Left For Dead (The Guarded Secrets Series Book 3) (5 page)

Chapter 7

Renegade was waiting for me when I walked out of Sharp Shooter’s office, and thankfully didn’t ask what he wanted to talk to me about or why I had been crying. Instead he started discussing the major mission that was going on in the Pacific. A few agents were undercover in the Cuban and Mexican governments after being called in by the FBI and CIA. Since then there had been an influx of over a hundred agents a few weeks later to deal with the war that suddenly broke out. A few were sent in for damage control, others to collect agents who got wounded, and even a few who were there to prevent more weapons trade, which would have led to another bloody battle. There were even a few agents here who were working on that mission, not that they could prevent every fight, but maybe they could smooth relationships enough to save a few lives. They were trying to find the epicenter of the entire thing, and from that they hoped to end the war and the trades at its source. Mostly, we wanted to make sure that mess didn’t spread into the States.

We were the defense system no one knew about, always in the shadows, watching and waiting. We made sure that as many people as possible could be protected, even if it meant digging into a war off our borders to prevent men and women from going there and losing their lives. I’d seen enough loss, and the loss of soldiers only echoed the pain and failure to protect them. I was sure Renegade felt the same—he had seen it first-hand. He had worked with the men around him, lost them, and then lived to tell the tale. I’m not sure what that would do to me, to be with them one moment and the next for them to be gone, but I knew Renegade carried the weight of their loss with him through everything. That was why he worked so hard to protect other agents, even if it was misleading.

When we first got back from the Cardoza mission I honestly thought he had feelings for me. He seemed to flirt, and attempted to spend most of our free time together between training and missions. It even got to the point where Sharp Shooter sat us down together and told us he didn’t like having agents who are in a relationship working together. We would have to be professional on missions, and if we weren’t, then Jackson would take over Whip Lash’s and Raider’s mission.

I had flashed a worried expression toward Renegade at the mention of Raider. Raider and I never got along, and the year we had worked together only made it worse, so I had a feeling he would take it out on Jackson, especially if Jackson took the leadership role away from Raider. Luckily, Sharp Shooter said I had no reason to worry; I’d be sent to help Demon if it was decided Renegade and I couldn’t work together.

We walked through the hallways in silence as we went to find Katya. By now, someone would have taken watch over her. If I had to venture a guess it would be Demon. I could see the attraction he had for her, similar to Renegade when he used to look at me. I shook my head to get rid of those thoughts, but Renegade had a knack for reading me and refused to let the chance pass by. 

“I knew this was going to be a good mission for me.” He smiled coyly. He looked at me, waiting for a response, but when I didn’t offer one he continued. “I get to be with you the entire time,” he said as he leaned a little closer.

A smile curved onto my lips at his words. It was moments like this that the distance seemed a little shortened, that he was letting me back in, and we could pick up where we left off. I felt at ease and the pain washed away as he brushed against me. For a moment I could focus on us and not a near death experience. At least it was before I let the anger return, remembered how he left me, how he ignored me for weeks after, and then pushed him away. “Remember, I just have to tell Sharp Shooter that I can’t work with you without putting the mission in danger, and you get sent to the Pacific with Raider and the others to try to stop a war while attempting to end weapon trades.” I let the information sink in before playfully adding, “And you’ll miss your warm bed and thinking about us cuddling together.”

He whipped his head around to look at me. For a moment I could see the playful gleam return to his eyes. In that moment, I thought I had won him back, the old Renegade before we created this rift between us, but the moment quickly vanished as we turned the corner to see Camo showing Katya her costume. All I could think was how I hoped it was for a mission, and she wasn’t walking around the agency in her underwear for fun.

“Night Stripe!” she yelled when she noticed me staring at her. “Look! Isn’t it amazing?” she questioned as she spun to give me a full look of her outfit. She tip-toed in her four inch heels as she twirled to show off her black lingerie, matched with a pair of black wings that extended around her lean frame.

“Is it me or did you not have wings yesterday?” Renegade questioned, the joking tone in his voice going over my head.

“You saw the wings, but the lack of clothing didn’t catch your attention?” I asked, gesturing to Camo’s black diamond bra and lace panties. She looked as if she was about to walk the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Renegade shrugged his shoulders, but bit his tongue, clearly deciding it was best not to answer. Smart kid. “Where are your clothes?”

