Life After Taylah (20 page)

He runs his nose up my neck, causing me to shudder. “Crazy, loud, full-on.”

“Is that all you’re going to give me?” I gasp as he drags his tongue along my flesh.

“Mmmm,” he hums against my skin. “What do you want to know?”

“Are they like you?”

“Exceptionally talented and handsome?”

I giggle. “Modest much?”

He chuckles. “Well, you’ve met Keanu. He’s nothing like me.”

I pout and nod my head. “He’s not, is he? Why is that?”

“Keanu is passionate. He’s dedicated to his career, and he leaves room for nothing else.”

“You’re passionate too, Nate. It’s more than that. He’s so . . .”

“Broody? Fierce?”

“Yeah.” I nod, stretching my legs out. “He barely says two words.”

“That’s just Keanu. He’s always been the dark, silent type.”

“It gets him in with the ladies, I suppose.”

Nate laughs. “I hear he fucks like a Trojan. At least, that’s what the 365,000 ladies he’s fucked have told me.”

“Well,” I whisper, putting his fingertip in my mouth and sucking it gently before releasing it. “That you two do have in common.”

Nate rumbles against me and his mouth finds my flesh again. “Is that so?”

“It’s so,” I breathe, loving the feeling of his hard body surrounding mine.

He sucks on my neck gently and I tremble, tangling my fingers into his and putting them in my lap. He continues to suck and lick down my neck until he reaches my shoulder.

“You want to be fucked by the water, baby?”

I gasp when his hands pull from mine and cup my breasts. He gently massages, causing little tinges to shoot through my body. As much as I want him to take me by the water, I want something else more. I pull from his arms and turn, sliding my body down so I’m on my belly. I reach out and take hold of his pants, looking up at him with a lustful expression.

“What’re you doin’?” he murmurs, watching as I unbutton his pants.

“I want to taste you.”

“Shit,” he groans when I reach inside his pants and wrap my hand around his already aching cock.

My sex jerks to life and my hands tremble as I free him, exposing him to me. He has a beautiful cock, long and hard, just the right thickness. I lean down and rub the smooth skin of his head against my cheek. He moans above me and his fingers find my hair. He threads them through it, tugging just slightly. I press my lips to his cock and he jerks with anticipation. He slides a hand down to my mouth and slips his thumb in at the corner, parting my lips.

“Don’t tease me, darlin’,” he rasps. “Suck.”

So demanding. My body aches for him. I part my lips and slide the tip of his cock into my mouth. He hisses and his body arches up, pressing him further. I slide my mouth down further, taking him as deep as I can. I swirl my tongue up and down the vein on his shaft, keeping my lips tight. His groaning becomes ragged and his fingers tighten in my hair.

“Shit. So fuckin’ sweet.”

I move quicker, bobbing my head up and down, sucking him in as deeply as I can take him. I feel him bumping the back of my throat. I close my eyes, trembling all over as I feel his cock swell in my mouth.

“I’m goin’ to come, Dancer, fuck . . .”

I don’t take my mouth away. Instead, I suck him harder and faster. His groaning gets louder and louder until his hips do a final jerk and I feel him explode into my mouth, hot bursts of come sliding down my throat. I swallow all of him, sucking and licking until there’s nothing left. He slumps backwards, holding himself up on his elbows as I pull back, kneeling in front of him and grinning.

“You sucked that like a boss,” he rasps.

I burst out laughing, shaking my head from side to side at his comment. “A boss? Really? You felt that was the most appropriate comment at a time like this?”

He chuckles and looks over at me. “Seriously, you just took that shit like a pro. Are you a pro?” He cocks his eyebrow at me.

“No, I’m not a pro. I just . . .
I like it
.”

“That’ll be a damned first.”

“You’re to tell me no other women have enjoyed having their mouth on your cock?”

“Baby,” he murmurs, staring at the sky. “Firstly, if you say cock again I’m going to flip you over and fuck you. Secondly, of course I’ve had women enjoy my dick, but nothing like that.”

“That’s what they all say.” I laugh, twisting and dropping down beside him.

He snorts and rolls towards me, pulling his pants back up. He pulls me into his arms and tucks me into his chest.

“It’s nice out here,” I say, sighing with contentment.

“It makes me happy,” he says, stretching out.

