Let It Snow (64 page)

"I was thinking about earlier, when I called red."

"Okay, what about it?"

"I let that bastard win tonight. He made me scared of sex, and that fear deprived me of an orgasm or three. I don't want him to have that kind of power over me any more."

"What do you want to do about it?"

"Aw, fuck. I want three orgasms, no pain, and I want to be able to have a normal sex life."

Finn was conflicted. He so desperately wanted to agree, but he didn't want this to end up making things worse for her. Caution won out. "I don't know about this, love. I think we should hold off for a bit to give you more time to get used to the idea."

"No. I've been thinking about it for hours. You said all you'll ever ask me to do is try, and I want to try."

"Okay. If you're sure, we can try, but you have to promise to call red if you are even a little bit uncomfortable."

"I promise."

"Good. Just like a scene, I'm going to give you the details up front. No surprises, I promise."

"Okay."

"I am going to lay here on my back with my hands at my side, and you are going to sit on my cock. You may go as slowly as you need, but you may only travel downward unless you safeword. Once I am completely inside you, I'm going to need to use my hands for the vibrator, okay?"

"As okay as it's going to get."

"Fair enough. One more choice before we begin. Do you want to put the condom on, or shall I?"

"I want to do it."

Finn turned and opened the drawer of his bedside table. From it, he extracted a condom, a Rabbit and a bullet. He turned back to Mac and handed her the condom. He grinned as he held up the Rabbit. "A birdie told me this is your vibrator of choice, but I think the bullet will better serve our purpose tonight. "

"I don't know whether to thank that birdie, or give all his shoes to Gounod."

Finn chuckled. "Okay, love, one last thing before you put my condom on. Are you wet, or do we need lube?"

"Believe it or not, I'm totally wet."

"Show me." Mac flushed, but dipped a finger inside and held it in front of him. He opened his mouth and she slipped her wet finger in. Finn moaned as he sucked her finger clean before releasing it. She was killing him. "Honey, I sure like the taste of things to come. Condom, please."

Mac opened the packet and removed the condom before kneeling beside Finn. She rolled it onto his cock and winked, looking pleased with herself when she was done. "There."

"Good girl. Whenever you're ready." She shifted so she had one knee either side of Finn's body. It took all his concentration to stay perfectly still while he watched Mac struggle with her task "Colour, Mac?"

"Greenish Yellow?"

"Okay. Not a standard response, but we'll go with it. We're on your time, baby. No hurry."

"Oh, we're in a hurry, pal. I want my feckin' orgasms, dammit."

"Alrighty, then." Finn watched Mac briefly close her eyes before reaching down and grasping the base of his cock. She held it steady as she positioned herself so the tip was touching her entrance. "Colour?"

"I'm surprisingly green."

Finn watched Mac's pussy swallow his cock one agonising inch at a time. He fought his need for control, his arms rigidly at his sides, bullet clenched in his fist. The minute she bottomed out, he had the vibrator on and positioned over her clit.

***

"I'm going to come, I'm going to come..." The bullet buzzed against her clit and Mac let out a low moan as her world exploded in a kaleidoscope of colour.

"Two more, baby."

Mac leaned forward, placing her hands on Finn's chest for support as she undulated her hips to increase the pressure of the vibrator on her clit. The pleasure built again and she whined as her pelvis jerked uncontrollably.

"There you go, sweetheart. Last one."

Mac wasn't sure she had another in her. She didn't think she'd come so hard in her life. Maybe there was something to this whole orgasm deferral thing.

Finn's eyes twinkled. "Honey, if you can think, I'm not doing my job properly."

The speed of the vibrator increased and she was completely overwhelmed by the sensation. "Stop, stop, stop, please stop. I can't take any more."

***

Finn immediately killed the vibrator and replaced his hands at his sides. His first instinct was to pull Mac off him, but he was terrified that touching her would be worse than leaving her be, so he remained perfectly still. "Colour, love?"

"Yellow."

"Good. What do you need?"

"I need a hug"

"Okay. Do you want to climb off me first?"

