Life Shift (15 page)

And now it was Christine and Matt’s time to be together. Andy Williams was playing softly in the background as they sat by the fire, relaxing after the busyness of the day, looking forward to the festivities tomorrow, but enjoying this quiet moment as well. The fire crackled, the egg nog warmed them through and all was blissful.

Except, except, this Christmas Eve was not quite the same. Even as they talked quietly about Teresa’s presents and speculated about which ones she would like the most, Christine felt anxious and ill at ease. It had been the usual Christmas Eve, everything they had done had been the same. But something didn’t feel the same. And she kept on thinking she was seeing something from the corner of her eye. Sometimes it seemed as if there was another person stood just to her left, watching her. But when she turned her head there was nothing there. But still the feeling persisted.

Matt caught her looking once. “What’s the matter?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” she admitted, “I just feel a bit jumpy tonight. I don’t know why.”

“I know what you mean,” he said. He hesitated and then continued, “I’m still getting that weird feeling Christine, almost like I’m forgetting something important. I can’t shake it off.”

“I know. I feel the same,” she said. “It’s odd isn’t it?” She didn’t know what else to say. She felt scared but she didn’t know why. She reached over and held his hand, his warm, comforting and familiar hand. Why did it now feel as if this was all under threat in some way? As if
 
this could all be taken away from them at any moment.

“I don’t want to lose you,” she said suddenly. “I don’t want to lose you or Teresa.”

“Don’t be silly, you’re not going to lose me or Teresa. What’s put that idea in your head?”

“I don’t know.” She shivered. “I just feel as if something bad is going to happen. I don’t feel safe anymore.”

He came closer and held her tight. “You’ll always be safe with me Christine,” he said. “I’ll never let you go and I’ll never let anyone harm you.”

But suddenly another image flashed before her. Matt with another woman. Matt with another child, a young boy, slightly older than Teresa. She pulled back from him and looked away. Where had that come from? Matt had never been with anyone else. They had been together since they were in the sixth form. There was no other woman. There was no other child. She trusted Matt completely. What on earth had that image been?

He knew just from looking at her face that something was wrong. “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” he said, trying to keep his tone light but not really succeeding.

She couldn’t speak for a moment. The image had seemed so real. Matt had looked the same but also different in some imperceptible way. And he had looked happy.

“Do you ever wish we’d had a son?” she asked suddenly.

He flinched, almost as if she’d slapped him. “Why do you ask that?” he asked.

“I don’t know, I just wondered. Why?” She was scared by his reaction, it was as if she had touched a raw nerve.

“It’s a strange thing for you to ask,” he said, rather defensively.

“It’s just a question that’s all. Nothing strange about it,” she replied.
 

“You’ve never asked anything like that before. And you know how much I love Teresa.” He seemed to be getting angry now and that scared her even more.

“I haven’t said anything about you not loving Teresa,” she replied, “I’d never say anything like that, you know that. I’m just asking if you’ve ever wished that you had a son that’s all.”

“But why would you ask that,” he asked, “Why now?”

“What’s important about the fact I’m asking it now Matt? What’s going on?” Now she was more than just scared. She was terrified.

“It’s just…it’s just….” He seemed unable to carry on speaking.

“Tell me,” she said.

“Okay…it’s just…I keep having these dreams. I didn’t want to say anything to you because I didn’t want to freak you out. I keep dreaming…,” he looked at her almost sheepishly and then continued, “I keep dreaming that I’m married to another woman and we have a son not a daughter. I’m dreaming about it all the time.”

Now it was her turn to look as if she had been slapped. She felt sick. All of a sudden the temperature in the room seemed to drop. She shivered.
 

“Don’t look like that,” he said. “You’re looking as if I’ve just told you I’m having an affair.”

“That’s how it feels,” she said.
 

“It’s just a dream,” he said impatiently. “I knew you’d be like this. That’s why I haven’t told you.”

“Okay, but do you love her when you’re in the dream?” she persisted.

