Lily Alone (24 page)

‘You shut up about my mum, you ugly old witch,' I said.

‘What? Don't you stand there mouthing off at me! Oh, you're in so much trouble, you and your brother and sisters.' She pounced on me, grabbing my arm. ‘You're coming back to my flat while I call the police!'

‘Are you mad? Get
off
me!' I thumped her hard in her horrible old-lady chest and ran for it.

I scurried down the dark stairwell and made for the dustbin sheds. I hid inside that horrible smelly shed and cried. I'd let myself believe Mum really would be back and yet she was obviously still in Spain, not giving a toss about us. And Mr Abbott had clearly got suspicious and told tales, and now everyone was after us. We'd get taken into care and Mum would be put in prison.

Our only hope was to stay hidden in the park until Mum came back at last, and then pretend we were all away with her. Old Kath would poke her nose in and say she'd seen me, but who would believe a mad old lady like her? Yes, that's what I had to do: stay hidden in the park till tomorrow, or next week, or whenever. Meanwhile I had to find something for the kids to eat.

I wondered about scrambling up into the rubbish bins and foraging there, but they all smelled so bad. I was sure any food would be rotten. I couldn't risk poisoning the kids.

I wiped my eyes and nose with my T-shirt and then crept out. I scurried away from the estate, sure everyone was looking at me, worried that they all knew about Mum. I went up to the little parade of shops. I wondered if I dared try to nick some chocolate from Mr Patel's, but he didn't let kids into his shop on their own.

The smell from the chippy was making my mouth water. I stood outside, breathing in the wonderful warm salty smell. Joe, the chippy man, saw me lurking and waved.

‘Hey there, Lily. Come for five fish suppers?'

I hesitated. I liked Joe and he'd always seemed to like me, giving me extra chips or adding the odd little bit of batter to my portion. There was no one else in the shop. I stepped in, swallowing, trying to get up the nerve.

‘What's up with you then, chickie?' he said.

Maybe I had tear-stains on my cheeks, or perhaps I just looked worried sick.

‘Joe, I need four fish suppers, or maybe three. I could share with Pixie.'

‘Coming right up.'

‘Yes, but – I haven't got any money,' I said.

‘Well, go and ask your mum, darling.'

‘I . . . can't.'

He looked at me. I waited for the questions. Maybe he'd laugh at me or get angry for wasting his time. But he started turning fish in the fat and shovelling chips.

‘Pay me when you can,' he said simply.

‘Oh, Joe! Thank you so much!' I started crying again like a fool.

Joe served each fish supper up carefully in its cardboard box, sprinkling the chips with salt and adding a slice of lemon to the fish. He put all four boxes in a carrier and handed them over.

‘There you are, love.'

‘You're an angel, Joe,' I said, and took them quick before he changed his mind.

It seemed much further trudging back to the park and the fish suppers started to feel surprisingly heavy. I kept swapping hands, the carrier banging uncomfortably against my legs. I still felt horribly conspicuous, sure that people were staring at me, pointing, whispering to each other. Every time I saw someone use a mobile phone I was worried that they were calling the police. I kept peering round anxiously whenever I heard a car, sure it was them.

I got inside the park gates and started running down the sandy path. I knew where I was going. The route was familiar now and I'd marked the tree, but it seemed to be taking longer to find it than I'd thought. What if I couldn't find my way back? What if the children were stuck in the tree, waiting and waiting until it got dark? I started running again, desperate to get to them, sure they'd be worried sick by now. Poor Bliss would be beside herself, Pixie in tears, Baxter red in the face, trying not to cry . . .

I was so sure they'd be in a state that it was almost annoying to come across Bliss and Baxter swinging on one of the lowest branches of the tree, waving their legs, while Pixie capered about, grunting. They were all laughing their heads off.

‘What are you all doing? I told you to stay
in
the tree!'

‘It got too
squashed
in the tree, and Pixie had to get out anyway to do a wee,' said Baxter.

‘We were playing such a funny game called monkeys, Lily,' said Bliss. ‘
I
made it up and the others liked it a lot. I was trying to look after us like you do. Don't be cross.'

‘You lot aren't taking this
seriously
. People could be out looking for us, ready to grab us and take us into care. We've got to
hide
,' I said.

‘But there's no one here, silly,' said Baxter. ‘What's that you've got in the carrier bag? It smells good.' He tried to grab it.

‘Leave off ! I'll give it to you when you're all sitting down nicely. We'll go in the ferns and duck down out of sight if anyone comes.'

‘What have you got for us, Lily?'

‘It's fish and chips,' I said proudly. ‘Enough for all of us.'

‘Hurray, hurray, fish and chips!'

‘
Shh!
we've got to be
quiet
. Come on, in the ferns.'

They did as they were told now, eyes bright, smacking their lips. I handed out the packets of fish and chips. They were only lukewarm now, of course, but they still tasted wonderful. It was only when we were picking out the last little crumbs of chip and batter that Bliss wriggled closer to me.

‘Did you go home, Lily?' she whispered.

I nodded.

‘So Mum hasn't come back yet?'

Pixie looked up, and started mouthing, ‘Mum, Mum, Mum.'

‘I think she could be coming back tomorrow,' I said.

‘So she's not there now. She's a mean old bag,' said Baxter. ‘She's bad to go away and leave us.'

‘Stop it. You mustn't ever tell on her because then they won't let us live with her. They'll give you away to a new foster mum and dad.'

‘I don't care. I don't need a dad, I've
got
one.'

‘And we've got a mum, when she comes back.'

‘Tomorrow?' Bliss said.

