Life After That (29 page)

"This what?"

 "This. Us. Talking. It's been a while."

 "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry." now Kirstin was the one glancing down.

 "Don't be. I understand."

 "But I am. I love our time together. I feel like I can talk to you about anything, any time, anywhere."

 "I know you do but I bet you feel the same way with Ashley, so."

Tom saw no expression on Kirstin's face. She gazed down and played with her hair.

 "No, I don't."

 "Why not? I mean, you're not his girlfriend, I know that, but you guys go way back. You were best friends in high-school, you have a history. You must have a lot to talk about." "Don't get me wrong, he's great, a great friend. But not like he used to be. He's. weird now. Not weird, I mean. I don't know. He doesn't have the time to talk or do anything whenever we feel like it. He's always in a rush because of his job. I'm not complaining about his job. I couldn't even. This life he has now has been a dream of him from way before I met him, so I'm really happy for him for being where he is now, but. I don't know. After we had sex, things -"

"I'm sorry, what? You two had sex?"

"Yes."

"I know it's not my business and if you don't wanna answer it, that's fine but. When was that?" Kirstin didn't wanna discuss her intimate like with Tom, but maybe, if she did, she would know if Tom was jealous of her so she'd know if he still had feelings for her. For some sick reason, she wanted to know that. "Last night."

"After you two left the club?"

 "Yes. here at the loft."

 "Oh... Ok." Tom glanced away.

Kirstin sensed he was a bit jealous on his own weird way, not talking about it. She continued then. "So, after last night's thingy, things felt better, like I could really talk to him, trust him. I felt a better connection between the two of us today.

So, I opened up to him and told him things I never told anyone. But then, later today, he said we probably wouldn't see more of each other today because he would be too tired and wouldn't come over."

 "What? He'd be tired to see the girl he claims to love? What the hell is that?"

 "I know! I felt the same way, Tommy! I mean, if he really loves me the way he's always saying he does, things would be different. He'd never be too tired to see me, because I would never be too tired to see the person I love. So, now I'm afraid that." Kirstin, again, gazed down.

 "What? What K, baby?"

Tom lifted her chin up and saw that Kirstin was crying :

 "Oh, baby, don't cry. Come here." Tom hugged her tightly. Kirstin had her head rested on his right shoulder

"Why are you crying?"

 "Because I feel that, maybe, now that we had sex, he got what he wanted ever since high-school and he wants nothing to do with me anymore 'cause he saw that last night was not what he always dreamed it would be like. Maybe he got disappointed. Maybe I'm not what he dreamed of."

 "Shhh Kirstin. Don't say stupid things. You're way better than you give yourself credit for. You're every man's dream. Well, I don't know about every man, but I do know you are my dream."

 Kirstin broke their hug and looked deeply into Tom's light, bright green eyes. She just looked, did not say a word. A while later, she got up from the couch and said, while trailing to the kitchen counter :

"You're gonna have to stop doing that." Tom followed her to the counter. Kirstin had his back to him.

"Doing what?"

 Kirstin turned to face him.

"Saying things that make me wanna kiss you."

 "You too."

The second Kirstin hear Tom saying that, she didn't even think twice. She grabbed his head from behind and pressure his lips on hers, kissing Tom hard on the mouth.

NEW YOR CITY, NY - O-Town's Limo - Sunday

"What time is it?" Ashley asked to the tired faces in the limo with him.

 "It's a quarter to 11."

It was late already. Ashley wouldn't go to Kirstin's loft at that time. And also, he would have to start putting his plan into action.

 "Hey Erik, Trev, did any of you guys, by any chance, got Grace's phone number yesterday?" "No man, I didn't. Did you Trev?"

"No. Why you ask?"

 "I need a favor from her. I'll ask Kirstin for that later."

. . .

Kirstin's Loft

Kirstin was still kissing Tom. She wasn't thinking at all. Nothing was going on in her mind. Tom, on the other hand, was confused. Was she playing him again? He didn't want to, but he gently pulled back from the kiss.

"Wait, wait, wait Kirstin. What's going on here? Can you explain it to me?"

