Are you calling me an asshole?"

"Any man too stupid to know when he’s in love is an asshole. So yes. I’m calling you an asshole."

"Look, you—"

"No. You look. Remember you’re talking to the brother you’ve told that you’ve never called any woman cher."

"I haven’t told you I called her cher!"

"But we both know you have." He placed a hand on my shoulder. "You’re in love with her. If you won’t admit the obvious, how can you expect her to forego pursuing her other options? Don’t wait around until he decides to offer her what she wants and you lose her."

"If he touches her, I swear, I’ll plant my foot so far up his ass—"

"You could do that or you could just admit you love her. She falls into your arms, totally yours. Problem solved. Johnny's happier than he’s ever been. What’s not to love?"

"I’ve never said I love you to a woman."

"That’s because you’ve never been in love. Now you are. Where’s the difficulty? Sleep on it and get with the program before she decides you’re more trouble than you’re worth."

"She wants me to go running after her like—"

"A man in love? You are. Put your running shoes on and go after her so she'll know you think she's worth jumping through a few hoops for. Unless, of course, you don't think she's worth the effort. In which case, I'm sick to death of hearing about a woman who means so little to you."

I glanced past him to where Myra was happily pushing buttons. "Would you and Myra be interested in joining us for dinner sometime next week?"

He shook his head.

"Why not?"

"Because we're no longer a couple. We haven't slept together in over three months."

I frowned. "Then what are you two doing here sharing a room?"

He shrugged. "Believe it or not, we're just friends now. We're sharing a room but not a bed."

"Why bring her at all if it's over?"

"She wanted to come and I had nothing better to do." He smiled. "Besides, she seems to think that remaining close to me might help her cause."

"What cause?"

"Latching more successfully onto one of you."

"You mean Gave, Lee or me?"

He nodded. "I told her it was hopeless as you were already interested in someone else, but I think she has her eye on you."

I glanced at her again and found her looking in our direction.

She smiled and waved at me.

Oh hell no. I nodded and turned away to face Shane. "Tell her she's wasting her time with me."

"Got someone else in mind you'd rather have chase you? If not, she can be very diverting."

"Let her ply her charms with someone else. I'm definitely not interested. I'm going for a walk to think."

He smiled. "You do that."

* * *

Amber

My plan to cancel my date with Deandre went awry when he insisted since he was already in Atlantic City that I had to have dinner with him. Of course I didn’t have to, but considering how uncertain my relationship was with John, I decided that it wouldn’t hurt to at least hear him out.

We had dinner at a different casino hotel than the one we were staying at. I quickly discovered he was funny and attentive. And I liked him. The dinner that I had reluctantly agreed to have with him turned out to be enjoyable. At the end of the night when he bent to kiss me, I briefly returned his kiss before stepping away from him.

He sighed. "No go, huh?"

I shook my head. "I’m afraid not."

"It’s him. Isn’t it? The big, disrespectful groper from Grace’s party?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"He doesn’t deserve you."

"Maybe not, but I want him."

"Lucky bastard." He caressed my cheek. "Good luck."

"Thanks. I’ll need all the luck I can get to land him."

"Not if he has half a brain."

"I’m not so sure he does," I said.

We shared a laugh before he offered me his arm. "I’ll walk you back to your hotel."

"Thanks." I smiled and slipped my arm through his. He was going to make some lucky woman a hell of a husband when he finally settled down.

* * *

John

I was with Shane later that night when I saw Amber and Dr. Don't Know Shit kissing and then walking off arm in arm.

I felt a rage like none I had ever experienced. During those seconds I could easily have stalked after them, grabbed him by his neck, and happily choked the life out of him with little remorse.

I might have actually started behind them.

Shane gripped my arm and swung me around to face him. "Tell her what she wants to hear and you won’t have to worry about him or anyone else. Or leave her alone to get on with her life, Johnny."

I jerked away. "If he thinks he can take her from me, he’d better think again."

"She didn’t look as if he was holding her hostage. Since you’re not interested in giving her what she wants, she appears to be prepared to get it from him. And why shouldn’t she? You can’t really expect to refuse to give her what she wants
and
dictate who she sees. Even a man as in love as you are, must see that’s not fair."

