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“Caydon is an asshole. Sometimes I just don’t know what gets into that boy.”

“He needs anger management.” The words spew from my mouth.

“Caydon was always easy to anger, but pleasant. It’s the last year or so that he’s been moody.”

“Why? If loves Hannah so much, shouldn’t he be happy?”

“This is an age-old question. I think Caydon will always want what he can't have because it leaves him searching for ways to get it. If he got what he wanted then there would not be a reason to fight. Caydon bases his worth on his relationship with Hannah. I don’t think he’s in love with her. I think he’s in love with the idea that Hannah could love him although they come from different backgrounds.” Maria tries to make sense of Caydon’s senseless relationship.

“Nash and Caydon are the two guys everyone wants. Naturally, Caydon and Nash are always in competition with each other. When Hannah chose Caydon over Nash, of course, Caydon took it as a win.”

“Nash and Hannah dated?”
This situation is beyond fucked up.

“Hannah used to hook up with Nash. And Nash and Caydon were friends, until Hannah came along. When Hannah saw Caydon, she ended it with Nash. At first, Caydon refused to hook up with her because of his friendship with Nash.” The can of hairspray shakes violently in Maria’s hand. “It didn’t stop her from going after Caydon. Eventually, Caydon did give in…only because Nash told Caydon that he doesn’t deserve her.”

Maria begins buffing her nose with powder. “I don’t think Nash meant it. I think he was hurt because of losing Hannah. Nash took it out on Caydon. Ever since then they have been at each other’s throats.”

Hannah is a little troublemaker.
“Do you know Hannah personally?” I ask.

Maria glares at me. “What’s with all of the Caydon questions?” The smile on her face spreads from ear to ear.

My face turns a brilliant shade of crimson. “What can I say? I’m curious about the guy who went out of his way to make my night so damn miserable.”

Maria’s smile is still present. “He’s hot. Admit it.”

“Yes, he’s easy on the eyes. It’s his insides that are ugly.”

“I wish you knew him before he met Hannah. And, to answer your question, I have double dated with Hannah and Caydon only a few times. I think she is high maintenance.” Maria plops down on my bed. “She has a creepy relationship with her dad.”

“Sounds like a lovely relationship.” I can’t hide my sarcasm.

Maria laughs. “Yeah…it’s a healthy relationship.” She picks up a dress I laid out for her to try on. “You should come out with me again. Thanksgiving Eve is the biggest party night of the year. It’s Caydon’s twenty-first birthday. It’s going to be a blast.”

I blow the air out I was holding in. “Thanks for the invite, but I think I will pass. Besides, I have to help my dad cook for Thanksgiving. You and your parents are coming, right?”

“I’ll only come if you go out with me the night before.” Maria tries to bribe me.

If I know my dad, he would want me to go out. Annalisa is coming over to help him with the preparations. They could use the time together. “I don’t remember you being this bratty. But, fine, I will go.”

“Please. I was always a brat.”

Maybe I will luck out. Hopefully, Caydon will be with Hannah. However, I also made an enemy out of Nash. Needless to say, it should be an interesting night.

* * *

Thanksgiving Eve. On the biggest party night of the year, I will celebrate my twenty-first birthday. It should be a night where I enjoy the debauchery before I hunker down and stuff myself on pumpkin pie and family dysfunction. Instead, I am standing on the dock waiting for Hannah to show. She’s late. I wonder if she will show up. I promise myself that I will leave in five minutes if she doesn’t show.

I flick my cigarette into the water. Hannah won’t like that I started smoking again.
Oh, fucking, well.

The lake brings back memories of times when things weren’t so complicated between Hannah and me. We were concerned with the simple things like making out and parties. Now, I am here wondering what direction our relationship is going and if I want it to go anywhere at all.

I’m sure if I was being honest with myself, I would be relieved if Hannah and I broke up. On the other hand, my pride may tell you a different story.

Nash was right. Hannah was never mine. Her dad made sure of that. I guess it is human nature to believe in the impossible. The very thought that a girl like Hannah would want me for the rest of my life is inconceivable.

The lawyer and the tattoo artist…what a fucking joke!

The scent of Hannah’s perfume reaches me before she does. I don’t turn around. If she still wants me, her arms will wrap around my waist. They don’t. It’s clear where this meeting is going.
And I don’t care.

