Life Shift (7 page)

“Stop. Do you hear what you’re saying? This world and the other world! How can it be?”

“You heard the lecture. It’s possible for something to exist in multiple places at the same time.”

“Yes, electrons maybe. At that level yes. But this, what you’re describing….”

“How else do you explain it Chris,” he asked quietly.
 

“Stress, tiredness, it could be anything.”

“Is that how the memory of our wedding felt to you? Like a symptom of stress.”

She couldn’t answer him but deep down she knew it hadn’t. It had felt real -
 
it had felt like something long forgotten but real nonetheless.

“And what about Teresa?” he asked, “Our daughter.”

“Daughter.” She repeated the word, testing out the feel of it.

“She’s five Chris. You would love her. You do love her. But something’s going wrong. And she can tell.”

“What do you mean?”

“We shouldn’t know about both worlds Chris. We should only know about the world we’re in. But the worlds are bleeding together. It started happening to me months ago. I knew it would only be a matter of time before it happened to you here too.”

“I don’t understand,” she said. She was exhausted. It was all too much. She sat back in her chair. Suddenly she longed for Damien. She wished she was cuddled up in his lap, her head on his shoulder with him whispering in her ear that everything would be okay. But here she was in a pub with a man she didn’t know talking about multiple worlds and a daughter she didn’t have. She wanted to cry and she didn’t want to do it in front of him.

“I want to go back to work,” she said. She realised they were still holding hands. She pulled her’s away. He looked hurt for a second but then something changed. His face seemed to close off from her, close down.

“Okay,” he said flatly. They put their coats on and left the pub in silence. The silence continued all the way back to work. But after he pulled into a space in the car park and turned off the engine he turned to look at her.

“I know this is hard to take. I really do. I went through it myself months ago. I’ve hardly been able to hold it together. I shouldn’t have come to see you that night in work. But I had to. I missed you even though I knew I shouldn’t. Not here. Not in this life. I have a wife and child here. But…,” he paused, “I love you Christine. I always have. And you love me too.”

She got out of the car and walked back to work. She hadn’t answered him. She couldn’t. But she knew it was true.

 
CHAPTER TEN

She was exhausted all afternoon. The conversation with Matt kept repeating in her head. What had it all meant? Work colleagues had to repeat their questions as she stared at them blankly and twice she had to go to the ladies to compose herself. She kept on wanting to cry.

In the car on the way home she couldn’t look at Damien. In addition to everything else she felt so guilty about the fact she’d gone out with Matt. Already it was starting to feel as if she was having an affair.

Damien glanced at her once or twice in the car but didn’t say anything. When she got out of the car she stopped and stared at the house for a moment. Damien came around the car and stood next to her. Finally he spoke.

“Are you okay? You don’t seem yourself?”

“I have a bit of a headache,” she said. It wasn’t a lie. Her head was pounding.
 

“You look pale.”

“You always say I look pale.”

“Paler than normal then.”

They walked to the door and Damien opened it. Every time she entered the house now she expected to see the burgundy carpet and white staircase and today was no different. But here was the usual wooden floor, wooden banister, wooden door. No decorative arch leading into a living room that
 
she was now starting to remember all too well.

She shook the thought away and walked into her living room, the real room. Then she stopped and once again tears threatened to come. Damien had set the table. They rarely ate at the table. Normally it was plates on laps in front of the TV. But here it was – all fully laid out - tablecloth, flowers, candles.

“What’s this for?” she asked, turning to him.

“You need spoiling,” he said, smiling and pulling her into a hug. “You’ve been working much too hard.”

The guilt again. She’d sat for an hour in a pub today with another man and yet here Damien was feeling sorry for her and all the work she was doing. She buried her head into his shoulder and smelled his scent. She had missed him today.

“So what are we eating?” she said after awhile.

“I’ve made my special pasta dish for you. You’ll love it.”

She still wasn’t hungry but there was no way she was telling him that.

