Letting Go (Healing Hearts) (28 page)

Turning the page became more difficult with each photo. There were eight pages in all. The fifth page had a picture of Diane standing beside her father. Her ninth birthday. Her cheeks puffed as she blew out the candles. Her mother stood in the background, wearing that familiar scowl. Diane shivered.

The next held a snapshot of Diane sitting on her father’s lap. She looked no more than eleven. The lustful look on her father’s face churned her stomach. She hated that look. Covering her mouth, she choked on tears.

Daddy, why did you hurt me. Why?

With a sob, she threw the album across the room, hitting the outside of the wastebasket. That’s where the pictures belonged—in the trash. She couldn’t bear to look at them again.

Jeanine buzzed her office. “Diane? Are you okay in there? I heard a noise.”

Sniffling, Diane tried to sound normal. “I’m sorry. I have a really bad headache. Will you please reschedule my last appointment?”

“Sure.”

“Thank you.”

Diane flopped on the couch with a moan. She couldn’t decide which hurt more, her heart or her head. They both pounded, but for different reasons.

Exhausted from the emotionally draining meeting, Diane drifted off. An image of herself at twelve rolled through her mind like a movie. She remembered lounging alone in the backyard pool. The sun had just set . . .

*   *   *

Her father showed up in his swimsuit, dove into the pool, and swam a few laps. When he finished, he moved closer, panting. Then he winked.

“Hey there, honey.”

“Hi, Daddy.”

As he edged nearer, she caught the scent of liquor lacing his breath. “Get in the hot tub with me?”

“Um . . . sure.” She slid away from him and walked over to the whirlpool, then eased into the steamy water. Her father slid into the tub across from her and whistled.

“Yum. You look tasty in that suit. Did I pick it out for you?”

“Uh-huh.” She shivered under his gaze, no longer feeling warm.

“Honey, are you cold? Come here. Daddy will warm you up.”

She inched closer until she sat beside him, hip to hip.

“That’s better. Now look at me,” he whispered.

The weird expression in his eyes intensified as he draped his arm over her shoulders and kissed her hair. “Don’t you have some sugar for your daddy?”

That familiar phrase usually preceded something she hated. She couldn’t speak.

“Come on. Just one tiny little kiss?”

Closing her eyes, she puckered up, hoping for a peck, and praying he’d keep his hands to himself this time.

Her father held her face and pressed his mouth to hers. She wiggled under him as he pulled her body close, but he wouldn’t stop. He forced her lips apart and grabbed her suit.

She fought to breathe.

“John, what the hell are you doing?” her mother yelled.

He released her and flicked the tip of her nose. “That was great, baby.”

She tried to catch her breath and turned away from him, trembling. Her father had never kissed her like that before. He’d made suggestive comments and touched her, but he’d never forced himself on her.

The grating pitch of her mother’s voice echoed across the yard. “John, can you hear me?”

Her father grabbed her arm and turned her to face him. He tipped her chin up and stared in her eyes, then gave her a quick kiss on the lips. “You made me do it, beautiful girl. When you get close to me I can’t help myself.”

Clutching her abdomen, she turned away, trying not to get sick.

The sound of water sloshing told her he’d climbed out of the whirlpool.

“Stop shouting, will ya? What’s so doggoned important, anyway?”

*   *   *

Diane woke, disoriented and shivering. “Why, Daddy?”

Tears streamed down her cheeks. A wicked headache pounded in her temples.

“I’m sorry, God. I didn’t mean to tempt my father. I didn’t think he would do that to me. I tried to be good. Forgive me, Lord. Please.”

Suddenly something Dr. Rhiner had said in one of their sessions echoed through her brain.

“What happened with your father wasn’t right, but you didn’t cause those things to happen. You wanted a normal relationship with your father. When that didn’t happen, you decided to take whatever affection he offered. That’s something any child would do.”

His words gave her a small measure of comfort. It was as if God was telling her, “Stop blaming yourself, Diane. It wasn’t you. Forgive your parents, forgive yourself, and move on. I don’t want you stuck in that bitter place anymore.”

“I’m so scared, God,” Diane prayed. “I don’t know what to do.”

The answer came as clearly as if He stood beside her in the room.

Trust
Me.
Lean on Me. I will give you rest. I will lead you where you need to go. All you have to do is listen for My voice and follow Me.

Chapter 23

D
ave arrived at McDonald’s early. Joey giggled and pointed at the Golden Arches. He tried to run from the car the moment Dave unclipped the seatbelt. He had to slow Joey down and make him walk inside holding his hand.

