Live Today (Live Today #1) (12 page)

I’m sorry

               Twenty minutes later, Drew and I make our way home. We stand three houses away from ours. My feet are black and sore from walking barefoot. But I know this is the least of my problems. I have to settle things with Brennan and Gabe. Slowing my pace, I end up coming to a halt at the foot of the driveway. Drew stops a few steps away from me, turns and faces me. “You’re gonna be okay J.” He says smiling, offering his hand. “C’mon. I’m right here.”

I ask myself if it will really be okay. Will Brennan resent me for not wanting to take the money? Will he understand my feelings? And Gabe? What will Gabe do? It would kill me if he left the band because I couldn’t give him what he wants. It’s not that I don’t want to be with Gabe. I truly have imagined a future with Gabe. But I just can’t jeopardize the band.

I smile up at Drew, extend my hand and take a deep breath. “Thank you” I say as he grabs my right hand with his right hand, and hugs me with his left. We walk into the house just like that. Brennan and Gabe are sitting on the couch, both with worried expressions. Brennan immediately stands and walks towards me immediately when we make eye contact. “Jems.” He pulls me into his arms rocking me back and forth. “I’m so sorry. I’m such a shit for not thinking about you.”

               Hugging him back, I reply with a knot in my throat. “I’m sorry too. I acted like a spoiled brat.” I look up into his eyes. Over his shoulder, I see Gabe stand, his eyes are bloodshot. It’s apparent that he has been crying. This distraction reminds me that there’s another elephant in the room that needs to be discussed. My eyes make their way back to Brennan and the look on his face told me that he hasn't spoken to him either. “Can I have a few minutes with Gabe please?” 

Kissing my forehead, and then pulling me into another hug, Brennan whispers “Go easy on him. Don’t know why I’m protecting the fucker, but he’s been a nervous wreck since you left.” I nod in acceptance. Brennan releases me and pushes Drew towards the kitchen. “Let’s see how much longer Matty’s gonna be.” Drew turns to look at me, I gesture him away and he mouths “I’m right here babe.” with a smile and a wink.  I return the smile as they leave the room. The tension in the air thickens as Gabe rocks on his heels, waiting for me to say something. I stand there waiting for the same from him.

               “So,” he says. “So” I reply, looking down. “Jems,” he pleads as I look up into his honey eyes. “What you said earlier…”

I cut him off. “Gabe. Look,” looking around the room, anywhere is better than looking at the look on his face. “Can, um, can we go outside?” I open the screen door and walk outside without even getting a response from him. I make my way over to the swing that hangs from the oak tree. Gabe holds the swing to keep it from tipping as I take my seat. He sits next to me and I just don’t know where to begin. So I just decide to pick up where I left off. “Look. I’m sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it to come out the way it did.” 

               “Jenna, stop.” He cuts me off. I crane my neck to meet his glare. “Enough of the bullshit already.” He says, shocking me silent. “You can’t sit there and deny that you feel anything for me. Because after this morning, or that last night we were together even,” he says shaking his head. “There’s no way in hell I can go back to what we were before.”

               Gabriel can be so damn hardheaded at times. “Gabe. I have to think of the band, and Brennan.” I say as I glance at a car driving past us. “I just have to think about what’s best for all of us.” I avoid his glare and his comment about feeling anything.  But that doesn't go unnoticed. Of course it doesn’t. There is too much chemistry between us to avoid not feeling anything.

               “God Damn it Jenna.” He takes my shoulders and forces me to look up at him. “Look at me in the eye and tell me you feel nothing.” Biting my bottom lip, I try to keep my heart from jumping out of my chest. “Say it.” He leans in, resting his forehead to mine. “Say it.” He whispers with his eyes closed.

