Left to Love (The Next Door Boys) (28 page)

- - -

“So, you and Nathan leave tomorrow right?” I asked.

Brian, Nathan, and Jaron were all packed and ready to leave for their three-day camping trip with my dad.

“I still don’t know if I can go.” Brian shook his head.

“My dad and Jaron will be so disappointed.” He needed out of here so badly.

“You’re just worried about me and want me out of here for my sake, not yours. I don’t like it.” He
frowned.

“I need to feel like you’
re not here wallowing with me—
that some part of your life doesn’t involve this mess. It’ll make me feel better about asking you do things when you get back.” I smiled, hoping he’d pick up on my willingness to be a good patient.

“We’ll see.” He frowned again. “You have to promise to call, even if it’s the littlest, more trivial thing in the world.”

“Deal.” I smiled.

Brian gave Megan this long list of things for me and about me. It was ridiculous. I used to think my mom was bad. She didn’t hold a candle to Brian.

My time with Megan was a blur of movies and her begging to feed me. I felt more tired than I wanted to be, but I wasn’t throwing up. Brian called to check in way too often and we both teased him about it.

It felt normal. It felt like, if I wasn’t sick, this is what Megan and I would do together when the boys went out of town. Watch funny movies, eat ice cream, and sleep in.

I woke up Sunday morning—
Brian had made it all three days. I stood up to pee and a wave of dizziness hit me. The floor came up at a drastic angle and I caught my arm against the doorframe. The whole force of my body hit
the edge
before I slid to the floor. I laid still for a moment, waiting for a sharp pain, but none came.

I wasn’t badly hurt. If I hadn’t been sick, I’d have gotten a small bruise. Unfortunately, one of the side effects of chemo is bleeding and what should have been a small bruise on my shoulder turned in a huge purple mass covering my whole upper arm.

Brian would have taken me to the emergency room. Megan was nice enough to take me to Dr. Watts’s office instead.

- - -

“Well, Leigh, it’s nice to see you outside of the hospital.” Dr. Watts sat on his stool and gave us each a smile.

“This is my sister in law, Megan.” I introduced them.

“Jaron’s wife.” He nodded.

“You’re paying attention.” I pointed at him. “That’s good.”

“I try.” He scooted his chair closer to me. “Okay, let’s see what you did to yourself here.”

I unzipped my sweatshirt to show my very purple, swollen arm.

“Wow.” He nodded. “What does the other guy look like?” he tried to tease.

“The other guy is my door frame, and unfortunately, I didn’t leave a mark. Though, I may change that when I get back home.” I smirked.

Watts laughed. He gave my arm a careful look over and we went down a list of things to watch for. He shifted nervously, but he nearly always looked like this around me. I was perpetually suspicious, but part of me registered what he said to me often, that I was one of his favorites and he didn’t like treating favorites.

“Well, keep it up, keep it cold, not too cold, if anything changes, anything, no matter how small, go to the ER. Understand?”

I nodded.

“Here’s a sheet for you to take home. Where’s Brian?”

“I forced him out of town for a few days.”

“Well, you won’t be able to convince him to do that again, will you?”

“Definitely not,” I agreed.

“I’ll leave you two. I need to use the restroom.” Megan laughed.

I watched her go.

“So, since I have you in here all alone, how are you?” Dr. Watts asked. He watched me, carefully reading my expression.

It all hit me suddenly, and I wasn’t sure how to answer. I sat in silence for a minute. There was no fooling Dr. Watts. “There was this earthquake in Seattle when I was a kid. Like 1999 or 2000? It lasted for a while. It felt like whatever was underneath the dirt was made of jell-o. That’s how my life feels right now.” I was amazed I’d gotten that out.

He nodded.

“Everything feels temporary.” It had only hit me in small bits until he’d asked that simple question.

“You know, Leigh. Most people in your situation are on anti-depressants and seeing a counselor. I haven’t suggested it yet because I’ve felt like you’ve been on top of things, but maybe it’s time for that. I’m going to send in a scrip.”

“I’ll let you know if I need it.” I didn’t like the idea. How would it change me? What would it change?

He watched me for a minute. “Does Brian know how you feel?”

“I think so. I mean, we talked not all that long ago about how things were changing and going to change. There’s a lot going on in everyone’s lives right now.”

“You’re at that age where people’s lives change. They get married, they have kids, they move. There’s a lot going on. That’s a good thing for you. You have a lot to look forward to.” He held my eyes with his for a moment.

“Yeah, but I wish nothing would change until I feel like I have some control over my body.”

