Letting Go (6 page)

“Have I made all this clear, Kate?” She was fidgeting with her ring, twisting it back and forth on her finger.

“It’s all quite straightforward,” Kate replied. “I’ll have some layouts for you within a couple of days. But I do have one question, though.”

“Yes?” Laura seemed grateful, as if the tension might ease if they had some discussion.

“Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?”

Laura looked completely thrown off balance, as if it was the last thing she expected Kate to come out with. Her usual poise left her momentarily. “Oh…aah…I don’t think I can,” she stuttered.

“Why not?” Kate asked brazenly. She had nothing to lose.“Really, Kate, I don’t think it would be a good idea. I’m flattered, but there’s too great a difference in our ages, and well…it’s just not a good idea.” Laura was rotating the ring 51

around and around, avoiding Kate’s eyes.

Kate was emboldened now, and she was not going to let Laura off the hook. “Did you enjoy lunch with me that day? Did you enjoy being with me then? I think you did, Laura, and I think you liked kissing me too. I don’t think you’re the sort of woman to kiss anyone who comes on to you, but you did kiss me. Why?”

Laura shook her head. Her tone of voice was casual, as if trying to make light of the incident. “Kate, that was just one of those things. You’re obviously very attractive and…

well…I don’t know why I kissed you.”

“Laura, I’ve been attracted to you since I first met you,”

said Kate, determined to remain in control. “It increased enormously that day I was with you, and that kiss changed everything for me. I really wanted you then and I can’t stop thinking about you. Please have dinner with me.”

Laura grimaced. She reached for a cigarette, lit it and inhaled deeply. She looked back at Kate. She appeared hesitant, unsure. She shook her head again. Was she going to change her mind? Kate wondered.

“I guess dinner would be okay. You can tell me what’s happening with the gallery. But, Kate,” she added firmly,

“anything else between us is out of the question. Just dinner, okay?”

Kate felt a thrill of happiness. She had succeeded in getting Laura to go out with her, and she could hardly believe it. They agreed to meet at Laura’s apartment the next evening and walk to one of the many restaurants along the beach front, just near Laura’s home.

Kate buzzed Laura’s intercom promptly at seventhirty the next evening. Laura looked beautiful, Kate thought. Laura was wearing simple black tailored pants 52

and a matching jacket. The jacket was long and loose, with the sleeves pushed up. Underneath she had a white silk camisole. Laura managed to make this black and white outfit look casual yet elegant at the same time. Kate noticed that she was also wearing her few usual pieces of simple gold jewelry. Utterly sophisticated, Kate thought. She nearly had to pinch herself to believe she was actually going out on a date with this gorgeous woman.

“Come in,” said Laura with that smile. “Have a look around. I’ve just got to grab my wallet from upstairs.”

Kate stood in the living room spellbound. The view was wonderful, but more wonderful at that moment was just the fact that she was standing in Laura’s apartment. It felt strangely erotic just to be there. She couldn’t help imagining herself upstairs in that bed with her. She jumped slightly as Laura returned in a soft delicious cloud of perfume.

“What do you think?” Laura asked.

“Oh it’s great. I love the view,” Kate replied. “It must be wonderful living here.”

Laura agreed, and they headed off for dinner.

They walked a few blocks and chose an Italian bistro. They sat at a table near the window where they could watch people strolling along the palm-tree-lined boulevard.

“Would you prefer white or red wine?” Laura asked. Kate shrugged and smiled. “I don’t mind. You choose.”

“Well, I think a light Beaujolais would be nice,” said Laura. “And why don’t we share a plate of antipasto to start with?”

Kate agreed and Laura gave their order to the waiter. Kate was smiling brightly. “I’ve got some great news to 53

tell you. I went to see the woman at the gallery and she likes my pictures. I can hardly believe this, but she wants to hang them in a new exhibition in June.”

“That’s fabulous, Kate!” Laura said enthusiastically.

“I’m not surprised. Your work is very good.”

“Well, it’s all thanks to you,” Kate said. “I really appreciate your help.”

Laura laughed. “Oh, I’ve no doubt something like that would have happened for you soon anyway. But I’m glad to have helped. I’m looking forward to seeing them displayed.”