               My chest tightens and my pulse quickens with the contact. He knows he has an effect on me. And I’ve told him a thousand times that I’m off limits. He took advantage of the moment I let my guard down with him and ran with it. “I” I swallow to push the knot down in my throat. “I do feel something for you Gabe.” Damn, not the way I wanted that to come out. “But.” As I try to finish, his lips come crashing down on mine. My heart goes into overdrive as he takes my face between his hands and deepen the kiss. My hands automatically rest on his abs, moving their way up to his chest as I allow his tongue access. Suddenly, we hear some kid yelling “Get it dude” from the street. Breaking us away from the kiss, he looks at them and gives them the thumbs up and I begin to giggle mentally thanking the kids for the interruption and drawing my mind back to our first kiss.

I’m standing in front of the mirror making sure I look good enough for the show. Humming to loosen my vocal cords. I decide on a more sophisticated look tonight and wear a tight long sleeve black top with some stone washed blue jeans and heels. The guys decided to wear black hoodies. While I begin to softly sing the song that Gabe and I had been working on I watch Brennan leave the room through the reflection. Will and Matt are chatting in the corner and Gabe is on the phone, most likely chatting with some broad waiting to meet up with him later, I roll my eyes at the thought.

Before I know it, Gabe is standing behind me, mimicking my exercises. I must have been daydreaming and humming because out of the corner of my eye, I see a flash. Matty has taken a picture of me and Gabe. I turn to see what going on, and immediately smack Gabe on the stomach. Laughing hard at me he smacks my ass. My cheeks flush out of embarrassment and I smack him again. He raises an eyebrow, hums the melody again and smacks me on the ass again causing me to jump.

Finally, I turn and place my hands on my hips and stare at him. He does the same in return. Will and Matt are laughing harder at us until I turn and eye them. They both suddenly look at each other and pretend to turn away and hide their smiles. As I turn, I notice Gabe waving his finger as if he’s punishing the two from behind me. It takes all I have in me to stay mad. He looks so funny with his hip poking out, hand rested on his hip waving his finger at me now. I notice the couch behind him and think quickly.

Without notice, I give him a good shove, knocking him on his back, but not before he grabs my arms taking me down with him. I’m now giggling at his surprised reaction. He begins to tickle me. My hand makes its way to his chest, and with an evil grin, I take his nipple between my fingers and twist. He winces and narrows his eyes in return. “Oh now you’re gonna get it.”

Before I know it, I’m the one on my back and he’s got his hands moving quickly under my arms, bringing me into a fit of giggles. I realize where my knees are and where he is, so instinctively I bring my knee up. He grunts as he leans onto me in pain resting his head on my chest. “Oh no.” I say, trying to sit him up with me. He doesn’t budge. I try to lift his head and ask “Are you okay?” I ask.

He brings his head up, his arms under mine, his hands rest on either side of my face. “Couldn’t be better.” He says before bringing his lips down onto mine. My heart stops completely with the shock when his lips meet mine, but once he runs his tongue along my lips, asking for access, it jumps into overdrive. On impulse, my mouth opens welcoming him. He moans softly before deepening the kiss. Never in my life have I ever had such an effect by a kiss. I bring my hands to his back, and bring my knee up to rest on the back of the couch. He took that as an invitation to slightly grind his now hardness between my legs. The friction alone had me groaning and wanting more.

“Get a fucking room.” We hear. Gabe doesn’t break contact, but he opens his eyes when I open mine and smiles. My cheeks flush with embarrassment and I immediately hide my face in the crook of his neck as he begins to chuckle.

“Fuck off Matt.” Gabe says remaining still so we can get our breathing to slow and his hard on to relax. “Mind giving us a minute?” he turns his neck over to them.

“That’s all you need is a minute, right?” Matt challenges and Will laughs.

“Will?” I ask but it sounds like a muffled whine since I’m still hiding my face.

Laughing, Will says “C’mon Matt, let’s go see where Brennan is. He’ll be pissed if he saw this.” Matt pushes up, I can hear them walk past us and close the door behind them.

“Wow.” Gabe says lifting his head to make eye contact with me. Wow is an understatement.

“Gabe.” I try to get out without any sexual intent, but fail. He takes it as another invitation decides to finish where he started. A knock on the door stops us again. He groans as he rests his forehead on mine. Closing my eyes, I wish we didn’t have to go on stage but clearly, the second knock on the door lets us know that Brennan was on his way back in.

