Legacy of Blood (29 page)

“You did?  Why didn’t you wake me?”

He shrugged again and looked down at his boots.  “I didn’t want to bother you so I just healed you and left.”

“You’re never a bother to me,” I frowned.  “I wish you had woken me.”

He was silent as he rubbed the back of his neck again; a sure sign he was feeling uncomfortable.

“How were your shows?” I tried again to engage him in conversation and lighten the mood.

“Good,” he nodded and ran one hand through his hair.  “We sold out most of them.”

An awkward silence once again descended on us and I fought for something to say.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted out at the same time he did.  We both looked at each other and smiled diminutively. 

“I’m really sorry for the way I treated you before you left,” I continued quickly before he could say anything.  “I don’t know how much Archer told you, but the person you saw during that last week was not entirely me.  Amun’s feelings were encumbering my own.”

“Archer told me everything,” he said softly, looking at the ground and nodding.

“Then you know how sorry I am for the way things ended between us.”

Jameson quickly raised his head and eyed me warily.  “Are you?”

“Of course I am,” I frowned, my brow furrowing.  “How could you doubt that?”

“How could you sleep with my brother?” Jameson shot back; his voice was soft but his face furiously hurt.

My mouth opened slightly in shock. 
How did he know?
  How could I answer his question without sounding like a complete bitch?  “I’m in love with him, Jameson.  I’m sorry, but I’ve been in love with him for a while… even while I was in love with you.”

“We are two completely different people, Skye,” Jameson frowned.  “I don’t understand how you could possibly be in love with both of us at the same time.”

“It was your differences that made me love you,” I tried to explain.  “Archer is… well, he’s Archer.  I’ve always felt drawn to him, and it wasn’t just his pheromones when I was human.  I’m drawn to him now as a vampire, but it’s on a deeper level now that he’s my maker too.  My attraction to him is complicated, but my attraction to you never was.” 

The muscle in Jameson’s jaw worked as he let my words sink in.  “It hurts me to see you with someone else… especially him of all people,” he said honestly.

 “I’m sorry,” I whispered, hanging my head while I fumbled with my fingers.  I felt horrible I had hurt him.  “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.  I never meant to fuck everything up so bad and I never wanted to come in between you and Archer.”  I swallowed hard and looked back up at him.  “I still care about you, Jameson… you have to know that.  I always will.”

He scoffed and chuckled harshly.  “Don’t fuck with my feelings, Skye, just because you are unsure of your own.  I can’t handle any more shit from you.  These past three weeks have been brutal for me.  I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster ride straight out of hell; my only solace being found at the bottom of a bottle or, most recently, when I was buried deep inside one of our groupies.”

I gasped as he disclosed the last part and my heart ached with pain upon hearing his admission.  He didn’t have to tell me, but he wanted me to hear it.  “You’re hurt.  You’re hurt and you’re trying to hurt me in return.  I get it.  You don’t have to punish me.  I don’t know how many more times you want me to apologize, but I will.  I’m sorry, Jameson.”  Tears welled in my eyes and I fought to blink them away.  “I’m sorry I hurt you but you really didn’t have to tell me about the groupie.”

“No?  Well, what did you expect me to do?  Pine over you for the rest of eternity?”  He took a deep breath, trying to calm down, and roughly ran his fingers through his hair.  “I have to do something to get over you because I know I’m not enough for you; I’ll never be good enough.  I’m not strong, powerful, or handsome like Archer and I know now that’s what you want; it’s what all women seem to want.  I’m just me, Skye.  I’ll never be him.  I can’t compete with Archer.  More importantly, I refuse to.”  His chin started to twitch a little and I knew he was close to tears.  “You held it all, Skye… everything I had.  I love you, even after all the bullshit you put me through, but I’m letting you go.  I have to make my heart move on before loving you fucking kills me.”

