Little Blackbird (19 page)

Matthias looked as though he wanted to argue, but he didn’t. He nodded and walked away. Once Mikey and Matthias disappeared into the crowd, Kate shrugged out from beneath Geoffrey’s arm and looked at him. She grabbed both of his hands.

“Geoffrey, you’ve got to do something. Martha is going up to Look-Off Pointe with Ted. You can’t let her go with him.”

Geoffrey’s brow furrowed and then he chuckled. “Because he’s big and smelly?”

She squeezed his fingers. “I’m serious. He’s…he’s going to hurt her.”

Geoffrey straightened to his full height, squared his shoulders. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I
know
. You have to trust me. I wouldn’t make this up.”

Geoffrey pulled out of her grasp and shoved one hand through his messy, dark hair. “I don’t know what you’re saying. Ted wouldn’t hurt Martha. He’s an oaf, but he’s not like that.”

Kate’s stomach twisted.
Tell him the truth.
“I know it’s going to sound crazy, but I
know
he’s going to try to hurt her. I saw it. She can’t go up there with him.”

Geoffrey took a step back. A kid tripped down the Scrambler’s exit stairs and stumbled to the nearest trash can where he retched. His friends gathered around, laughing and slapping his back as though he’d won a victory.

Geoffrey’s attention returned to Kate. “What do you mean, you
saw it
? You’re not making sense.”

Do it.
Just tell him. She bounced on the balls of her feet.

“I–I have premonitions. I see the future. Sometimes what I see comes true, but not all the time. And I’ve been seeing this future in pieces for weeks now, and it’s awful and I just realized tonight that it’s Martha because of the red necklace that Ted won at the Milk Bottle Toss,” she babbled. “She’s wearing the necklace, and they’re going to Look-Off Pointe. It
has
to be Martha.”

Geoffrey held up his hands. “Whoa, whoa. What are you talking about? What do you mean
premonitions
?” He shook his head and stepped farther away from her. “You see the future? This isn’t making any sense. You…you sound crazy.”

Those three words were all it took to sever the last threads attaching Kate to her hope, to her heart. She broke apart like a seed pod. Kate pressed her hands to her chest. She had to hold the pieces of herself together. Tears welled in her eyes. When she spoke, her voice trembled.

“Geoffrey, you have to believe me.
Please
. I’m not crazy.”

Geoffrey shook his head. “I can’t deal with this right now. I can barely focus. Are you drunk?”

“No.”

Geoffrey exhaled. “Why don’t we ride up to Look-Off Pointe with everyone else? Have a little fun?”

“Geoffrey,
please
. I wouldn’t tell you this if it wasn’t important.”

“I don’t know what to say. It all sounds so–”

“Don’t say it,” Kate snapped. She trembled so hard that her teeth rattled together. “Don’t call me crazy.”

As a balloon vendor moseyed past them, every balloon in his cloud of helium colors popped, blanketing his head in flimsy plastic.

Geoffrey slid both hands through his hair and grabbed the back of his neck. His green eyes shone in the carnival lights. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I can’t do this right now. Let’s talk when you’re acting normal again.” He turned his back on her and walked away.

“Geoffrey…”

All the air whooshed from her lungs, and warm tears fell from her lashes onto her cheeks.
But this
is
normal.
The world around her slowed as though everyone moved through air thicker than molasses. Kate dropped her hands beside her. There was no use trying to hold herself together anymore. The crowd shifted to make room for Geoffrey, and Matthias’ face came into view. He looked from her to Geoffrey, and as his brother passed, Matthias grabbed Geoffrey’s arm. Kate couldn’t hear their conversation, but Geoffrey jerked out of Matthias’ grasp and stalked off. Matthias called Kate’s name and pushed through the crowd toward her, but she shook her head and ran.

C
OLORS AND FACES streamed by her face like ribbons of light. Tears streaked from her face, splashing into her hair, whipping through the air like a rainstorm. She ran past the Ferris wheel, the carousel, and the bumper cars. She ran until her chest burned. As she neared the exit, she saw her mama standing beneath the lit archway, wringing her hands together, scanning faces.