He crouched down so he could look his son in the eyes. “Joey, before you go and play over there, I want to tell you something very important.”

Joey nodded, glancing every few seconds at the ball pit, obviously distracted by what he really wanted to do.

“Listen, Joey. This is very important. I’m not letting you play until I know you heard what I’m saying to you.”

“Okay, Daddy.” He nodded, looking cute in his overalls and red flannel shirt.

“That’s better. Now, I know this is hard for you, but I need you to do a big favor for Daddy today. Some ladies are coming to eat dinner with us so they can visit you. You can’t scream in McDonald’s or we’ll have to leave. I don’t want you getting sick either.”

He glimpsed fear in Joey’s eyes.

“One of the ladies is Joleen. The lady with the brown hair and blue eyes.”

Joey nodded, wide eyed.

“And also Leanne.”

Joey stiffened.

“I know you don’t like seeing her, buddy, but you still have to do this. Be very good and we may not have to see her too many more times, okay?”

Joey nodded, his lower lip trembling. Dave pulled him close.

“I know this is hard for you, bud. It’s hard for me too. I promise I won’t leave you alone with those ladies this time.” He set Joey down and looked him in the eyes. “I’ll stay with you.”

Joey released a loud sigh. “O ’tay.” He popped his thumb into his mouth and tweaked the end of his nose.

“You can play, now. I’ll watch, and I’ll tell you when it’s time to come out.”

Joey ran and jumped into the ball pit. Laughing, he tossed balls up in the air. Dave pulled his camera out of Joey’s diaper bag and snapped a photo of him playing, then sat down on a bench. He prayed that the Lord would help him get through the meeting and that Diane would come.

Suddenly cool hands covered his eyes. A husky feminine voice, much lower than Diane’s said, “Guess who?”

Pulling free, Dave turned, his smile wary. “Joleen, how are you?”

“Fine.” She slid onto the bench beside him.

He placed his hand on her shoulder and pointed. “Look, see Joey over there? He’s having a ball—literally.”

She smiled, and her face came within inches of his. “Where’s Diane?”

He swallowed hard. “I don’t know if she’s coming or not. She didn’t say.”

Joleen leaned close and whispered in his ear, her warm breath making him shiver. “Does that mean it’s just you and me?”

He eased away from her. “Yeah, it’s just us.”

Joleen put her hands on her hips. “Why do I get the impression you don’t feel comfortable around me?”

He frowned. “I’m that obvious?”

She rolled her eyes.

“Sorry.” Dave rubbed his sweaty palm on the leg of his faded Levi’s.

Her gaze slid between his eyes and mouth. “You don’t like me, do you?”

He winced. “I think you’re a nice person.”

“Cut the bull, Dave. You get my meaning.”

“Not the way you want me to, if that’s what you mean.”

“Is it because of Diane?”

“Honestly? No. I still wouldn’t be interested.”

“Remember all the fun we had in my room when my parents were out of town?” She gently poked his abdomen.

He slid back on the bench, putting more space between them. “I’m not like that anymore. I told you I’m a Christian, Joleen. I thought you understood that.”

She smirked. “A girl can still hope, can’t she?”

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I just can’t go there.”

“Your reason?”

“For one thing, I’m afraid you’ll use it against me in court. That’s why I’m so nervous around you. I’m afraid you’ll turn on me if I refuse.”

She stiffened. “You think I’d be that low and that unprofessional?”

“I hope not, but I really don’t know what you’ll do. I can’t lose my son. This nightmare isn’t over yet. You have a lot of power over me.”

“Apparently not enough,” she muttered.

“See what I mean? And you wonder why I’m nervous.”

“Well, then you don’t know me very well. Whether we’re involved or not has no bearing on my job as Joey’s attorney, I can promise you that.”

He heaved a sigh. “Thank you. I just can’t stand the idea of losing him. I couldn’t take it. Regardless of what the judge decides, he’s my son.”

“I know, and I’m sorry.” She hung her head. “I probably gave you the impression that if you didn’t hook up with me, I would recommend that Leanne get custody of Joey. That was wrong.”

Dave exhaled. “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you more.”

“You could have prayed about it.”

He smirked. “Fancy hearing you say that.”

She poked his arm and smirked back. “Well, don’t make an issue of it. I won’t bug you if it makes you nervous. I’m not that pathetic.”

“Thanks, Joleen. I appreciate it. Still friends?” He stuck out his hand.

