Life Ain't A Fairy Tale (13 page)

"Do you like it, Sara?"

"Of course, I like everything today. That
letter was very sweet. This date and everything so far has been
wonderful. And you look very good yourself. Don't think that you
are the only one with presents. I got you a present, too."

"Really? You didn't have to buy me stuff. I
am fine with having you by my side. I don't need anything
else."

"Aw. Please accept my present. This is for
you." She gives me the present. It is well wrapped in a small box.
I would have given her my present in a wrapped box, but I am not
good at wrapping that.

I grab the card first to read the message she
wrote into the card out loud, "Dear Jimmy, you are the one I have
always dreamed about. Your arrival in my life has made my fairy
tale come true. You took my breathe away as your love soared me to
the heavens. I am so glad to be in your heart. Love, Sara." I am
very touched by what she says as well. She is very good with words.
I don't read the part printed on the Valentine's Day card. I value
what she wrote in her own words better.

Getting wrapping off the small box reveals an
expensive wristwatch. I say, "Thank you so much Sara. This is a
wonderful present. The message you gave me was wonderful too."

"Aw. I am glad you liked it. I don't know why
you never wore a wristwatch, but now you have to wear this one
everyday. Okay."

"Of course, I will wear it. I like the way it
looks." I never wear a wristwatch because it bothers me to have
something on my wrist. I feel uncomfortable with an object
squeezing my wrist. Now, I am going to wear it. I want to show
appreciation for her gift. It cost a lot of money.

After we finish eating, Sara says to me,
"Well, Jimmy. I think we've had a good relationship so far, but you
know it could be better if you did a little more." When I heard her
tell me this, I worry about the direction this conversation will
go. This is Valentine's Day. All couples have problems. This could
have been avoided today. It is my custom to stick to being quiet
and noncommittal like always even if it always upsets her. Saying
what I truly believe has the potential to make things worse. I feel
a little optimistic today. It could be different tonight. I am
wearing the suit and tie. I feel handsome tonight. Maybe some
conflict is necessary in a relationship. Maybe the lack of conflict
is why Sara doesn't like me.

"Sara, I don't think this is the time to talk
about this. Yes, I admit that I am not perfect and am very shy and
quiet. My fears have gotten in the way of us being even closer.
Sara, I have always been a quiet person. Give me time. I will work
on it." I may be feeling optimistic, but if I can postpone this
conversation now, it will be better for us.

"You know, I just don't understand why it is
hard for you to put a little more effort. It's like you have so
many good qualities. You are nice, respectful, and a gentleman. You
help out with all the house chores. You are such a good person. The
things I want from you are so little. All you have to do is be more
people friendly with my friends and more importantly, with me. Talk
a little more when we eat together."

"Wow, I just really don't know what to say."
It is true; I don't know what to say or not to say. Sara is
determined to continue killing the romance. I love to quietly savor
the food. This is not an evil act of mine. I am a quiet guy. When
will she understand?

"You don't even have to talk a lot. Just a
tiny bit. You know talk about movies like we always do when my
friends come over to my house and spend time with us."

I don't want to say that I don't like movies
because I hate their storylines. That will make me look arrogant,
but maybe it won't sound arrogant when I say it out loud. I tell
her, "I don't watch movies. I am not a big fan of movies; some take
too long to finish viewing." Sara looks confused with what I say.
Looks like I did come off as arrogant and weird.

She decides to move on. "Well, how about
baseball or hockey? We are all huge fans. Remember Chad invited us
to a baseball game, and you didn't want to go. You can start liking
one of the sports to have something to talk about. You don't have
to really, really like it."

I have never admitted to her that my ears are
sensitive to loud noises. Going to a game will be torturous for me.
It is embarrassing to admit this. I must find a good excuse. "I
don't like hockey or baseball. Soccer and basketball are my sports.
I don't even know what is going on with hockey or baseball either.
We are always going out to the mall on the weekends. I don't have a
portable TV to watch any hockey or baseball games."

