Letters to Dandelion (4 page)

Thinking of her …
To write a poem
after getting off of
work, driving home
and feeling like a
useless drone,
allowed my mind
to drift off in time.
And I imagined …
All the possibilities …
Of seeing her face,
hearing her voice,
touching her hand,
knowing it’s her,
and no one else.
The instinctive little
things that propel
a Man towards a
beautiful Woman.
But not just any Woman,
of soft senses,
wondrous eyes,
or delicate touch –
with playful laughter
and hungry kisses :*
These things cause
me to sway for her
much - and sway I
will, my own desires,
my own contentions
and my emotions –
A Gift for her fully,
and especially,
if she may be
– my given destiny.

A Letter Grounded in Gravity

Good Morning Baby,

I love you. I’m very happy that
things worked out yesterday. That you are not in some filthy place, surrounded
by useless people, wasting your precious time.

I must tell you, you’re better than
everything that you have been doing and getting caught up in. You're so way
better than that, and you have better things in your life than to cheapen
yourself. No matter what the circumstances.

I always feel privileged to be with
you, whether I pay or not. It’s worth it to me, because I know you need it, and
I know I love being with you more than anyone else in the world. But, even with
me, you are better than that.  Your boys would agree with me, because
you are their only wonderful Mom, and to me, you are the only person like who
you are that I know. In my eyes, you are special and unique and a gift and a
joy to experience. Your happiness is infectious and it spreads to me like a
flame.  Baby, please understand, when I say I love you over and over, it’s
not so I will believe it, or even to make you believe it, it’s just because it
is so.

There are many reasons why I say
what I am saying now, and what I am about to say, so please don’t take offense
– but, baby, you believe in things other than yourself, you believe in right
and wrong and you believe in God. This I know because you wouldn’t have asked
me to pray for and you would not respond to me when I say, “I’m praying for
your peace in the situation you were in last night.”

We are physical beings, having a
spiritual experience, and that is much like bread dissolving slowly in water.
That is sort of what life is like. We are dying slowly, and learning and
softening every day. For some, it takes longer than others, but we eventually
get there, that is why it takes a lifetime to do so.

The bible says that spiritual
realm also have spiritual laws. Just like gravity.
We cannot SEE gravity, but we know it is a solid law that governs our weight
and the things that happen on this planet.

Baby, just the fact that you turn
your heart, or your ear, or your time, or your belief towards God, then HE WILL
turn his heart, his ear, his belief in a HUGE WAY towards you. If I think I
love you, trust me, it’s nothing compared to how much he does. He made you for
this special time, and this special place, to bring three special people into
the world and for you to be born to and around other special people who you and
he care about. You love your boys, you love your family and in turn, God, and
I, love you dearly.

But, just as how you try to stop
your Brother from doing things to hurt himself and you care for him, so does
God and I for you. You are not immune from someone loving you. Maybe what
happened was a good thing to get you to change your direction in life. Just as
you say, that what Sarah does, is a whole other level of desensitization, maybe
some great spirit realizes you have three precious people depending on you, and
doesn't want you to go down that path.
I know, I don't.

Baby, there is a saying in the
bible,
“The sins of the
Father, (or the Mother,) are revisited on the Sons.”
 
Your actions,
mean something
baby.
Just like jumping up in the air, causes the spiritual law of gravity to pull
you back down to the ground, your actions, good or bad, kick off spiritual
things to happen, good or bad to you or those around you.  I love you
dearly. I love your children dearly because they came from you. I want
more than ever to be with you, so this is why I am telling you this.

I think of how stupid it was now,
and that is what also prompted me to change my outlook and my actions in life.
I cannot just do what I feel I want to because there are penalties and costs,
and NO ONE is bigger than the system. If they could arrest John Gotti and Al
Capone, then anyone can be got.

You once called me domestic, I will
tell you, 15 years ago, I was one of the meanest and angriest persons the
world could ever know. It would be nothing for me to do what I wanted and with
whatever was available to use.

But, I always knew I had talent, and
I always knew it was better to be in love with a woman and just to be with
her, than to be out doing knuckle headed shit to getting in trouble.  When
the cell door closes, very few people know your name. And all the friends you
thought you had, are gone.

Baby, I see you as such a precious
person. I love you and I want to be with you. I want to marry you. Yes, what we
do is fun, and we could have fun with others, but at the end of the day, I want
only you exclusively.