“I’d rather have a hug.”

“All right.” Dave smiled and pulled her close for a brief hug.

She clung to him longer than he wanted. He caught a flash of blonde hair out of the corner of his eye and looked across the restaurant.

Diane.

He could swear she trembled as she stared at him. When he smiled, she pasted on a cheery grin and approached their table. She wore a tight pink T-shirt and low-cut jeans, his favorite look.

Nudging Joleen away from him, he said, “Diane! How nice to see you.”

Joleen gasped. “I’m sorry,” she mouthed.

“Forget about it,” he whispered.

He slid over and made room for Diane to sit next to him on the bench.

Diane nodded at Joleen. “Hey.”

He pointed at the open spot on the bench.

“That’s okay. I think I’ll sit over here.”

He tried not to show his disappointment, but he had to look away and bite his tongue so he wouldn’t embarrass himself and say something stupid.

“Is Leanne here yet?” Diane looked around. “I haven’t seen her, and it’s ten after six.”

Dave checked his watch. “Right you are.”

He turned to Joleen, “How long should we wait for her before we can cancel the visit and go home?”

“Oh, I’d say by six-thirty if she’s a no-show. Wouldn’t you agree, Diane?”

Diane nodded. “Sounds fine to me.”

A bloodcurdling scream caused all of their heads to turn. Dave jumped up. He knew Joey’s cry and ran to the ball pit. Inside he found Joey pinning himself against the netting in the back of the pit.

Leanne faced Joey with her arms open wide. “Come here, Joey.” Her voice cracked. “I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

Dave stole a glance at Leanne and noted her distress. “Joey, calm down. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

Joey quieted instantly. His eyes darted between Leanne and Dave as if he considered making a run for it, but worried about getting intercepted along the way.

Dave scowled. “Why didn’t you come through the front door?”

Leanne nodded toward the side door. “I wanted to see Joey alone so I came in that way.”

She trembled. The fearful look in her eyes made him wonder what she had planned and if she’d just gotten caught.

“You should have let us know you were here.”

She nodded and avoided eye contact. “I know. I’m sorry.”

Her contrite attitude took him by surprise. He softened his tone.

“He wouldn’t have acted that way if you hadn’t sprung on him like that. You just need to give him time to get used to you.”

“I know.” She sighed. “My counselor said that getting angry about everything was only hurting me. She said I needed to get to know you so I could make the best decision for Joey and not just go for what I want to see happen.”

Joey toddled over and fell into Dave’s arms. He clung to Dave and stared at Leanne as if she were a monster in a horror movie.

Leanne cast her face down, looking dejected. “I was hoping he’d want to see me.” She glanced up, and her eyes clouded. “Why doesn’t he want me?”

His heart filled with compassion for her. She looked like a lost child, a lost soul herself. He placed his hand on her shoulder.

“It’s just that he doesn’t know you. Don’t take it personally. He’s a sensitive child and anything new or different terrifies him if he’s not eased into it.”

Her head tipped up. “Will he always be terrified of me?”

“I don’t know. Let’s get something to eat together and see what happens. Okay?”

She glanced at Joey, staring at him wistfully. “Okay.”

“You ready for a Happy Meal, Joey?” Dave tried to sound excited.

Joey nodded, still clinging fiercely to Dave.

As he headed for the table where the attorneys sat, Leanne stopped and looked up at him. “Mr. Passel?”

“Please call me Dave. Mr. Passel makes me feel old.”

“Okay. Well, I . . . uh . . . I just want to say . . . ”

Dave inclined his head and touched her arm to encourage her to finish.

“I want to say, um, that I can tell he . . . he really loves you,” she whispered.

Dave’s throat tickled and his eyes watered. He looked her straight in the eyes.

“Thanks for saying that. I really love him too.”

Diane’s throat swelled with emotion when she thought about losing Dave. But she wanted what was best for him. Clearing her throat before she lost her courage, she offered Joleen a tense smile. She looked gorgeous in her black pantsuit.

“How’s it going?”

For once Joleen didn’t look at Diane with hostility. “I’m all right.”

“I saw you talking with Dave. He’s a really good man.”

Joleen raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, he is. What’s your point?”

“Well, I’ve been praying that he’d take an interest in you.”

She chuckled. “Re-ally?”

“Yes. Joey needs a mother, and if things don’t work out with Leanne, well, you have a history with Dave. I think you could make him happy.”

Joleen responded with something between a snort and a chortle. “I guess your God isn’t listening.”