Living with Love (Lessons in Love) (19 page)

Mark flinched, hurt by her words. He dared to come closer to her, allowing her to see the redness in his eyes, the dark bags beneath them. He was a man who had not slept.

“Last night wasn’t a mistake,” he clarified in his deep, husky voice.

Alex’s shoulders relaxed a little upon hearing this, but it didn’t explain his demeanor. There was clearly something going on, something bad.

“I care about you, Alexandra. You know that. Hell, I love you
. There, I said it.” He lifted a hand to his temple and sighed deeply.

“I love you too,” Alex declared, touching his arm.

Mark looked at her, overwhelmed by sadness, and shook his head in dismay. “But you won’t want me,” he told her, his voice small and meek.

“Why not?” Alex asked, shocked at how he could even think that after the intensity of their kiss. Surely it was evident just how much they belonged together?

“Because.” Mark shoved his hands back into his jean pockets and looked around nervously.

“Mark, what is it?” Alex prompted, hearing a train approaching in the distance.

“My ex, Sophie, you saw her last night.”

“Oh yeah, the stalker
.” Alex rolled her eyes.

“Well, she came to the party to see me, to tell me something.”

“To tell you what?” Alex queried, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

Mark sighed,
the desperate exasperated sigh of a man at the end of his rope with nowhere else to go. What he was about to say would mean the end of what he had with Alex, but he respected her too much to deny her the truth. She meant everything to him to the point where he loved her enough to let her go when it was the best thing for her. Taking a deep breath, he released his bombshell and braced himself for the aftermath of destruction;

“She’s pregnant.”

Alex absorbed the words and looked at Mark with shocked, appalled eyes.

“Is it yours?” she asked slowly, feeling nauseous once more.

Mark could only nod, unable to speak. Alex looked away from him, not wanting him to see her tears as in the distance she saw her train finally approaching.

Everything she’d dreamt of with him
—a life, a future, a family—it was all gone. One revelation had stolen it all from her. The dreams she entertained about him would now be fulfilled by someone else, by the woman lurking at the base of the staircase who had won the right to keep him.

As much as Alex loved Mark, she would never allow herself to be the reason a family was kept apart
, and he knew that. Family meant so much to Alex.

Her train arrived and came to a standstill at the platform as a handful of travelers began to board.

Alex didn’t want to even look at Mark. She felt betrayed. Impregnating his ex-girlfriend felt like the ultimate slap in the face, that he’d never truly seen a future with Alex. She had been there merely for his amusement while he nurtured his future family in the background. Alex herself had known love since Mark. There was a time when her world had revolved around Oscar, but then she hadn’t been the one sending letters, making promises. She had been the one who needed time to make a decision, to see the true intent of her heart. And in the moment she realized Mark was who she wanted, he ripped it all from her by revealing that he was actually the one who was unsure, that the words in the letters were nothing but empty promises.

“Say something,” Mark pleaded, reaching out for Alex’s hand
, but she swiftly moved it beyond his reach. She hoisted her duffel bag onto her back and made to get on the train.

“Alex!” Mark cried
, the vision of a broken man. He struggled to stay standing, wanting to fall to his knees and beg her forgiveness. She was leaving him again, and this time no letters could mend what he had done. He had failed.

“Please just say something!” he begged again.

Partially on the train, Alex turned and looked back at him. Her face was hard and stern, her emotions pushed down deep inside and securely locked away, at least for the time being.

“Congratulations,” she said coldly before getting on the train and sitting by a window, refusing to look back at him as the train pulled out of the station and commenced its journey back to New York.

****

As the train thundered along Alex let herself weep, let her anguished tears fall. With her tears came a sudden irrepressible urge to banish all elements of Mark from her life. She searched in her duffel bag and found the fateful letter that she had read upon her graduation. The letter promising that he’d be waiting for her, the letter promising forever.

Alex held the letter in her hands for a moment, taking in the lies one last time before ripping the paper to shreds. Then, she opened the window beside her and shoved the small pieces out through the opening, watching them cascade out into the wind, lost to the elements.

Leaning back in her chair, Alex pinched her eyes shut and wondered when the pain of the heartache would eventually pass. She’d realized that there was nothing more brutal than living with love.

Alex sighed deeply as she sat in her cubicle back at work. Jeff had just informed her via email that he needed to see her in his office for a meeting. Jeff never called Alex into his office, which could only mean one thing; that he had something bad to tell her.

Alex wasn’t sure if she could handle any more bad news. She’d been back in New York for a week, and as much as she tried to distance herself from thoughts of Mark, she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She hated him for building up her hopes only to dash them with the revelation that his ex-girlfriend was pregnant with his child. But a part of her still loved him too much and couldn’t let go, and she resented herself for that. She wished she could just forget about him and move on with her life.

She was in New York City working for a prestigious company, living the life she’d always dreamt about
, yet she was still wasting tears on a guy back in her hometown who didn’t deserve them. At least she hoped she was still living the dream life in the city. Her stomach knotted as she contemplated what Jeff might want to say to her.

Nervously, she got up from her desk, having one quick reassuring glance at the picture of her and Ashley. She missed Ashley terribly. Whil
e hers had been a Christmas of man-induced misery, Ashley’s had been the complete opposite. The surprise news of her engagement to Ricardo had been a wonderful announcement, and Alex couldn’t wait to hear all about it when Ashley came to the city next month.

