Life Ain't A Fairy Tale (15 page)

"There is no one to cheat on her with."

"That's what the whores are for."

"I don't want to get STDs."

"Got to go. My wife is going to give me
mind-blowing sex. Peace out!"

"Okay. Bye, Luis. Stop smoking."

"My wife is the one smoking me tonight." That
is a little too much information.

On the computer, I am left alone with an
erection that doesn't go away. I didn't think that I would miss
having sex. My body craves for it. I fantasize having sex with
Sara. I drool over her pictures on her online profile. I transition
from having fantasies about Sara to having fantasies with the women
I tutor in college. It is the only thing I think about now. Having
hot and steamy sex with a hot chick.

The doorbell rings this late in the evening.
It is very unexpected. My first thought is her parents are coming
to check on me. Who else could it be? Maybe, it could be a
salesperson. When I look through the window, I see Chad standing
there outside. Why is here?

Opening the door, Chad greets me and tells me
that we need to talk. He is as muscular as I remember him, but I
know my wrestling. People who work out are obsessed with showing
off their bodies. Always wearing tight shirts like Chad. Does Chad
know I am a guy? I invite Chad to sit down on the sofa. He declines
my offer for a drink or snack.

"You know, Jimmy. We need to have a serious
conversation, a man-to-man talk. I have heard what is going on
between you and Sara." I give him a blank stare. He stops as if he
expects me to say something. Seeing my silence, he continues,
"Well, Sara has been telling me about her problems with you. It is
clear you guys aren't getting along. This relationship she has with
you is becoming a burden more than an asset. I suggest you dump
her. She is such a kind, nice, and wonderful woman. She is too
courteous to end the relationship."

"That is a great suggestion, Chad. It is kind
of you to act as a psychologist for me. That being said, I won't
end my relationship. Sara will have the last word."

"Jimmy, Jimmy. Buddy, why are you so
stubborn? Since the first day I met you, you are stubborn. I don't
know if it is obvious, but Sara and I are close. I have known her a
couple of years. She has always been the woman I cared about, but I
was too scared to ask her out. When I finally got the courage to
ask her out, she was dating you. Sara and I have always been good
friends. I assure you that she will be happier with me."

"Why do you assume I want to make her happy?
I decide to play mind games with Chad.

"Well, Sara tells me you are a great guy. You
are one of the finest guys she has ever met."

"Really? Despite the fact she told you that,
you still believe she will be happier with you?"

"Yeah. I share more things in common with
her. I do love dancing and going out. I am more social than you
ever will be. I know you are a good-hearted man who will do the
right thing."

"You believe what other people tell you. What
if I told you that I am an evil and very bad man? My priority isn't
making Sara happy. The only person I care about is myself, and I am
okay with my relationship." Chad is taken aback by what I say. If
he wants to play the hero of this story, I will let him play the
starring role.

"Oh, really? Okay, I see my purpose here is
necessary. Look. What Sara feels for you isn't love. I can see it.
She really loves me. Every time we dance on the floor, I can feel
the love she feels for me. I know you let me dance with her, and I
thank you for that gesture. Do you know what happens ever since you
stopped coming with us? We get drunk, very drunk. We hug, kiss, and
make out. I feel the love." I see he is an evil hero. Someone who
is willing to rat out what Sara does behind my back. Whether it is
true, I doubt it.

"That is great, Chad. I am glad you keep her
happy when I am not around. You know, keeping Sara happy for me has
really helped our relationship survive. I hope you are more
passionate with her the next time you see her." Chad is irritated
by my calm reaction. I can see his very disappointed and frustrated
face. He wants me to agree with dumping Sara. He is doing a very
weak job.

"Jimmy, I don't know what to say. You are
such an understanding boyfriend. I didn't want to tell you this,
but that isn't the only thing Sara and I do together. After we
party at the club, she has gone to my house. I know you haven't
given her sex in quite a while. She had to come to me. You know, I
have been satisfying her for many nights. I love it when she licks
my cock and puts it in her mouth. I completely melt in her mouth.
She savors every minute of it." Chad claims to have had sex with
Sara. Who cares? It's not like I am married to Sara.