“Don’t you ever think you weren’t good enough for me,” I frowned, getting mad and shaking my head.  “You are an amazing person, Jameson.  It’s me that’s not good enough for you.  You were everything I ever dreamed of; smart, sweet, funny, considerate, compassionate, and talented.  YOU were perfect; you were everything I didn’t deserve.  I’m fucked up, honey; I hide it well, but I’ve got serious issues… issues I’ve been dealing with my entire life.”  I swallowed hard and prepared myself to admit something that I’d never spoken aloud to another living soul before.  “I didn’t have a father growing up so I have what Nikki calls ‘daddy issues’.  Because of it I make a lot of mistakes where men are concerned.  You were the one relationship I’d ever had that was normal and I completely fucked it up.  I pushed you away because, at the time, I couldn’t handle being hurt anymore by men.  You never hurt me personally, but I took my anger out on you over Archer and Hunter’s actions.  I unfairly punished you.  I’m sorry… I’m so, so fucking sorry.  I don’t deserve you; I know now that I never did to start.  You’re worthy of so much.  Someone a lot better than me.”  I swallowed thickly again and wiped the tear that had fallen.  “I always do the wrong thing; I always have when it comes to men.  You deserve a girl who is strong and sweet and pure… someone who will worship you, cherish you, and treat you with the love and respect you deserve.  You deserve to have the world, Jameson.  You deserve much better than someone as fucked up as I am can give you.  I loved you, Jameson… I did.  I swear I did and I still do… but I can’t deny what I feel for Archer.  I never wanted to hurt you… never.  I’m so unbelievably sorry for the way things happened between us.”

“What I deserved was to have you like you had me, which was completely,” he said angrily.  “You had all of me, Skye; every single piece of me and I only got half of you in return.  Still, that fucking half meant everything to me!  It was my world. YOU were my world!”  I watched a single tear fall as he gazed at me, the anger melting off his face in the wake of his tear.  “You were never fucked up to me.  You were everything I ever wanted.  I didn’t want to give you up,” he whispered, his pain apparent, “but I don’t have a choice.  You made yours and you’ve destroyed me in the process.”

I looked down at my hands and couldn’t fight the tears anymore, so I gave myself over to them.  I silently cried while his silence swallowed the room.  What could I say to him?  What more was there to say?  I had broken his heart.  I had fallen in love with his friend/brother/maker and betrayed the bonds of the relationship we had.  So I hadn’t technically cheated on him, but did it matter?  I felt like the worst person in the entire world.  I didn’t even deserve his friendship now and I think that’s what hurt me the most.  I couldn’t imagine my life without Jameson in it.  Just because we were technically family now didn’t mean anything if he resented me.

After a few minutes had passed, Jameson’s sigh broke the stillness.  “I’m going to heal you and go.  I can’t stand to look at you right now.  It hurts too much.  You should be well enough in a couple of days and you won’t need me anymore.  I’ve got a life to get back to.”

I wiped the wetness from my face and neck and nodded my head.  I didn’t want him to have to be around me any longer than he absolutely had to.  I watched as he slowly placed one hand on my forehead and one on my chest.  His eyes wouldn’t meet mine but I could still see the unshed tears in them.

A familiar current started in my chest and quickly traveled down my body.  The tingling intensified and was followed by a wave of heat. 

“Please… look at me?” I whispered softly.

Jameson’s eyes hesitantly slid to mine and he held my gaze as a final rush of power coursed through me.  I knew then, in that instant, I had damaged our relationship far worse than I thought.  Every other time he had healed me, my body had climaxed as a result.  Jameson had said it only ever happened when he felt strongly for the person he was healing.  I didn’t climax this time and I now knew the depths of the pain I caused him.

My tears were not silent this time as I sobbed.  I had broken his heart and now I had gotten mine broken in return.  We would never be the same again after today; our friendship was irrevocably broken, all because of me.

Jameson gazed down at me with dejected, tear stained eyes as he gently lifted his hands from my body.  Without another word, he turned and walked out the bedroom door.