"Why? Why do I have to explain everything to you? Can't I just act by impulse? Can't I just kiss you if I feel like it?"

"Not when you just told me you had sex with a guy that loves you and you've been with for a while."

 "Well, you kissed me back and I know you had sex with Lexie last night."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I talked to Erik and Trevor today and they told me you two were all over each other in the car last night and Lexie would be the last one you'd drop. I know you had sex with her. I'm not stupid."

 "Ok, wait. Don't go assuming things, ok? I never had sex with Lexie. And yes, I was all over her. And why wouldn't I be? It's ok if you're all over the pretty boy at the club, but I can't be with someone? And even if I had sex with Lexie, things would be different than it is with you and Ashley because it would be just casual sex, we are not together, we don't love each other. And I don't even know why we are having this conversation in the first place. I don't owe you any explanation."

 "You know what Tom? You are absolutely right. You don't. You know why? Because we have nothing to do with each other. This kiss was a mistake. This whole night was a mistake. You know why it was a mistake?" Tom just stared at Kirstin.

 She was practically yelling at him "Because I love Ashley! That's right. Don't act so surprised. I love Ashley! I love him!"

 "So, I guess I have no reason to be here." Tom, clearly hurt, grabbed his coat and opened the door. Kirstin followed him to the door.

 "That's right. Get out!" Kirstin slammed the door.

She sat there on the floor, leaning against the door, crying her eyes out. She stayed that way for a while. She was calming down already and going to the bathroom to wash her face when she heard her phone ring. She didn't wanna answer it.

What if it was Tom? She let the machine get it. But when she heard Ashley's voice, she picked up the phone, trying to cover the fact she had been crying.

 "Hey Ashley. Sorry, I was in the bathroom."

 "Oh, that's ok. I thought you were sleeping already."

 "Nope."

"Good. I wanted to hear your voice and wish you a good night first."

"You did?" Ashley was so sweet.

"How could I have done that to him?" Kirstin wondered.

"Yes, baby, of course. How was your day away from me?"

"Crappy. I stayed home the whole day. How about yours?"

"Shitty without you. But I'm happy we are seeing each other tomorrow. We are seeing each other tomorrow, right?"

 "Yes, of course honey. I really wanna see you."

 "Ok, so let's do it like this. As soon as I get back from the TV show I have to do tomorrow, I'll call you just to make sure you're home, ok?"

"Yes, but tomorrow I have classes and work. Don't forget it's Monday."

"Oh yeah" Stupid me! I totally forgot. But we are only free after 6 pm anyways."

"Oh, then that's fine. I'm gonna be here by then."

"Good. Then I'll call you."

"Ok, I'll be waiting."

 "Oh! One more thing."

"Yes?"

"Can you give me Grace's phone number please?"

 "Why you want Grace's phone number?"

 "Oh, it's not me. It's Erik and Trevor. But don't tell her that."

 "Ok. They got along pretty good, didn't they?"

 "Yes, they did."

 "So, ok. Take note." Kirstin informed the number and Ashley wrote it down.

 "Thanks, K. Do you think she'll be up right now? It's 11:45."

"I'm sure she'll be. She only sleeps after 1 am."

"Great. I'll tell them that then. So I'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you. Bye."

"Bye." Kirstin hung up the phone.

She was feeling bad. Feeling guilty. But worse than that, she was feeling torn. She felt asleep right there in the couch.

. . .

New York University - Lunch Time - Monday

"Hey K." Grace greeted her friend, but got nothing. Kirstin was playing with her food, absentminded.

"Hello? Erath to Kirstin! Hello?" Grace snapped her fingers, Kirstin shook her head and looked at her friend.

 "Oh, hey G."

 "Wow! You're that excited to see me? I'm flattered!" Grace joked putting her tray on the table.

 "I'm sorry. A lot happened this weekend. And I really have to talk to you."

 "Then talk."

 "But not now. It's complicated. Do you think you can come to my place after my work is done? I can pick you up if you want to." "Uh. I. can't. Can't we really talk now?"