My body pivots facing her. As always, Hannah is meticulous. She is more mature looking. It appears she has traded in her Uggs
®
and leggings for a cardigan and loafers.

“You look nice,” I lie. I can’t think of anything else to say. She’s changed. I don’t really like the new look.

“So do you.” Hannah gazes at my ‘Sleeping with Sirens’ hoodie and loose jeans.

This is not a typical reunion for lovers. We don’t hug. We don’t kiss. We barely acknowledge each other. It comes down to which one of us has the courage to say what needs to be said.

“I spoke to Nash. He said you beat him up.”

Of course, she would be concerned about Nash’s well being.
Pussy.

The image of Reece kicking him in the balls occupies my mind. I can’t help that my dick finds the image arousing. I laugh to myself. “Yeah,” I say, still laughing. “That wasn’t me. Well, it was. But I didn’t do most of the damage.”

“Yes, I’ve heard that as well. Who is Reece?” Well, I will be a monkey’s uncle. Hannah is jealous. Interesting. I guess she doesn’t like that Reece has stolen the attention from her.

“Reece is Maria’s cousin. Nash was a little too touchy feely. Let’s just say he got what he deserved.”

Hannah folds her arms across her chest. It is a sign that she disagrees. To tell you the truth, I don’t give a fuck what she thinks. I saw what Nash did to Reece. The violence against him was warranted.

“I don’t understand why you were involved, Caydon. We’ve worked so hard for you to get a hold of your anger.”

We?

Hell if I know why I was involved. It doesn’t matter. I haven’t seen Reece since that night. I’m curious where Hannah is going with the information Nash has given her. “Hannah, what’s the big deal? It’s a long story. We’re not here to talk about Reece or Nash.”

What the fuck was that?

A sparkling flash catches my eye. It is coming from Hannah’s fourth finger, next to her pinky, on her left hand.

That is not what I think it is. Is it?

Slowly, I walk toward Hannah. I pick up the hand with the bling on it. Hannah remains silent. “Is this what I think it is?” I let out a sigh of disbelief. Hannah is having a hard time returning my gaze. “Well, is it?”

Hannah still doesn’t answer.

What is it with voiceless chicks?

“Hannah?”

A single tear slips from her eye. “It is.” There it is…the rejection I knew was coming. Hannah is engaged.

The feeling I have is like no other. A slow, dull pain pervades my chest. I’m breathing but I feel like I’m holding my breath. The weight of the sky is on my shoulders. The need to sit and stand, at the same time, confuses my motor skills. The emotional chaos consumes me. And finally, I have an understanding for the need to be silent.

“Caydon? Say something,” Hannah pleads. I drop her hand and face the water. I shake my head because words are useless.

“I understand that you are upset. Let me explain.” I glance over my shoulder waiting for the bullshit to spew from her mouth. “Daddy set us up.”

That is all I need to hear. “Fuck your dad, Hannah. Don’t blame this on him. You’re a fucking adult. Take responsibility for your life and stop hiding behind your fucking father. Jesus.”

“It’s true. I met Graham shortly after I arrived at school. Unbeknownst to me, Daddy asked Graham to show me around campus. Graham’s parents are very good friends of my father. I knew of him but never met him because he lived with his parents across the country. We have a lot in common, Caydon” Hannah’s head hangs low. “I’m sorry.”

“How long have you been engaged?”

“A little over a year.”

What the fuck?

I run my fingers through my hair. Hannah could have set me free over a year ago…a fucking year. I try wrapping my head around the situation. Few facts come together and I realize I fucked her while she was engaged. She’s been cheating on her fiancé and me.
Classy.

“So, you’ve been cheating on me and Graham? Does he know about me?”

“I thought that what we had would fade away. Honestly, when I left for school, I thought you would grow tired of a long distance relationship. I was shocked that you called so much. I imagined that you were meeting people being in the industry you are in. When you came to visit last year, I just had to have you one last time, Caydon,” Hannah explains.

The sad part is that she believes that she did nothing wrong. “Whatever happened to ‘there will always be Hannah and Caydon’?”

Hannah tries to take my hand. I quickly put my hands in my pockets. The flicker of hurt in her eyes makes me feel good. “I cherish the time we had together. You were my first. I will never forget how gentle you were. You…you were my first crush.”

