Let's Spend the Night Together: Backstage Secrets of Rock Muses and Supergroupies (54 page)

When I learned that the twenty-three-year-old groupie (and proud of it) had joyously discovered Gram Parsons through my books, I suggested she come to my boyfriend Mike Stinson's upcoming gig, as he is cut from the same hand-embroidered, honky-tonk cloth. She arrived decked out in a pioneer-girl dress very reminiscent of my purple gingham Burrito sister squaredance frock. It was my birthday, and we danced all night to Mike's true country tunes. As she bopped and swayed, Amanda's glowing face seemed lit from within.

It's been such a pleasure coming across a doll after my own heart. And even though most of her conquests aren't household names (yet), her adoration for her unsung heroes is all-consuming and very familiar.

Like many self-proclaimed outcasts, her love for classic rock and roll saved Amanda's sanity and self-worth throughout her sad, disturbing childhood. Raised in stately SoCal mansions, mainly by a Guatemalan housekeeper, Amanda was neglected and barely tolerated by her reclusive, egomaniacal mother. Her daddy, screenwriter John Milius, enthralled the public with films such as Apocalypse Now, Clear and Present Danger, and most recently, the HBO miniseries Rome. Unfortunately, he fled the family's Bel-Air digs when Amanda was still in the womb, dump ing her mother for a bit player in his film Red Dawn, whom he later married. These days, Amanda has made wary peace with her dad, declaring that their relationship is "friendly" rather than "parental."

A year ago, Amanda returned from a long stay in New York, where she completed her student films and philosophy thesis at Eugene Lang College. One of her many goals is to make `°70s era-inspired psychedelic road movies, westerns, and California noir." While in Manhattan, she spent several months as a livein rock gal pal, alongside Sune Wagner from the Danish band the Raveonettes. She was also a constant and integral part of the vibrant alt-country bluegrass scene and had some unforgettable, swoony nights with one of her heroes, Greg Garing, a downtown Nashville legend (now playing guitar with Hank Williams III). While photographing bands for a music festival, she met her current beau, Richie Eaton, singer/guitar player for the upstart loud and rowdy Anaheim band the Willowz.

Amanda wears her long, dark hair parted evenly down the middle, and very little makeup, preferring the unfettered, au naturel look to blatant eye-catching dazzle. Her scrubbed clean innocence, however, neatly belies the holy terror she regularly morphs into. Amanda admittedly teeters on the edge, drinks a lot of liquor, and brazenly acts out at clubs. She dresses like she's on her way to a love-in and is on a constant search for vintage boutique hippie garb. She speaks quickly and energetically, as if there might not be enough time to share all her antics before dashing off to one more show. We somehow fit our conversation in between gigs and parties and her oddball odd jobs.

"I remember crawling around my parents' big stone house. It's kinda sad-I was alone a lot," Amanda tells me. "I didn't see my dad much until I was seven, and we finally started talking when I was thirteen. We're more like buddies; he thinks I'm a total fuckup but he likes it because he was a total fuckup. I think he enjoys that I'm the only child of his getting arrested repeatedly and kicked out of schools."

The first memory of her stepmother still sends a prolonged shiver down Amanda's spine. "She's the banshee on the hill. I try not to think about her ghoulish, white, screaming face. In my childhood mind she represented a primordial sense of evil. I remember going to Dad's house when I was four and she told me if I made any noise, the witches upstairs were going to eat me. I have two half brothers, but I grew up with my mom. Her name is Celia Kay and she was in Island of the Blue Dolphins. But more frequently it was just me and my housekeeper, Mema. My first word was `agua,' Spanish for `water.' I'm still close with her. I don't care what my parents think of me. Mema's the only person I'm afraid of disappointing. She instilled the only morals I have. She's very nunlike and wanted me to be nunlike, but it didn't happen."

Amanda says that her "teenage problems" actually began when she was in grade school. "Things went sour with my mom so early. I made a conscious decision at about eight: `These people are crazy. If I'm going to grow up to be the person I want to be, I'm never going to depend on anybody or be afraid of anything."

She remembers blanking out to the Doors, leaving grief and chaos behind. "My mom and I fought viciously and I was in a constant state of unrest. Anything that blocked out the sound of the world was important to me. I had the swimming pool and I had my Walkman. I'd stay underwater as long as I could because it was silent down there. I'd press the Walkman against my ear and lose myself in the Doors, the Rolling Stones, Guns N' Roses, Led Zeppelin."

With so much time unattended and unrestricted, imaginative Amanda turned her first boyfriend into her own living, breathing rock star. "Matt was older than me and the embodiment of Jim Morrison because he wrote poems and played music that sounded like the Doors. I glorified the past and still do, so modern musicians have never intimidated me. I was aware that they were just people I could hang out with. The greats were gods, but it was easy to talk to mortals. Since I didn't have anything to say to anyone at high school, it seemed artists, musicians, and general L.A. weirdos were the only people I made sense with."

One of the most horrendous conflicts with her mother began when she spotted muddy footprints on Amanda's windowsill the night she lost her virginity. "But I never regretted sleeping with Matt for a second. He wrote the most beautiful poetry and love songs. He was a perfect teenage dream and such a bad boy. I loved him, but he got me really into drugs."

