Long Slow Second Look (12 page)

Amber

I was shaken and near tears when I hung up on John after Darkwater left. I paced my living room. If John showed up, I wasn't sure I could remain firm and refuse to see him. I wanted to call Darkwater and ask him to come back immediately. But if I did and John showed up, it would take an act of God to keep Darkwater from getting physical.

I didn't call and prayed John would stay away. Conversely, when he did, I felt vindicated in my belief that he thought of me as an easy lay he didn't need to extend himself to appease.

While I sat in the living room trying to decide what to do with myself until it was time for Darkwater to pick me up, my phone rang. I picked up my cellphone and looked at the screen.
S. Drake

I answered it. "Hi, Sher."

"Hi, Am. I hope I'm not interrupting anything but I wanted to see how you were."

"Lousy, thanks. How are you?"

"Free if you want to talk."

"I do if you can stand to hear my sad song again."

"That's what friends are for. I can be there in thirty minutes."

That would give us about ninety minutes to talk before Darkwater returned. "Have you had lunch? Can I make you something light?"

"I'll bring some burgers and a salad. Okay?"

"I'm not hungry. I just need to talk."

After I hung up, I dressed for dinner with Darkwater.

When she arrived, she wore a pretty mauve dress that complimented her plus-size figure. A skillfully applied new foundation blended in well with her skin tone. Looking at her, I wondered why Darkwater couldn't see that she was worth two of the women he usually dated.

"Are you sure you shouldn't give him another chance, Am?" she asked.

I shook my head. "Honestly, I don’t know what I should do."

"Then do what you want to do."

I stared at her. "That would be to drop my thong at the first sight of him and let him do whatever the hell he likes."

She shrugged. "So why don't you?"

"Because I don't like being treated like his latest whore."

"Maybe you're misunderstanding him. He did call you cher. Maybe he—"

"Maybe he exaggerated what it means because he wants more easy lays."

"I looked it up. It is a special term of endearment, Am. And from your description he's wealthy and attractive. He can probably get as many easy lays as he likes without making any commitments. Maybe you really are special and he just needs some time to accept that fact. Or maybe you can just change his mind."

I told her of my conversation with Darkwater. "He'll probably have kittens if I do."

"How is he?"

"Darkwater?"

She nodded. "I haven't seen him for quite awhile."

That's because he and the other guys went out of their way to avoid our friends. I sighed, hoping she'd realized by now that she would never have a chance with him. "He's fine."

"Is he seeing anyone?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. He never talks about his private life. What about you? Are you seeing anyone?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Do you have your eye on anyone?"

"You mean anyone besides your big, sexy brother?" she asked and then laughed.

I laughed too. "Oh, Sher, he's my brother and I do love him, but he has particularly bad taste in women. Besides, he doesn't seem to have any interest in settling down with one woman. Don't sell yourself short like I did with Deandre and John. Wait for someone worthy of you."

"So you're no longer interested in Deandre?"

"No. That ship has left port permanently."

"What about John?"

"What about him?"

"Maybe you should at least hear what he has to say before you decide if you two can have a real relationship."

"What would be the point, Sher? He already has two kids and he's not interested in marriage. And I have no interest in giving up my dreams of marriage and a family just to be his easy lay until he tires of me. I think he's like Darkwater and the others taking advantage of the mystique women have for Native American men to sleep his way through life without any commitment."

"But you said he was tired of that and wanted something more."

"That's what he said but the moment we were alone he couldn't keep his big hot hands to himself or his zipper up."

She tilted her head. "Hmm. Big, handsome man can't keep his hands off you? Doesn't sound like much of a problem to me."

I laughed and hugged her. "Oh, Sher, you always help me put things in prospective. I'm going to sleep on it for a few days before deciding if I should meet with him to talk. The only problem is the moment we're alone he's all over me."

"Again, I don't see the problem, Am."

I smiled. "I love that he's so sexually attracted to me but I want and need more than that from him."

