Living Bipolar (23 page)

It tore my heart out that my daughter was in bed for a year. However, on the other hand the insanity in my mind was over. Previously I had been the one going insane, screaming and raging, and being out of control. But after attending Al-Anon I was calm in the morning. I didn't get out of control, I didn't rage, and I didn't lose my sanity; I stopped screaming and carrying on like a maniac. I was able to go on and complete the other responsibilities in my life. Al-Anon gave me the ability to function, go to work, I could provide for the family, and I was getting healthier as a person. But I never gave up on Jane; don’t doubt that for a moment.

As I got better one of the things that I learned that made me better in my life was being able to see the problem, and in my mind my therapist would be on one shoulder and my sponsor would be on the other shoulder, and I would hear them saying things which would guide me back to sanity.

Again, Al-Anon and my therapist has been the biggest help in raising my Bipolar child. My therapist told me that when I could look at a situation and see it from the right and see it from the wrong and then come up with my own answer than she would no longer be needed. So after four years of therapy my therapist “Graduated” me because I was now able to make healthy decisions. My therapist told me “We are done with our work and you don't need me any longer.” She said “You can now think things through as an adult, and you can process the situation, and come up with a solution.”

There was always the good the bad and the reality.
I think when I learned that the more I tried to control, that is when I lost control
. In contrast, when I provided more options and let Jane make her own decisions things got easier for me.

When Jane wanted to drop out of school at the age of 16 it broke my heart. I knew how brilliant she was. I knew Jane could go so far in her life yet here she wanted to drop out of school. Instead of saying “No!” I let her drop out. My husband and I suggested that she attend night school for her GED and Jane did that until it became overwhelming. Jane said “No, I'm going to take the test and I’m not going to go back to night school. Jane passed everything except for one part and it was amazing.

The man who administered the test let her retake it. This man really inspired Jane. He told her he had a brother who was Bipolar and his brother had gotten a Masters degree. But his brother had done it in his own space and time. This gave Jane the courage that she could do the same one day.

After Jane got the GED we began to talk about her going to college. But I told Jane it's one thing for me to drive you to school when you were a child but if you want to go to college you are going to have to learn how to drive. And Jane did learn how to drive! Jane took baby steps. Oftentimes it was one step forward two steps back, two steps forward and one and a half steps back -- BUT SHE DID IT.

Jane did things in her time, not in my time. To me this was another lesson I have learned:
that my timeline could only work for myself and not for other people
. I can't set timelines for other people. Once I realized that it doesn't matter if Jane gets her college degree in four years, which was my expectation, or in 10 years, the main thing I learned was she is going to get her degree.
Whatever the road is that people need to travel, it's the journey that is significant, not just the end, and realizing that we get to the destination when we get there
.
Life is not done in my time; rather, it's done in God's time.

Acceptance is perhaps the biggest thing I’ve learned. I had to accept myself, accept my limitations and accept the fact that I’m not perfect.
It was harder for me to accept that I’m not perfect than I am perfect
. My sponsor and I used to laugh about me and my ideas of trying to be perfect. I couldn’t ever miss a meeting -- because then I wouldn’t be perfect. After about six years of attending Al-Anon meetings I deliberately started to miss meetings just because I wanted to practice not being perfect.

Before in my life I had to be perfect, and have everything in my life be perfect and I think is carried over into the children.
I had to learn to accept my children as not being perfect. I had to accept that Jane’s illness is an illness just like any other illness
.
If Jane had leukemia wouldn’t I be patient with her? Would I not have the same patience with Jane being Bipolar
? It was such a growing experience for me.

The advice I would give to other people is to
never give up hope
.
As long as there is breath there is hope
. It's imperative that as a parent you always go and get support. I don't care if you have to get it from your church, or from your temple, a 12 step program, a therapist, or support groups for Bipolar people --
you have to have support
.
You cannot do this alone.
You must find something spiritual in your life, and find a way to keep your own sense of self; you must find a way to keep your own life. The more I was me and the more I became a healthier me, the healthier my family became.

After being in Al-Anon for two or three years Jane didn't realize it but she knew all the slogans that I was taught. Jane used to get frustrated with me and say “Oh mom you are talking in your Al-Anon voice!” Jane knew Al-Anon and she got it through osmosis. And as much as she hated it, she was also growing. As I got healthier, Jane got healthier and then slowly the family changed from being sick to becoming healthy. It was amazing.

The most important thing I've learned is Bipolar is an illness.
Maybe you cannot cure it, but you can treat it.
They're going to be wonderful times. And they're going to be horrible times with the illness. I've learned that this is an illness that Jane will have to deal with for the rest of her life.

I've learned that Jane will have to recognize when she is really out of control and learn when she needs to go get help. It's similar to taking your car in for a tune-up. Every now and then Jane is going to need a tune-up and go see the doctor.
But the Bipolar illness is something that Jane can live with and she can have a wonderful life.

I would tell other parents who are struggling with their child being Bipolar to go and get a second opinion because there are a lot of children who are misdiagnosed. I think the first thing is to make sure you have the correct diagnosis. Then
when you have the correct diagnosis, make sure you have the correct medications
.

I like to compare the Bipolar illness to making a cake
. When you have the illness of being Bipolar you're missing a couple of the ingredients. For instance, you may be missing salt, and when Jane had to be on lithium it’s similar to adding salt to the body. And by doing this then you have the correct amount of ingredients. If you leave out the baking powder then the cake is not going to rise, and if you leave out the sugar it's not going to be sweet. Anyone that has the Bipolar illness has a chemical disorder in their body. But by adding the correct chemical you will stabilize the symptomatology of the illness. If the chemicals get off slightly they are going to become high or low or whatever.

