Living With No Regrets (5 page)

“I was practishing for Daddy.  You shaid he wash really good.” A little voice came out of the water, and then Russ caught his first live glimpse of his son as he climbed onto the dock where his mother was standing.  “I want to be ash good ash him.”

“Your dad is very good, but it took time and hard work for him to get like that; a lot of practice.  You have to be patient.”

Leigh took the towel and rubbed the little boy dry and then wrapped the towel around him.  Mark and Leigh had both called him Randy. 

Randy looked up and straight into Russ’ eyes as Russ left the shelter of the trees after having rounded the pond.  “Daddy!” he yelled and left his mom’s side to come running over to where Russ stood motionless.  He’d been forewarned; granted just barely, but still seeing his son in person was a shock to the system. 

At that moment, Russ was overwhelmed with love for his son and hatred for Leigh for keeping him from Russ for all of this time.  Randy’s words had not passed him over.  He loved his dad and wanted to be like him.  Russ was so proud and thanked God for watching over Randy until he could be there with him.

“Do you like me, Daddy?”

That one question brought tears to Russ’ eyes, and he looked over to an already tearful Leigh in blame as he knelt down and took his son in his arms.

*****

The accusation in Russell’s eyes, as he held Randy and reassured him, cut Leigh as deep as anything he’d done so far, but she could live with it as she had everything else.  Russell’s reaction to Randy was the important thing out of all of this.

She stayed where she was and just sat down in one of the lounge chairs set up on the dock.  They walked around and talked for a minute before Randy dragged Russell over to Leigh.

“Mommy!  Daddy shaid he wush going to get me in school here.  You don’t hafta get a teacher for me.”

“That’s real nice sweetie, but wouldn’t you rather have a private teacher come out just for you?”

“No!  I wanna go wit udder kidsh.” Randy wasn’t one to beg and pout for things, so Leigh knew he must really want to go to school for him to act that way.  Especially since he’d just met his father.

“Already trying to milk me for money?”  Russell asked sarcastically with a sneer marring his handsome features.  Luckily Randy wasn’t paying attention to him right then; he just wanted Leigh’s answer.

“Alright Randy.  If that’s what you want.”  Leigh turned to Russell and smiled to him sweetly.  “And I haven’t asked you for anything accept to meet your son finally.  I have taken care of him for five years, and I will continue to do so.  I don’t need your financial help.”

“What do you want then?  Why did you come back now?”

“The only thing Randy is lacking is a father.”  Leigh said.  “I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.  I know I should have ignored the warnings and brought him anyway, but my pride, stubbornness, and the fact that you didn’t believe he was yours kept me from forcing the issue.  But I can’t care about any of that anymore.  Randy needs you.  He’ll be needing you more and more the older he gets, so here we are.  I don’t need money.  Don’t ever give me anything.  Get whatever you want for him and give it to him.  I want nothing from you.”

Leigh didn’t realize how good it would feel to say that to the arrogant man.  She knew she still loved him but would never have him again.  She wouldn’t let him think she was a gold digger like he believed everything else negative about her.

Russ was about to start yelling and cussing, but looked down at Randy, who was watching the two of them, and was able to bite the words back.  He spoke calmly.  “I never said I didn’t believe he was mine.  I didn’t even know about him, but just looking at the pictures you sent, and especially seeing him in person, there is no denying he’s mine.”

He registered the genuine shock on Leigh’s face and wondered where she’d gotten all the stuff she’d been saying.  He couldn’t put it down to her making it up, because Maybelle had pretty much confirmed that someone had warned Leigh off, but just as he was about to ask her about it, Randy decided he didn’t want to be ignored.

“Can we go get ice cream Momma?”

He was still holding Russell’s hand, so Leigh knew he wanted them all to go.  “I’m sorry Randy, but you know that I have to take Mimi to the doctor.”

Russell looked at her, down at Randy and back again.  “Are you taking him with you?” he asked.

“No.  Mark keeps Randy when I have stuff like that.”

“Well then, I’ll take him home with me to meet his grandma and grandpa.  He can have dinner with us, and then I’ll bring him back.”

“Are you sure?”

“Definitely.”  Russ could see the confusion in her eyes and had heard her hesitation.  “Look Leigh, I don’t know who has told you the things I supposedly said, but I never said any of it.  We’ll have to talk about that later.”

That seemed to make Leigh angry, but Russ didn’t think it was directed at him.  “Alright.” She said and pasted on a smile for Randy.  “Let’s go back to the house and get you dressed, baby.”  Randy held tight to Russ’ hand and grabbed Leigh’s with his other hand so he was in the middle of them. 

Russ’ anger had drained out of him sometime during their conversation.  It had been replaced with confusion.  Was the reason she had never come back to Pine Grove because of the lies someone had passed off to her saying he had said it?  He looked over at Leigh who was listening to Randy list off things he wanted to take with him to show his dad and grandparents.  He could feel a piece of the wall, that he’d built around his heart to keep Leigh out, crack at how the three of them walking hand in hand seemed natural; like it was how it was supposed to have been for all these years.  Russ knew he had some serious thinking to do.

“Can I Daddy?  Pleash!”  Randy was now jumping up and down in excitement while swinging their hands back and forth.

“I’m sorry buddy, I missed what you asked.  Say it again.”

“Can I ride a horse when I get there?”

“I know just the horse for you.”  Russ bent down to whisper the next words.  “Misty used to be your mom’s mount and she hasn’t had another rider since then.”

Randy was so happy with idea, all the way back to the house, he and Leigh talked about Leigh’s experience riding Misty.  Russell tried to listen, but couldn’t get his mind to stop wondering what had all been told and who had said it.  He knew it was something he’d make a point to find out soon.

