Living with Your Past Selves (Spell Weaver) (40 page)

As I leave Carla’s room, I sometimes lean over and whisper in her ear, “Don’t forget, you still owe me a shower!”

There are times after that whisper when I can see the ghost of a smile on her lips. At least that’s what I tell myself, anyway. Everybody else calls it a trick of the light, or something like that.

And sometimes, when someone tells me that, I go home, lock myself in my room, and don’t come down for dinner. My parents have never bothered me during those times, even if perhaps they’ve heard a sob or two. I could tell they wanted to, but they left me alone, gave me some space, which was really what I wanted.

Most of the time, though, I successfully paste on a fake smile for my friends and family. Yeah, there is a lot to smile about for real, and I do have many blessings to count, but it’s hard for me to feel anything but miserable. I have tried, I really have, but the best I can manage these days is numb. People tell me that time heals all wounds. I don’t know whether that’s true or not, but right now I kind of doubt it.

But you know what? I don’t care what anyone says. I don’t care if every flicker of consciousness I see is just wishful thinking. I won’t give up on Carla, I just won’t. If I have to keep coming back to her bedside until I’m ninety, and nothing changes, and I finally die there, well, so be it. I’ll tell you one thing, though—if I die that way, I will be smiling…for real.

Because if I die that way, at least I know I will have done everything I could.

And somewhere, somehow, she will know it, too.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Bill Hiatt has been teaching English at Beverly Hills High School since 1981. Although teaching has been and remains his first love, he has also been drawn to creative writing of various sorts. From high school on, he wrote short stories, a little poetry, and an earlier novel, finished in 1982. However, this novel,
Living with Your Past Selves
, is his first published work.

Bill’s ancestors came from a wide variety of European backgrounds, with Celtic groups (Irish, Scottish, Breton, and, as you might guess from this novel, Welsh) being the most well represented. His ancestors settled in America long ago, though, some of them as early as the colonial period. He is a third generation Californian who grew up and still currently lives in Culver City, California.

If you would like more information about Bill, this novel, and/or his other writing projects, you can visit him at
http://billhiatt.com/
and at his author page on Facebook (
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Bill-Hiatt/431724706902040/
).