Light Switch (32 page)

I stared at the television screen, but neither saw nor heard the film. My thoughts were a million miles away while my senses were completely focused on something much closer than the TV. The warm, gentle weight of an arm around my shoulders. The subtle spiciness of cologne. Slow, near-silent breathing.

On some level, this should have felt wrong. With all the feelings I’d discovered I had for Scott, the last place I should have been was curled up on my couch in Matt’s arms.

But there I was.

And it didn’t feel wrong.

In fact, it felt right. Far more so than it should have, given my situation. This was the only place in the world where I didn’t crave Scott, just as Scott’s arms were the only place where I didn’t ache for Matt.

Tonight, though, as right as I felt wrapped up in Matt’s arms, I still couldn’t shake the cold, unsettled feeling in my chest. I’d gotten involved with Scott to push some boundaries that needed it, but in pushing those boundaries, we’d crossed lines. What lines hadn’t been crossed had blurred, and I no longer knew what we were. Friends with benefits? Teacher and student? All I knew was that I loved him and he loved me. Where to go from there, I had no clue.

And where did that leave Matt and me? Because whatever I felt for Scott, I’d have been lying to myself if I said I didn’t feel the very same thing or Matt.

Was it really love, then? In Scott’s arms, I’d had no doubt I was in love with him. But now, confusion prevailed, because I felt the very same thing with and for Matt. I couldn’t possibly be in love with both of them. Could I?

“Hey.” Matt’s voice startled me. When I looked up at him, he cocked his head. “Earth to Kris?”

“Sorry, sorry.” I shook my head. “I was just spacing out a bit.”

“So I noticed.”

“How?”

He chuckled and gestured at the television with the remote. “Robert Downey, Jr. was on the screen without a shirt, and you didn’t even bat an eye.”

I laughed. “You know me too well.”

He smiled, but it quickly faded. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Just, like I said, spacing out.”

He clicked off the movie, and the room went dark except for the warm light from a dim lamp on the end table.

“You don’t have to turn it off,” I said.

“No point in leaving it on.” He turned toward me. “I wasn’t really paying attention to it, either.”

“Not even with Robert Downey, Jr. on the screen?”

He gave a wistful sigh. “Not even with him, no.” The backs of his fingers caressed my cheek, and goose bumps prickled beneath my shirt.

I gulped. “So what were you paying attention to?”

“You mean besides the fact that you’re sitting right next to me, and I’ve been dying to fuck you all day?”

I gulped. “Besides that.”

“Not a damned thing.” His hand drifted from my face into my hair. Just like the very first time he’d kissed me under Club Nine’s flashing lights, his eyes flicked back and forth from mine to my lips as he drew me closer. Something in the back of my mind, deep in my conscience, tried to remind me of the knot in my stomach, but when Matt’s lips brushed mine, neither rational nor irrational thought existed anymore.

He wrapped his arms around me. The kiss deepened, and he used the tip of his tongue to gently draw mine into his mouth. Fingers ran through hair. Warm breath mingled in the narrow space between us. Bodies moved closer together.

A lifetime came and went between the moments our lips made and eventually broke contact.

Matt looked at me in the low light. An innocent grin spread across his lips. “I swear, I came over here to watch a movie.”

“Well, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

“Mm-hmm.” He slipped his hand under my shirt. “And in a minute, the hallway to your bedroom will be littered with clothing.”

“Promise?” I murmured against his lips.

He said nothing. Instead, he rose, offering both of his hands. When I took them, he pulled me to my feet, and his lips met mine as we both fumbled with the buttons on each other’s shirts. Kissing and undressing, we slowly moved toward the bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes behind us just as we had the first time we fucked after going to the dance club.

With every step, with every article of clothing shed, the hunger between us intensified. Kisses deepened, grasps tightened, breaths became shallower and more ragged. More than once, I wanted to pull him down to the floor and beg to have him right then and there, but I forced myself to get all the way into the bedroom.