"That is great. I heard there is a lot of
protein content down there. I want to thank you for keeping Sara
nice and healthy. If only you gave me a sex video of you and Sara,
I can give you a few suggestions on how to make love with Sara even
better." Chad's face is turning red with anger.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? You
demented piece of shit! You are never going to dump her, huh! She
is going to miserable with you the rest of her life! What do you
want?" He takes a deep breath to relax. He resumes, "I can get you
another girlfriend if you like. What makes you happy, Jimmy? I'll
make your wish come true." Chad takes a more conciliatory approach
after his outburst of anger. I continue to play a game with
him.

"I see you are very desperate and very in
love with Sara. I do want to find out if your feelings for Sara are
honest and sincere. If you can pass this test I am going to give
you, maybe, I will dump her for you." Chad's spirits are
raised.

"Oh, really. I am so glad you are finally
seeing things my way. What do I have to do? I'll do anything for
Sara."

"Okay, calm down. You sick love puppy. You
have to go to a strip club with me and show me that you are very
bored and unexcited." Chad is confused by my proposal.

"What do you mean bored? Strip club? I don't
go to those places."

"Do you want to be with Sara or not?"

"Yeah. I do love her, but I don't see how
going to a strip club proves anything."

"It is very simple. Provocative women will be
dancing near you. The only thing you have to do is not have fun.
Not enjoy the scenery. Have a bored face at all times. Prove to me
you don't want anyone else, but Sara."

"No. I am not going to a strip club. You are
crazy. You have issues." Seeing his stubbornness, I challenge him
in a way he can't say no to. Men have this superficial honor and
crap. They fall into the trap every time.

"If you don't agree to take my test, you
don't have the testicular fortitude to even be a boyfriend."

"I am a man. I have balls. Fine. I will do it
for the love I feel for Sara." With his answer, he already failed
in my eyes. He agreed to go to a strip club. Think about it. If he
succeeds, I still won't dump her.

"Okay. It is settled. When will you be
ready?"

"This Saturday night. You tell me the place,
and I will be there." Chad leaves the house, and I am alone
again.

This week that passed was the first time I
cooked for myself. You can imagine the difficulty I experienced. I
knew how to make soup, but actually doing it alone is a different
story. First, I heated the pan at the highest flame with water in
it. While the water began to boil, I struggled to get the two
chicken drumsticks from the frozen packaging with a knife. When the
water boiled, I lowered the flame and added the two chicken
drumsticks. I poured a tablespoon of salt, sazon, and one cubito de
Knorr. Slicing off the cover of the potatoes was a very difficult
task. It was not done very well. I almost cut myself a few times
with the knife. After 30 minutes of heating the food, I took half a
cup of pasta shells and sliced potatoes to pour on the pan with the
soup and chicken. I waited another 30 minutes of heating before I
ate the soup. It wasn't salty enough, but it was edible.

My time was also spent on finding a strip
club nearby and making phone calls the entire week to enact my
plan. I used search engines on the web to find strip clubs nearby.
After finding a few, I made a few calls to the strip clubs. After
hearing my proposal without the details, they thought I was a
prankster and hung up on me. Basically, my plan is to have him at
the strip club to see him seduced by the strippers. There is a lot
of certainty that Chad will be seduced because he is a guy. Guys
are stupid because they let their penis dictate their decisions. If
he is seduced at first, I will fake an upset stomach to leave the
strip club. This will leave him alone so he can be free to do what
he wants. When this happens, a worker will be filming him
discretely to get the evidence of him having fun with
strippers.

Personally, I went to the strip club who
didn't hang up on me to discuss the details with the manager. I
went there early in the afternoon. There was no party at that time
of the day. The manager was a 40-year-old blonde and brown-eyed
woman dressed in a t-shirt and blue jeans. She looked attractive
enough to still be a stripper without embarrassment. She directed
me to her office.