I’m working hard to make something
great of myself. I want to give you a better life than you have ever had, but
the difference with me is that I will never, ever take it away, because I would
hope that we would become really close, and have enough respect for each other
that we could talk our differences through and love each other during the
process.

I understand your need for alone
time baby, I have that too.

My beautiful, my love, I listen to
every word you say. The other night you mentioned that you “were pretty much,
mine.”

I have so much hope baby. I would
love for you to really want that to be true.   

I feel and see things starting to
change with us for the better. I feel we are getting closer.  ;-)

Like I said in my poem, Please allow
me a chance …?
 
Because
one is all that I would ever need.

Nothing but my …

Love...

because
I imagine you’re near me all the time

and
I act as though you are there, holding my

pillow
at night, just believing it’s you.

Gentleness…

when
I touch you, because you are as precious

to
me as nothing I can describe, all I know, is

when
I touch you it’s a chemical thing between

our
skin and it makes me dream of you.

Desire…

because
no one has ever made me feel what you

make
me feel.

Devotion…

to
want to love you, make sure you never have

another
worry or care, I want to be there for

you
in every way.

Willingness…

To
become whatever you need, to provide for

you
in this world and to make you proud of me
because I will never give up until we are together.

Hope
…

to
have you in my life always, to have you next to

me
every night, to feel you breathing peacefully

near
me, to look at you and think of how lucky I

have
been – to have beaten the odds of time, of

distance,
of location -- and to know that some

where,
here, in the stretch of existence, I came

into
your life, you allowed me your trust and

I
have won you as my own.

I
will never change how I feel about you.

I
will never stop asking to be with you.

I
will always do my best to care for you.

because
I am deeply in love with you.

Please
allow me just one chance with you?

Better late than never

Behind our eyes, it’s in the air,

the things we know and about

what we care.

So, I’m not good at hedging bets,

or reading minds, or staking claims.

All I know is, you will be happy with

me, when the time comes. 

You will love me –because I’ll

never give you a reason not to.

You will feel safe with me, because

you already are.

You will know how much I worship,

and cherish, and embellish, and desire

you.  Because, as the seconds tick by,
my words will fly to your ears.

And when the years stack, the truth

will eventually replace your fears.

Time. What a commodity.

If we had time like on a deserted

Island, then you might see.

That You’ll be happy with me,

and it will be better late,

than never.

Why fish are so cool …

Believe it or not,

It has a lot  -  do, with you and me.

Fish, the way I see,

live in a sort of society

so close to the human world,

than all animals on Earth.

There are small fish and long fish.

Far Traveling fish and homebody fish,

Pretty fish and ugly fish,

Exotic fish and regular fish,

Peaceful fish and dangerous fish.

Fish that swim at the top of the ocean,

And fish who live at the bottom.

Fish who are renowned and fish who

are unheard of.

They all live in a big pool, where

they can all meet and greet.

Sometimes, each other eat.

They swim by each other, mostly,

without a care and with their

funny eyes, tend to purposefully stare.

An Arabian Camel may never meet

A Snowshoe Hair, but a Shark can

cruise up to the Bahamas and abuse

a sunning reef seal.

Make that fucker into a meal,

and be so viciously indifferent
all the while in the process.

Fish are so cool,

to be a fish you can’t be any fool,

because the stress they live under in the  waves

is pretty much the exact same

and no different than our own.

You …

Are just so very unique.

Do I put this into words?

Dare do I even speak?

Do I exercise my nerve,

to phrase the many things I like about you, and I do
observe?

Should I tell you when I met you;

as you approached me, I withdrew.

Because I didn’t know what to think.

It seemed very odd that we would ever speak.

But, you were not meek,

You asked me to coffee first, (remember?)

At first, I was not going to bother.

This borrows from past experiences,

that it’s better to keep myself shrouded in mysteriousness.

But then I gave that thought another –

And now look at me?

Paddling wildly in the tsunami sea of wanting to see you
daily.

What can it be?

I see someone, whose eyes turn a shade lighter,

when her mood is made brighter,

by good conversations and uplifting situations.

I see a woman, so comfortable, that she makes others
internally feel

how she portrays herself externally.

I see a woman so naturally beautiful, that on makeup,

(I’m sure) a ton of money she saves.

I hear a voice, so even in pace,

that I’ll wait however long it takes,

just to hear whatever you have to say next.

In the exposition of that speech, you revere to actually
teach,

from an intellect so vast and collected, ready; endeared to
share.

For this life you made yourself well prepared, by the hard work
and attention to detail in your studies, for it shows.