Letters of Love (Lessons in Love) (19 page)

“Argh, you look amazing!” Ashley screamed excitedly as she entered the room.

“So do you.”

“This thing itches like crazy,” Ashley said, tugging at the fabric of her gown. “And don’t even get me started on the cap!”

Ashley was holding her cap, not yet daring to put it on her head and risk ruining her hair that she’d spent all morning curling for the occasion.

“You’ve got to put it on at some point,” Alex said, her own blonde hair already squashed tightly beneath the cap.

“I’m going to delay it until the very last second!”

“Fair enough.”

“Quick, give me a hug, and let’s get a picture of us in our sacred room before everything gets crazy.” 

The girls embraced
, and Ashley held her digital camera away from them at arm’s length and clicked, immortalizing the moment.

“I can’t believe we
’re graduating,” Alex said, struggling to believe that it was all happening.

“I know
.” Ashley put an arm around her friend, and they looked at themselves in the mirror.

“I’m going to miss living in this room,” Alex said sadly.

“No, none of that yet.” Ashley raised a hand and put on her stern voice. “We can get sad later. First, we’ve got a graduation to enjoy!”

Alex nodded
, though she already felt sad. The thought of no longer living with Ashley was unbearable. The two girls had become best friends over the past four years, and suddenly they would be living on separate sides of the country. Alex hated leaving people. Her least favorite part of life was having to part ways with those she loved, and in her lifetime, she felt she’d already said far too many good-byes.

“Now, I need you to put on your biggest smile and head downstairs to where all the families are gathering for the Kappa Pi pregraduation tea and cake,” Ashley ordered.

“Yes, Madame President.” Alex curtseyed jokingly.

“Ah, I’m going to miss hearing that,” Ashley said wistfully. “I need to get into the Whitehouse just to hear it again!”

“That’s as good a reason as any to embark on a presidential campaign,” Alex quipped.

“Less talk, more walk,” Ashley said, ushering Alex out of the bedroom that soon they would no longer share.

****

As Alex descended the staircase of the Kappa Pi house, she spotted her mother loitering nervously in the hallway. However, as soon as she spotted her daughter, she sprang to life, wrestling her disposable camera from her purse and frantically taking shots.

“Mom, come on, you can take pictures at the ceremony,” Alex moaned.

“But you look so amazing, I want to capture each moment!” Jackie Heron protested. She reached out and hugged her daughter as Alex came over. She held her extra tight, as though scared to let go.

“Mom, I can’t breathe
.” Alex pulled away, slightly suffocated by her mother’s overwhelming perfume.

Jackie Heron had made an extra
-special effort for her daughter’s graduation. She’d bought a smart new dress from Macy’s, thankfully on sale, and had her hair done by a friend in the trailer park. It made Alex proud to see her mother fit in with the society mothers, who were clucking around their own graduating offspring. Alex was painfully aware of how her mother might be intimidated by them, but she was holding her own.

“Where’s Andy?” Alex asked, glancing round as her mother appeared to be alone.

“He’s here somewhere, but a sorority house is no place for an eighteen-year-old,” Jackie said with worry.

“I’ll find him,” Alex offered, briefly leaving her mother to search the downstairs of the house for Andy.

It didn’t take her long to find him, or at least she thought it was him. There was a tall man in a grey suit standing over by the dining table, chatting away with one of the new pledges. Alex recognized the suit even from a distance; it had belonged to her father. She felt a momentary pang of despair at seeing it but pushed through it, sending the negative thoughts away.

“Andy?” Alex placed her hand on the guy’s shoulder, shocked by how tall he had become. Andy was easily six foot four, maybe five.

“Sis.” Andy smiled and hugged his sister, though with less enthusiasm than Jackie. He smelt strongly of cologne.

When Alex pulled away, she studied her brother
, who she’d barely seen in the last several years. His skin had cleared up, his acne now a distant, difficult memory. He was tall and lean, and his features had frighteningly morphed to resemble a younger version of their father. It shocked Alex to see him so grown up and yet so familiar.

“You’ve grown,” Alex noted, not sure what to say.

“If you were around more, you’d have noticed,” Andy said bitterly.

“I’ve been busy with college
. Don’t you start in the fall? You’ll soon see what it’s like,” Alex replied defensively.

Andy rolled his eyes.

“Mom told me that you got into Duke. That’s amazing.”

“Yeah.” Andy looked awkward, as though he were desperate to say something but holding it in.

“Everything okay? I thought you’d be pleased to see me,” Alex said, hurt.

“I am, of course I am
.” Andy smiled and coughed nervously. “It’s just… I missed you. And that’s hard for a brother to admit about his sister.” He laughed.

“I’ve missed you too.”

“You should have come home more.”

“I know,” Alex admitted guiltily.

“Mom needs you. She won’t admit it because she’s scared of holding you back, but it wouldn’t kill you to visit her during the holidays.”

“Andy, I know,” Alex said tersely.

“Good, well, now I’ve told you, we can be friends again.” He wrapped an arm around his sister, who was dwarfed by his long frame.

“And your first friendly act is to tell me all about that hot little redhead
.” Andy glanced back at the sorority sister he’d previously been chatting with.

“Andy, I’m not helping you pick up women!” Alex declared, freaked out at the realization that her brother was not only grown up but probably also dating.

“Like I need your help.” Andy laughed and headed off towards the redhead.

****

“Did you find Andy?” Jackie asked nervously when Alex returned to the hallway.

“He’s otherwise engaged,” Alex replied ambiguously.