He laid me down and pulled me to the edge of the bed before dropping to his knees beside it. Caressing my inner thighs with his hands and lips, he worked his way toward my aching pussy.

The instant his mouth reached my pussy, I was in orbit. His fingers slipped inside me and he gently licked and sucked my clit. I closed my eyes and moaned, my hands combing through his hair.

In spite of his unmistakable hunger, he was in no hurry at all: exploring me with his mouth and fingers, giving me breathtaking pleasure, but it was as if he was drawing it out, keeping me from climaxing until he was ready to let me go. Matt savored my pussy the way he savored my kiss.

The ache intensified with each stroke of his fingers and sweep of his tongue. I fought to breathe at all, let alone with any kind of steady rhythm, taking in a gasp of air whenever the lightning bolts rushing through me subsided enough, only to let it out in a shuddering moan a second later.

I pushed myself against his mouth, tried to beg him to let me come, but only a whimper came out. And still he continued, his fingers and tongue orchestrating every sensation that rushed through me, deliberately letting it go on and on, until at last he brought me to the edge and sent me over it.

My entire body seized, and my cries of pleasure were almost sobs as the powerful sensations overwhelmed me.

He slowly withdrew his fingers. I closed my eyes, struggling to catch my breath, swallowing hard as I heard the nightstand drawer open, close.

He made quick work of getting the condom out and on. We moved all the way onto the bed, and he got on top of me. Propping himself up on one arm, he guided his cock to me, pushing in slightly, then withdrawing. After a few strokes like that, he pulled almost all the way out, then leaned down and kissed me. Just as our lips met, he thrust all the way inside me, his mouth capturing the breath I released.

“I love fucking you right after you’ve come,” he said, sliding his arms under my back and grasping my shoulders for leverage. “Your pussy is so tight and—” His lips brushed mine, and instead of continuing with his thought, he kissed me.

So close on the heels of an orgasm, the way he thrust into me was perfect. Absolutely perfect. Fast, deep, hard, and right in the middle of a kiss like that. It may have been seconds, or maybe minutes, but it didn’t take long at all for him to make me come a second time.

Before I’d even recovered from that trip into the stratosphere, Matt bent and whispered in my ear, “Get on your knees.” It wasn’t a command or an order; it was almost a breathy plea. I wasn’t sure how the hell I was going to move with these molten bones and trembling muscles, but I’d be damned if I was going to deny him what he wanted just then. I nodded, and he pulled out and sat back, offering his hand as I rose.

“You okay?” he asked.

I slid my hand around the back of his neck. “Just fine.”

He smiled. “You’re fucking amazing, you know that?”

I grinned and kissed him. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

“I certainly hope not.” He nodded toward the bed. “Come on. On your knees before I go out of my mind.”

I shivered and did as he asked. I’d barely settled onto my forearms before his hands were on my hips, and a mere heartbeat later, he was inside me again.

“
That
is beautiful.” His voice was throaty and hoarse. “Watching myself—” He pulled out, then pushed back in. “Disappear into you. Oh God…” His hands trembled on my hips. “I wish you could see what I’m seeing,” he said, his voice unsteady. “You just don’t know how beautiful this is.”

“Tell me,” I said.

“You’re—” He sucked in a breath and shuddered. His rhythm faltered slightly. “Everything about this… it’s…” He groaned and gripped my hips tighter. “Watching you take every last…every last inch… and…” Another shudder drove him into me, and he fucked me faster, still struggling to speak as he did. “Christ, baby, I can’t even…” He trailed off into a moan.

Then his hand left my hip and brushed my hair aside, over one shoulder. I sensed his body shifting and his hand came down beside mine as he braced himself on the bed. A rush of breath escaped my throat when his lips touched the back of my neck, then my shoulder. His hot skin was against my back now, his breath on my neck sending chills through me.