"No. I'm okay. Actually, I like how you feel inside me. I just couldn't take another orgasm."

"In that case, how about you lay yourself down on my chest and I'll give you that hug. You can have the last orgasm another time."

Mac lay down with her right cheek resting on Finn's chest. He wrapped his arms around her back and tilted his head forward to kiss the top of her head.

"What about you?" Mac asked.

"What about me?"

"You must be going nuts, being inside me and not coming."

"I'm fine. I am so proud of you right now, I could burst."

"I'm proud of me too."

"Good girl. Are you ready for sleep now?"

"Almost. I want you to come inside me first."

"That's thoughtful of you, sweetness, but—"

"Please, Finn. I want to try more. I'm feeling really brave right now, even without feeling insanely needy. Like you keep saying, I've got safewords."

Finn let Mac go and set his hands back at his sides. "You're in charge."

"In that case, please put your hands on my hips and take control."

"Honey, I don't want to take any chances with you."

"I'm asking you to. I'm being clear in what I want. Please?"

Finn knew he wouldn't last long, and he was grateful. Maybe this wasn't a bad idea. After all, he and Sully had been after her to push her boundaries. "Alright. You have your safewords, but I want you to keep your hands on mine and pull on them if you need me to let go of you."

"Okay."

Finn started with his hands on Mac's knees and slid them up her legs until they rested on her hips. Mac put her hands over them and squeezed. "You can hold them harder than that."

"You told me I was in control. This is how it's going to be. This time. Eyes on me." Finn fixed his eyes on Mac's as he held her hips still and gently pumped himself in and out of her body. With a wicked smile, she began clenching her inner muscles and it was all over. His hands tightened on her hips and he thrust wildly, finally holding her hard to him as his orgasm subsided.

As sanity returned, Finn realised what he'd done and tried to pull his hands from Mac's hips. "Baby, I'm so sorry."

Mac grinned and held his hands in place for a moment before letting go and laying back down on his chest. "There's nothing to be sorry for. It was wonderful and amazing."

"Honey, you didn't come."

"No, not this time. But after those first two orgasms, I don't feel deprived. I think it might even be better that I didn't. The last time a man was inside me I didn't come either. For obvious reasons. Apparently, not only can I have sex, it doesn't have to be wrapped in an orgasm for me to enjoy it."

"Did you really enjoy it?"

"Yeah. I did. I think I might want to do that again, really soon."

"I may need a little recovery time. You blew more than my mind, love."

"Good."

Finn knew sex wasn't always going to go so smoothly, but this first time being such a success had him cautiously optimistic about their future. There was still a plethora of sexual land mines to navigate, and for the short-term, they would have a detailed plan for each sexual encounter, even though it would not be part of a scene. That fucker did a good job of tainting sex and bondage for Mac. Perhaps one day, they'd get her to a point where she could handle being restrained and maybe even during sex, he mused. Slow down and deal with sex first.

Mac's voice brought him out of his head. "You're thinking awfully hard. What's the matter?"

"Just thinking about the future."

"Anything you'd care to share with me?"

"Sure. I was thinking about sex."

"Mmmm. What about it?"

"That we're going to have lots more of it, but we need to be prepared for issues to come up, and accept them as part of the process. We'll have to explore and experiment in order to establish your limits. While what we just shared was incredible, neither of us will be satisfied with what we did tonight being the only dish on the menu."

"I know, and I trust you."

"That means everything to me, baby. I need to get rid of this condom before we have a problem. Can you please lift off slowly?" Finn slipped his hand between their bodies and held the condom in place as Mac raised herself up and over to Finn's side. "I'll be back in just a minute, sweetheart. You stay put. I'll bring a nice warm cloth to clean you up.

***

Mac had barely started her second cup of tea before Finn resurrected their discussion of Christmas plans.

"We agreed that you'd give me an answer this morning."

"You don't let anything go, do you?"

"Nope. A deferral is the best you can hope for. So?"