I am just relaxing into his arms when his phone begins to ring in his pocket. He stares down at it and I see Lena’s name flashing on the screen. He stiffens and untangles himself from me, sitting up and staring at it.

“You can answer it,” I say, my heart aching. “I’ll be silent.”

He looks at me, his eyes flashing with pain. I turn away, unable to take his expression, the way he’s so torn.
You’ll never be number one. Never.
I hear him click the answer button and say, “Yeah?”

He’s silent for a moment.

“Macy, why have you got Mommy’s phone, honey?”

Macy is ringing him? How does a three-year-old ring him?

“What do you mean Mommy won’t wake up?”

He’s on his feet now, straightening his pants with one hand and holding the phone with the other. He gets to his bike and turns to me, but I’m already right behind him, my eyes wide and concerned.

“Put her on the phone.”

A long, dreaded silence follows.

“Okay, Daddy is coming now. Stay right there and don’t move, okay?”

He nods twice and then hangs up, turning to me. “She’s saying Lena won’t wake up. I gotta go.”

I nod, understanding but feeling something awful tugging at my heart. He hands me my helmet and I quickly pull it on, not wanting to hold him up. I keep wondering how Macy rang him. Perhaps he’s taught her; a great deal of parents do. Or was it Lena just playing a game? I get onto the back of the bike after him and he quickly takes off.

The ride home is nothing compared to the ride here. Thoughts are traumatizing my mind, making me realize what a troubled situation I’ve been put in.

We arrive at the dance studio and Nate pulls up in the lot. I get off the bike quickly and he turns to me, meeting my hurt expression. “I gotta go.”

Without another word he zips away, leaving me broken and devastated on the side of the road. Is this all I’m ever going to be? A woman he goes to as an escape? What have I done?
What the hell have I done?

I
bust through the front door and see Macy sitting on the floor beside the couch where Lena is laying. I squint and rush over, lowering to my knees. Lena is out of it, the smell of whiskey strong on her body. Her arm is flopped over the side of the couch and she’s got vomit surrounding her head and mattered into her hair. Fucking shit. I quickly lift her head, sitting her upright before checking her breathing and then her pulse. It’s there but it’s faint.

“Is Mommy okay, Daddy?” Macy asks.

“She’s okay, baby,” I grind out. “Can you bring me her phone?”

She rushes off and brings me Lena’s phone. I flip it open and dial for an ambulance. They assure me they’re on their way, so I turn back to Lena. I slap her cheeks softly. “Hey, wake up.”

She groans, but she doesn’t open her eyes.

“Macy, baby,” I say, turning to my little girl. “Can you get Daddy a towel?”

She nods again and runs away, coming back a minute later with a towel. I put it under Lena’s head, using it to prop her up as much as possible until the ambulance arrives. They do, a few minutes later. They quickly get to work, lifting her onto a stretcher and taking her out.

“Do you want to meet us there?” one officer asks.

I’m holding Macy in my arms, trying to keep her calm. “Yeah, I need to calm the little one.”

He nods. “She’s stable. I think she’s had too much to drink, but we’re not sure that she hasn’t taken something else, too.”

“Something else?” I ask, my body stiffening.

“Drugs. It may not be, but we need to check.”

I nod, feeling my neck ache. “No problem.”

He rushes out after giving me the name of the hospital. When they’re gone, I take Macy into the kitchen. I can’t keep leaving my daughter like this. Something bad is going to happen. I can’t trust that Lena is able to take care of her. I can’t . . . I just can’t. I do the only thing I can think of, making the best decision I can make for my daughter until I deal with Lena.

I lift my phone and I call my mother.

~*~*~*~

“Y
ou can’t keep doing this,” I say, pacing up and down beside Lena’s hospital bed.

She sighs and rolls to her side, sipping a juice. “It was a mistake; I took it too far. I’m allowed to have fun.”

My anger rises to boiling point, but I squash it down. I can’t talk about this with Macy sitting in the corner.

“There’s fun,” I grate out, “and there’s taking it to the next level. You could have been killed—or worse, something could have happened to Macy. How would you feel if something happened to her?”

She stares up at me and something flashes behind her eyes.

“Why are you even here, Nate? We both know this relationship is damaged.”

“Beats me,” I mutter, kicking my shoe into the pole of her bed over and over.

