Living with Love (Lessons in Love) (16 page)

Alex looked ahead at their own trailer and felt her rising spirits stop short. In contrast to the other trailers, her own looked dark and dull. There were no lights, no wreath on the door. Theirs was the trailer that Christmas had forgotten.

“Are you not putting any decorations up?” she asked her mother as the cab pulled away.

“No
.” Jackie shook her head. “You said you never wanted to bother while we lived here, that it made you too sad to see them up.”

Alex recalled saying such a thing when she was young, angry and bitter at the world for taking her father from her. But now she saw things differently
, and she knew that their trailer needed the magical touch of Christmas; they all did.

“I’m thinking maybe I was wrong about that,” Alex commented nonchalantly before pushing open the front door and heading inside.

The trailer seemed spacious compared to her apartment. Her mother, to her credit, kept it immaculately clean despite working two jobs. Alex noted the small television in the living area, the kettle with just one solitary mug beside it and realized with a heavy heart how lonely her mother must be there at times.

“Are you sure you don’t mind sharing a room with Andy?” Jackie asked anxiously, moving to put the kettle on and retrieving a second mug from within the cupboard.

“No, it’s fine,” Alex reassured her. Spending time sleeping in close proximity to her brother no longer seemed like such a big deal. Yet she remembered how much they used to fight in that small room with only bunk beds for furniture. She sometimes got so mad at him that she thought their arguments would come to blows, but they never did. She’d actually missed her brother since he left for college and was looking forward to spending some time with him over the festive season.

“Apparently he has a new girlfriend,” Jackie said as she prepared two coffees.

“Oh?” Alex hadn’t even known the previous girlfriend, so the news had little impact on her.

“She’s from Minnesota
. Apparently she’s very nice.”

“Good for Andy.”

Jackie handed Alex her coffee and gave her daughter a long, pitying look, which Alex recognized all too well. She knew that her mother wanted her to find someone, to fall in love and settle down. But Alex’s love life had never been so straightforward. Settling down, getting married seemed like the behaviour of those who were lucky enough to find uncomplicated loves.

“I’m so excited to have both my children home for the holidays
.” Jackie smiled as she sat down beside Alex and blew into her coffee to cool it.

“It’s nice to be home,” Alex admitted honestly. “I think we should get this place all decorated before Andy arrives, give him a surprise tomorrow.”

“I think that’s a lovely idea.” Jackie beamed.

****

An hour later Alex had finally assembled the Christmas tree that now made the small living room space even tighter. But as she stood back and admired the tree, she knew it was worth it. It made the whole place feel much more festive.

“This is all I could keep,” Jackie explained as she handed Alex a large cardboard box, which had been stored at the back of the trailer.

Alex opened the box and peered inside. She saw tinsel and fairy lights, the antler of a reindeer. Long-forgotten relics of the life they had once led.

In their old home, Christmas was a sumptuous occasion. There would be a real fir tree in the hallway and in the living room. Fairy lights would be hung
from every possible surface along with an animatronic Christmas village, which was the centerpiece of the vast dining table. Alex had loved that village. For hours she would watch the little people ride their train or dance around a skating rink. The lights within it made it sparkle with an inner magic, and at night, when she was in bed she imagined the people of the village coming to life and moving around. Her father helped perpetuate the myth by moving everything, just slightly, each night before he went to bed so upon waking, a young Alex would find everything moved and be convinced that her village was alive.

The Christmas village was long gone, all but one part. Alex removed it from the box and gazed at it, her fingers tracing the familiar lines of the carousel upon which little model children sat on ornate horses. Moving her hand beneath it, she found the crank and turned it and placed the carousel down as the soft melody of
“Jingle Bells” played out as the carousel turned and the children moved round.

“You used to adore the village,” Jackie noted fondly. There was a time when hearing that soft melody would have made her weep with longing
, but now she felt only the fondness of Christmases past.

“I’m glad we’ve still got a part of it,” Alex commented, carefully lifting the moving carousel and placing it pride of place in the window above the living area.

Alex watched it turn for a few moments, remembering the hours she’d spend watching the entire village move and turn in time to the music. Then she snapped herself back to present and delved back into the box for the next decoration.

****

An hour later the trailer had been transformed into a Christmas wonderland. There were fairy lights everywhere, along with hanging tinsel and a tree covered in traditional wooden decorations.

Outside on the door, Alex proudly hung a wreath and
, as she did so, caught the eye of a neighbor, who smiled in approval.

In another window she placed an animatronic reindeer that would lower his head as if going to feed. There were snow globes on the table depicting idyllic wintry scenes and sprigs of holly dotted around the place. The feeling
that Alex had had walking around New York and admiring the lights, she now felt within the small trailer in Woodsdale. Somehow, she had managed to bring the magic of Christmas into the small space, and it was a beautiful sight to behold.

“You’ve done a great job,” Jackie complimented her, wrapping an arm around her daughter.

“It was a team effort.” Alex smiled.

“I think we’ve earned ourselves a treat
. How about we go out for dinner tonight?” Jackie suggested brightly.

“Sure, where?”

“I can only afford Coco’s,” Jackie said shyly, “as I want to treat Andy too when he’s back.”

“Coco
’s is perfect.” Alex smiled, hugging her mother. “I’m really glad I came home.”