"Are you in love with him, Am?"

I sighed. "I'm afraid if I'm not, I'm so close to it the difference doesn't matter."

"Then tell him how you feel and lay your cards on the table. Let him know if you two see each other again it has to be with a view towards a real relationship. Would you settle for something less than marriage that included a promise of a monogamous relationship?"

"How can I? I want at least one child and I want a relationship with a man who loves me enough to want to make me happy. I'm not going to be happy being anything less than the wife of the man I love. Living together is too modern for me. "

"So you wouldn't settle for a short term relationship?"

"I don't think I can without getting my heart torn to shreds."

My apartment buzzer sounded and I jumped and looked at my watch. Where had the time gone? "That must be Darkwater."

Sher looked flustered.

I picked up the phone. "Thomas?"

"Are you ready, Am?"

"Yes. Come on up." I released the buzzer and turned to look at Sher. "Do you want to leave before he gets up here or will you stay and say hi to him?"

"I think I'll save him the embarrassment. Call me if you need to talk," she said and kissed my cheek.

I grabbed my keys off the foyer table. "I'll walk to the elevator with you."

The elevator took over ten minutes to come. When the doors opened, Darkwater stepped off.

He nodded at Sher. "Sherlyn, it's been awhile. How are you?"

"Fine. Thanks. You?"

"I'm good."

"Good. Great. I know you two are going to dinner so I'll be on my way."

He reached out and held the elevator doors open after she'd stepped in. "You're welcome to join us, if you like."

Sher and I exchanged surprised looks before she shook her head. "Thanks, but I have other plans. I'll talk to you tomorrow, Am. It was nice to see you again, Thomas," she said.

"You too," he said and allowed the doors to close.

I slipped my arm through his. "Thanks, Darkwater."

"For what?"

"For inviting her."

"She's your friend and it would have been rude not to invite her once she mentioned it."

"That never stopped you from avoiding her like the plague and never issuing her or any of my friends at invitation before."

He shrugged.

"Would the new enlightened Darkwater consider asking her out?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"She's not my type, Am."

"She's a great person."

"I'm sure she is but I have no personal interest in her."

I sighed. "Your loss. She'll make some lucky man very happy."

"I'm sure she will." He glanced at the closed elevators doors as we walked to my apartment. "Is she okay?"

I opened the door and went inside before I answered. "What's the matter, Darkwater? Think she must be ailing because she declined the opportunity to spend a few hours with you?"

He laughed. "She never has before but you're making me sound vain."

I arched a brow. "Well?"

He shook his head. "It's not vanity if it's true, Am."

I nodded. "You have me there, but you really are missing out by at least not giving her a chance to wow you."

"It's a risk I'm willing to continue to take."

"I don't understand you."

"What's to understand? Like everyone else, I have a preference when it comes to the women who attract me."

"I know that, but…you ignore her while lavishing your time and attention on an endless series of skinny, shallow blondes."

"I like what I like, Am."

"Have you ever liked one of them well enough to want to marry her?"

"Apparently not since I've never been engaged or married."

"Do you ever want to get married, Darkwater?"

He sighed. "Most of the time I'd say no, but when I think how happy dad was with mom and then with your mother, I know I want that same over the top happiness for myself at some point."

"Then if the women you've been dating haven't made an emotional impression, isn't it time to try a different type? Someone who might not knock your big socks off when you first meet but who can win your heart if given the chance."

"And I suppose you think Sherlyn would be the woman to win my heart?"

"Her or someone like her could win your heart if you just open yourself to the possibility of dating a non-skinny blonde." I tilted my head. "You do have a heart. Don't you?"

He laughed again. "Never mind my heart. It's my stomach I'm worried about at the moment. I'm hungry. Let's go eat."