When she saw Kate, her mama’s eyes widened. She held out her arms, and Kate slammed into her with such force that her mama stumbled backward but still held on. She crushed her arms around Kate.

“Little Blackbird,” her mama said, pressing her close. Then she pulled away and cupped Kate’s face in her hands. “What’s wrong? Tell me. What happened?”

Kate squeezed her eyes together and choked on her heartache, on the disappointment. She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against her mama’s chest.

“Are you hurt?”

Kate swallowed.
Only on the inside.
She shook her head.

Her mama slipped her arm around Kate’s shoulders and turned her outward so they could walk side by side through the exit. “I told your dad that you were coming. He’s waiting for us in the car.”

Kate blinked up at her mama. More tears dripped from her dark lashes. Her bottom lip quivered. “How did you know I needed you?”

“Oh, baby,” she said without answering, “what have they done to you?”

Kate allowed herself to be bundled into the backseat as though she was a toddler. She didn’t want to cry in front of her parents, but too many emotions crowded inside her, and they leaked from every pore. She covered her face in her hands and crumpled forward.

The radio station stopped working. Someone turned off the static. A streetlight cracked and burst overhead and rained sparks onto the car as they passed by. Was this why it was forbidden to try and alter the truth? Did lives fall apart? Would no one believe the truth anyway?

When she felt them nearing the house, Kate stared out the window as her daddy pulled into the driveway. The silhouette of the magnolia tree down by the river loomed in the darkness. The tree reminded her of Geoffrey. She could almost imagine his thin form standing there, waiting for her. She saw the boulders where she’d sat with him, the reeds where they’d kissed for the first time. None of those moments would ever happen again. They’d never laugh and skip pebbles across the water. They’d never race to the top of the next hill. They’d never be so close that not even a sliver of pine straw could come between them.

Kate knew the fire in her spirit had been snuffed. She felt the hollow left behind, heard the rattle of her breaths. Her tears were dry, but her eyes burned. She climbed out of the car and dragged her feet to the front door. Once inside her room, she sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the window. She imagined Geoffrey on the other side, his crooked grin, his long fingers resting on the windowsill.

Raindrops splattered against the panes, light at first but soon pelting the house with fast rain moving in sheets blown in by easterly gusts of wind. Kate thought of all the people still enjoying the carnival, none of them suspecting a summer storm.

“Want to talk about it?” Her mama stood in the doorway with her black hair spilling over her shoulders. Her dark eyes studied Kate.

Kate wilted beneath her gaze. She sagged forward. “He didn’t want me.” The truth closed her throat and squeezed her chest so tight she could barely inhale. Hearing the words aloud brought another onslaught of tears.
Not only did he not believe me or want me as I am, but he also thinks I’m crazy.

Her mama breezed in and sat beside her on the bed. “Who didn’t?”

Kate stared at the teardrops splashing into her hands. The wind howled. “Don’t be mad, okay?” She glanced up at her mama. Her expression was difficult to read. “Promise?”

“I can’t promise anything other than I’ll listen and I’ll try not to be mad. Now, who are we talking about?”

Kate sighed. To say anything about him now would mean she had to surrender the secret she’d been guarding from her parents. “Geoffrey Hamilton.” Even saying his name created an ache for him, a longing she couldn’t shove aside. Thunder rattled the books on Kate’s shelves.

“Based on your reaction, I’m going to assume that Geoffrey is more than your friend. Although I can’t imagine
how
since you’ve never once mentioned his name in any sort of serious conversation.”

Kate swallowed and closed her eyes. “I’ve lied. I’ve been seeing him all summer. In the park. We’ve been meeting there.”

She felt her mama stiffen beside her on the bed. Kate stood and walked to the window. When she turned, her mama’s hands were clenched in her lap, and her full lips were reduced to a thin slash.

“Mama,
please
, don’t be mad,” Kate begged. “I know it was wrong, but I really cared–
care
about him. I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid. I didn’t want you to take him away. But none of it matters now.” She faced the window again and wiped at her tears.

“Why doesn’t it matter?”

