Lex (Unconventional Hearts) (41 page)

“Then he’s fuckin her ass right now. Gage
doesn’t go without sex. That’s Gage.” He doesn’t sound like he
likes that Gage is the way he is, but the sigh he releases, tells
me he’s used to it by now.

Unable to sit at the bar any longer I decide
to call it a night. We’ve been here less than an hour and I’ve
found out that my best friend is pregnant and my boyfriend is
cheating on me. Not exactly a night I want to celebrate. I wish I
could be happier for Roni tonight. I just can’t. I will make it up
to her soon.

Hugging Tank and thanking him before we
leave, he kisses my head and apologizes. Roni escorts me from the
bar, her arm tucked into mine. I don’t say a word, I can’t. There’s
nothing to say. I can’t blame Roni for bringing Gage into my life.
I already accepted her apology. All I can do is blame myself for
being so stupid. I should have known. Gage is a man; he’s a sexual
man. Of course, he’d bang another chick’s ass. I bet he finds her
prettier than me too and more desirable because I bet her skin is
soft and unscarred. I bet her pussy is perfectly pink and her ass
hasn’t been raped like mine has. I don’t know why I do this to
myself, why I give myself hope, when my faith in the opposite sex
only lies in one man. Lincoln, the only man who I love and would
never hurt me. Maybe it’s because we don’t share that relationship
vibe, that’s why I can trust him. I don’t know. I just know I can’t
wait to sleep away all of this pain that is stabbing me
relentlessly right in the heart. It’s like the grim reaper is
standing behind me, using his sickle to rip me apart,
bit-by-bit.

Riding home in the truck, I say nothing. Roni
walks me into the house and tries to talk to me. It does no good.
I’m done with this all. I’m done with this world. Schlubbing it up
the stairs, I go into my room, strip naked, and fall into bed.

Fuck you cruel world. And most of all, fuck
you Gage.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Sunday

Lex

His hand reaches around to the front of me,
capturing my nipple harshly between his course fingers. ‘Well-well
the bitch is turned on. Does my bitch want me to fuck her hard or
soft today?’ His beer soaked breath stinks up the barn as he whips
out his hard dick. Rubbing it along my leg, up around my butt and
painfully spreads my ass cheeks with his hands. ‘Awe, look at that
pretty pucker, does it want my cock in it today?’

I don’t move; I don’t speak. I remain still
and close my eyes. Praying he will stop, that he won’t make me
bleed today. Three days ago, he stitched my breast, because he cut
too deep. I don’t think I can survive this much longer. My ass is
sore. He’s never gentle. He makes it bleed and I try not to cry
out. My lips are bruised and sore from biting them. Why can’t God
just let me die? Let Brian stab me hard enough today, so I don’t
have to live another moment of this pain. Of this filth and
degradation, I can’t take this punishment any longer. I’m sorry
father for not being the son you wanted. I’m sorry mother for
letting you hurt. I’m sorry for being what I am. Who I am.

Hacking on my pucker, he rams a finger
inside and I curl my stomach forward in wretched agony, hanging
from the barn rafters with rope, grating into my wrists. Tightening
my stomach, I try not to vomit. Swallowing back the rising bile, it
sears my throat. I haven’t eaten anything in two days. He keeps me
weak so I pass out easier, so I’m looser and tenderer for him to
fuck and have his way with. His rough hand pinches what little skin
I have on my side and holds me in place. The thick head of his cock
rubs my asshole and he groans as it circles its destination.

Suddenly with a triumphant yell, he rams
into me to the hilt, ripping me apart, tears sting my eyes and I
bite my cheek to keep from screaming. I can feel my warm blood
start to trickle out of ass, bouncing little drips of redness onto
the broken concrete floor.

‘
That’s right baby let that blood lube us.
It’s the best.’ He hisses, and laps my neck with his drunken, rank
breath.

Buzz, Buzz, Buzz, Buzz.

Pulling out slightly he pounds into me
again, digging his dirty nails into my pale colorless flesh,
bruising me.

Buzz, Buzz, Buzz.

Teeth sink into my flesh as he begins to
pound into me, spiking excruciating pain to rack my body like I’ve
never felt before. I just want to die!

Sawing his teeth into my neck, blood sprouts
from my skin.