"That's what the Internet is for, Jimmy. Just
watch the scoreboards there. I don't know. You are like the only
person I know who doesn't like having fun. Feeling the energy from
the crowd is awesome at the sporting events."

Hearing her insist forces me to admit my ear
problem. I will sacrifice being made fun of. "The problem is that
it is really loud for me the noise the crowd makes at the stadium.
My ears hurt easily. The last time I went to a soccer game, the
stadium half-empty was half-empty. Yet, the people around me
screamed so loud that my ears hurt the rest of that day. Keep in
mind that the stadium was half-empty. Now, can you imagine me at a
jam-packed stadium? I can't have fun there." Sara looks surprised
at me by what I tell her.

"Okay. You know, this is the first time ever
that I hear someone complain about loud noises. Don't get
discouraged. I actually like what we are doing today. You are
finally telling me why you don't like going out to the stadium. I
wished I could have you around to brag about how wonderful a
boyfriend you are at the stadium and even at the dance club, but it
is what it is. I am beginning to accept you as a quiet and reserved
person. Now, I understand why you stopped going out dancing too. If
crowd loudness bothers you, the loud music should bother you as
well. Also, I understand you don't know my sister or friends very
well. Obviously, you are going to be shy around them, but what
about me? I feel that you don't trust me. I am your girlfriend. We
live under the same roof. It takes me 7 months to find out that
your ears hurt from loud noises. I never had any problems with
loudness. Most people I know don't have these problems, but it is
okay to admit you have this problem. I can't believe you don't
trust me enough to tell me the truth. I could have bought you
earplugs or something. You should have told me this before. Your
ear problem is really weird, but at least I get where you're coming
from. I want you to always trust me with everything."

"Exactly, I am very different. I didn't think
you would understand me." I feel more optimistic now. Maybe this is
what our relationship is lacking, but trusting her with everything?
That is a big leap for me. I trust nobody. Sometimes, people just
don't understand.

"You are wrong, Jimmy. You have to trust me
more. You know, I don't understand why you are so shy with me?
You've been living together with me for 7 months."

"I am a shy person, Sara. I am not much of a
talker, you know. I don't know what kind of explanation you want.
You know I care about you. I am always hugging you, touching you,
and kissing you. I am more of a non-verbal kind of person."

"Yeah. The problem is you never share how you
feel about things. You go to work, and the only thing you tell me
about it is that "it was good" or "fine." It's like nothing bothers
you. Your concerns and struggles at work; you never share them with
me. You never tell me what you think of me. It is impossible that
you find nothing wrong with me. Kissing and hugging is not enough.
Anyone can do that. Why do I feel like you don't fully trust me?
Aren't I the one you love?"

"Yes, I love you. Work is the same thing
everyday. There is nothing newsworthy about tutoring people. You
know I like you the way you are. You are beautiful." I want to also
add that her intelligence makes her very attractive, but maybe that
will come off as weird.

"For a relationship to succeed we need to
trust each other more. It is okay if you disagree with me on
something. I want us to express our thoughts. This exchange of
thoughts will make our relationship better." As Sara says this, I
am still worried by how this date is going. Honesty is not always
the best policy. Feelings get hurt when you are brutally honest.
Things are going well, though.

"Sara, I don't know what else you want to
know. You know almost everything about me."

"I want to know how you feel about me and
love. How do you picture the future with me in it? Do you think I'm
being too demanding? Will you still be in love with me after so
many years? You know, stuff like that." Hearing Sara ask me these
questions gives me the opportunity to express my view of love, but
I have to be careful about it. I got to find the right words to
help her understand that love is not a real thing. Friendship is
the backbone of any relationship, not love.

"Sara, there is a fundamental truth about
love. It is a truth that you are too young to understand. You have
never seen a nonromantic relationship like I do with my parents.
Life ain't a fairy tale. It is not perfect, and neither is love.
Love is a superficial concept scientifically called infatuation. It
is plainly a physical attraction that lasts for a short time. Your
parents being together in love is not the norm; it is the
exception." Sara feels she needs to set me straight. I can tell by
the way she looks at me. She is in complete disagreement with me.
It is a "what the hell" look in her eyes?

