Lie to Me (an OddRocket title) (23 page)

RD stood up and ran his fingers through his sandy-blond hair. Pacing, his face flushed red, his breath was short and shallow. "I knew this was a mistake. It's my fault. You're way too young and I'm just way too stupid."

"But I didn't tell, RD." I jumped to my feet and tried to get in front of him. What had I done?

RD spun around and glared at me, all the warmth gone. "You don't have a boyfriend, Cassie. You can't, because I'm not allowed to be your boyfriend, you got it? What have you been telling people?"

"There was this misunderstanding at the beginning of the summer and Nick and Priya both thought I had a boyfriend, but I kept trying to tell them they were wrong. But it's hard because I spend so much time with you. That's it, RD. Nobody knows it's you. They just think there is someone. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." Everything was going wrong. Everything I touched turned rotten. Everything around me withered and died.

"You swear you aren't lying to me?" He sounded so angry, so mean, that I backed away and stumbled on the blue cushions by the edge of the water. He grabbed my arm to stop my fall, his hands sliding down to my wrist, gripping it tight.

“Ouch. You’re hurting me,” I said.

RD helped me back onto my feet. He looked startled. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he whispered. "It's just that being with Rachel this week, it messes me up in the head. There is all this pressure and if she found out about you, bad things would happen. She would take Duncan away from me and I can't have that. I can't have a mess like that. Do you understand?"

"Yes. Yes, I understand." I rubbed my aching wrist, wondering what I could say to make this all better. "I'm sorry, RD. I didn't mean for anyone to think you were my boyfriend, but it will be okay. I promise. I won't tell anyone. I promise. No one knows."

He stood breathing through his nose, trying to catch his breath. "I'm such a jerk. I totally lost my temper."

"Please don't be mad at me," I sobbed. "Please."

"Shh, Cassie." RD pulled my head to his chest and kissed my forehead. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. I never should have kept Rachel from you. I thought I was doing the right thing," he murmured, putting his mouth right next to my ear. I looked up into his eyes. He'd gotten sunburned on the days he'd been away. His tan skin looked pink in the cheeks and his face had flushed even more red with anger. I had so many questions, but I just wanted this horrible conversation to end. I wanted the clock to go back to the way it had been before, before I knew about Rachel, before RD had gotten so angry. I wanted him to love me again.

"She's coming over tonight," I whispered, struggling to stop my tears. "Rachel knows my Aunt Lucy."

"Are you serious?"

"Uh huh."

RD's eyes narrowed as if he were working out a plan. "Okay, so what I need you to do is go home. We need to be normal and act like everything is fine. You're having a great summer working for me."

I swallowed. There was just one problem. Mom didn't know that I'd been working for RD. I couldn't tell him now, not after he'd gotten so upset hearing about my "summer boyfriend" mix up.

"If we stay calm, everything will be fine,” he said. “No one is going to find out about this."

I wanted to believe him. "So are you going to come over to the house, too? With her?" I didn't know if I could bear seeing him with Rachel, but I didn't want him to disappear again, either.

"Not if I can help it," RD said.

A fresh round of tears threatened to spill. "Everything doesn't seem fine, RD. I'm scared."

"I need time to sort things out with Rachel. I promise. While she's here, we can't be together, not like we have been. Now you are going to see me with her in ways that won't make sense to you, but you have to know how hard it's going to be for me to be away from you."

He ran his finger along my chin, giving me chills. He stopped to play with my lips, pulling them apart a little bit with his fingertips before he kissed me. He took his time, touching every corner of my mouth. "Promise me you won't tell. It's all up to you, Cassandra. You have to be strong."

"Yes," I whispered. I would have promised him anything. "I promise."

He kissed me hard with a fierceness I hadn't felt before. He held me tight and backed me up against the boathouse wall, one hand moved beneath my shirt, playing with the top button of my shorts. "I just lose control with you. I can't help it." He pressed against me even harder. "See, it's your fault. You're irresistible." His whisper was so close to my ear, with my eyes closed it felt like he'd crawled inside my head.

And, even then, he made me believe that he was right. Look what I did to him. I was responsible for those feelings, wasn't I? I needed to stay calm, be good and he'd come back to me and be sweet again. He'd love me and take me away from this horrible world, just like he'd promised. He carefully kissed me one last time. "I'll see you when I can."