“I don’t need them,” she said with a smile. “I’m taking over for one of the models at the fashion show in New York while she’s under protection here, and this is her outfit! It’s a dream come true! I’ve always wanted to be a model! It’s been my dream since I was a little girl!” She smiled brightly as she expertly twirled once again to show off the full length of the black wings, which went from a few inches over her head to the back of her knees. They had to be about four and a half feet tall, and weigh almost as much as she did.

“I have no idea how you’re going to walk with those things on your back in those heels, but if anyone can do it, I’m sure you can,” I said with an encouraging smile as I gestured for Katya to get up and come with me. I waited for Katya, who looked as though she was very uncomfortable around Camo, before sending her off with Renegade. I knew Camo wouldn’t let the topic drop, judging from her excitement, so I waited to give her a final chance to comment.

“I will, and I get to walk with my favorite model. You’d love her accent; it’s Brazilian,” Camo said with a suggestive eyebrow lift. “I don’t know what a model can do to get sought after by Ukrainians, but at this moment I don’t care. I get to walk down the catwalk tomorrow! If they kidnap me after my walk, I’ll be happy.”

I laughed as a response, and said a quick goodbye before wishing her a good time in her fashion show and runway experience. I knew whoever the agent was protecting the model, most likely a male agent, was going to have a good time on his assignment. 

Katya spoke up as I joined her and Renegade again. From what little I could understand she called Camo beautiful. I stifled a groan and prayed that she would start speaking English, but to no avail. She continued with whatever she and Renegade had been discussing before I rejoined them. It sounded as though it was serious, but I didn’t know enough to follow the conversation. I had been studying two other languages since I joined CIRA, Spanish and French. I never expected that I would need to know Russian. Right now, I wish I did.

My eyes flicked to the shadows as we were joined by Demon. I knew he’d show up eventually, he wanted to figure out what Katya remembered, but she refused to speak English, which left Demon and I out of the loop once again. I knew Demon was just as annoyed as I was, and it didn’t help that she claimed not to remember anything after she was put into the car to head to the river. She didn’t remember her father drowning her, but knew her mother was in danger because they tried to escape previously. She knew it was only a matter of time before her father tried to get rid of them.

It must have hurt her to know it was only a matter of time before her own father would kill them both. It made me wonder if she knew Ash Crest had been ordered to kill her. Her father most likely put out the hit so he didn’t have to get his hands dirty, but it made me wonder how long he had been trying to get rid of her. How long had he been waiting for Ash Crest to finish the job? It was hard to process a father wanting to kill his own daughter, but then again I had seen a lot of twisted things since I joined the agency.

“She wants to know what we are going to do about her sister,” Renegade said breaking me from my thoughts.

“Sister?” Demon questioned, his voice raising slightly as he tried to contain his excitement that the conversation had shifted to English again. “I’ve never heard anything about a sister. Are you sure that’s what she said?”

“Yes, she says that her sister is still back in Russia and wants to know what we are going to do about it,” Renegade said, causing Katya to nod in agreement. He was acting like her translator now. If her father and his men could speak English I didn’t see why she couldn’t.

“We didn’t know you had one,” Demon stated as he reached out for Katya’s arm. “Let’s talk to Sharp Shooter and we can figure out what to do about your sister. You should have told us when you woke up.”

Katya nodded, but lightly pulled her arm out of Demon’s hold and took Renegade’s elbow. Demon tried to hide the hurt that swept across his features as she pulled Renegade away. My hands balled into tight fists as I tried to control my actions. I didn’t have a good reason to throw a punch, though Demon thought it would be funny to tempt me.

“She’s taking your man. Are you going to stand by and let it happen?”

I took a deep breath in a futile attempt to calm the anger coursing through my veins. I tried to think of anything else, but I knew it was a lost cause. Every time I closed my eyes and tried to center myself, Demon’s words echoed in my head. “He’s not my man,” I said as I cast a glare at Renegade’s back, hoping he could feel the heat of my gaze as he walked away. He never turned around. “It turns out relationships suffer in this business.” I could hear the low growl in my voice which only upset me more because I was letting this get to me. Not anymore. I’d take solace in the one thing Renegade could never take away from me. “If you need me, I’ll be training. Don’t interrupt unless absolutely necessary.”