“Because I’m
me
.” Kate covered her face and spoke into her hands. “I hate being me. Why can’t I be someone else, someone better, someone who’s enough, who’s not crazy?” Kate whirled around, gripping Martha’s borrowed dress in her hands. “Why, Mama?”

Her mama exhaled. “Did he tell you there was something wrong with you?”

“No. But look at me–”

“I’m looking at you, Kate.”

“But you don’t
see
what they see,” Kate cried. A terrible emotion unleased inside her, clawing, ripping her apart. Her breaths shuddered. Self-loathing nearly choked her where she stood.

Her mama’s voice was calm, but tears shined in her eyes. “I see a beautiful girl in a dress. What do they see?”

“An Indian in someone else’s clothes. A crazy witch.” Kate sobbed. Her knees buckled and she slumped against the window, sliding down to the floor where she covered her face.

She felt her mama kneel beside her. “That’s not what they see, Little Blackbird. That’s what
you
see.” Her mama stroked her head. “Yes, you’re wearing someone else’s dress, but that doesn’t make it any less beautiful on you.”

Kate dropped her hands. “Geoffrey thought I looked pretty. He said so, but he still doesn’t want me. He wants a version of me.” Kate’s voice trembled. “I could do all that. I could change for him. I could pretend I’m not different, that I don’t have the curse, couldn’t I? Then maybe he’d want me.”

“Is that what you want?”

Kate shrugged.

Her mama grabbed her hands and pulled Kate to her feet. She hugged her tight before letting go. “It’s a lot to think about. You won’t find all the answers tonight. Why don’t you wash your face and change your clothes. I’ll make us both a cup of peppermint tea. Would you like that?”

Kate nodded. “Thanks for not being mad.”

“Oh, I’m mad, but I’m saving it for another time. I’m not going to tell your dad that you’ve been sneaking around with a boy. He’d lose it, you know that. He still thinks you’re ten, but don’t think I’m happy with it. You should have talked to me about him.”

Kate wiped at her cheeks and nodded. “I’m sorry.”

When her mama was gone, Kate grabbed her pajamas from the drawer and went into the bathroom. She scrubbed her face and pulled the brush through her hair. Her red-rimmed eyes stared back at her in the mirror, and she sighed. She pulled on her pajamas and dropped the dress in the laundry basket.

Kate sat on her bed and watched the rain hammer against the window. She rested her head on her pillow and closed her eyes. Images formed in her mind.
A shoe kicking against the window. A knee pressed into the steering wheel. Hot tears sliding down. Red beads scattered across the car floor.
Kate jerked upright. Her heart pounded. Even if Martha and Geoffrey didn’t believe her, that didn’t mean that something terrible wasn’t going to happen.

Kate looked at the photograph she kept on her desk. The picture had been taken by the river the year before Evan died. His arm looped around her shoulder, and he smiled at the camera while she leaned into him laughing at something he’d said. “I can’t just sit by again and do nothing. I can’t let Martha get hurt. Do you think I should do something?”

Evan’s smile faded, and he seemed to nod at her from behind the glass. Kate’s eyes burned with tears. “You think I should help her?” He nodded again.

Kate blinked in the silence. She slipped off her bed and stood in her bedroom doorway. She heard her mama moving around in the kitchen preparing the tea. Her daddy spoke from the living room, his voice muffled by the wind and rain. Kate glanced over her shoulder at the window. Would her parents believe her if she told them the truth? Would her mama tell her that altering the future was forbidden? Would they drive her up to Look-Off Pointe so she could help Martha? Thunder rumbled the floorboards.

Kate snatched a sheet of paper from her notebook and scribbled,
I’m sorry. There’s something I have to do. I’ll be back, I promise.
She changed out of her pajama pants and yanked on a pair of jeans. Then she slipped on an old pair of shoes in record time. She ran to the window, unlatched it, and pushed up the sash. Slanted rain slashed through the open window and wet the front of her shirt. Kate hesitated for a moment.
Should I?
she wondered.
Just go!
She slipped one leg out the window and then the other. Rain soaked her clothes in seconds.