Letting Go (11 page)

“You look awful.”
 

Clarissa said the words before she thought, then decided from here on she’d only be honest with her mother.

“I feel wonderful,” Tammy Jo said. “Spent the day mucking out those stalls.” She pointed beyond the baby horse.
 

“Oh, ew, that dirt’s not just dirt then, huh?”

Tammy Jo laughed, and Clarissa was shocked that the laugh seemed real. “It’s been a long time since I’ve spent a day on manual labor. Gave me time to think. Not all that fun to play a life like mine on rewind. I can’t go back and change things, Clarissa, but I can make sure the rest of my life is different.”

Stunned Clarissa stared at her mother, wondered what had happened to her and how long it would take before she was back to her normal self. Because one thing was for sure. Tammy Jo Dye would never change. Clarissa had learned that lesson time and time again.

For now, she’d just be happy her mother was willing to work hard.
 

“I’m going back to the bunkhouse,” Clarissa said. “Stay out here as long as you need.”

A week later Clarissa stood inside the dining room of Pete’s and looked around in amazement. It looked like Pete had simply closed for remodeling instead of suffering damage from a tornado.

“You moved fast.”

“Not me,” Pete said smiling sheepishly. “I think the citizens were afraid they’d starve without the diner.”

Clarissa couldn’t help but be relieved that this was one step closer to normal. “You want me to work tomorrow?”

“You know it.”
 

Good. Living in the bunkhouse at The Triple Eight was one thing. Tagging along to church with the Dillons was another.

“Free pie with every order.”

Ought to be packed then.

“Bev coming in?”
 

“Not until next week. But we’ll have plenty of help.”

A little vague there. Not like Pete.

“Plenty?”

“Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing.”
 

She should’ve been worried. That’s what Clarissa thought when Mackenzie rode to church with Paul and Susie leaving her to ride into town with Jed.

A Jed intent on talking about everything from his dog Beau who had died a couple years ago to a pet snake Mack wanted to the time he and his siblings had learned the nasty truth about poison ivy.

She didn’t want to talk to Jed, didn’t want to know more about his life, didn’t want to wish for things that couldn’t be.
 

Strangely, he also insisted on playing The Old Time Gospel Hour from a station out of Lawton on the truck’s radio, and the songs her grandmother had loved so much played one after another the entire ride into town.

The Old Rugged Cross.

“You wouldn’t believe how much poison ivy itches. And my momma didn’t feel a bit sorry for us when she rubbed us down with that pink lotion.”

Amazing Grace.

“Mack says she wants a snake because she’s sure it would do a better job eating mice than the barn cats. Not sure I want to know where she learned about snakes eating mice.”

I’ll Fly Away.

“Had Beau fourteen years. No telling how long he would’ve lived if it hadn’t been for the bad dog food. Funny thing. You buy the expensive stuff thinking it’s the best and a fungus causes kidney failure.”

Whiter Than Snow.

“You heard about Lester and Mrs. Norene? Funny thing that. He’s been in love with her long as I can remember. All it took was a tornado and she suddenly sees him in a different light. Pastor West’s doing the ceremony tomorrow afternoon and then Lester and Mrs. Norene are headed to Disney World.”

Clarissa just stared at him. No way had she missed this news. She’d spent the last week in gossip central at the church. No way.
 

“Mrs. Norene is marrying Lester?” She couldn’t keep the disbelief out of her voice.

“She sure is. Momma is making something called cake pops for the wedding. Not real sure what that means.”

“Wow. Married. That’s just...” she trailed off thinking of all the words that would fit. The one that seemed to work best. Wonderful.
 

“That’s amazing. I’m stunned.”

“Lester spent the whole time Mrs. Norene was in the hospital up there with her in the City. Lester finally told her he loved her, and she said if he would go to church, maybe they could talk about things. He wheeled her to the chapel right then and there.”

Whoa. “The things people will do for love.”

“Lester said he remembered all about prayer when they were pulling the debris off of the closet he knew Mrs. Norene took shelter in.”