“Is that important?” he asked.

“Yes of course it is.”

“It’s just my subconscious, obviously something’s going on at that level and the dreams are just trying to help me work it through.”

She stood up, hurt and angry. “That’s the worst thing you could have said.”

He stood up too. “Why is that the worst thing?”

“Because what you’re really saying is that although day to day you think you’re in love with me at a subconscious level you yearn for a different woman and child, a different life.”

“Don’t try to psychoanalyse me,” he snapped. “You’re a theologian not a psychologist.”

“It doesn’t take a psychologist to understand what you’re saying. And I knew. I saw it.”

“What do you mean – saw it?” he asked.

“Just now, earlier, I
 
saw an image in my head of you with a woman and a young boy. I knew. Somehow.”

“Christine listen to yourself, how could you know what I’m dreaming about?”

“I don’t know, I probably just know you better than you know yourself.” She was starting to cry.

He came over and put his hands on her shoulders. “No, don’t you see, perhaps something is happening. Happening to us both. Don’t you feel it? Something is strange.”

“I told you earlier things feel strange, but now I know what it is, I was picking up on your emotions. All this talk about you feeling as if you’ve forgotten something important. What you’re forgetting is how to be happy with me and Teresa.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said, “And stop shouting. You’re going to wake Teresa up.”

She hadn’t realised she was shouting. Suddenly she felt embarrassed. Was she overreacting? It was just a dream. But something told her no, it was not just a dream, something was going on here.

“Have you met that woman in real life?” she asked.

“No, never,” he said. “Christine, listen to me, it’s you I love. And I love our daughter. And I do not wish I had a son. I don’t know why I’m having these dreams and I do not know why I’m feeling so unsettled. But you are too. You’re even having dreams. I know you are.”

“What do you mean you know I am?” she asked.

He looked away awkwardly.

“Tell me,” she said.

“You’ve started talking in your sleep,” he said.

She felt a chill. Talking in her sleep. What had she said? She felt guilty but didn’t know why. She wasn’t doing anything wrong, she was not having an affair, she had always been faithful.

“Yes you’ve talked in your sleep, about someone, a man, you sometimes say his name over and over again.”

“A man, what man?” she asked, but already a part of her knew, a part of her was remembering.

“Damien,” he said simply, and the other world came crashing back.

 
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

She opened her eyes. She was in bed. Damien was beside her, asleep. She felt the usual wave of disorientation and nausea that accompanied her shifts. For a moment she just lay there, not really sure what to do. But then she felt a pinching in her ear. She reached up and touched it. The device was still there. She felt her chest. The other device was still attached.
 

She shook Damien awake. “What is it?” he asked groggily.

“Damien, it’s happened again. We need to call Dr Collins, we need to see if the devices have recorded anything.”

He sat up, rubbing his eyes and looking confused.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“It happened and I’m back. That means the devices might show something. It’s Christmas Eve there.” She
 
felt a sharp pang.
 
Christmas Eve. She was back here so she would miss Teresa opening her presents. Again she felt that yearning for the other world and almost a resentment for the pull of this one. She looked away so that Damien wouldn’t see it in her eyes. And she and Matt had hardly parted on the best of terms. She knew here why he was dreaming of that woman and boy, his wife and son. But her consciousness there had just felt threatened. Still though, even here something nagged at her - why was he thinking about them in that life? That was their life - her’s and Matt’s? Why was she not enough for him in that life? But you’re thinking of Damien too in that life, she reminded herself. Why aren’t Matt and Teresa enough for you?

She looked over at Damien. He was looking back at her, still confused.

“Damien, we were sat before the fire drinking hot chocolate when it happened. When was that?”

“That was last night, don’t you remember?”

“It takes me a bit of time to remember things after it happens. I get confused. What happened after the hot chocolate?”

“We watched some television, you read your book, then we went to bed. You were quiet
 
but you were here. We talked. How could you have been anywhere else?”