****

The following day the women of the Heron family awoke after a rare girly evening together. After their meal they sat and watched television together beneath the twinkling Christmas lights and indulged in a glass of mulled wine. It had been a perfect evening, one of the best in recent memory that Alex had spent with her mother.

And the new day brought with it the final piece to their family puzzle. Andy would soon be arriving
, and they would be whole once more.

“Do you think Andy will like the decorations being up?” Alex asked a little anxiously as they ate breakfast.

“I’m sure he’ll love them,” Jackie reassured her.

Alex wasn’t so certain. She herself had been against the decorations for many years, not wanting to relive the pain of what had been lost. What if Andy was still in that same mind set and not yet ready to move forward? If he was angry with her, it could ruin the whole festive season.

****

The entire cab ride back from the station
, Andy talked. He talked about college and the football team he was on. He talked about his friends and even briefly mentioned his new girlfriend. Both Alex and Jackie asked eager questions about his life there, which he happily answered. Gone was the sullen teenage boy who wanted to be left alone. He had been replaced by a confident, handsome man who was enjoying being reunited with his family.

But as the cab pulled into the trailer park
, Andy stopped talking, his gaze fixed upon their own trailer, which now twinkled magically with the glow of the season. Beside him, Alex felt her stomach drop when she saw his reaction.

“It was my idea to put the decorations up,” she explained quickly as Andy exited the cab and stood before the trailer. He took a moment to take in the outside decorations
, the wreath and various lights, before heading inside and delving deeper into the Christmas adornments.

He saw the tree, instantly familiar as the one that used to go up in the kitchen because in their old house it had been comparatively small and therefore wouldn’t be in the way. Yet in the trailer it loomed large like a giant, barely contained in the limited space they had there. He moved forwards and touched some of the decorations. He remembered them, remembered how his father would hold him up high so he could place them on higher parts of the tree.

His eyes drifted over the whole room and settled upon the carousel. He then looked to Alex, who was standing uneasily in the doorway, their mother behind her.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Alex began, her voice small.

“You didn’t,” Andy clarified, shaking his head. “This, this all looks amazing.” He gestured around the room and smiled as his eyes misted with tears.

“It just caught me off guard, to see the trailer looking, you know, so nice.” He shuffled uneasily as Alex and Jackie entered the trailer and hugged him. Embraced together beneath the sparkling lights
, the Heron family vowed that this was to be a good Christmas. The time of mourning and of grief was behind them. It was time to look ahead, to let the magic of the season influence them once more.

****

It was Christmas Eve, and Alex walked to the local convenience store to pick up some cranberry sauce for her mother. The air had turned bitterly cold with the promise of snow that excited her. She’d love to have a white Christmas.

For a while she aimlessly wandered the aisles, her movements in stark contrast to the other hurried shoppers
, who were frantically picking up forgotten last minute items before the big day. Christmas carols were playing overhead, and Alex was enjoying taking the time to enjoy the day. In New York, everyone was always in a rush, so back home in Woodsdale, she wanted to move at a slower pace.

She found herself browsing the magazine stand. Each front cover boasted some reference to the season. She picked up a fashion magazine and began to idly browse through it. There were images of immaculate models wearing designer labels with hard expressions on their faces. It was the sort of magazine that Ashley would have pored over with eager interest.

“Alex?”

Alex immediately looked up at the sound of her own name being delivered almost as a question rather than a greeting. She looked around to find the source of the call
, and her heart almost stopped beating in her chest.

A bit further down the aisle stood Mark holding a plastic shopping basket filled with vegetables and a loaf of bread, his eyes fixed on Alex in disbelief as though he’d just seen a ghost.

“Hi,” Alex said nervously, feeling her cheeks begin to burn. She placed the magazine back in the stand and turned to face him.

The past four years appeared to have been kind to Mark. He had barely aged since she’d last seen him
. If anything, he had become more handsome. He had the same sharp eyes and dark hair, coupled with a faint shadow of stubble, which added to his rugged charm. Looking at him, Alex remembered the intimate moments they’d spent together. His lips upon hers, their naked skin brushing against each other.

She shook her head and dismissed the memories, forcing herself to focus on the present.

“I… I didn’t expect to see you here.” Mark edged nervously towards her, seeming uncertain of himself.

“I came home for the holidays,” Alex admitted, her tone polite and formal.

“Oh, well, that’s nice.” Mark nodded. “So you’ve graduated now?” He looked at Alex, and she noticed a sadness in his eyes. There was a wall between them now, one which she had put up, a wall which kept him away from her life, from what was going on, and she could see that it pained him to be shut out.

The words of the letter flickered through her mind
, but she shut them out. This was neither the time nor the place to discuss them.

“Yeah, I graduated over the summer
.” Alex smiled nervously. A customer edged past them, forcing them to draw closer together.

She could smell Mark’s aftershave. He smelt clean and fresh. His scent clung to his hair, to the jacket he was wearing
, and Alex had to fight the urge to want the scent also on her. She missed losing herself in him. With him standing so close to her, it reminded her just how powerful her passion for him had once been. How had she managed to repress such a magnetic connection for so long?

“I work in New York now,” Alex told him, desperate to break the sexual tension
that was gripping her mind like a vice.

“In New York?” Mark’s eyes widened with approval. “That’s amazing.”

“Yeah, at Goldstone,” Alex added flippantly.