‘Yes, I hope so.
When
she comes back we'll all go back home and pretend she never went away, and if anyone asks us, police or social workers, we'll swear we were away on holiday with her, OK?'

‘But Mr Abbott came round and saw us,' Bliss said.

‘Shut up! I don't want to talk about him,' I said fiercely.

I couldn't bear to think that it was Mr Abbott who had told on us. Mr Abbott, my special friend. He'd made it all so complicated now. Maybe we could
never
go back. We'd have to live in the park for ever.

When I went to sleep that night I imagined us in five years' time, still living here. I'd be sixteen then, practically grown up, so I'd be able to build a proper treehouse for us. I could plan it all out in my drawing book, get Baxter to gather wood, and we'd build a house way up in the branches where we'd be safe for ever. We wouldn't just eat other people's leftovers. Bliss and I would learn about wild herbs and berries, and gather nuts and cook wonderful stews over a little fire. I thought about meat. There were hundreds of rabbits in the park, not to mention the deer. Baxter might be up to hunting, but I couldn't stand the thought of killing all those beautiful creatures. We could maybe go fishing in the ponds at night, but the rest of the time we'd have to be vegetarian.

I could teach Bliss and Baxter and Pixie all their schoolwork. We could maybe get books from one of the posh houses, pretending they were our library and we were just borrowing them. We'd need to nick more clothes though, but we could manage with just one or two outfits each year, perhaps old clothes people left outside charity shops. Maybe one day someone would leave their old banger in the car park and we'd fix it up. Baxter would be brilliant at that. Then we'd drive all round the park in our car at night . . .

I went to sleep believing we could really live here for ever, but when I woke in the night I felt small and scared again. I wondered how on earth I was going to manage. I was so cramped up underneath the others in the tree I couldn't move. I disentangled myself as best I could, climbed out, and stretched out in the ferns. I had more room now but it felt so lonely and cold, and I was scared the deer might come along and trample me. I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the moon and stars.

Please let us be safe
, I wished.
Make me able to look after the kids
.

Perhaps I didn't want to live all alone in my white house when I was grown up. Perhaps I wanted Bliss and Baxter and Pixie living with me too, the four of us for ever.

I lay awake for ages, the stars spinning above me. I didn't get to sleep until the darkness faded to an eerie silvery-grey, and I knew it was nearly dawn. I fell deeply asleep until I was vaguely aware of the kids chatting to each other. I heard several little thuds so I guessed they were out of the tree. Pixie started wailing and I tried to open my eyes but she quietened after a minute or two.

When I next stirred I heard her choking with laughter. They were
all
laughing, playing happily together. I burrowed deeper into my ferny bed, wishing I could stay there for ever. I didn't want to get up and face the day. I'd have to try to find us something to eat and I was fast running out of ways to do it. I'd also have to decide whether I dared risk creeping back to the flat to look for Mum all over again. I didn't want to be the eldest any more, looking after everyone. I seemed to do that even when Mum
was
around. I wanted someone to look after
me
.

The kids were still laughing but Bliss was squealing, frightened about something. I forced myself to sit up in the ferns and looked for the children. I rubbed my eyes. Where on earth
were
they? They sounded so near but I couldn't see them at all.

‘Bliss? Baxter? Pixie? I called.

Pixie giggled and then pounced on me from behind.

‘You've woke up, Lily! We're playing monkeys again. I can't get up the tree but Baxter can – and Bliss.'

‘Up?'

I looked up – and just about died. Baxter and Bliss were right up at the top of the tree, swinging precariously from a branch.

‘Oh, you idiots! Come down! Come down this minute!' I called.

‘We're monkeys. We don't come down, do we, Bliss. We go up and up and up,' said Baxter, making silly grunty monkey noises to punctuate his sentence.

‘You wait till I catch you! And how
dare
you get Bliss to do it too. Come
down
or I'll come up and
slap
you down,' I yelled.

Baxter saw I meant business. He hung there for a good thirty seconds, just to show me, and then he started edging his way back along the branch to the trunk of the tree.

‘That's right. Good boy. Now you, Bliss,' I shouted.

‘I'm up really, really high,' Bliss squealed.

‘Yes, you are. Come down now!'

Bliss clung to the branch, wrapping her arms and legs round it.

‘Come on, Bliss, edge along like Baxter. Gently now, a little bit at a time,' I called. ‘Don't look down!'

Bliss did look down, and started crying.

‘I said
don't
look down.'

‘I'm too high up!' Bliss wailed.

‘Yes, I know you are.'

‘I wanted to be brave like Baxter.'

‘Well, you
are
, Bliss, but that doesn't mean you go scampering up to the top of trees like a demented squirrel.' I tried to sound calm, telling her silly jokes so she'd relax a bit. ‘Come along, you need to come down now, there's a good girl.'

‘I . . . can't,' said Bliss.

‘Yes, you can. Show her how, Baxter.'

‘It's easy-peasy,' said Baxter, swinging himself onto the branch again.

Bliss screamed as he made it sway.

‘Baxter, stop it.
Gently!
'

‘I'm just
showing
her. Look, Bliss, like this.' He demonstrated, crawling along the branch towards her.

‘That's it, Baxter. See, Bliss? Copy Baxter. Let go with one hand and move slowly along.'

‘I don't know how! I can't let go, I'll fall,' said Bliss.

‘
Look
, Bliss,' Baxter bellowed.

Bliss couldn't look. She was sobbing helplessly, unable to move.

‘Could you jump down and I'll catch you?' I said. ‘No, wait, don't, it's too far. You scramble down, Baxter. Then I'll come up and help you, Bliss, baby. It's all right, you're quite safe. Don't cry. We'll get you down in no time,' I gabbled.