“This isn’t over with.” He kisses me again quickly before lifting himself off me. With a deep breath, I think to myself. God, I hope not.

               The kids laugh at us leaving me smiling at the nice memory and they ride away. I Slide over to the end of the swing and decide on a different approach. “Gabe. Look. Yes, I admit I feel something for you. But, this has to stop here.”

“Why?” he asks with a heartbroken tone.

               “Because, we just can’t! Brennan for one will have a coronary if he has to think about us being together one more time.”

              “So, you choose to live your life in the eyes of him?” he questions me. I knew this was going to be a lot harder than it seemed.

               “No. But you are all like my brothers.”

“Bullshit Jenna.” He begins to raise his voice at me. “I don’t see you kissing anyone else the way you just kissed me.” Shit, he has a point. “Just admit you’re scared.” Wow, low blow.

               “Gabe. I am not scared.” I say standing facing him. “I’ve told you over and over that we could never...” Shaking my head, this is useless. “Ugh. Why are you making this so hard?”

               “Because you know as well as I do that we would be great together.” He answers without a hitch. I do know that. I’ve seen it many times when we are around each other. Whether we go to the mall, or the beach together, we fit together like two lost puzzle pieces. But how can I give myself to someone who’s given himself to everyone he sees?

               “Yeah, until you get what you want, and then what? You move on to the next girl like you’ve always done?” I finally get to the root of my issues, even though we’ve joked about this time and time again. “I’ve seen it Gabe, I’ve never seen the same girl twice. Don’t you think that would crush me?”

 “Is that what you really think?” He asks. Not knowing the true answer to that, but looking into his eyes and knowing I’ve hit a nerve, I nod. It’s definitely what I see. He’s got a new woman waiting for him after each set. “If you only knew.” He whispers under his breath. 

               “How good would Live Today be if we hooked up and then you moved on? You think I could just move on like you can?” His eyes look down. I know I’m breaking his heart but this is the way it has to be. I must sacrifice myself for the better of the band. “I’m sorry Gabe, but I just can’t. It would kill me to see the band split up because of our carelessness.” There it’s out.

               “Jenna, I’ve told you time and time again that I would give you my world. Hell, I already have. But think about what you just said about the band. You’re defying the exact meaning of the band’s name. We are supposed to live for today aren’t we?” He looks over to me, then shakes his head. “I know we could make this work. I think you know it too.” He stands and looks down at me. “You’ll regret your decision. I won’t wait forever.”

               “Wait? Gabe, if that’s what you call waiting, I would hate to see you truly be dedicated to one person.” 

Looking down, he chuckles before looking up me with hurtful eyes. I know I've torn him into two, and he’s fighting it. “Well,” he reaches up to caress my face, leans down to kiss the corner of my mouth before whispering in my ear. “Guess, you’ll never know now, will you?” Then he turns and walks into the house. Just before he opens the front door, he turns. “I can play your game Jenna. You will see.” His eyes finally making their way towards mine, “I bet dinner’s ready.” He winks, opens the door and walks inside. 

                I sit back down and think about how that went down. Deep down, I know he’s right. I know we could be good together. I’ve even dreamed about a future with Gabe. But that was just a dream. I just hope that what had happened can be forgotten about and we can go back to the way things were. I have to think about the future of the band, and of Brennan.

Brennan, there’s another issue that needs discussing. I hear the door creak open and Matty’s head pops out. “Is it safe?” Giving him a genuine smile I nod. “Good.” He comes over and sits right next to me, putting his hand on my thigh, squeezing it hard, making me jerk. “Dinner’s ready. The guys are setting the table now.” I nod again. “Wanna talk about it?” 

               Shaking my head and shrugging, I finally speak, leaning into his shoulder and resting my head there. “I’m sorry Matty. I know it’s not your fault. I acted like a brat.”

               He rests his head on mine. “It’s not your fault Jems. No one asked for what you and Bren are dealing with.” He says. “And for Gabe.” He chuckles. “He really does care about you.” Why do they all find that so funny? I have the feeling they are all keeping something from me. I have to figure out what it is.