Clarissa could understand that. She’d spent a fair share of time praying that day also. But sometimes the happy endings weren’t to be found.

She didn’t want to get into a religious debate with Jed right now. Didn’t want to talk about how a God who forgave everything might not be a God she’d be interested in. Somethings were unforgivable.

Clarissa pushed the past away and focused on the fact that Lester was getting his happy ending.

Jed parked the truck in front of the feed store and jumped out, which was odd. When Jed followed her to Pete’s and called out a “ready to do as told,” as the door whooshed shut, she closed her eyes.

“You’re kidding,” she said.

But when she opened her eyes, Jed stood there smiling like he’d won the lottery and a shift at Pete’s was as good as it got.
 

“In about three hours, you’re going to wonder what on earth you were thinking when you agreed to this,” she said, looking for her apron and finding a brand new one with her name embroidered on it hanging on a peg next to a new set of lockers.

Grabbing the apron, Clarissa almost laughed at the worry on Jed’s face.

“I’ve moved cattle, planted and harvested wheat and spent multiple weekends camping with Mack. I think I can handle helping out Pete for one day.”

“We’ll see,” she said over her shoulder before heading into the restroom.

Once the door closed, she blew out a breath in one long exhale and looked in the mirror. There wasn’t one in the bunkhouse, and she tried real hard to avoid the mirrors at the church because she didn’t like what she saw in herself in that house of a God who didn’t seem to care about her.

The face looking back had changed. Her eyes were soft. She had to be careful. Had to resist the temptation that was Jed Dillon.

Jed watched Clarissa maneuver from table to table to diner bar to pie fridge and back with a combination of wonder and pride. Momma was right. Clarissa Dye was grit personified.
 

And she sure was pretty.

He wanted...he said a quick prayer. Your will, God. Not mine.

It wasn’t always easy to remember that. But with Clarissa it was essential. She needed God, needed His salvation, His comfort, His absolution in her life.
 

So far she hadn’t been willing to talk to any of them about God. Not him, not his daddy, not even his Momma, and Susie Dillon could talk to anyone about God.

“You working or lolligagging?” Pete asked and threw a towel in Jed’s direction.

Message received.

He started wiping down the tables and would have been content doing that all night.

Only the bell above Pete’s door rang and Joan Anderson walked in, a piece of paper clutched tight in her hands, her powder blue suit and matching shoes showing she’d already been to church for the day.

And of course she was headed right for him.

“Jed Dillon, you need to be aware who you’re keeping company with.”

Chapter Eight

Clarissa watched the woman marching through Pete’s diner, like spit and vinegar and maybe worse.

She should have told him the truth. Should’ve told him that day in the church.
 

The diner full of lunchtime customers looked a little startled at Mrs. Anderson’s sudden pronouncement, and Clarissa could feel their eyes on her.

She tried to make herself shrink, tried to make herself pretend this biddy and her gossiping ways meant nothing, but she couldn’t make herself move. Couldn’t make herself stop watching the train wreck about to happen.

“That girl,” she heard Joan say the words as she pointed in her direction. “And her mother….”

“Table eight’s fried pickles are going to get cold,” Pete said sternly and then he stepped from the kitchen and started toward the ugly scene playing out in his shiny new diner.

But he didn’t have to worry because Jed had it under control.

He gently took the paper from Joan Anderson’s hands, ripped it in four pieces, threw it in the shiny new trash bin and spoke loud enough for the whole diner to hear.

“Joan Anderson, you’ve been a good friend to my mother, and a good aunt to my daughter, but I guarantee you that if you go around casting aspersions on the woman who has given selflessly to this community and who has become an extension of the Dillon family, Momma won’t take kindly to it. And I won’t tolerate it. Clarissa Dye is a godsend to this town. You owe everyone here an apology for disturbing their Sunday lunch like this.”

With that, the problem of Joan Anderson was done. She’d told him to let her solve it, but she couldn’t fault Jed for his actions. He’d stepped in like a hero. And she wanted to hug him for it.
 

Oh, be honest
, her brain screamed. She wanted to do a lot more than hug him.