“I can’t pretend to understand what you’re going through, but I do want you to know that I hear similar things from almost all of my patients.”

“So I’m not crazy?” I teased.

“Not yet, no.” He smiled. “We’ll see you Monday.”

“Yeah.” I sighed. Another Monday, another treatment. Andy was the only thing to look forward to.

“Don’t worry, Leigh. We’ll get you through this.” Was he convincing me or himself?

I just nodded.

“Come here. Give your doc a hug before you leave. One of these days I’ll need to drag my wife into work so she can meet you.”

“I’d like that.” I smiled as I pulled away from him. “Thanks, Dr. Watts.”

“See you soon.”

Way, way, too soon.

- - -

I had my short-sleeved shirt rolled up and two large Ziploc bags of ice on my arm when Brian came in the door. His eyes widened as he dropped his bags and came to my side.

“It’s really not as bad as it looks.” I smiled a little.

He just shook his head at me. His jaw clenched tight. “What
happened
?” His face was hard to read.

“It’s not a big deal. I got dizzy, lost my balance and caught my arm on the doorframe.” I did my best relaxed voice to try and appease him.

“How could you not call me?” He voice was low, tense and angry.

“You guys were already on your way home, what would a call have done?” At the time it had seemed like all a phone call would do was make him stressed on the last parts of his trip
, which was
completely unnecessary.

“I would like to
have known. M
aybe I’d have driven a little faster. I don’t know Leigh, but now I’m afraid to trust you! Can’t you understand that? That you’re the most precious thing in my world and you didn’t call me? I don’t get it!” He ran a hand over his head.

His outburst felt completely unexpected. I knew he’d be upset, but it seemed… dramatic. “I was trying to preserve the last day of your trip. I needed you to have some time where you weren’t worried about me,” I tried to explain.

“Did
you think that sending me over a hundred
miles away would lessen my worry? Because it didn’t. How could
me
, being separated from
you
, relieve my worry? It doesn’t make any sense!” He’d done this trip simply to appease me, not for the break that I desperately wanted him to have.

“I just wanted you to have a break from this.”

“Well, neither of us gets a break from it Leigh, and that’s okay because we’re
together
.” He stopped and exhaled. “Did he send you home with a list or something? Things to do? To not do?”

“It’s on the counter,” I said quietly. “I’m sorry. I really was trying to do something nice for you.”

“I know.” He sighed and scooted slightly closer. He touched his forehead to mine. “But you have to know that it makes me crazy to not be around you. I hate leaving you for the few hours I go to work or even when I have to leave to run errands.”

“Okay.” I leaned back. “I
did
have fun with Megan.”

“Good.”

“And I’m looking forward to hearing all about your trip.” I tried to smile.

“Let me see this.” He took a breath in and touched my hand. I winced and his jaw flexed. “Never mind.”

I carefully pulled off my packs of ice. It was time for a break from them, anyway. Brian struggled to maintain composure. It did look awful, much worse than it felt. I was glad Nathan had followed Jaron home for the evening.

“Leigh…” he swallowed once. “Don’t ever send me away from you again, understand?”
             

I nodded. We looked at each other in silence for a moment.

“Can you tell me about your trip now?” I asked quietly.

He sat back as if trying to remember what he’d done.

“Well, I talked with your dad some more on custody stuff. I have an appointment with someone in Salt Lake tomorrow.” He was groping for something to share. I’d have to ask him later on, when he wasn’t so distracted with me.

“I’m so glad you get along.” I smiled wider at him then.

“It’s more than that, Leigh. I don’t know if you can fully appreciate what wonderful parents you have. I definitely married up.”

“Well, that’s happy then because I feel the same way.”

And he just shook his head at me like he so often did.

“Let me put those ice packs in the freezer. It looks like we might be needing them for a few days.”

I glanced down at my purple arm. We’d definitely need them for a few days. And it hit me again, we were really, actually, doing this together.

- - -

“This might take longer than we hoped,” Brian said as he came in the front door. He held our file of paperwork for Nathan. “I need you to sign a power of attorney so I can sign and appear for you if we need to. I explained your situation to the people handling
Nathan’s case, and they said it was the best way to
do it.”

“But I want to be there. To be part of it.” Was he trying to keep me from this?

“I know.” He sat on the floor next to me. “But the reality of it Leigh, is that you only feel good about half the time and I get the impression that pretty soon we’ll be down to a bit less than half the time.” He sat down next to me, watching me. “You did the hardest thing. You got the papers signed. Let me finish this.”