“Never mind him, today is your day.” Jackie smiled. “And I’m so proud of you, Alexandra, as I know your dad would have been if he were here…” Her voice trailed off as she felt a lump form in her throat.

“I’m sorry I
haven’t been home more,” Alex said quickly, still feeling the sting from Andy’s comments.

“It’s okay
, sweetheart. You’re busy living your life, and that’s exactly what I wanted for you.” Jackie smiled kindly, her eyes now misted with tears.

“Now let’s go see you graduate!” Jackie beamed.

****

Alex felt lost among the throng of students as she lined up outside the auditorium. Graduates were lined up in alphabetical order, so Alex was away from both Ashley and Oscar, which saddened her. It would have been nice to be beside a friend as she went up to collect her diploma.

Nevertheless, the sun was shining
, and everyone was in high spirits as the seniors began to march into the auditorium that was already buzzing with excited family members.

Alex sat and fidgeted in her gown while listening to the opening speech given by the
president of the school. Ashley had been right about the gowns being itchy.

As the
president spoke about hard work, dedication and the future, Alex scanned the crowd around her for a familiar face. It didn’t take her long to locate Ashley, who was half a dozen rows behind. Ashley was also looking over the sea of faces, and when she spotted Alex, she waved enthusiastically.

Once the
president finished speaking, everyone applauded politely and took a deep breath. Next came the part where each student went up individually to pick up their diplomas. It was a proud moment, a moment all of them would remember for the rest of their lives. Alex braced herself, trying not to be overwhelmed by the intensity of it all.

A long roll call of strangers w
as read out by one of the deans, but as he got to surnames beginning with Ds, Alex’s interest piqued as she looked intently at the stage, nervously excited to see Oscar pick up his diploma.

“Oscar Deloitte, graduating in English Language and Literature,” the
dean called into the microphone, but no eager gown-clad student made the brisk walk across the stage.

“Oscar Deloitte,” the
dean called again. The president waited with the rolled-up certificate in his hand, poised to be handed over. Still no one came onto the stage, Alex glanced along the line of waiting students, who appeared bemused by Oscar’s absence.

Unfazed, the
president handed the unclaimed certificate to a staff member behind him and waited for the next student from the extensively long list of names.

Alex felt numb and powerless. Where was Oscar? She wanted to flee the ceremony and find him. How could he miss his own graduation? What was he thinking? She feared that he’d taken his desire to fight conformity too far. It meant everything to his parents to see him graduate. Like her own family, they knew the pain of loss, and it made them cherish moments like these more dearly.

Alex’s panic turned to anger. She was mad at Oscar for not turning up, for not honoring his parents’ wishes in favor of staging some stupid protest. Seething, Alex ground her teeth. Oscar could really infuriate her sometimes. But she refused to let him ruin the ceremony for her. She was there to pick up her own diploma, and she’d do so smiling so that her mother could forever look back on the image and be proud.

Later,
after all the diplomas had been handed out and as the valedictorian made a speech about the importance of tomorrow, Alex could think of nothing but Oscar. She felt strangely hurt by his behavior. If he’d chosen not to attend, he should have at least told her as much. He’d gone to great lengths to appear to care; he’d even rented a cap and gown. Only the previous day Alex had been in his dorm room joking about in it, pretending it was a bat cape, and he’d berated her, saying to be careful as he’d have to return it after the ceremony. He appeared to be taking the whole graduation thing seriously, but then why hadn’t he turned up?

“We’re graduates!” Ashley ran over to Alex once they were released from the auditorium and allowed to mill about outside for pictures. The girls hugged and giggled excitedly.

“One step closer to world domination!” Ashley joked.

“Yeah, exactly!” Alex smiled back but couldn’t hide her troubled feelings.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah
, I’m fine.” In her peripheral vision Alex saw both sets of parents approaching them so knew she had to remain composed and happy.

“Worried about Oscar?” Ashley guessed.

“I just don’t get why he wouldn’t turn up,” Alex admitted.

“It’s trademark Oscar
, if you ask me.” Ashley sighed. “But if you’re worried, just give him a call. Put your mind at rest before we all go out for dinner.”

“Yeah, you’re right
.” Alex nodded. “Hey, Mom, can I have my cell phone for a moment?” Alex called to Jackie as she came over, Andy lagging behind with the camera that was already all used up.

“I just need to call Oscar real quick.”

“He wasn’t there, was he?” Jackie asked, concerned.

“No, he wasn’t.”

“Is everything all right?”

“I think so, yeah, I just need to call him.”

****

“Hello,” a male voice answered that Alex knew immediately wasn’t Oscar’s.

“Where is Oscar?” she demanded angrily.

“Alex, it’s Oscar’s dad, Terry. Oscar took an overdose and is in the hospital,” Terry Deloitte said gently, though his voice quivered with emotion.

“I’ll be right there,” Alex managed to reply
. She felt the world begin to crumble around her. She was in floods of tears by the time she hung up on the call.

“Alex, is everything al
l right?” Jackie hurried over to her weeping daughter.

“It’s Oscar
.” Alex sobbed. “He’s in the hospital!”

****

Alex managed to calm down during the drive over to the local hospital. Ashley’s father kindly drove both her and her mother there, a pained look of sadness etched across his face the entire time.

“I’m sure he
’ll be all right,” Jackie said soothingly.

“Why would he do this to himself?” Alex said, quivering. “Why would he want to die?”

“I don’t know, honey.” Jackie shook her head. “He must be a very troubled young man.”