By using a fake ID, or charming the doormen, Amanda started haunting the Whisky, the Troubadour, and the Roxy. "I told stories up the wazoo about leaving my wallet at my grandmother's house. I just wanted to be on the Sunset Strip. It didn't matter who was playing, I wanted to be near the music."

Excerpts from Amanda's diaries convey her desolate state of mind:

11-20-96

Got in another fight with my mom and she sat there like a dumb bitch while one of her boyfriends screamed at me, threw stuff and hit me. I hate her so much I wanna kill them both. I'm so full of sadness and anger I'm going to end up killing myself if I stay here. Dad won't call me back. He is in Texas shooting a movie. I want to die. I'm not crazy.

4-12-97

Kara's Flowers played at the Alligator Lounge tonight. They think they are the Beatles. They light candles and sing like it's the '60s. I don't feel awkward at these places. I feel better in bars than in real life. [Kara's Flowers went on to become Maroon Five.]

4-15-97

I was reading the encyclopedia of serial killers under the bleachers at assembly and this boy said it was a terrible thing for a young girl to read. Whatever. There is so much I want to do. I want to figure out what my writing style is before it is tainted by the Brentwood English department. They are robots. I don't care if I never get a good grade or have any friends, I will never be boring and normal like them.

9-4-97

I hate 9th grade. I got stoned and went to the Whisky. Some drunk guy tried to dance with me and asked for my number. If he calls I'm going to tell him I'm a lesbian.

9-22-97

I met a guy named Matt and I love him. He is Jim Morrison I think. He doesn't live anywhere and he's 19, rides a dirtbike, wears a leather jacket, and smells like beer and cigarettes. I had to sneak out and it was really foggy and I saw him standing under the streetlight.

12-5-97

I just got back from the KROQ Christmas show. Jane's Addiction was really great. Art Alexakis from Everclear asked if I wanted to go back to the dressing rooms and I got freaked and told him I was 14. He was shocked but left me alone. Marilyn Manson invited us to go to a party with him in his limo!! (what kind of party would that be?!) but Lisa was too nervous. I'm so pissed we didn't go. I will never not do something because of my parents.

1-29-98

Being 15 is amazing. Last night I snuck out to see Matt and the moment I saw him I knew I would love him forever and he would never be mine. I don't care. He makes meth in a bathtub and sells it for a living. I don't mind. I want him to be the first person I have sex with. He makes me a different person, more like a god. He's like a god.

1-30-98

I had sex with Matt last night and I'm so glad I did. We went driving on Sunset and he bought some acid at a 7-11. Then I snuck him in my window and we had sex. The only light was coming from my stereo. "Light My Fire" was playing. I wish I could have crawled into his brain.

7-30-98

Life is getting intense. I'm going to boarding school in the fall. I saw Ringo Starr at the Roxy last night. I called Matt and a girl answered and said he was in jail.

9-24-98

Boarding school fucking sucks, it's fucking cold. I took acid and called my mom and the phone was dialing itself and I couldn't stop laughing. My mother is an idiot. My roommate had a bad trip and almost got us caught. A senior girl talked her out of it, she's an old hippie. She likes the Grateful Dead.

11-7-98

I had some meth sent from CA and everybody loves it. Now I have a ton of money to buy acid in town. I stole my dad's credit card numbers and have accounts at all the stores. I'm gonna save money and run away back to L.A.

Acid notes:

Bacchus is lying on top of me. Ray Manzarek was an asshole. The inside of your lungs are basically the same as trees. Slash is my Dad. I'm reborn in guitars.

Along with venting in her diary, live music temporarily freed Amanda from her hazardous predicament. "I was standing at the front of the stage like I was worshipping at an altar. I felt it intensely at fourteen. I think young girls feel music in a way nobody else does. It made me feel part of something. I've always felt I'm living in a postapocalyptic musical world. Meeting Robert was the coolest moment, and that night was epic for me, but why couldn't I have seen Led Zeppelin when they were Led Zep pelin? If only I'd been born earlier-I would have been right there with you. I wish the word `groupie' still meant something more than just girls who have sex with guys in bands. I always thought it did mean something more: an appreciation and love for music."

Along with a pack of girls from school, Amanda went to the Roxy and finally made her first rock star acquaintance. "Some boys from our grade formed a ridiculous high school punk band. When they got offstage, another band came on, and their singer was a cross between Kurt Cobain and Mick Jagger. He was all dripping wet with long black hair-and I was like, `Oh, my God!"

The girls with Amanda were content to sigh over this skinny treat, but when they decided to leave, Amanda stayed put. "They said, `We can't leave you here! How are you gonna get home?' and I'm like, `I'll figure it out-go away!' I went up to the singer and said, `I think you're beautiful and I'd like to smoke a cigarette with you.' I didn't even smoke cigarettes at the time! He's like, 'OK.' I don't even remember his name, but I know he was English. It was the first time I was backstage at the Roxy, and while we were sitting on this nasty couch making out, I thought, `This isn't very glamorous!"'