I didn’t wait for him to respond before I walked away. I knew what he would say and I didn’t need to hear how I was letting the chance slip away, or how I was at fault. I just wanted to take a few hours to myself and prepare in case Sharp Shooter came to his senses and sent me somewhere far away from the other agents for a while—hopefully somewhere without cartels or Renegade. I was ready for some kind of change. I just hoped it came sooner rather than later.

Chapter 8

While Rum and I had gotten closer since I first joined, her training still hadn’t gotten easier. Between honing skills, and making sure I didn’t lose them, there was a lot of extra training I wouldn’t have considered necessary for a thief. We increased my running, which I hated the most, but I understood why I needed it after how difficult it was for me to catch the plane. What I didn’t understand was why I needed to be prepared if I ever came face to face with a wild animal, to swim a far distance in case I was ever dropped into the ocean, or my personal favorite—how to fit in too small a hiding spot. I still had cramps from the spot she stuck me in before I left for Russia. I hoped one day it came in handy or I would think she was doing this to torture me—though it wouldn’t surprise me if that was the reason.

Rum enjoyed throwing in a few surprises, which included knives aimed at my head, and punches ready to land anywhere she could manage. Just as the thought entered my head, a blow landed in my side.

Once the wind was knocked out of me, Rum landed a few more blows and took me straight to the ground. I didn’t have time to react when my back made contact with the hard floor of our training room before she was on me, placing the cool steel of my knife that she must have taken during our fight, and faking a killing blow by swiping the blade in the air above my neck.

I let out a hard breath and sank into the floor. Disappointment and exhaustion set in as I eased further into the floor. When she got off, pretending to clean the knife, I couldn’t help but tear apart our fight. I should have felt her pull my knife from its sheath. I should have prevented the blow that took me off guard. There were a lot of things I should have done, but didn’t. Those were the mistakes I couldn’t make when the fight counted most.

“You’re distracted,” Rum said bluntly as she stepped away from me. It was no longer a question of if, it was a fact. She even knew who was distracting me, just not the full reason why.

When Renegade had left me behind he got a commendation from Fire Fox for making a hard choice, but following the code. Rum didn’t see it like that and made sure to tell Renegade he had to watch out for me, not leave me behind out of convenience. I knew it had been a hard choice because in the military they vowed to never leave a man behind, but here you had to or two agents would be lost instead of just one. Even though I knew that, I couldn’t swallow the feeling of betrayal any easier.

“You need to stop thinking about him. What if this wasn’t a training exercise?”

I took a deep sigh and tried not to think about the pain I would have gone through if it was anyone other than Rum. When I didn’t answer, she answered for me.

“You would have been dead and we would have been out a thief again.” The agency had spent a lot of time looking for me after Hess died in Sandtown. Sharp Shooter claimed that it was because the skills were hard to come by, but I couldn’t be sure. To this day they hadn’t found anyone to match their needs for a thief. I was the only one. She let the words sink in, letting me delve into a moment of self-pity before continuing. “Renegade’s actions, however they seem, are clouding your judgment and taking over your thoughts. You need to refocus and put everything about him behind you otherwise I’m not sure what’s going to happen to you next time you’re sent out. Please don’t let me lose two friends.”

The truth in her words filled me with dread. I feared what would happen if I didn’t straighten up. While it hadn’t affected me greatly on the mission to Russia, I knew that it came out in my tone and actions toward Demon and Katya. I had been harsh to Demon more than usual when he brought up Renegade. I know he did it to try to get information out of me, but it wasn’t something I was ready to share yet. Only Rum and Fire Fox knew he left me behind because he called Fire Fox after he left to ask what to do next. No one else did, and I wasn’t fully ready to tell Rum or anyone else what I was feeling so they could dissect my feelings further than I already had.

“Night Stripe,” Rum called quietly to pull me from my thoughts. “He did what he was ordered to, but you need to be prepared in case someone else leaves you behind again. I need to know you can get out of there alive. All that matters is you getting out so you have the chance to come back and kick their asses for leaving you.” A smile curled at the ends of my lips, and she smiled back at me before continuing. “Most relationships here, whether in a romantic sense or as partners, fail because one of the agents die before they have a chance to see it out. I’m not telling you that you can’t have a relationship, but you need to be aware of the consequences if you attempt to have one.”