I heard knocking on the door and opened my eyes to see Archer strolling in.  It had been a few hours since Jameson’s last visit and his final departure had been a hard one for me.  Our conversations, if you could even call them that, had been short and uncomfortable but the last visit had been positively brutal.  I heard from Aoife that Jameson and Archer had had it out over me again; this time words were said about me that couldn’t be forgotten.  Of course, with Archer being as protective as he was toward me, he wanted Jameson to apologize for them but he had stood his ground. I was told what was said about me and agreed wholeheartedly with the assessment.  I was every bit of the person he claimed me to be, and it made me sick. 

After the argument, Jameson had gathered his things, healed me one last time without a single word, and returned to his band and The Manky Langer tour.

“How are you feeling, baby?” Archer asked with a sweet smile.

“I’m fine,” I answered and tried to smile.  The truth was I was anything but fine; I was a wreck over what I had done to Jameson.

“You’ve said that for the last two days,” Archer frowned worriedly.  “Are you really fine or do you just not want to talk about what’s bothering you.”

I cursed inwardly and closed my eyes.  I thought I had been doing a pretty good job of hiding my inner turmoil, but I guess not.  “Jameson hates me,” I whispered, not wanting to talk about it but not being able to stop myself.  “What he said about me… it’s all true.”

“Jameson is angry, yes,” Archer sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed beside me, “but I can promise you that he doesn’t hate you.  He’s just upset right now.  And the things he said, they aren’t true.  I know you Skye, I know your heart.”

“You don’t know all of me, Archer.  Jameson found that out the hard way.”

“Stop with this self-loathing bullshit, Skye,” Archer growled unhappily.  “I know you aren’t perfect; fuck, nobody is, but you aren’t as horrible as you are making yourself out to be.”

“You can’t change the color of truth, Archer,” I shook my head stubbornly.  “I’m sorry you don’t like the shade.”

“So what?  You fell in love with two people at the same time.  You didn’t plan it; you didn’t have malicious intentions.  It just happened.  Stuff like this DOES happen; it happens all the time.  You are still young; you haven’t lived as long as I have.  You just have to trust me that things like this happen.  Jameson knows full well, better than anyone.  He had a similar experience with his ex-girlfriend, Amani, in the 1940s.  She was in love with him and a Dark One at the same time.  It ended badly, but he got over it.  He’s just upset right now but he will get over this too.”

“The difference here is I fell in love with YOU, his maker.  You are his friend and someone he considers a brother,” I shook my head as I wiped the wetness off my cheeks.  “You aren’t some random guy.  To hell with him forgiving me; I know that’s never going to happen now, but I don’t know if I can forgive myself.  Don’t get me wrong, Archer… I love you and would never take back what we have; I’m glad I have you in my life, but I did a horrible thing to someone and it’s killing me.  I want to be the person everyone thinks I am, but the reality is so far from it.  I’m irrevocably flawed and I have issues that you know nothing abou-.”

“I know absolutely everything about you, Skye Everleigh Morrison,” Archer growled as he grabbed my shoulders and leaned over me, cutting me off.  “You seem to forget I’ve been inside your head.  I’ve read you, Hunter has read you.  When he saw your whole life, I saw it too.  I know how tough you had it as a teenager; I know you tried to find the love you never had in all the wrong ways.  I know absolutely everything about your past and I love you that much more for it.”  He sighed and put his forehead to mine.  “Forgive yourself, baby.  You have to Skye or the mistakes you made in the past will haunt you the rest of your immortal life.  The human part of you died so you need to put the human mistakes to rest with it.  Start your new life… with me.  I will give you the love you’ve spent a lifetime looking for.  I will be everything you need from me, I promise.  You have to trust me, baby.”

“I don’t know how to let go,” I whispered, desperate to be free from the pain I’d carried all my life.

“Yes you do.  You just close the door and you never look back,” he explained gently as he sat back and took my hand again.  “That part of you, the life you lived, those mistakes you made… those are the past.  Right here, right now… this is your future and those mistakes mean absolutely nothing here.”

I closed my eyes and sighed.  I was willing to try anything for Archer. 

“Close the door, love.  Just close the door in your mind and when you open your eyes, you will have entered a new one here with me.”