“Sounds lovely,” she said, pulling out of his arms. “I’ll just go upstairs and have a shower to freshen up.”

“Okay. I’ll put the garlic bread in while you do that.”

She went upstairs. In the bathroom she saw he had already half filled the bath. She only had to top it up with more water. He really was spoiling her tonight. She didn’t know if she could take it.

And then, as she started running more hot water into the bath, she felt the blinding head splitting pain again. She put her hands to her head and somehow, somehow stifled the scream that wanted to burst from her. The pain subsided after a few seconds. She realised she’d closed her eyes. She opened them. Her bathroom had gone. She was on a mountain looking out over fields that ran on for miles and miles with more mountains in the distance. She looked behind her and saw Matt approaching, smiling.

“Hello,” he said. “I’m not surprised we’ve both come here.”

“Where are we?” she asked, looking around.

“Pen-y-fan of course. Don’t you remember? It’s special to us.”

He was now standing right before her. He took her hand in his. She noticed she was wearing gloves. She looked down at herself. She was in hiking gear.
 
She looked back at him.

“Why is it special?”

“Try and remember,” he said, with that same intense look. “It’s the only way you’ll understand and the only way you’ll believe.”

She thought hard. The mountain was familiar. Suddenly images started to come into her mind. She and Matt setting out early one morning. Finding the start of the path and holding hands. There was a sharp incline early on. She remembered secretly feeling tired but not wanting to tell Matt. She had ploughed ahead and left Matt lagging behind. She remembered turning back to him, laughing at him, goading him on, their usual banter. And then it had got harder and even her light-hearted joking had stopped. She had had to focus more on her breathing. To get through it she also counted her steps. One Two Three Four. And again. One Two Three Four. On and on up the seemingly never ending incline.
 

And then finally, amazingly, they had reached the summit. The view had astounded her. They had clambered up onto the mound right at the centre and taken photos of each other. It was early and they had the mountain to themselves. And then… and then…

She remembered why it was special.

She looked at him and found herself smiling. “It was where you proposed,” she said.

He pulled her into his arms in answer and kissed her. She reciprocated, her lips enjoying the feel of his, her tongue enjoying his taste, every bit of her aching to know more of him, to touch more of him.

After awhile they stopped kissing and stared at each other.

“I don’t understand any of this,” she whispered. “I’m married. I’m with Damien. I’m happy with him.”

His face betrayed something. He looked hurt, stung.

“I’m sorry,”she said. She had to. She couldn’t stand seeing his face like that.
 

“It’s okay,” he said. “I understand. It’s just that in this world you’re mine not his. I don’t like it when you mention him. He has you in the other world.”

“But I don’t understand this. All these worlds.”

“It’s two worlds Chris, and this is ours.”

She sat down on the ground and he sat next to her. He put his arm around her and for awhile they stayed like that, just staring out at the view. She realised she didn’t want to move, wanted to stay here with him forever.

“Why does it happen suddenly?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Dr Priestley has a theory. He thinks there’s a rip between both worlds and we keep on falling through. But the rip is appearing randomly. It’s never in the same place in the other world, and never in the same place here.”

She suddenly thought of Damien. He was cooking the garlic bread in another universe.

“Does time carry on moving in the other world?” she asked.

“Sometimes but not always. Sometimes it seems like I’ve just been gone a second while hours have passed here.”

“And what happens in this world when we aren’t here?” she asked. It didn’t make any sense. None of this made sense.
 

“I don’t know,” he said simply. “Every time I’ve come here I seem to be living a different part of my life. Time moves on here too. I remember different things each time I come. And I’ve been coming for months now. Sometimes Teresa looks so different,” he added sadly.

Teresa. Her daughter.

“Where’s Teresa now?” she asked.

“Think Christine. You know the answer.”

She thought again. Nothing. And then she saw her mother opening the door. She had her arms out. And Teresa was running towards her. “Nanna” she was yelling excitedly, “Nanna.” Yes they had left Teresa with her mother to come and do this hike again. It was special to them today. Then she knew why.