Ensuring that the right doctor is prescribing the right medication in the right amount is critical
. In my experience this illness can be managed beautifully with the right medication. While the illness can act up sometimes, the right medication will keep it manageable.

My mother once said to me “Connie, I don't know how you do it? Where do you find the strength to manage two sick child? One Bipolar and one addict. God bless you, I don’t know how you do it.” I replied, “Mom don’t say ‘God bless me’, say ‘Thank you God for only giving me two sick children. He could have given me three.” I truly believe that God never gives us more than we can handle. And when we can’t handle situations, God carries us through them.

I don't care if other people believe in God or not, but a faith in a Power greater than yourself is essential in rising a Bipolar child. Because I do believe I’ve been carried by God through a lot of years. Literally carried by Him and I'm so grateful for that.

I see Jane as a success story. I see her getting stronger and better, and more insightful, and brighter, and as age kicks in, and as she matures -- it's a blessing to see her blossom.

Donna gives her experience of dealing with her sister’s struggle with the Bipolar disorder which leads to her suicide. Donna explains how she overcome the loss of her sister and offers her on how others can get help.

Donna’s Story

One of my passions in life is helping those who suffer from depression. My heart was first broken with the reality and cruelty of depression when I saw it consume my sister’s life. My journey with this began over twenty years ago when I came home to face flashing police car lights, devastated parents, face flashing police car lights, devastated parents, and a cold, white sheet covering my sister’s body. Soon, I found out the shocking and disturbing news that my sister had committed suicide. Although May 7
^th
, 1986 began as an ordinary spring day, it turned out to be a day that my family and I wish we could forget.

At the time, it seemed like a terrible nightmare, and I desperately wanted to wake up. However, the harsh reality soon set in, and I finally realized my sister and best friends was gone. I encountered my uncle when I first entered the house, and he kept saying “yes” and shaking his head forward while I said “no” over and over again. As I proceeded further in to the kitchen, I knew it must be true when I saw the painful look on my father’s face and the tears streaming down his face. I knew something horrible must have happened because I had never remembered seeing my dad cry before. Then, my mom embraced me with hugs and did her best to console and comfort me. There was nothing we could do to bring her back to us and our grief was indescribable. She became another sad statistic of suicide due to Bipolar disorder.

My emotions were in total disarray. I kept asking myself “why” and “how could she do that?” There were so many questions that I wanted to ask my sister, my parents, her doctor, our pastor, and even God. I was the last person to speak to her on the phone that afternoon and the last to tell her goodbye. If I had known it was our last goodbye, I would have told her so much more. I wanted someone to tell my why this happened.

Years later, after childbirth, I understood for the first time, a glimpse of the severe suffering my sister dealt with for years. Until I walked in her shoes, I did not truly understand the agony of her daily situations. I experienced major depression myself and felt like I was trapped in a deep, dark pit and could not get out. I felt lonely, fearful, hopeless, and despairing. With the love and help of others, and many prayers, I got through the most difficult time in my life. My desire is to share with others that there is help for them, hope for their, and that they are not alone.

Where to Get Help

If you or a loved one suffers with this problem, seek help as soon as possible. You can seek help from local counselors, medical care and possible medication, pastoral and church support, local support groups, or fitness and nutrition experts.

Symptoms of Depression

• Prolonged sadness

• Unexplained crying spells

• Significant changes in appetite and sleep patterns

• Irritability, anger, agitation

• Extreme worry and anxiety

• Extreme pessimism, indifference, apathy

• Extreme loss of energy, lethargy

• Unexplained aches and pains

• Strong feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and hopelessness

• IN ability to concentrate, indecisiveness

• Social withdrawal

• Excessive consumption of alcohol or drugs

• Reoccurring thoughts of death or suicide

The first recorded mention of mood disorders was made in fifth century B.C. by Hippocrates in Greece more than two thousand years ago. Hippocrates was both aware of the tendency for mania and depression existing as a medical problem in people, and he also observed that mania and melancholia were more likely to occur in the Spring and Autumn. At the end of the eighteenth century French psychiatrist Phillipe Pinel described the seasonal patterns found in “intermittent insanity” (Jamison, 1993: 131). In the twentieth century, a German psychiatrist named Emile Kraepelin was the first to use the term “manic depressive insanity” in his book
Lehrbuch Der Psychiatrie
. During the same time period in a book, Kraepelin documented and provided a clear description of the thought patterns, moods, and behaviors of manic-depressives, especially describing his clinical experience with the seasonal patterns of mood (Hershman and Lieb 1998: 19).

The purpose of this chapter is to take a look at manic-depression, and discover how it has been the guiding force in some of the greatest achievements in history. The term “manic-depressive illness” has been changed to “Bipolar Disorder” in the DSM-IV TR, but is used interchangeably throughout this chapter. The paper will begin by considering the significance of manic-depression as a source of inspiration. The focus will shift to depression, and more importantly, how depression inhibits artists, as well as how it aides them in the creative process. The work habits of artists will be explored as manic-depression is a seasonal illness which occurs precisely like clockwork. Finally, manic-depressives interests in religion will also be explored.

The term “artist” refers to any human being who creates with their work. In the context of this chapter, it refers to writers, artists, scientists, musicians, and four people in particular stand out -- Charles Dickens, Vincent Van Gogh, Beethoven, and Sir Isaac Newton. By examining their lives, it will be clear how manic-depression allowed these people to accomplish the impossible in their line of work -- work which encompasses every great field explored by humans -- the arts, science, written work, and music. The endless stream of manic energy allowed these individuals to work tirelessly, far beyond what ordinary people are capable of, thus extending their creative output to extraordinary levels.