Chapter 3

As Leigh started up the stairs, with Randy running up before her, Mark came up beside her.  “I see that he hasn’t gone home yet.  Is he staying for dinner?”

“No.”  He could see that Leigh was trying not to let on how exhausted she was, but she had sweat beading on her forehead, and she was out of breath.  “He’s here for Randy.  Russell’s going to take him to meet James and Maggie.  They’ll have dinner there and then he’ll bring Randy home.  You know I have to take Mother to see Dr. Kennedy in an hour and a half.”

Mark grabbed her elbow to stop her ascent up the stairs.  “Are you going to let the doctor look you over, too?” he asked.

“I told you, Mark.  There’s no need.  I’m fine.”  She extricated her arm from him and continued up to Randy’s room.

“I thought you couldn’t stand lies.”

Looking back at him in shock, she stopped in her tracks.  “I’m not lying.  I
am
fine.  I’m just tired right now.”

“Okay, so you might be fine, but what were the results of the tests you had done?  Is it back?”

Leigh glanced down at the doorway to the living room and then back at him.  She lowered her voice to answer.  “I’m not going to talk about this right now, Mark.  I’m going to get Randy ready, and then I’m going to concentrate on my mother.”  He saw tears she was trying to hold back shine in her eyes.  “I can’t think about, or deal with, anything else right now.”

Mark nodded in understanding before turning around to head back outside before she could see the sadness he knew would show on his face.  That was something she never allowed, was for anyone to dwell on what was wrong with her.  When he first met her and found out what she had sacrificed to be able to give birth to her son, she had always made light of it and made him and Charles focus on the good things that had come out of it; namely Randy.  She always had a way of making them smile.  Even on the worst of days.  And the fact that she wasn’t even trying to do that now was telling of how bad things were.  He started seeing everything she’d done in the last months in a different light; and he knew what it meant.

*****

When Leigh got to Randy’s room, she didn’t see him anywhere.  Going back in to hallway, she called his name; hearing his answer from her room that was next to his.

“Don’t you want to get dressed to go to your dad’s house?”  Randy was still in his swim trunks; which had thankfully dried to just being damp instead of dripping, looking in the boxes in her closet.  “You know he is downstairs waiting for you.”

“I wanted to take all my drawingsh.”  She saw he had gotten a few of them, but they were all mixed in with the letters she had written to do with them.  “You shaid he never got ‘em.  I want gramma and grampa to shee ‘em, too.”

“Alright baby.  I’ll help.”  She picked up a second box to start to go through.  “Do you want to take them all?”

“Yep.”  Randy picked up a picture album of himself out of a box full of pictures and albums and held it up.  “Can I take thish?”

Leigh took it in her hands and rubbed the picture on front that was the hospital birth announcement photo.  “No.  This is mine.  I sent your dad a box full of pictures this morning.  He probably showed grandma and grandpa, but you can ask him to make sure.”

They spent a few more minutes picking out Randy’s drawings and then headed back to his room to get him dressed and ready to go.

“Momma?”  Randy grabbed her hand before she walked out of his room to lead him downstairs.

“Yes baby?”

“I won’t like gramma and grampa if you don’t want me to.”

Leigh knelt down to his level and held both of his tiny hands in hers.  “Why wouldn’t I want you to like them?”

“Cuz they don’t like you.”

She thought the sentiment was so sweet, but Leigh didn’t want Randy suffering because of her.  “Randy,” she started softly, trying to word everything carefully.  “Russell’s mom and dad are awesome people.  They are so sweet and nice, and they are going to love you.  I told you, people don’t like me because of a misunderstanding, but that doesn’t make them bad people.”

“But you’re the besht mommy.  Everyone likesh you.”

“I know you don’t understand baby, but it’s alright.  Don’t judge people for what they think and say about me.  They’ll love you regardless, because you are the sweetest boy.  As long as you and Mimi and Mark know and love me, I’m not worried about anyone else.  Especially you.  You are the light of my life.  Your opinion of me is the one I care most about.”

Randy slung his arms around her, and she squeezed him back wanting to cry.  She prayed that what she told him was true and that no one would treat Randy badly because of her.  She knew James, Maggie, and Russell never would, but there were others in town that was more vindictive.  One good thing would be that Randy would have Russell to take up for him and protect him no matter what.  Leigh was depending on that for Randy’s future.

*****

The whole ride from Mary Leigh’s house to the ranch was filled with Randy’s chatter.  Russ loved it, but was worried about his lisp and hoped it wasn’t a permanent condition.  Mary Leigh had assured him that it wasn’t – it was only because of his missing front teeth – but Russ’ uncle had a lisp, so he knew it could run in the family.

He was awed at how much he already loved his son.  Getting to know him, and seeing how much Randy already looked up to him, showed how well Leigh had raised him so far.  He had gone upstairs to see if he could help with Randy and had heard what he had offered to do for Leigh; and her response.

That was one of the things about her that he had fallen in love with so long ago.  She had never begrudged anyone their opinion.  Never had held a grudge against anyone.  She never wanted what people said or did to her affect the way others felt.  Leigh never pinned anyone against anyone else.  She took life one day at a time; dealt with things as they came.

The anger he had held against Leigh had dissipated with just one visit, and he had barely spoken with her.  Nothing had been resolved, but he found that the light that had always surrounded her and engulfed those she was around was still there.  It just seemed to be tempered with sadness now.  Russ found himself wanting to take that sadness away, though he knew he was the cause of most of it.  He was still in love with her after all these years and didn’t quite know how he felt about that realization.