“It’s our anniversary,” she said, looking at him.

“Yes it is.” He smiled. “You’re starting to remember Chris.”

And she was. She reached out and cupped his face in hers. Matt. Her husband. The love of her life. How could she ever have forgotten? And how could she have forgotten Teresa?

“We have to get back to my mother’s,” she said, scrambling to her feet. “I have to see Teresa.”

“Of course,” he said, getting up too, and reaching out to grab her hand. But as he did so it came again, the pain, and she knew she was leaving. “No,” she cried out, but she knew she couldn’t stop it. The rip had found her and was pulling her back.

Everything swirled. She saw colours, shapes, then blackness. And then the world stopped turning and she was in the bathroom, the hot water running. She felt an ache so deep it shook her. She had never felt so empty. She reached over and turned off the taps.

“Food will be ten minutes,” Damien shouted up the stairs.

She felt a pang of resentment swiftly followed by guilt. She didn’t want to be here. She sat on the edge of the toilet seat and put her head in her hands. Matt. Teresa. What was happening with them now? Had Matt been pulled back too or was he standing there on a mountain, on their anniversary, all alone. But no. Matt wasn't alone. Surely he had her other self with him now? How did that work? She started to cry. She was missing her husband but her husband was downstairs.

Then the phone started ringing. She heard Damien answer it. He opened the living room door. “There’s someone from work on the phone for you, can you pick up?”

“Yes, I’ll get it in the bedroom,” she said.

She walked into the bedroom and picked up the phone. Before she heard his voice she knew who it was.

“Chris?” he said.

“Matt,” she replied, but then stopped, unable to say anything else.

“I had to ring,” he said, “I knew you’d be worried and thinking about me on that mountain. But I was pulled back too.”

She sighed, relieved, and sat down on the bed. What was going on in that other world now? Was another version of her and Matt now coming down from the mountain, living their lives unaware of what had just happened? Unaware that for a time their consciousness had been replaced with a different consciousness? And how was she to cope in this life now – missing her daughter, missing Matt?

“I…,” she began, but then the bedroom door opened and Damien was there. “Food’s ready,” he mouthed.

“I have to go,” she said, “Thanks for letting me know the report has been done.”

He was silent on the other end of the phone for a moment and then replied, “Okay, I understand. Can I see you tomorrow in work?”

She hesitated. Damien was taking his shirt off, changing into more comfortable clothes. She looked away and caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror, pale faced, anxious.

“Chris?” said Matt.

“Yes, tomorrow will be fine. I’ll come and see you first thing.”

“Okay. Thank you. Take care. Sleep tight.”

“You too,” she said, wanting to say more but unable to with Damien in the room. She hoped Matt understood.

She switched the phone off.

“Who was that?” asked Damien.

“Just someone from work. He's been doing a report for me and I asked him to ring me when it was finished.” How easily the lies were coming now she thought to herself.

“Workaholic.” He kissed the top of her head. “Come on hurry up, I’m going to dish out.”
 

When she was alone in the bedroom she lay back and stared at the ceiling. How was this going to work? How could she live like this? She thought of Matt miles away, living his life with his wife and son. And she thought of their daughter a universe away. And again she started to cry.

 
CHAPTER ELEVEN

She didn’t go into work the next day. She couldn’t face it. She wanted to see him but she knew she shouldn’t. And the night with Damien had been so special that it felt even more of a betrayal.

The food had been delicious. When she entered the living room after her bath, after making sure she didn't look like she'd been crying, she saw the effort he had gone to. He had lit the candles. Soft music played in the background - Bobby Darin, her favourite. The garlic bread was heaped in a basket at the centre of the table; golden, crispy, the oil shining in the light of the candles. A baking tray filled with pasta in his special sauce stood next to it, still bubbling, a liberal amount of cheese sprinkled on top. Despite herself, despite the state of her emotions, her mouth had started to water.