“Ahhhh!!!!” I scream and fly up in bed. My
eyes widen as I frantically search around the room. It was a dream;
it was just a dream! I’m safe. I’m not with Brian. It’s over. Brian
is in prison, I’m not being raped.

Taking in a deep breath, I lie back down to
regain my composure.

Buzz, Buzz, Buzz, my cell phone goes off on
my nightstand and I roll over and grab it before it falls on the
floor.

It’s one in the afternoon already! Oh my god,
I’ve never slept that late in my entire life. Maybe it’s because I
cried for three hours last night and the long week of work I’ve
had. That would make sense.

Clicking my phone, I see I have eight missed
calls. All of them are from Gage and ten texts.

Not wanting to speak to Gage first, I check
my other texts.

Roni:
Gage has texted me all morning
asking why you won’t return his texts. I haven’t told him a thing.
If you want me to tell him to fuck off for you, I will. But I
learned my lesson about butting into your life. I’ll only do it if
you ask. Remember I’m here to talk if you want.

Mom:
Gage was here asking about you. Are
you okay?

Me to Mom:
I’m fine. See you sometime this
week.

I don’t text Roni back because I’ll just go
see her in a bit. I’m very excited about her being pregnant. I’m a
little jealous, but more excited than anything else. I get to be an
aunt and that’s the best thing in the world!

Gage- 9:14 a.m. -
Good morning
sunshine.

Gage- 10:02 a.m. -
You up yet
gorgeous?

Gage- 10:24 a.m. -
I was hoping we could
do dinner tonight around seven. Is that alright?

Gage- 10:49 a.m. -
Angel why aren’t you
texting back? Are you busy working today? Just let me know about
tonight.

Gage- 11:02 a.m. -
Are you okay? This
isn’t like you to not text back. I miss you. Love you.

Gage- 11:50 a.m. -
Something is up. What
happened? I called, you didn’t answer. Texted Roni and no answer.
What’s going on? What happened, Lex? I’m worried. Are you
alright?

Gage- 12:14 p.m. -
Listen, I know you
might be a little freaked about tonight. It being our first date
and all. But I promise it’s going to be beautiful.

Gage- 12:53 p.m. –
If I don’t hear back
from you by two I’m coming over. I’ve called, I’ve texted and I’ve
yet to hear from you. Talk to me sweetheart.

He is clueless!! He cheats and acts like it’s
no big thing. Guess he doesn’t know he’s been caught so why
would
he act like he has a guilty conscious? The jerk!

Me:
I’m fine. I just woke up from a
nightmare. You’re not allowed to come over. Seven is not okay. And
I’ve responded. So have a nice day.

Immediately back.

Him:
Seven’s not okay? What time is
then?

Me:
How about a quarter past
NEVER!

Him:
What!!??? What happened?

Me:
Why don’t you ask your fuck
buddy!

Him:
What fuck buddy?

Me:
OMG there’s more than one!? How many
are there!? Megan, I’m talking about Megan, the one you bang on
Friday nights. You sick cheating bastard.

Him:
I can explain.

Me:
The fact you have to explain anything,
tells me you’re guilty. Leave me alone Gage. I’m through with
you.

Him:
No you’re not. I’m not leaving you
alone.

Me:
Fuck Megan. She’ll keep you
satisfied.

Him:
I only want YOU! And no she won’t.
Let me explain! Please!

Me:
Fuck off!

My phone rings and it’s him. I answer it.

“What do you want Gage? To tell me you didn’t
fuck her? I know you did. You’re as guilty as they come, you sick
jerk. I loved you and look what you did to me!” I scream at him.
Releasing all my pent up pain and suffocating anger that’s been
drowning me since last night.

“You love me?” His voice is low, pained
even.

“Don’t change the subject.” I snap, of course
he wants to change the subject. He doesn’t want to be caught.

“I didn’t fuck her.” He states with no
hesitation.

“Really? Is that why she was at your house
last night, picking up your cell phone at ten at night. The same
night I know you usually screw her brains out.”

“Who told you this?” He’s angry now; I can
hear the edge of fury in his deep tone.

“Tank. He told me everything.”

“Ahhhh!!!! Tank!!!!” he growls, yelling into
the receiver. I pull it away, so my eardrum doesn’t explode.

Huffing into the receiver, he growls again,
“It’s true, but it’s not true.”

“That makes no sense.”