As I snuck back through the woods, I wondered how long it would take for RD to sort things out with Rachel. How long would I need to keep our secret safe? Rachel didn't matter. RD loved me. I could tell by the way he unbuttoned my clothes when we lay on the bunk below deck. I could feel it in the way his body shook when he pressed me against the boathouse wall. I could taste it in his kiss.

I believed it was love.

Addie sat on the front porch, waiting.

"Everybody's looking for you," she said, drawing a sailboat in the dirt with a long, thin stick. "Again," she added for emphasis.

"I went for a walk."

"You're supposed to be sick."

"I am sick."

"You're not sick like 'Mom sick.' You're just sick when you want to be so you can sneak away and do fun stuff without me."

"Shut it, Addie."

"Don't say 'shut it' and Aunt Lucy wants you to come outside and say 'hi' to Rachel." Addie threw her stick into the bushes. "You know, you used to not be mean when you weren't sneaking around all the time. Have you been crying?"

"No. What? I don't sneak around." I covered my mouth, tracing my lips with my fingertips. Had my lip gloss smudged? Were RD's kisses all over me?

Rachel had a cell phone pinned between her shoulder and ear and Duncan sitting on her lap. He lazily twirled his mom's hair in his fingers. "Hey, hon'. You sure are good at disappearing." She smiled at Aunt Lucy like this was some sort of an inside joke. The word
hon'
felt like a punch in the stomach. I could still feel RD's kisses on my skin. I reminded myself of what he'd said. He needed time to make everything all right, which meant I had to be patient.

"I thought you weren't going to do any more on-call work." Rachel's tone changed. "But we're here now."

I knew it. They totally didn't get along.

"I miss you. I want you to meet Lucy. Please come to dinner. Remember you promised me." She smiled at Aunt Lucy as if she'd just closed a deal. "Yeah, it will be nice for us to just relax."

Dinner? No way. There was no way RD would ever agree to something like that. It would be too hard for him to sit across from me. He wouldn't be able to stand it and, besides, he wouldn't do that to me.

Rachel closed her eyes. "Okay, then. I'll see you soon. Love you. Oh, directions! You probably don't know how to get here."

"Love you" and directions? The ground tilted. I wanted to stand up and tell everyone that RD knew how to get here. He knew exactly where to park so he didn't need to pull down our drive. But I didn't. Rachel laughed and put Duncan on the deck so he could chase one of Addie's old soccer balls. "RD gets lost everywhere. If he didn't have GPS on that boat, I wouldn't go sailing with him."

"So, he's coming over?" I asked.

"Oh, I hope you don't mind, the boss coming to the house. You know, I didn't even think about that."

Aunt Lucy looked puzzled. I knew she was trying to figure out what Rachel meant by "boss."

"It's fine. I don't think of him like that, anyway. If you could excuse me for a minute, I need some air." How was I going to get through a meal without Mom finding out all my secrets?

Not coming downstairs for dinner was not an option, although I managed to avoid RD's arrival. Even with my head buried under my pillow, I heard the muffled sounds of laughter and music. It sounded like a party, which, under normal circumstances, would have cheered me up. Instead, I pretended no one was in the house. I told myself the TV was on really loud. Unfortunately, denial isn't what I'd call a long-term coping mechanism.

The sound of RD's laughter rolled up the side of the house and carried into my room, landing at my feet like something I could hold in my hands. RD's voice. His laughter. His words. He had touched me with his body, with his tongue, with all of his promises and now I had to keep it secret. I thought of the boathouse wall against my back, his sweat against my skin. My whole body felt warm thinking about it. I wouldn't give him up. I couldn't. I swear my heart tightened up like a fist. But then my mind would unfurl, a feeling of coming undone, spinning with thoughts of Rachel, seeing Duncan on his mother's lap, the way it felt when RD loved me any way he wanted.

I pulled myself out of bed. In the mirror, I could see that my hair had formed a goofy wave right by my forehead in the hour I'd been hiding under my pillow. I looked like someone who'd just woken up. I still had RD’s earrings. I thought about taking them out but I remembered what he’d said when he’d given them to me. They were supposed to give me of the strength of the Ocean. I definitely needed a reminder of my strength tonight. I pulled my hair forward to hide my ears and walked downstairs.