He thrust with just his hips now, moving inside me in ways I’d never felt. He kissed my neck and shifted his weight to one arm, never losing his rhythm as his other hand moved down my body to my clit. I moaned as he circled it with not one, but two fingers, moving at precisely the same speed his cock moved inside me.

“Do you like that?”

“I love it.” My voice sounded like someone else’s. A lightning bolt of pleasure went through me and I moaned when my pussy involuntarily tightened around him. He gasped and nearly broke his rhythm, faltered again when I tightened again.

“Fuck me harder,” I begged, startled by the sound of my own voice, by my own need for more.

But he didn’t. He stopped and pulled out in spite of my whimpered protests.

“I want to be able to see your face,” he whispered. “I want to see you come.”

I didn’t hesitate. As I turned around, though, he caught the back of my neck with one hand and kissed me. I put my arms around his neck and together we sank down to the bed. With a slow, smooth motion of his hips, he was inside me, his lips never leaving mine as he took long, smooth strokes. I grasped his shoulders and hooked my ankles behind his back. We both gasped, the kiss breaking, and each time we tried to meet each other’s mouths, we failed. Missed. Missed again. Eventually gave up. His lips went to my neck. I kissed his shoulder, digging my fingers into his back.

“Oh, God, Matt,” I moaned.

He groaned softly, exhaling against my neck. His shoulder moved, then his entire torso shifted. A second later, his hand slid under my thigh. I unhooked my ankles, letting him slide his arm under my knee and bring my leg up toward my chest. A helpless cry escaped my lips as the new angle positioned his cock right against my G-spot.

“Jesus, you’re so tight like this,” he said. “Oh God, you feel fucking
perfect
.”

Icy-hot lightning rippled through me and I arched my back.

“Let yourself go,” he whispered, and in that same heartbeat, I did just that, a helpless cry coming from somewhere deep inside as I climaxed for the third time that night, the force of my orgasm almost driving me to tears as Matt kept fucking me, as he growled “that’s right, baby, oh God, that’s right,” into my ear and rode my orgasm all the way to the end. He started to kiss me just as it tapered off, but a throaty roar escaped his lips, breaking the kiss before it had begun. He slammed himself as deep into me as he could go and shuddered with his own climax.

We held each other, trembling and sweating. I ran my fingers through his hair and when he lifted his head, I kissed him. I tasted him, breathed him, lost myself in this overwhelming closeness to him. I couldn’t get enough of him.

Eventually, he got up to get rid of the condom. Then we sank back down to the bed together, and I rested my head on his shoulder, listening to his heart pound in time with mine.

It was only now, in the fading afterglow of such passionate sex, that all my earlier concerns came crawling back. Scott. What about Scott?

Matt hadn’t just made me forget about Scott and all of my intense, intimidating feelings. This wasn’t simple distraction or diversion. From the first time he’d kissed me in front of the movie to the last powerful thrust he’d taken inside me, he’d been the
object
of those intense, intimidating feelings.

Resting my head on his shoulder, I closed my eyes as the knot tightened in my gut.

Whatever all these feelings were, whatever all of this meant, one thing was becoming abundantly clear: I was firmly planted in the middle of a straight line, standing equidistant between two points. I wasn’t sure if, with a gun to my head, I could have chosen between those two points.

Sex with one didn’t diminish my need for the other.

Maybe I wasn’t in love with Scott after all. With good—no, great—sex comes intimacy, and after four years with Alec, I’d been so long without that kind of intimacy, I supposed it was easy to confuse it with love. If I felt the same way for both Matt and Scott, that must have been it.

Matt shifted next to me, gently freeing his arm and turning onto his side. I mirrored him, and we faced each other in silence. He ran his fingers down my cheek, along my jaw, and around to the back of my neck. Fabric hissed across skin and the pillow whispered of shifting weight as he leaned forward to kiss me lightly. He drew back, paused, and came back for more.