* * *

John

My talk with Shane left me feeling restless and in need of unwinding. When he suggested we have dinner with Brandon Grayhawk, even though I suspected he planned to double-team me with Brandon I agreed. I didn't want to be alone for fear I'd find it impossible to give Amber the breathing room she needed.

Brandon had long dark hair and a touch many people found invasive—including me. When he shook hands or touched me, I often felt as if he were probing my thoughts. I wasn't in the mood to have my emotions exposed or told I was in love so I made it a point to nod at him instead of shaking hands when we met at the restaurant.

He'd been having a difficult time since the woman he considered his sheenea had been murdered several years earlier. I was glad to see he seemed to be in decent spirits. Maybe he was finally ready to move on and find another woman to console him.

To my relief, he didn't ask any probing questions about Amber. Neither did Shane. We discussed sports. After a drink, I'd started to feel mellow. That's when I looked across the restaurant and saw Amber dining with another man. And it wasn't even Dr. Don't Know Shit.

The blood rushed up to my face and I felt almost dizzy with a combination of jealousy and fury. Who the fuck was she with and why the fuck was she with another man who couldn't possibly want her as much as I did?

"Johnny? Is that her? Johnny?"

I felt a hand descend on my clenched fist, blinked, and realized both Shane and Brandon were staring at me. "What?"

"Is that Amber?" Shane asked, staring across the room to the table where she sat.

"Yes." I inhaled and exhaled slowly. Deep breathing did nothing to calm me down. I rose.

Shane grabbed my arm. "Johnny—"

I jerked away. I was in no mood to see reason.

Brandon rose and placed a hand on my shoulder. He didn't say anything. He just locked gazes with me. I could feel him trying to will me to be calm.

I hated when he did that. I shook his hand off but felt some of my anger dissipate. I looked at Shane. "I'm fine," I assured him.

"She's free to see whoever she likes."

The hell she was.

"Don't start any shit, Johnny."

I stalked across the room. I was about five feet away before she looked up and saw me. Her eyes widened and she cast a quick nervous look at the man seated across from her before looking at me again.

By that time I was at her table.

The man stared silently up at me. "Can I help you?" Although he spoke in a level voice, I could feel his hostility.

"No, you can't." I looked at her. "Can I have a word with you, Amber?"

"No, you can not." He rose and faced me with a warning look in his gaze.

She reached out to grip his hand. "Thomas, this is John Reddorn. John, this is my brother, Thomas Darkwater."

The relief I felt was off the charts. Embarrassment and wariness quickly followed. Clearly, she'd confided in her brother who would probably like to knock me on my ass.

"What do you want?" he asked.

I tried to get a grip on my emotions by reminding myself how I'd feel if I had a sister. "I'd like to talk to, Amber." I looked at her. "I know I screwed up and you probably never want to see me again, but please…"

She looked up at her brother, whose hand she still gripped. "Do you mind, Thomas?"

"Of course I do," he said, giving me a cold look. "But if you're sure you want to talk to him, I'll give you a few minutes."

Her response seemed a long time coming. "Don't go far," she said.

"I won't." He turned to me. "Amber is my little sister so you watch what you say to her and how you treat her or I'll plant my size thirteen foot so far up your ass, you'll need surgery to remove it."

I wanted to make it plain to him that he didn't scare me. However, I could see how distressed she was so I bit back the urge to invite him to give it his best shot. I inclined my head instead.

He stalked away and I sat down facing her. "Amber, honey…I'm sorry. I know that's inadequate, but there's not much else I can say. You were right and I was wrong."

"What do you want, John?"

What did I want? I'd just allowed myself to look like a punk in front of her brother to please her. Didn't that suggest anything to her? "A chance to make things right with you."

"I don't know that there's anything to make right, John. We both behaved irresponsibly. I could try to place all the blame on you but you didn't hold a gun to my head—especially the last time."

"Then let's start again."

"I am not going to have unprotected sex with you again. Period. And I'm not interested in being your friend. I want marriage and kids. You don't. So where does that leave us?"