"What do you mean I am too young? I am the
same age as you, stupid. How dare you question my parents' love?
They do love each other. I know what infatuation is. Love does
exist. I know life is difficult, but love is what makes worth
bearing the burdens of life. Love is the reason we all live for. It
is not superficial; it is real." I made a mistake already. I
shouldn't have mentioned her parents.

I will try again. "Now, let me try to explain
this clearly. Hear me out. We are idealistic people, and I know you
are very idealistic. I am too, but not to a great extent. I've had
the benefit of reality crushing down my hopes."

"Seriously, Jimmy? You, a spoiled brat, don't
even know what a real struggle is. On the other hand, I do. I also
had dreams crushed. I know sometimes you succeed and other times
you fail. I didn't get into the college I wanted at first. There
was a time when I wanted to be a soccer player, but I didn't even
get into the junior squad. I paid my way through college. It was
tough for me to work and study. It was difficult to do both things
at the same time. There were many nights of frustration for me, but
my faith in God and the love of my friends and family gave me the
strength to get the job done." Hearing Sara reconfirms how
idealistic she is.

If only faith in God and love could have
prevented the deaths of many family members, maybe I would be
idealistic too. I wished my faith in God prevented my mother's
brother from dying from colon cancer, but it didn't. To make things
worse, the year after her brother died, her father died. The year
after that, her mother died. The year after that, her sister died.
In a span of 4 years, my entire mother's family passed away. This
was very painful to her. Faith in neither God nor love prevented
these tragedies.

Also, I hoped and prayed that I could one day
repay my parents for being such good parents to me. They dreamed of
having a doctor. I wanted to become a doctor for them, but I
couldn't. I had the good grades, the discipline, the focus to
study, and the will to make my parents proud of me. Unfortunately,
I didn't get accepted into Medical School. I couldn't even pursue a
Master's Degree program because my anxiety problems prevent me from
putting myself in stressful situations. The problem is I get
nervous during exams and presentations. In Graduate School, there
are many presentations and exams. My parents consoled me for not
being able to make them happy. They said that they loved me for who
I am and the way I am. I am very fortunate to have them as my
parents.

I try to explain my point of view. "You are
right that faith in God and love does wonders in life. What your
friends and family give you is a different kind of love, more like
solidarity and care. That is better than love. I want us to focus
more on love, specifically, romantic love. You believe when two
people fall in love, they become one person and strive to become
better people. That is not a point of view I share. Why do you have
to be a better person for me? If anything, you should acquire
better social qualities for yourself. Please, don't be a better
person for me. Do it for yourself."

"Jimmy, I don't know what is wrong with
growing as a person for whatever reason. Changing is part of life,
but you want to be the same exact person forever. There is nothing
wrong with that. At least, conquer one of your fears. I am here to
help you with all the love I have for you. Wouldn't you like to
enjoy vacations in other countries and seeing new things?"
Unfortunately for Sara, I do not enjoy going out anywhere. I am
happy living at home, going to work, and returning back home.

I am not going to answer her negatively to
her question; I'll only focus on my view of love. "Sara. Of course,
I have flaws that I am not proud of. I wished I were cool,
fearless, talkative, the life of a party, and strong, but I am not.
I am not perfect. Love isn't perfect. Those flaws can't be done
away like you want or fixed a little bit. I am who I am. I accept
you as you are. If you want to accept me as I am, that is your
choice. Sara, love is not forever."

"Jimmy, why are you quitting on love? We
haven't even broken up. You will see when you get older. Love is
what will make life worth living. Maybe, you are the one who is too
young to understand that love is real. Your parents are just one
example. You can make your own destiny and ensure love exists in
your life." Sara holds my hand very sweetly. Unfortunately, I am
not buying what she is saying. Should I say okay or try to argue
with her a bit more? Another attempt at proving she is wrong won't
hurt.