Let It Snow (58 page)

Mac smirked at the exchange and felt her shoulders relax a bit.

"Have a seat while our diva decides whether he requires an uncomfortable chair to prove his manliness." Finn indicated a recliner to Mac that would have suited Sully's needs perfectly, and feeling a touch mischievous, she accepted.

Sully huffed. "Fuck you, Finn. And you too, Mac."

Mac rolled her eyes at Finn and giggled. He responded with a wink, sparking that increasingly familiar tingle between her legs.

"Oh, settle yourself down before you disturb a scene." Finn reached for a Coke and waited for Sully to get himself comfortable before handing it over. "Can I get you something, Mac?"

"I'm fine for now, thanks."

Mac gave a little jump when she felt Finn settle on the floor and take her right foot in his hands. "What on earth are you doing? You should be attending to your sub, not fulfilling Sully's foot fantasies."

"And if I had a sub here, I would be attending to her needs. Since I don't, I am free to attend to yours. Now just sit back, watch whatever scenes interest you, and enjoy."

***

Finn kept a close eye on which scenes grabbed Mac's attention and filed them away for future reference. The activities she watched openly would be good rewards for her trying the ones she was uncomfortable about, yet found irresistible. He continued to rub her feet, but occasionally worked his way up to her calves, careful not to overstay his welcome.

The way Mac's eyes kept wandering to the corner of the room where Jackson sat in a chair, spanking the sub draped over his lap, gave Finn his first clue to what Mac found appealing. If it hadn't been for her slight shiver and the small, sharp intake of breath, he would have missed her quick glance at Wilson working his rope magic. Interesting. Something to keep in mind for the very distant future, if ever. He knew what seemed arousing in fantasy, could be disastrous in reality, and with Mac's experience, he didn't feel particularly optimistic on that front. While he liked to work with rope occasionally, it didn't get him all fired up like it did Wilson.

Mac interrupted his thoughts. "Finn, you can stop any time."

"I told you I would be attending your needs today, and unless there is something you need more than your feet rubbed, I'm happy to keep doing what I'm doing. Is there something more pressing you need?"

"Um, no. It's just that you've been at it for an awfully long time, and while it feels great, I don't want to monopolise you."

"We'll just carry on then, shall we?"

"Yeah, I guess."

***

Even though everyone else was leaving, Mac didn't want to go. She was completely relaxed, and one look at Sully told her he was perfectly happy to stay put. To hell with it. She wanted to spend more time with Finn and with Sully here, she was safe.

She looked up and smiled as Finn returned to the playroom after seeing the last of his guests out the door.

"Mmm, there's nothing I like better than a contented smile, especially if I helped produce it."

"Stop fishing. Yes, you're the main cause, but don't let it go to your head."

"I'll try not to. It's getting late, and Sully is looking rather comfortable. How about you both spend the night?"

Mac sucked in a breath and let it out slowly as she tried to control her panic. "Absolutely not. Sully can stay. I'll pick him up in the morning and take him home."

Sully piped up. "Oh, Mac, come on, it's just a sleep-over. You can even bring me breakfast in bed. It'll be fun. You may not think so right now because it's outside of your comfort-zone, but honey, you've gotta start pushing the boundaries, and with me here, and Finn knowing the whole score, it's probably the safest opportunity you could ask for."

"I can't believe you think the prospect of me bringing you breakfast in bed qualifies as incentive. I already moved out of my comfort-zone by attending this party. Don't you think that's enough for one day?"

"I know how hard it was for you to come tonight. But you are so strong, and so capable of pushing harder than this, and I think you should. You know about safewords. Stay a little longer, and see how you feel. If you're uncomfortable, just say yellow, and we'll do whatever is necessary to get you back to green, and if you really need to bail, just call red. Okay?"

"I don't know, Sully. I'm scared."

"I know, sweetheart. We talked about this. I want you to think very carefully, will giving in to your fear be holding you back?"