The food and wine arrived. Laura sipped her wine and looked at Kate. She was selecting a piece of artichoke heart and some frittata from the plate. Her hair was wind-blown from the walk along the beachfront and coupled with the healthy-looking glow in her cheeks, she had a wild look about her. Her lemon-colored, knitted cotton top showed off her tan well.

“So where did you go for your vacation?” Laura asked.

“I went to my mother’s beach house on the coast. I love it down there. I took a friend with me and it was very relaxing. I did some sketches that I’m looking forward to working on.” Kate combed her fingers through her hair with one hand, as she popped an olive into her mouth. Her eyes were sparkling and she held Laura’s gaze.

Their main courses arrived. They were both having salad and veal scallopini with a wine and mushroom sauce.

“It must be great having a beach house at your disposal,”

said Laura. “Do you get on well with your mother?” She was always fascinated to hear about other people’s mothers, to see if they were as weird as her own. “Does she know you’re gay?”

“Oh yeah, she knows,” said Kate. “We get on really well. 54

She was a bit freaked when I first told her, but we talked about it, and she’s fine now.”

“You’re very fortunate that your mother’s that way. Mine’s a pain in the arse about it,” Laura said with a grin.

“But then, I guess, my mother would be a lot older than yours and more old-fashioned in her views.”
Jesus Christ!
she thought suddenly,
Kate’s mother’s probably not much older
than me!

As the meal progressed, Laura again found herself enchanted with Kate’s interesting and animated conversation. Reluctantly, she found herself increasingly attracted to her.

The bistro had become crowded and noisy by the time they’d finished their meal. Laura wanted to get out of there, but she was enjoying herself and wasn’t ready to end the evening. She knew it wasn’t the wisest thing to do under the circumstances, but she suggested they have coffee at her place.

Laura unlocked the door. “You choose some music, while I make the coffee.” She removed her jacket and tossed it over a chair. Kate was looking at her. Laura was conscious that the silk camisole clearly defined her breasts through the soft fabric.

Laura headed into the kitchen, made the coffee and poured them both Frangelico on ice.

“The problem with this lovely stuff is it’s very difficult to just have one,” said Laura, laughing. They sat on the comfortable chairs opposite each other.

Kate had selected an Anita Baker album and it played in the background.

Laura tried to ignore the sexual tension underscoring everything, and finally, around midnight, Kate rose to leave. 55

Laura showed her to the door. “Thank you for asking me to have dinner with you, Kate. I’ve really enjoyed myself. I’m glad you talked me into it.”

“I’m so glad you agreed to it,” Kate said. “Can we do it again soon?”

Laura was feeling that everything had remained under control quite satisfactorily tonight, so she agreed. “I guess we could, yes.”

Suddenly, without warning, Kate stepped forward and kissed her on the mouth. Laura was unprepared and just stood for a moment, overwhelmed by the sensation of Kate’s soft mouth against hers, Kate’s breasts against hers. She felt her body’s sexual response and started to pull away from Kate. Kate put her arms around her and held her close. Laura felt a hot rush of desire pump through her body, as Kate’s lips opened to take in more of her.

Laura, as if in a dream, pushed the front door closed and wrapped her arms around Kate’s waist. She now responded fully to Kate’s kiss. They kissed more and more passionately. Laura felt herself sinking into a warm vacuum, where all reason vanished. Her mind empty of all other thoughts, she was absorbed by her increasing lust for this desirable woman in her arms.

Kate placed a melting, feather-like kiss on her throat, making Laura softly moan in pleasure. Laura’s hands were exploring Kate’s waist and hips, wanting to feel her skin. She wanted Kate desperately. They kissed deeply. Then Kate whispered, “Take me to bed, Laura, please.”

Despite the state she was in, alarm bells rang in Laura’s head. She came back to earth with a jolt, her body aching and trembling with desire. She gently pulled herself away from Kate and looked at her. Kate was in a bad way; she 56

was flushed and she seemed unsteady, holding onto Laura for support. Her lovely brown eyes were dark with desire. Laura was suddenly afraid. How could she have let this happen? she thought. She couldn’t go to bed with this girl. She wanted her too much. She cared about her too much. She’d get involved with her, Laura fretted, and she’s too young…
I can’t.
These thoughts were crowding on top of one another in her mind.