Everyone stopped talking when I walked onto the deck. Mom and Lucy sat at opposite ends of the long, glass-covered patio table. Candles flickering, it wasn't dark yet, but the setting sun bathed everyone in an orange light. Addie and RD sat on one side, Rachel and Duncan on the other with an empty seat beside them.

"Hello, Cassandra," Mom said softly. Seeing her at the table felt like looking at a piece of furniture that someone had put in the wrong room. She'd wrapped a blue silk scarf with an intricate swirling pattern of black and gold around her head. A low knot rested on her neck, the tail of the silky fabric reaching down her shoulder. I remembered when that scarf had been a belt, a sash. Now it was a disguise and, for the first time, I noticed how the blue of the fabric matched her eyes. "I'm so glad you could join us." She pointed to the empty seat right next to Rachel and right across from RD.

"Sorry," I mumbled, pulling out the chair. "I didn't feel good." I couldn't look at RD.

"Well, I hope you don't get what Duncan just had." Rachel bounced Duncan on her knee. "Let’s just say we considered quarantining him at one point on our trip.”

Duncan banged his plastic cup up and down on the patio table. He looked younger than I remembered. A bib around his neck, he held his sippy cup with chubby fingers. He looked at me and laughed, his pale blue eyes so much like RD's I wanted to hold his head between my hands and look closer. Duncan scooted up on his legs and reached for the candles.

"Duncan, sit," Rachel swatted his hand away. "Sophomore year I got mono. Remember that, RD?"

"Yep." He wouldn't look me in the eye.

"You have to be careful you get enough sleep, Cassie. You know, I'm always telling RD he works too hard. You work too hard, don't I always tell you that?"

"Sure do," RD's laugh sounded forced.

"Look how run down Cassie is and she's so much younger than you. You need to do less and so does she."

Rachel's concern for me, and the words "younger than you" seared into my skin. I wanted to throw my arms around RD, but more than anything, I wanted to scream and yell and point at my wound, the torn place right below my heart. "You did this to me!" I'd say. "How could you? How could you?" The unspoken ran through my head, mixing with an image of Rachel's arms wrapping around RD's waist. I'd promised to be quiet, but this was too hard. He shouldn't have kept such a big secret from me. He should have told me the truth from the beginning.

"Oh, I think Cassie's doing okay," RD said. I dared to glance up as RD took a drink of his beer. "Should I open that bottle of wine, Lucy?" He stood up, rubbing his hands as if they were covered with something sticky just as the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it." Addie and I both shouted, jumping up out of our chairs, but Addie was faster. She dashed inside with RD and Lucy following.

"Cassandra has been working hard at the restaurant," Mom said, taking a sip of ice water. I could tell that being here with us took effort.

"It's amazing to me she's been able to balance two jobs," Rachel said.

I froze. The cat was officially out of the bag.

"Two jobs?" Mom turned to me and smiled, her non-existent eyebrows arched.

"Oh, I remember summers." Rachel laughed. She seemed oblivious to the minefield in front of me. "Nothing to worry about but parties, a job and a boy. Right, Cassie?"

Mom put her glass down. "Two jobs and a boy, Cassandra?"

"Yeah." Oh, shit. Oh, shit. "It's just a few hours. Not really a job, more like volunteering on the boat here and there. It’s not like I had
hours
."

"Well, you saved RD," Rachel said. "Don't sell yourself short."

"Yes, Cassie is remarkable," Mom said, giving me a look that told me this conversation wasn’t over.

"Tell us more about your boy?" Rachel said, grinning. I think she was trying to bond with me. She had no idea she was throwing me straight into the fire.

"Not much to tell." My throat felt dry. "Can I have some water?"

"Well, you said your boyfriend's a sailor and he's in a band, right?" Rachel pulled Duncan onto her lap, taking the blue juice cup he'd been treating like a drumstick out of his hand. "So, what does he play?"

"Um," I stalled.

"I didn't know dummy sailed," Addie said.

"Who needs something to drink?" RD walked onto the deck holding a bottle. "Naomi? You look like you need some more water. Lucy, Merlot?"

"Yes, thank you." Mom pushed her glass toward RD so he could fill it more easily. "So, you have a boyfriend, Cassandra, and he's a sailor?"