Mac waffled back and forth, but in her heart, she knew Sully was right. She was letting fear hold her back. She hated when Sully was right. It made him rather insufferable as he rubbed it in. Fuck it. Every time she let her fear rule her, that monster won. Maybe it was time to start taking back her life. "If I were to stay, where would I sleep?"

Finn spoke up. "I have a couple of spare rooms. I promise, absolutely nothing will happen you don't want to happen. Okay? Like Sully said, you have safewords, and they work for every situation, no matter what."

Mac hugged her knees, and rested her chin on top of them. She closed her eyes, took in a long, deep breath, held it, and waited for her heart to stop hammering before she let it escape. "Okay, I'll try."

"Good," Sully said, "now can we move this party upstairs? As comfy as this damned fainting couch is, I don't want to end up sleeping on it."

***

So far, so good, Finn thought as he followed Sully and Mac up the stairs. He and Sully figured they'd be doing well if they got Mac to stay until everyone else had left the play party. That she had agreed to spend the night, was beyond a bonus. Of course agreeing to spend the night, and actually doing it, were two completely different things. "Sully, how about you come with me to show Mac to her room before you head on to yours."

"We're going to bed now?" Mac asked.

Finn couldn't help but feel a little triumphant at the disappointment he saw on Mac's face. So far, the night had been a total success, and he was not going to do anything to jeopardise it. "Yes, we're going to bed now. One look, and I can tell you're both shattered. A good night's sleep is what we all need, so let's get a move on."

The scream that jolted him from sleep had already stopped, but the muffled moans had him out of bed and through the door before his brain had really kicked in. "What the fuck?" It was fortunate he'd chosen to wear pyjama bottoms to bed, because he was already in Mac's room before his choice of sleepwear became a consideration. He raced to the bed and crouched next to it as he flipped on the lamp. He remained perfectly still and spoke softly. "Mac, wake up, love. It's just a bad dream. I'm not going to touch you, but you need to wake up, baby."

Mac continued to moan, and Finn let out a sigh of relief as he heard Sully come shuffling through the door. "Thank fuck. Get in here and do something. I don't want to touch her and freak her out more, but she's not responding to my words."

"Dammit, I thought she was over this. I'll talk to her, but you're going to have to hold her, because she might struggle, even with me. Just try and hold her so she'll see me when she opens her eyes."

Finn eased onto the bed beside Mac. As he slipped his arms around her and gently pulled her into his side, she went limp and stopped moaning. He rocked her gently as he stroked her hand and rubbed his cheek against the top of her head.

"Mac, wake up, sweetie. Finn's got you." Sully stroked her cheek and tried again. "Come on, Mac. You need to wake up. Finn's got you, but you're safe. I promise, you're safe."

Finn knew the instant she woke up. Her body stiffened for a moment before the struggling began.

"Enough," Finn ordered. Mac obeyed and Finn continued, "Mac, you're fine love. You were having a nightmare, and just talking to you wasn't helping. Give me a colour."

After a brief pause, Mac replied, "Yellow."

"Yellow we can work with. Does something need to change, or do you just need a minute."

Mac took a little longer, then relaxed back into Finn's side as she said, "I just need a minute."

Sully stroked Mac's cheek once more and asked, "Do you need me to stay, or are you okay with me heading back to my own bed?"

Mac turned her head and looked into Finn's eyes before answering. "I think I'll be okay, you go back to bed."

"Brave girl. I'll see you in the morning."

Finn shifted their bodies so he was sitting against the headboard with Mac's body snuggled tight to his side, her legs draped over his lap.

They sat like that for a long time before Mac finally spoke. "Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"Not being the asshole I first thought you were for starters, I think."

Finn chuckled. "Thank you for not being the junkie I first took you for."

"What a pair we are."

"Well, now that we know what we aren't, how about we get a better idea of what we are?"

"Okay, you go first."

"Remember, you can still use your safewords at any time."

"I'll remember."

Finn thought hard. Talk about walking a fine line. What to ask that pushes the envelope without tearing it? He needed to make this question count because he didn't want to make her shut down. "Right then, let's go for an easy one. What's your favourite part of a man's body. Where do your eyes go first when you meet a man you find interesting?"

