Lessons of the Heart (29 page)

I feel completely out of control, like I’m grasping at straws and allowing my desperation to show. I don’t want to upset James with my insecurities and ramblings, but this has been pent up for far too long. We’ve been avoiding the subject by brushing it to the side. We need to discuss this, sooner rather than later.

“Please,” I beg.

James gives a sad smile and it breaks my heart slightly. “You’re working yourself up for no reason. Come here.”

We walk into the living room and he pulls me into his lap on the couch. I cry into his shoulder as he rocks me back and forth.

“Even though what you said is true about what we will have to go back to, you know and I know that it’s all just an act. We’re going to stick with the plan because it will work out.”

“And Boston?” I whimper. My lip quivers as I look up into his face. Pushing wet strands away from my cheeks, he cups my face and presses our lips together.

“I will follow you wherever you may go. The beauty of my graduate work is I can do it anywhere. But you are just starting out and need to follow the path you’ve worked so hard to go down. You don’t need me to lead the way. You know your future and how to achieve it. I’m just along for the ride.”

I shake my head. “You’re not just along for the ride. You’re my navigator, my companion, my GPS. All my roads lead to you.”

The tears have stopped but I still feel unsettled. I trace his cheek with my index finger and feel his morning stubble beneath before sliding it over his lips. He parts them slightly, kissing the pad of my finger.

“If you need daily reassurances, I will give them to you. But don’t ever doubt that we can’t do this. Remember, this is our bump in the road. We’re stronger than this. Trust in me. Trust in
us
. We will come out on the other side stronger than ever. It’s only a few more months and then we’re free to have weekends like this all the time.”

“Promise,” I whisper against his mouth.

I can feel his smile without seeing it. “Promise.”

He moves so I’m beneath him, keeping part of his weight on me as he lies on top. I stare into his eyes and whatever sadness that was clouding them before is now gone. Now they burn with a purpose and intensity I can feel throughout my entire body, bringing it to life.

“Britta Rosalind Fosse, I love you, even when you’re paranoid and frantic. Let’s just enjoy the next few hours before Liam shows up to bring you back.”

I giggle at the use of my full name. It never ceases to amaze me at how well he knows me.

“What’s your middle name?” I ask. I need this little bit of information to store in the James Dumont section of my brain.

He smirks and ducks his head while he laughs. “You’ll think it’s silly.”

“No, I won’t. Tell me.”

Warm lips meet mine with a smile. “Xavier.”

“Hmm, James Xavier Dumont. I like it. It definitely suits you.” I reach up and wrap my hand around the back of his neck, pulling him back down for a passionate kiss. Emotions run high as our hands travel across each other’s body and before we know it, there’s a knock on the door.

Shit. He’s early.

James kisses me one last time before sitting upright between my legs. “Don’t move. Just in case it’s not Liam.”

I nod my head and watch him retreat to his front door. Utilizing this time to think about what’s been said, I cross my legs and reason with my subconscious that James is right. Everything will be okay. It’s not like we’re breaking up. We’re still going to see each other every day. And he’s right about this just being a bump in the road. We’re stronger than everyone else.

A noise draws my attention to the entry as Liam rounds the corner, his face slightly ashen and an apology written in his eyes.

“Britt, I’m so sorry,” he starts, but the female voice behind him has my eyes widening with fear. Penny rounds the corner with her arms crossed and looking more upset than I’ve ever seen her.

I spring from the couch and hit my foot on the coffee table in the process. Hobbling over to where my pissed-off best friend is, I begin to open my mouth to explain the situation but she holds her arms up to stop me.

“Don’t even,” she says with a frown. Hurt and disappointment are written all over her face and it breaks my heart to see it.

“Pen, please. Let me explain.”

She shakes her head and looks over at James as he enters the room with his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. He heads straight for me as I balance on one foot while holding my now throbbing one off the ground.

“Penny, please have a seat and we’ll explain everything. That is if you want to hear it,” James says. He wraps an arm around my waist and helps me back to the living room.

Penny doesn’t say anything as she walks over to one of the chairs adjacent to the couch. James pulls me down next to him but turns me sideways so he can get a look at my foot. I wince slightly as he hits a rather sensitive spot, but he kisses the pain away. Penny’s expression hasn’t changed as I watch her with careful eyes. Liam is hovering behind her and I don’t know if he’s in the doghouse with me or not.

Penny clears her throat and looks at me expectantly. “So tell me, how long has this been going on?”

I chew on my bottom lip, not liking the tone that she’s taking with me. “Well, officially, we’ve been together since Boston I guess?” James nods when I look at him, confirming my statement for her.

“And unofficially? How long have you two been sneaking around behind my back?”

James grips my hand and steadies me. Using his strength, I look at Penny and start pouring out the truth.

“I met James the Friday before he started taking over Mr. Ward’s class. I ran into him in the teacher’s lounge and there was a misunderstanding between us. I thought he was a student because he was looking for the office and he thought I was a teacher because I was in the lounge. It wasn’t until his class on Monday that we figured out who each other was. From there it was chance run-ins and brief discussions in the halls or in the lounge during his lunch break.”

She doesn’t say anything or give anything away by her expression. She just sits there stoically, pondering what I said or thinking of her next question. “So Boston? Was that planned?”

I shake my head and squeeze his hand harder. “Not for me.”

Penny turns her attention to James and he nods. “It was planned for me. I already had a ticket for the concert but figured out which hotel you were staying at when she made the reservation for her room and decided to stay there as well. I just wanted to make sure nothing happened to her when I found out she wanted a separate room from yours and Travis’s.”