I opened my mouth to remind him that I was not in love with her but closed it without speaking. What was the point? In love or not, I didn’t envision anything but a miserable and lonely existence without her.

I walked away from him, in the opposite direction from the one Amber and my competition had taken. I was aware that Shane shadowed me but was thankful that he knew enough not to join me. I wasn’t in the mood for company or anymore of his attempts to make me see reason.

Two hours later, I returned to my room and called my son and daughter. After an annoying conversation with each of them, I arranged a visit to my grandparents who lived in Delaware.

* * *

Amber

Sherlyn and I left Atlantic City early on Monday morning. She drove. After a few attempts at conversation, she fell silent. That gave me time to wrestle with my emotions. John’s failure to make contact with me again after we’d made love disheartened and hurt me. Even though I knew he wasn’t in love with me, I’d felt sure he cared enough to want to pursue me. Apparently, I’d overestimated his interest in me. Or maybe he was no longer interested because I’d insisted he use a condom.

I called Darkwater after I arrived at work and we agreed to meet for lunch that day.

"How are you?" he asked, after we were seated at a restaurant two blocks away from the clinic.

"Hopelessly in love with a man whose only interest in me is physical."

He reached across the table to brush his hand against mine. "He might not be in love with you but I doubt very much if his interest is strictly sexual."

"I think it is. Each time I'm foolish enough to give him what he wants he moves on until he wants it again."

"Then why keep giving it to him?"

"Because I love him!"

"There can be a vast divide between love and sexual attraction. He might not love you but I'm sure his interest isn't strictly physical."

"But I want him to love me!"

He squeezed my hand in silent sympathy.

I sighed. "I have to move on. Don’t I?"

He shrugged. "I’m not sure, but I’m still willing and able to kick his dumb ass at a moment’s notice."

I looked at him and then laughed. Don’t ask me why or how but I suddenly felt better. Maybe it was knowing that I could talk to him without a lecture or fearing he thought I was easy that helped.

"Let’s talk about something else."

"Okay. Pick a topic," he said.

I shook my head. "Your choice."

He hesitated, glanced down at his hand, and then shrugged. "How’s your friend doing? Who did she spend her time with in Atlantic City?"

"My friend?" I frowned. "What friend?" I paused and then widened my gaze. "You mean Sher?"

He nodded, allowing his lashes to sweep down to conceal his expression.

To say I was surprised was putting it mildly. He’d never shown much interest in her. "She had dinner Sunday night with a man she met at the slot machines," I said.

"Did she? I wouldn’t have thought she was the type to allow strange men to pick her up."

I decided there was no need to tell him the man in question had been forty years older and that the dinner had included his wife. "You know how crazy things can get in AC."

"I see."

"You seem a little more interested in her private life than usual."

"Just passing the time."

"Why don’t you ask her out?"

He shook his head. "She’d only end up hurt."

"Not if you didn’t hurt her. Are you interested in her, Thomas?"

"Not in the way either of you would want me to be."

"She's a wonderful person."

"I'm sure she is. I'm at a loose end at the moment. Why don't you both have dinner with me Friday night?"

"What happened to your island woman?"

"Nothing happened. She's just a friend. A married one at that."

"Oh. Too bad. I thought you'd finally come out of the dark where only skinny white women need apply for your attention."

He laughed and shook his head. "I can handle my own sex life, Am. What about Friday night? Are you interested?"

I nodded. "Sure."

"And your friend?"

"I'll ask her."

"Good."

I arched a brow. "If she's not interested or available, am I still invited?"

He laughed. "I'll let you know. Would you like anything else?"

"No thanks."

He glanced at his watch. "Then I should get back to work." He signaled for the waiter. He walked me back to my office building. "Call me if you need me, Am."

"I will." I smiled up at him. "Call me if you come to your senses and want a date with Sher that doesn't include me for a smoke screen."

He laughed and walked away.

Back at work, I called Sher to ask if she wanted to have dinner Friday night with Darkwater and me.

"I think I'll pass," she said, surprising me.

"I'm glad to hear you have other plans," I said.

"I don't, but I'm sure he only agreed to my coming to please you and it would make for a long, uncomfortable night for us both."