Clarissa grabbed the fried pickles and rushed to get them to table eight just so she could try to get her mind wrapped around what had just happened.

Her hands were shaking, her nerves scattered like the bits of paper Jed had thrown in the wind. She needed to sit down.
 

Instead she grabbed two pieces of German chocolate pecan pie and delivered them to the Rains’ table.

She turned to leave, but Tess Rains stopped her.

“That right there is a mighty good man,” she said.

Her husband laughed. “I would’ve paid to see that, and here I got the show for free.”

Trevor knocked over his water and harumphed “I always do that” at the same time his parents scrambled to get napkins.
 

She hurried over to grab towels and reached the drawer at the same time Jed did. His hand covered hers and she felt herself flush hot, but she didn’t step away.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she said.

Jed pressed his hand over hers and a tingle leaped up her arm. “Yes, I did.”
 

She turned her body to face him. He was everything good and right in the world. He deserved the truth. “She was right, Jed.”

He opened the drawer took out the towels and made sure she knew they weren’t done with this discussion.

“We all have pasts, Clarissa. It’s the present and the future we control.”

And then he was gone, helping the Rains clean up the mess leaving her to embrace or reject his words. In the end she decided it didn’t matter if she accepted his words or not. He might be right, but if she was entertaining thoughts of sticking around Stearns she had to tell him about her past.

The ride back to the Triple Eight was unnaturally quiet at first. Clarissa wasn’t sure why Jed wasn’t talking, but she knew her thoughts were flying a thousand miles a minute. Once she told him her truths, he’d probably be ready to shed himself of her and Tammy Jo and thank the good Lord he hadn’t gotten involved with either of them.

That should be a good thing. She didn’t need or want a knight in shining armor, and he kept trying to make himself one where she was concerned.

“Joan wasn’t always bitter,” he said, and her thoughts careened to a stop. Once again she was ready to tell the truth, but he had something to say first. She wouldn’t let tonight end without him knowing the truth.

“When Mack’s mother left, it changed her.”

Clarissa quit thinking of herself with his words.

“Bethany, that’s Mack’s mother, used to stay every summer with her aunt. That’s Joan. When she left, she broke Joan’s heart as much as mine. I came to terms with my grief, moved on. I don’t know that Joan can.”

Clarissa never imagined she’d feel sorry for Joan Anderson, but at his words, she did.

“That’s so sad,” she said.

He nodded. “She won’t give you trouble again. Not when I threatened to take Mack from her. She loved Bethany and she loves Mack. She tolerates me. You don’t have to worry about her anymore.”

He finished as they took the final left to the ranch, and she knew what she had to do. Even as she was reeling from the idea that Joan wasn’t aunt as in good family friend, she couldn’t put this off any longer.
 

She reached out and turned the radio off. “Pull the truck over, Jed. I’ve got to tell you.”

“Clarissa…”

Something in her eyes must’ve made clear she wasn’t going to lose this battle. Once the truck stopped she started.
 

“I appreciate you jumping in to save me tonight, Jed, but Joan was right.” She stopped for a second because it felt like her heart was going to burst from her chest. She didn’t want to tell this story, but she had to.

“The first con I remember making with Tammy Jo was around the time I was seven. She and I convinced a church I was dying of cancer, and they held a benefit for us. Over time and towns, the benefits grew. Too big eventually. That might’ve been the article Joan brought in.”

“You were seven, Clarissa. Come on. This isn’t necessary.”

“Just listen. There’s more. That time, Tammy Jo had to go to jail, but they only kept her 180 days. When she got out, she made sure our cons weren’t quite so grand. We lived off the graces of good people all over the state of Texas, using my hypoglycemia to make people believe I was close to dying. They gave us food, rooms, cars. Sometimes, the people weren’t so good. We dealt with it and moved on. Tammy Jo said it was the price of doing business.”

She stopped and looked across the field beside the road. Wild flowers dotted the ground around them. A dog barked. In the distance, she could see horses running. A light breeze lifted her hair off her neck and she blew out a breath. She didn’t want to go on.

And like the knight he was, Jed tried to protect her.