With enormous difficulty, she stepped away from Kate and took her hand. She led her over to a chair. “I’m getting a glass of water. Do you want one?” she asked. Kate just looked at her dumbfounded.

“I can’t do it, Kate,” Laura said softly. “I can’t get involved, and I can’t just have a one-night stand with you. I like you too much for that. I’m very sorry.” Kate combed her fingers through her hair, and focused on Laura more clearly, as if she were coming back to reality. “It’s unforgivable,” Laura said, “that I let things go this far, when I wasn’t prepared to follow through.”

“I don’t believe this,” said Kate, looking genuinely confused. “You feel the same way I do. You’re not in a relationship, so what’s the problem?” Kate was floundering. She clearly hadn’t counted on Laura having any other problems.

Laura was now regaining her composure. “Yes, it’s obvious I feel the same way you do. I can’t deny that. But I’m old enough to know that some things are a mistake. I don’t want to get involved and if I sleep with you I will be. This is extremely difficult for me too, I assure you.”

Kate remained silent, just looking at her. She was trying to hold onto her dignity, but Laura could see the tears welling up in her eyes. Laura felt dreadful. She knew that 57

Kate couldn’t understand her reluctance, and that she was very hurt. She wanted to take Kate into her arms and tell her she was sorry. She ached to make love with her. Instead she steeled herself and said, “I’m sure you’ll think I’m an idiot, Kate, but I hope that in the longer term we can still be friends. Right now I have to ask you to go home, and it would be a good idea if we didn’t see each other for a while.”

Kate clearly wasn’t thinking straight. She was grasping at anything helplessly. “But I’ve got those layouts to show you,” she said.

“I’ll send a courier to collect them from your office,”

Laura said calmly.

In a daze, Kate walked to the door. Their eyes met and Laura was transfixed by the intensity in Kate’s gaze. She could see the first sign of anger in Kate’s eyes and as she closed the door behind her, she was filled with remorse. Laura sat up for hours thinking about the situation that had just transpired. There had only been one other time in her life when she’d been in the same predicament. That was with Alex around fifteen years ago. Both she and Alex had been about the same age that Kate was now. Alex had been in a relationship that had begun when she was only nineteen, with a woman ten years her senior. At nineteen, Alex was too young to make the serious commitment she’d made with the older woman. But she’d been Alex’s first lover and she’d just fallen into the relationship. Then she met Laura. It was love at first sight for them both but Alex didn’t want to hurt the woman she lived with, and Laura didn’t want to cause a break-up, so for some months their love had been unrequited and very difficult. One night Alex and Laura had found themselves alone, and 58

they’d kissed, of not unlike the situation with Kate. Very soon after, although, Alex left the other woman. Laura and Alex were desperately in love.

This attraction for Kate was the strongest she’d felt for anyone since she lost Alex five years ago. There were similarities between Kate and Alex. Kate reminded her of Alex at around the same age. She had similar long dark hair and eyes, and the same sort of self-confidence, which was unusual for someone so young. This worried Laura. Was she re-living the past? She couldn’t be sure of that, but she was sure of one thing. If she continued to see Kate, she could easily fall in love with her. She also knew that Kate was too young for her, and a relationship couldn’t last. She didn’t want that kind of heartache again. She eventually went to bed resolving to discuss the matter with Jude the next day.

Kate, on the other hand, sat in her car outside Laura’s apartment for over an hour. She was at a loss to know what to think. All she could do was allow the tears to flow now that she was alone. After while, she hardened herself with her increasing anger. Laura was being totally unfair and unreasonable. People couldn’t choose who they were attracted to, or fell in love with, could they? How could Laura be so narrow-minded? And why was she concerned about their age difference? What did that matter? Nothing else mattered, she thought, apart from the way they felt about each other. It was very simple. But she wasn’t going to give up just like that. She couldn’t give up Laura now.

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Chapter Seven

The next day, Saturday, Laura met Jude at the market. When they were sitting at the cafe after doing their shopping, Laura told Jude about the events of the night before.

“The poor kid,” said Jude when Laura had described their unhappy parting.