“You’re going to leave me?” she croaks, her eyes welling with tears.

Shit.

“I . . . shit isn’t good right now Lena, and . . .”

“Please don’t!” she cries. “Please, I’ll do better. I love you, Nate; don’t tear our family apart. If you leave, one of us is going to miss out on our daughter.”

That’s what fucking scares me.

“Let’s just worry about now,” I say, taking a deep breath. “I think you need to sort your shit out before we can work out where to go from here. I don’t think you should have Macy while you do that. I’m sending her to my mother’s house for a few weeks. She’ll love it, and it’ll give you a chance to pull yourself out of this slump you’re in.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” she says, her voice low.

Well at least we agree on something.

~*~*~*~

N
ate:
Answer me, Avery.

I don’t answer him. How can I? I’m making a huge mistake, putting myself second when I don’t deserve to be. I’m disrespecting a woman, and that is the wrong thing to do. Everything inside my broken and confused body aches; it has for days now. Nate has crawled into my heart, and the idea that I have to end this with him is killing me. It’s hurting me so badly, ripping my heart into shreds.

I’m sitting on my front patio, Caffy in my lap. I’m aimlessly stroking his belly, just staring out into nothing. My mind won’t switch off and I can’t sleep. I don’t even know what happened with Lena. I don’t know if she’s okay or if she’s hurt—I heard nothing from Nate for more a day. Then he tried to call me. I didn’t answer. He tried to text me. I didn’t answer. I know he’s getting frustrated but I can’t change this. Not even for him.

Nate:
I’m coming over.

Shit. I get off my chair and rush inside, hurrying to the front door and locking it. Then I head down to my room and close the door behind me. I’m not ready to face Nate, not ready to watch his face fall to pieces as I end this with him. I don’t know if I can do it when he looks at me the way he does. I flop down onto my bed and curl onto my side, just waiting.

I hear him knock about half an hour later, but I don’t move. He pounds the door over and over, bellowing out my name. I cover my ears, letting tears leak out of my eyes and run down my cheeks. It goes silent a moment later, and I make a loud sobbing sound, knowing he’s probably gone. Then I hear a loud smash. I jerk upright and get to my feet, mouth agape.

He didn’t . . .
he didn’t.

I run out the door and charge down the stairs to see him climbing through my front window. “What is wrong with you?” I screech the minute I hit the bottom step.

He straightens, dusting glass shards off his pants. He looks dark and dangerous today, wearing black jeans, a black leather jacket and heavy black boots. His hair is messy and he’s got a pair of sunglasses propped up on top of his head. He crosses his arms and has the nerve to glare at me.

“I’ve been calling, and I’ve been texting. Why aren’t you answering?”

“Seriously?” I snap, crossing my arms.

“Yeah, fuckin’ seriously,” he barks.

“I’m doing the right thing,” I yell, throwing my hands up. “I can’t keep being this . . . this . . . second choice. It’s not fair.”

His face drops and his eyes grow so pained that my heart aches. Those are the eyes I didn’t want to see.

“You think this is easy for me?” he rasps. “You think it’s fuckin’ easy falling in love with you and knowing I can’t have you whenever I want?”

“What?” I gasp, looking up. His words shock me. “Oh Nate, no.”

Now he looks offended. “What?”

“You can’t love me,” I cry. “You can’t . . . you can’t . . . you
can’t
. . .”

I put my hands on either side of my face, shaking my head from side to side.

“Why can’t I?” he barks. “Why can’t I, Avery? Tell me? Did you honestly think this was just a quick fuck? That I was here simply to get my rocks off? Shit, what kind of man do you think I am?”

“I can’t say no to you,” I scream, charging towards him and shoving his chest, “because I can’t breathe without you. This isn’t meant to be how my first love goes; it isn’t meant to be how it feels. I can’t love you, Nate, because I can never have you.”

He steps forward, cupping my cheeks. “You can’t change how this feels, Dancer.”

“It hurts,” I cry, trembling. “It fucking hurts.”

He pulls me into his chest and presses my cheek to his shirt. I soak that shirt with tears, desperate tears filled with desperate pain. I don’t want to feel like this.

“I know it’s not how it’s meant to feel, but I’m doin’ my best. I’ll try, Dancer. I’ll try to be everything you need.”