She blanches at his name and looks down briefly. “Okay, I can kind of understand that. So let me guess. Saturday morning when you said you had plans, it was with him?” Penny asks, looking back at me.

I nod. “He stayed in the room across the hall. We had breakfast in the restaurant downstairs and then we toured around Boston for a while. It was innocent, for the most part.”

James leans forward and looks down briefly before meeting her gaze. “Penny, I just want you to know that we didn’t intend for us to happen. It really was a series of events that kept putting us together. And when we started talking more frequently, we discovered that we had a lot in common. Then the growing attraction between us became too much so we stopped fighting it and let it happen.”

Penny looks between the two of us. I can see when the light bulb goes off and everything begins to make sense. “The basketball game, when you couldn’t tear your eyes away from him and the man-eater. You two were seeing each other, weren’t you?”

I nod. “Yes.”

She twists her lips to the side in contemplation. “Well, your reaction to them makes sense now. I would have felt the same way if I had seen her anywhere near someone I was seeing.” She pauses and leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “Are you happy?”

I lift my legs off of his lap and lean forward, matching her stance. “Extremely.”

“And he’s good to you?”

“The best.”

She looks at James and smiles. “You love her, don’t you?”

It’s not really a question. Not that his loving me would ever be a question. I know it and I’m sure she can see it on his face.

“With all my heart,” he replies, grabbing my hand again.

Liam moves forward and places his hand on Penny’s shoulder. She reaches up and squeezes it. He’s been silent the whole time, but I’m sure he was probably read the riot act on the way over here so he’s just letting Penny sort everything out in her head.

Suddenly she stands and nods her head. “Okay then.”

We look at each other then back at Penny. “That’s it?”

She brushes her hands against her jeans and smiles at us. “Yep, that’s it.”

I stand slowly and walk around the table, careful not to jam my foot into it again. “So you’re not mad?’ I ask, standing in front of her.

She shakes her head and I relax for the first time since she walked into the room. “No, I’m not mad. Honestly, I’ve known about this for a while. You’re a terrible liar, Britt. Plus I can read your face. Every time you talk about Mr. Dumont or see him, you light up like the Fourth of July. I’ve never seen you so happy before and I wasn’t about to question it because there are some that would use this information to destroy you.”

And we all know exactly who Penny is talking about without having to say his name. “We saw him yesterday at dinner. I don’t think he saw us together,” I say.

Penny leans over and hugs me close. I wrap my arms around her and sigh in relief, thankful that she understands.

“Hopefully not but we’ll handle it if he did.” She pulls away and wipes at a tear that has escaped her eyes. “Next time don’t keep anything like this from me. You know I hate secrets.”

I release her and wrap my arm around James, pulling myself securely into his side. “There won’t be a next time. He’s coming with me to Boston when I leave in the fall.”

Liam raises an eyebrow and smirks. “Oh is he now?”

James laughs and kisses the top of my head. “She’s very persuasive.”

That earns us both an eye roll from Liam. “Tell me about it.”

I shove his shoulder and laugh. “You love me.”

“Unfortunately,” he replies, roughing up my hair as if I was still a little kid.

“Have you two eaten? I was just about to make some lunch for us. I’d love it if you could stay and eat.”

Penny laughs. “Yeah, I’m not interested in your kind of lunch because judging by Britt’s swollen lips and disheveled hair when we walked in, I’m guessing it wasn’t food she was devouring.”

My eyes widen in horror and all the color in Liam’s face drains instantly. Penny jabs him in the ribs and laughs loudly. “Oh my gosh, you should see your face!”

James laughs and retreats to the kitchen while I cover my face, trying to hide the redness that I can feel creeping up my neck.

Penny links her arm through mine as she leads us into the kitchen. “Lighten up you two. You should be happy that I know. This way you can stop sneaking around and I can actually help you both get together. Plus now you don’t have to push your brother on me again.”

Liam playfully pushes her shoulder as she sits on one of the barstools. “I didn’t hear you complain this weekend.”

I plug my ears and squeeze my eyes shut. “I don’t want to hear about it.”

Liam ruffles my hair again and I swat his hands away. “Likewise. The fewer details about our weekend, the better.”

“Screw that. I want all the deets,” Penny says as she leans into her propped up hands.

I look back at James, whose shoulders are shaking with repressed laughter. “Maybe later. But if you think you’re getting
all
the deets you’re going to be gravely disappointed.”

James continues to make the four of us lunch as Penny goes on and on about her weekend with Liam, who decides to help James to get away from the two of us. Seeing them together, talking about sports and getting along so well makes my heart swell inside my chest. There’s nothing more I’d love than for one day to have this out in the open. I can’t wait to invite James to my parent’s house because I know they would love him.

Penny waves her hand in front of my face after zoning out in my daydream. “Earth to Britta. You still with me?”

I turn to face her and smile. “Barely. Listen, I’m really sorry for keeping this from you. We didn’t want anyone to know because of the damage it could do to his career and reputation. I mean, if anyone found out he’d be fired and would never get another teaching job. And that’s something I couldn’t do to him. We just need to be extremely careful for the next few months until graduation. And then everything will be fine.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t say a thing. I’ve got your back.”

Hugging Penny tightly to me, I look over her shoulder and see James looking at us with a smile on his face. He knows this is a huge thing for me, letting Penny into our world and exposing our secret to her. She’s trustworthy and would never betray us.

“I love you,” I mouth to him.

“Love you too,” he mouths back before blowing a kiss and returning to the stove and his conversation with Liam.

What started out as a potentially bad situation has migrated into the best thing that could have happened. Penny knows, Liam knows, and now we have supporters who will help us be together.

Less than five months to go. And I’ve never wanted time to speed up as much as I do right now.