"You are the manager. What is your name?"

"My name is Jennifer. How may I help
you?"

"Yes. My name is Jimmy. You remember I called
you concerning this Saturday night."

"Yeah. I remember. You challenged him to be
bored here. You promised me money. Speak to me."

"Yes. I would like to know how much it costs
to enter the club."

"It costs $150 dollars per person. You know
that already. What exactly do you want us to do that you couldn't
tell us over the phone?"

"Okay. I want someone to film him having fun
with strippers. This will prove that he failed my challenge. Don't
worry. I will pay you $150.00 for this favor."

"That's it. I could get in trouble for
this."

"$400.00 dollars." I will be skipping many
meals and other fun stuff for the price of this favor.

"Now, we are talking."

"I would like to ask if there are women that
work here to have sex as well? I won't tell anyone."

"Sure. There are private rooms where this
happens if the money is right."

"If the guy, his name is Chad, goes there,
can you film him there as well?"

"Yeah. How does he look like?"

"He is blond, tall, and muscular. He will be
next to me. At one point, I will fake having the runs and leave.
Film him if he acts naughty from there. Make sure the prettiest
women in your strip club dance for him."

"Why are you doing this?"

"He doesn't deserve the woman he wants."

"You are going to unmask him."

"Yes, exactly."

"As long as I don't get in trouble and you
pay me, I will do it."

"Great. Thank you. See you this Saturday
night. Have a great day."

While I waited for Saturday to arrive, I
spent my time watching soccer games, politics, comedy shows on TV
and playing video games. Video game is the only activity that makes
me feel like a true hero. Being a hero is as big a lie as believing
in love. The comedy shows made me laugh. Politics kept me informed
of who were the good politicians and the bad ones. I enjoyed the
arguing between them. When it came to cleaning Sara's house, I
procrastinated.

Late Saturday night, Chad and I arrive at the
strip club. I have a pretty good idea of how a strip club looks
like. The loud music is as loud as the club I used to go to with
Sara and her friends. The scene is a lot different compared to the
quiet and empty club I saw when I spoke with Jennifer. Many guys
look like jerk faces. What is a guy that old doing here? He should
have retired with dignity a long time ago. Chad and I are the
classiest men here. The women are very attractive. Chad doesn't
have a chance.

To my surprise, Chad looks very bored and
uncomfortable. I have my eye on him the whole time. The stripper
dances sensually on the pole, rotating her hips. Athletically, she
swings on the pole from side to side. She climbs the pole and hangs
from her legs upside down. The woman near Chad crawls towards him.
She turns her back to him and shakes her buns up and down. Still,
Chad has a serious look on his face. He is a lot tougher than I
expected. If it were Luis, Juan, or Justin, they would be drooling
already and putting dollar bills on her thong.

Seeing Chad's resistance, I fake my stomach
aches to leave the strip club. I hold my stomach and pretend to
feel sick. Chad asks me what is wrong. I tell him that I am not
feeling well, and that I will come back after I go to the restroom.
Instead of going to the restroom, I immediately leave to drive back
home. I don't know what will happen, but I will call tomorrow to
see if Chad got caught.

Early Sunday afternoon, I call Jennifer to
find out what happened. "Good afternoon, is this Jennifer?"

"Yeah. You are Jimmy, right?"

"Yes. How are you? Did Chad fall into the
trap?"

"I am fine. Thank you. He sure did. After he
asked someone about what happened to you, he got wild. He even paid
more money for a private lap dance. It was more than a lap
dance."

"Yes. I knew this would happen. When are you
going to send me the email about statistics?" Statistics is code
for Chad's video going wild with the strippers.

"Statistics? Oh, yeah. You will get an email
for that."

"Thank you so much for your help."

"You're welcome."

At 7:00 pm., Chad is knocking on the door and
calling me. I don't want to see this guy again. He is insistent,
but I am equally as insistent in not opening the door. The phone
rings. The caller ID reveals it is Chad calling me. I ignore the
phone calls as well. After 10 minutes, he leaves me alone.