She couldn’t explain it to him. It hardly made sense to her. That she could live in both worlds at the same time. That she could function in both worlds at the same time. But that her consciousness was only ever in one of them. How to explain that? And to try to explain it would be to hurt him - because part of her now thought her consciousness went where it wanted to be. When she was in the other world she couldn’t remember this world. Did that mean that was where the real Christine wanted to be? How could she tell him that?

She thought about what was happening in the other world. Was it Christmas morning? Was Teresa up and excitedly unwrapping her presents?What would she feel when she and Matt wheeled in the bicycle they had bought her. Christine had been so excited at the thought of Teresa’s face when she saw that bicycle and now she was missing out on it all. Yet a part of her wasn’t. And if she jumped again she would eventually come to remember Christmas morning as if she’d been there. But when would that happen next?

“We have to ring Dr Collins,” she repeated. “We need to see what the devices show. It might help us understand what’s happening.”

“I just want all this to stop,” said Damien, getting out of bed and pulling on his clothes. “I don’t understand what’s happening.”

“I don’t either Damien,” she said, “But I know Dr Collins and Jim want to help us. We have to let them try.”

Damien didn’t reply. He left the bedroom. After a few seconds she heard his electric toothbrush start up in the bathroom.

She got out of bed and picked up the phone. She dialled the number Dr Collins had given her, his mobile. He answered on the third ring.

“Dr Collins, it’s Christine.”

“Christine, hello. Are you okay? Has anything happened?”

“Yes it happened again last night. I’ve just come back. I’m wearing the devices. Can you come and see if they’ve recorded anything.”

“Yes of course.
 
I’ll be there in the hour.
 
I’ll ring Jim too. We spoke last night. He’ll want to be there.”

“I’ll put on a pot of coffee,” she said.

“Yes you do that,” he paused, then continued, “This could be amazing, Christine. It could change everything we know about reality.”

“I know,” said Christine, feeling a shiver run through her, “I really can’t wait.”

During the next half hour she put on the pot of coffee, told Damien what was happening and then had a quick shower to freshen up. She was just coming down the stairs when she heard the front doorbell ring and saw Damien open the door to Dr Collins and Jim Priestley.

It was the first time she had seen Jim in over a week and it was the first time Damien had met him. They were shaking hands at the door as Christine joined them. She could see Damien was making an effort to be civil.

“Hello Jim, Dr Collins,” said Christine.

“Mark please,” said Dr Collins. He had a large bag on his shoulder. It must contain the equipment to read the two devices, she thought to herself, and again she felt a surge of excitement.

She led them into the living room. Jim and Mark sat on the sofa and Damien took one of the seats by the fire.

“I’ll just bring in the coffee,” said Christine, and went into the kitchen. The pot of coffee had already brewed. She carried it back in with her, together with a small jug of milk and bowl of sugar.
 
Damien and Jim were already in a rather heated discussion. She sighed. She knew this would happen.

“Christine is not an electron Dr Priestley,” snapped Damien, “How can she exist in two places at the same time?”

“We are all made up of electrons Damien,” Jim replied patiently, “Quantum physics has shown us that an electron can exist in more than one place at the same time, so why should we - as individuals - not be able to exist in more than one place at the same time?”
 

“All we really are is electrons,” added Mark.

“I wouldn’t go as far as that,” said Jim. “Don’t forget the soul.”

“You’re a man of science Jim,” said Mark, “And you want to talk about the soul still?”

“I want to talk about something in addition to the physical yes,” said Jim, “I might be a physicist but I’m a man of faith too. What Christine is experiencing proves the existence of the soul to me, it shows we are more than just the body. In fact I don’t think it matters whether you talk about a soul that moves consciousness from one reality to another or about electrons that exist in multiple realities. The fact remains we are talking about a universe much more complex than most of us realise, an infinite number of universes in fact, and Christine holds the key to this.”

“And Matt too,” said Christine quietly. She felt Damien glare at her and deliberately avoided meeting his gaze.