After so much upheaval in her life lately, Mac was tempted to escape it by continuing her solo Christmas routine. However, deep down she knew it would be a disaster. She felt safe and alive when she was with Finn. Being home alone, at best made her feel numb. "I guess I'll be hunting and gathering dessert."

"Excellent. Last concert tonight. I'll miss having you play with Dominant Cord, but lucky for me, I can play with you any time I like, day or night. Finn waggled his eyebrows and stole a kiss.

Mac slipped out of Finn's bed. She had to get away and think. She grabbed her robe and slipped it on as she tip-toed from the room. Tea. She'd ruminate over a quiet cup of tea.

Gounod wove between her feet as she put the kettle on. She absently bent and picked him up, as she scratched beneath his chin. "What do you think, little brat?"

"I don't know what he thinks, but I'm thinking, why aren't you in bed where you belong?"

Mac nearly dropped the cat as she spun to face Finn. "I couldn't sleep."

"Apparently. What's wrong, love?"

"Probably final concert adrenalin pumping through my veins."

"Sit down." Mac did as she was told and Finn took a seat next to her. "Let's try again. What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I feel all mixed up. One minute I'm happy and life's great, the next, I feel like I'm making a huge mistake and my world is going to explode. We're done with the Christmas concerts and I don't know why I'm still here."

"Sweetheart, you're here because that's what we both want. This is between you and me on a personal level. The only way this connects professionally is how we met. I know you're scared. You've got all kinds of good reasons to be, but we're working on them. Together."

"I don't know. I keep feeling like I should go home."

Finn laid a hand over Mac's. "What do you have waiting for you there?"

"My life."

"Tell me what that life has that you can't have here?"

"Control. I have no control here."

"You have all the control, love. Nothing happens you don't want. You may give me your power, but you can take it away with a single word. You've proven that."

"No, I mean, at home, my life was ordered exactly how I like it."

"Really? You still haven't answered me. What does that life have that you can't have here?"

"Fuck, I don't know. I just want to run away to where I feel safe."

"What makes that life more safe than this one?"

Mac was irritated. He was worse than a bloody shrink with all this probing. "I don't know. Stop asking me these questions. I just want to run away."

"Honey, you've been on your own for a really long time. You've only ever had Sully to rely on, and I suspect you didn't lean on him nearly enough. Being alone is what you're used to, so that's what makes you feel comfortable and safe. I get that.

"This is pretty scary for me too. It's been a long time since I've committed to more than a scene or two and some sex. You're the first person I've been serious about since I lost my wife. When we first got together, you were worried about me running from you. Look at me. I'm right here, Mac, and I'm not leaving. Give us a chance and stay. Please?"

Mac looked at Finn, a tear trickling down her cheek. "You're right, I'm terrified. What if this doesn't work out? What if you come to hate me?"

Finn wiped the tear away. "Then we deal. No more borrowing trouble."

"I don't know if I can do this, Finn."

"I'm not asking you to do this. I'm only asking you to try."

Mac nodded and Finn pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. "Let me take you back to bed. We're both exhausted. Things will look better in the morning."

Finn trailed a finger down Mac's back. "Santa comes tonight."

"I just bet he does."

After her emotional upheaval the previous night, Finn was glad to see she'd regained some spunk. "Careful, or he might not let you come with him."

"Sorry Santa."

"You just might be." Finn cupped Mac's face in his hand. "Remember when I asked you to go steady and you asked if you get to wear my class ring?"

"Yeah, you said, 'Something like that,' as I recall."

He released her face and took her hand. In it, he placed the small box he'd been holding behind his back. "Mac. Will you wear my something like a class ring?"

She looked down at the box in her hand and opened it to reveal a gold chain with a heart-shaped padlock and keys. She looked at Finn, her eyes filled with tears. "This is a lot more serious than a class ring."

"Yes, it is. I love you, Mac." Finn leaned in and kissed her. "Will you wear it? Please?"

"I can't believe you love me."

"Of course I love you. What's not to believe. You're sweet, and beautiful, and sexy and you keep my dick hard just by being in the general vicinity, you are a talented musician, and you make me so very, very happy."