Apparently, he thinks I’m a moron.

“I
used
to bang her on Friday nights,
I haven’t in a while. She came over last night because…well…it
doesn’t matter…just know I didn’t fuck her.”

If he thinks, I’m going to believe him he is
out of his ever-lovin’ mind!

“Gage Masterson, so help me… You better tell
me why she was there.” I warn, in my no nonsense voice.

“No, I shouldn’t have to explain. You should
trust me. I’ve given you no reason not to.”

Yes, he is officially out of his mind. No
reason? Seriously? Did I just walk into the twilight zone?

“Gage, I am ending this call and never
speaking to you again if you don’t tell me. I want to know it
all.”

“I’m coming over.”

“No you’re not. If you come in here you’ll
distract me.”

“How?”

“With your sexiness and your mouth. I know
how you work and if you come over it will only lead to sexual
things. I’m not talking to you in person.” And I know even though
I’m furious I won’t be able to resist you. I want to say. But I
don’t.

“I need to see you.”

No. What he
needs
to do, is tell me
the godforsaken truth. How hard is it to be honest?

“No you don’t. On the phone. Now… Please.” I
tack on out of politeness.

“Megan is my secretary and my
former
fuck buddy. I have kidney disease, Lex, and have fallen into renal
failure twice. On Monday’s and Wednesday’s when you thought I was
working late, I’m not the whole time, I’m at the hospital on
dialysis. Megan came here last night, to watch Emma for me while I
went to dialysis because I missed Monday’s treatment. I’ve been
fighting with my insurance company to get an at home machine. It’s
taking longer than I’d hope.”

He’s sick! My lover is sick. And I’ve been
awful to him. What have I done?

Tears are welling in my eyes. “Are you
dying?”

He chuckles.

I don’t think this is a laughing matter.

“At one time, yes. Right now, no. It gets
better and worse. I have been placed on a transplant list for three
years now. None of my friends know. And you can’t tell them. My
doctor said he thinks my issues stem back to my childhood from my
mother bruising my kidney’s so badly when she’d beat me. They’ve
been damaged a long time and they don’t function like they should.
Now, I sit for a few hours a week to make sure I don’t die. It’s
been a hard battle, but I’m doing well, now. And having you in my
life has made me feel so much better than I have in God knows how
long.”

Now I’m ugly crying. Bawling like a baby into
the phone, snot running down my face.

Gage is sick, my Gage is sick. And I can’t
fix him.

“Don’t cry, Angel. I told you because you
needed to know. I didn’t tell you sooner because I don’t want to
you think you have to take care of me. I’m a big boy. I take care
of myself.”

I want to take care of him. Doesn’t he get
that?

“I know. I’m sorry.” I sob, rubbing my
already swollen eyes.

“There is nothing to be sorry for. Tank had
the right assumption. I used to have sex with Megan on Friday
nights. I was lonely. But I haven’t done that in a while. I promise
it hasn’t happened since we’ve been seeing each other. I couldn’t
get it up if I tried.”

Still crying, sitting up in my bed naked, my
knees pulled up to my chest, I ask, “So what about the night with
Corey? Did you that night? And the night you were working late and
Emma stayed. You weren’t working?” I have to ask because I need to
know. I want to know it all, even if the truth will spear my heart
and make it bleed. I’d gladly let it bleed for Gage. I love
him.

What? I love him? Did I just….?

I guess so.

“First question, sweetheart, the night with
Corey after I left the bar I’m not going to lie. I went to Megan’s
after you left. I had every intention to sleep with her. But I
didn’t. I got there, she tried for twenty minutes to get me hard
enough to have sex and nothing happened. I couldn’t, it didn’t feel
right. I hadn’t seen her for nearly three weeks before that. I was
needing attention and it didn’t matter because my dick didn’t want
anything but you. It
only
wants you, Angel. I swear on my
life.”

He didn’t have sex with her. I can’t express
how happy that makes me. Staying quiet I let him continue.

“As for the night Emma stayed. Yes, I did
work. I have meetings on Monday’s and Wednesday’s but afterward is
when I usually go to dialysis. It only takes an hour or so. I
didn’t get in until late because I was doing like I said, working
hard to fix the mess. I just left out going to the hospital for an
hour. I’m so sorry, can I still take you to dinner tonight? I have
a lot to make up for.”