But it wouldn’t be the two of them anymore. Sure, it was only Ashley coming to stay
, but soon she would be a married woman, busy planning her life with Ricardo, and where did that leave Alex? Alex had no one to share her life with in that way. The flame of passion between her and Oscar had dulled, leaving them with only friendship, which confirmed that she still loved Mark. She’d gone home, hopeful of rekindling their romance, only to have her hopes dashed at the last moment, when Mark dropped the bombshell about the baby.

For some reason, Alex had the worst luck with men. No one ever seemed to work out for her
, and she was beginning to grow despondent about it all. Each time she thought of Mark tears pricked at her eyes, threatening to send her into bouts of despair. She wished she was stronger, that she wasn’t hurt by his actions, but she was. The pain she was feeling only further cemented her realisation that she did love him. She loved him, and now she would forever harbour a deep, burning pain because that love could never be.

And now her job was in jeopardy. As Alex approached Jeff’s office door
, she racked her mind for what she could have done wrong. She thought she’d done her best. She worked overtime whenever she was called upon, finished all her assignments in a timely manner, and rarely made a mistake.

Lightly, she lifted her hand and rapped upon the door.

“Come in,” Jeff called from within.

Taking a deep breath, Alex entered his office.

“Alex, hey, take a seat.” He gestured to the chair opposite his desk.

Alex sat down and glanced out of the windows at the impressive vista he enjoyed from his office. It was a far cry from the densely populated main office
, where everyone had their own cubicle.

“Did you have a nice Christmas?” he asked her as he began sifting through papers on his desk. Papers which Alex noticed bore her name.

“Yes, thank you,” Alex answered politely, clasping her hands in her lap to prevent her from fidgeting nervously.

“It’s always nice to go home for a bit, recharge the batteries
.” Jeff smiled as he found what he was looking for and scanned through a memo.

Alex didn’t like to point out that going home hadn’t recharged her batteries. In fact, it had created the opposite effect
, and she now felt deflated and devoid of energy. Going home had made her flat and lifeless. The disappointment over Mark seeped through her veins like a poison, shrouding her in the darkness of heartbreak. Even the magical lights of the city could not lift her mood.

“Anyway, let’s get to it
, shall we?” Jeff looked directly at Alex, his voice taking on a more professional tone.

Numbly, Alex nodded in response, too scared to speak. She was terrified that she was about to lose her job
, which would mean that unless she immediately found something else, she’d be forced to return to Woodsdale, to live back in the trailer with her mother and, worse, be near Mark on a daily basis and watch him and Sophie raise their precious little bundle of joy together.

The thought of seeing Mark play happy families with that woman was unbearable
, and Alex fought the urge to be sick.

“Don’t look so worried,” Jeff reassured her when he noticed her pale face. “We’re just reviewing you now that your probation period has ended.”

“Okay.” Alex smiled nervously and nodded. Reviewing didn’t sound good. Probation period ending also didn’t sound good. Alex swallowed hard and braced herself for what he had to say.

“So we’ve assessed your work and how you’ve been progressing here at Goldstone,” Jeff commenced lightly.

“I really like it here,” Alex blurted nervously. “I feel like I’ve really settled in and gotten to know everyone.”

“I agree
.” Jeff nodded. “You’ve picked up the more difficult aspects of your role with ease, which has impressed both myself and other members of management, which is why, with immediate effect, we’d like to end your probationary period and welcome you on board as a full-time, permanent employee of Goldstone.”

Alex stared at her boss with unblinking, disbelieving eyes. “You’re keeping me?” she asked, her voice small and unsure.

“Alex, of course we’re keeping you!” Jeff beamed enthusiastically. “You’re a model employee. You’re hard working and mathematically gifted; we’d be crazy not to keep you. So obviously, with your now permanent status, you’ll receive an increase in salary.” He handed Alex a neatly typed letter, which outlined her increase in wages. She didn’t dare look at it yet. She was still in a daze over the news that she was keeping her job.

“Also, all permanent employees were given an end
-of-year bonus. After some discussion, we decided that you were more than entitled to a bonus of your own due to all the hard work and many extra hours you’ve put in these past few months, so this is for you.”

He handed Alex a cheque for fifty thousand dollars.
Fifty. Thousand. Dollars. She double-counted the zeros several times to be certain. She couldn’t believe her eyes.

“There’s a mistake on the cheque,” she offered the small slip of paper back to Jeff
, who smiled to himself at the gesture.

“There’s no mistake
,” he clarified for her.

“But…” Alex looked down at it again, signed with Jeff’s own signature. It was for an obscene amount of money, more money than Alex knew what to do with. Enough money to buy her old house in Woodsdale.

“It’s for fifty thousand dollars,” Jeff stated. “Bonuses are only issued once a year, so you’re lucky you qualified this time round. You keep working like you do and next year you could easily expect to see that bonus doubled.”

Doubled. Alex couldn’t believe her ears.

“I know this is a lot to take in,” Jeff said sympathetically, leaning forward in his chair, folding his arms across his desk.

“You’re young, fresh out of college
, and we’re talking about a lot of money. But you’re an asset to this company, Alex, and we want to show you that. You’re highly skilled in a specialized field; you’re set to make a lot of money in your career.”

Alex tried not to cry. For so long, money had left a void in her life. Lack of money had lost
her her home and, for a time, her identity. Her family had been forced to give up all their worldly treasures, to exist on the poverty line. It had taken nothing short of a miracle to get her to college, and now she was holding a cheque for fifty thousand dollars. It was as if she was living out a fairy tale version of her own life.

“My
mom lives in a trailer,” Alex said, still feeling numb. She wasn’t sure why she told Jeff about the trailer, a part of her wanted to explain to him just how much this money meant to her, and the trailer did that.