I snicker. “A crush. I was a fucking crush. I popped your fucking cherry, Hannah. I would expect to be placed in a different category other than ‘crush’. Christ, doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

She’s horrified. I have never spoken to her so harshly. What the fuck do I care? It’s over anyway. “Caydon, you are making this more difficult than it needs to be. I’d like to think I had kept you from getting into trouble when you were younger. Doesn’t that mean anything to you? Despite my family’s protest, I stayed with you so you’d become a better person.”

I rub the stubble on my chin. Part of her statement is true. When I met Hannah, I fought all of the time. The thought of someone looking at me the wrong way would set me off. Hannah did not allow me to fight once we were a couple. I became a calmer person.

“Better? No…not better. Calmer. And I didn’t know I was agreeing to be your charity case when you became my girlfriend.”

“Whatever, Caydon. Don’t try to make me feel bad for wanting to do something good.”

“How about you, Hannah? Are you a good person?”

“Yes. I believe I am.”

“Then, you and I disagree on the meaning of good. When I think of the word good, I think of integrity, honesty, faithfulness, and morals. I was always honest to you. I was faithful to you. Therefore, I am a good person.” I try believing I have all of those qualities. “You didn’t teach me anything about being a good person, Hannah. But you did teach me something.”

Her eyes light up. She is waiting for me to deliver a compliment. The realization suddenly hits me that Hannah is an attention whore. Her dad, Nash, and I feed Hannah’s ego. She loves that she has each one of us at each other’s throat.

“What did I teach you?”

I cackle to myself. “You taught me the meaning of the word ‘bitch’. Hannah, you are a selfish. Keeping me on a rope for a year is unfair. Fucking me, when you accepted Graham’s marriage proposal makes you a whore. You may have all of the money in the world, but you act like a skank.” I spit right next to her loafer. Walking past her, I try to decide whether or not if I should say much more. Hannah’s mouth hangs open in disbelief.

She grabs my arm. Her eyes narrow and the real Hannah appears. “I was the best thing that happened to you, Caydon. All of the girls wanted you back in the day because you were good looking. Now, look at you. What respectable girl will want you? You have more tattoos than are necessary. What kind of job could you possibly get when you grow up?”

“The job I have, sweetheart. If I were you, I’d take myself out of the ‘respectable girl’ category. Respectable girls don’t cheat and lie. I wonder what Graham would think of you? Does he know that you fucked me right after you agreed to marry him? Maybe I should enlighten the poor guy.” I feel nothing but pity for the poor sucker that is going to marry Hannah.

There is panic behind her cold, blue eyes. “If you do, I will tell Daddy and Graham that you forced me.”

Wow. Yeah, okay…if only your fiancée heard you scream my fucking name as you came.

“Keep telling selfish lie after selfish lie, Hannah. For the record, you couldn’t pay me to force myself on you. Tell
Daddy
whatever you want. I don’t give a shit.” This time, I walk as far away from Hannah as I can.

I hear Hannah yell from behind me. “Happy Birthday, Caydon! I’m sorry!”

“Fuck you.”

Once I’m in my car, my body collapses against my seat. The only feeling Hannah has left me with is regret. I’ve allowed Hannah to hold me back. She duped me, and I fell for her shit. Hook, line, and sinker. My friendship with Nash disintegrated because of Hannah. I’ve allowed her father to make me feel like less than I was. Hell, for the past few years, I’ve based my worth on being with her.

I want to blame Hannah for everything. But I can’t. I got so caught up in trying to be something I’m not to prove I’m worthy of her and her kind. Turns out, Hannah was the shady one all along. So, I was behaving myself to impress someone who clearly lacks better judgment and principles.

What the fuck was I thinking?

I’ve got to get my shit together and stop being a pussy. I was Hannah’s pussy.

Never will I let my heart be broken again. From now on, I will keep this little bitch I call a heart locked up. No one is getting the key.

Reece pops into my head. Why? Who the fuck knows? My guess is that my dick knows that it is free to do whomever it wants. It knows that it had a strong reaction when Reece was near. That’s why I’m glad I think with my head instead of my dick. If I let my dick be in charge, it would head straight for Reece. And Reece is not an option.