"I check out the upper arms. I like them to be muscular, but not in a body-builder way. If a guy needs to flex his biceps in the mirror, his arms are too muscular. I want to feel like those arms are for holding me and keeping me safe, not for his own personal eye-candy."

Finn chuckled. "I can assure you that I never flex any of my muscles in a mirror. I'm going to cheat a bit, and ask a follow up question. How would you rate my arms?"

He resisted the groan that threatened when Mac reached up and gave his left biceps a bit of a squeeze.

"I'd say you're well within acceptable muscular parameters."

"That's a relief. Your turn to ask me something."

"Same question."

"My favourite part on a man's body is..."

Mac giggled. "Smart-ass. You know what I meant."

Finn toyed with giving a less provocative answer, but he refused to be anything less than completely honest. "Okay, I'd have to say lips. They're so very versatile."

"I buy that."

Finn watched with interest as Mac caught her lower lip in her teeth and screwed her eyes shut. He waited patiently for her to resolve her inner conflict.

With her eyes still squeezed shut, she said, "You got a follow up, so it's only fair that I do too. How would you rate my lips?" She'd no sooner got the words out and her face was buried into his shoulder.

Finn just about stopped breathing. It was the logical follow up, but that she'd asked it had him scrambling for a satisfactory answer that wouldn't scare the shit out of her. Finally, he went with his instincts.

He took her chin between his thumb and forefinger, then gently guided her face to meet his. He paused for a moment and looked into her eyes before touching his lips to hers. "Kissable, most definitely kissable," he declared. He gave her another, slightly longer kiss before releasing her chin. Finn was worried he'd pushed too far, but it was too to late change it.

Mac sighed. "That's a relief."

Finn hugged Mac a little closer to him and kissed the top of her head. "Are you up for another question, or are you ready to go back to sleep?"

"I'm feeling pretty sleepy."

"Alright. Let's get you all tucked in before I head back to bed, then."

Mac stiffened, then asked, "Can you stay with me? At least until I fall asleep?"

"Whatever you need."

Finn extricated himself from Mac and waited for her to settle back into bed. Sensing she needed him to do more than sit on the edge of the bed and hold her hand until she fell asleep, he eased in, then tucked her into his side with her head resting on his chest. "This okay?"

Finn felt her nod. He waited a few extra minutes after her body went slack to be sure she was asleep before trying to disengage himself from their tangled bodies. He wanted to stay, but didn't want to do anything that might snuff out that tiny glimmer of trust she was developing in him.

***

Something was wrong. Mac clawed her way from sleep as she realised Finn was getting out of bed. She'd felt safe and content in his arms. Panic gripped her, and she said the first thing that came to mind. "Yellow."

"What?"

"Yellow."

"Okay. Does something need to change, or do you just need a minute?"

"That depends."

"You're going to have to give me more than that, baby."

"It depends on whether you're leaving or just shifting position."

Please don't leave me. She was surprised by her silent plea. Sully had slept with her and kept her safe for months after it happened, but never once, did she feel content.

Finn stroked her cheek. "I promised to stay until you fell asleep. I thought you had, so I was heading back to my own bed. Now, what do you need, so we can fix it?

Mac paused, squeezing her hands in and out of fists before she gathered the courage to respond. "I need you to stay."

"Brave girl. That was a pretty scary thing to say, wasn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Here's the deal, Mac. The last thing I want to do right now is leave. So I need to be absolutely clear about what you are asking. There can be no room for interpretation. Are you asking me to sleep in this bed, snuggled up with you for the rest of the night?"

Mac's heart was beating nineteen to the dozen, but she wanted him to stay more than she was scared. "Yes, I want you to sleep with me cuddled safe in your arms for the rest of the night."

"I can do that, my sweet, brave girl."

As Finn settled in next to Mac, she instantly burrowed into his side and relaxed. Moments later, as she was drifting back to sleep, she wished Finn had kissed her good night.