I nodded in response as I pulled myself from the floor, taking Rum’s outstretched hand for help. I tried to brush off the dirt from my clothes, but it was useless. The sweat I had worked up during the training had seeped into my clothes and let the dirt stick to me. I sighed in defeat and tried to relax. Between drama with Renegade, Katya taking up more time and patience then I predicted, and the looming issue of having to explain to her and Renegade about Ash Crest, I wasn’t prepared for relationship advice from Rum. I mostly expected her to beat me with the stick she carried around. It had something to do with the monks she worked with for years, but I think she kept it around just to punish me.

As if she could read my mind, she slapped the back of my legs with her khakkhara to get my attention. “You’re already overthinking everything again. I can see it on your face.”

“I wasn’t thinking about anything,” I lied. I knew it was useless to lie to her, she had taught me how to look for small ticks to see if someone was lying to me, but I wasn’t ready for another lecture, either.

Rum scoffed, and put one hand on her hip as if to intimidate me into blurting out the truth. When I didn’t, she gave me an abbreviated lecture since she couldn’t pin point what was on my mind. “Don’t let Katya get to you. She’s not after something; she’s trying to come to terms with what happened. You don’t have to tell her how you knew her before. She probably doesn’t want to know or has already assumed that her father tried to get rid of her before. And as for Renegade, Hess had a saying about men—they are all stupid and nothing we do will ever change that. He knew he needed your trust to figure out what happened to Ash Crest. Everyone here is keeping their mouths shut, and you’re the only one with the whole story. He’ll have to deal with that, but if you want to move forward you’ll have to tell him straight out what you want because that’s the only way he’ll figure it out. He doesn’t seem to take hints very well.”

I smiled at her before wiping it off my features. “As you said, one agent gets distracted and ends up dead. I need to focus on the mission, not on him. It’s for the best that he and I don’t discuss
that
yet. I will need to tell him eventually because one day someone’s going to slip up, and he’s still out for revenge. He’s out for blood, actually.”

“Much like you were,” she pointed out. “You two may have more in common than you think.”

A breathy laugh escaped my lips, quickly turning into a smile when I realized she was trying to cheer me up. “I never said I would change what I did. I just never thought I’d have to explain what happened to others Ash targeted, or that I would become targeted because I decided the kill the sick bastard.”

“I’m glad you wouldn’t change it, because you can’t.” She smiled at me, a fleeting glance at our friendship to anyone who passed by before she wiped it away. “You don’t have to tell me why you decided to kill him, but you should tell Renegade. You’re blunt and honest, and while that comes across poorly to some it’s the best thing to do in this case so he can stop searching for who killed Ash and you can get your head back in the game. I need you focused; I’m not ready to lose another friend.”

“You won’t,” I promised. I knew it had been hard for Rum when Hess was killed, that was why it took almost a year for us to become friends. She didn’t want to lose someone else and suffer a similar pain. “You’re stuck with me at least until my training is done.”

A smile came across her features, but that quickly wiped away when the doors to our training room were opened. We both turned to see who had interrupted our training. After how Rum treated Demon when he first introduced me to her I was sure most people knew to avoid her while she was in here.

“This is where some of our agents train, but the training areas are set up differently based on what your job is,” Renegade explained as he gestured toward Rum and I. He failed to notice the anger on Rum’s features, or the annoyance on my own, as he showed her the room. Katya looked as if she didn’t care and would rather be anywhere else but here.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I asked, gesturing between Rum and I.

“Didn’t you see we were in here?” Rum questioned. “I thought Fire Fox would have taught you better than to interrupt people while they are training.”

Katya flashed a worried glance between Renegade and I. She could clearly see our displeasure. Mostly I was upset at what Renegade could have overheard. If he heard me, he wouldn’t seem taken aback by my anger, he’d be throwing it back at me for not telling him. I just wanted to tell him at the right time, which would never happen, so the longer he was kept busy, the longer I could keep my secret.

“I just wanted to show her around some before the meeting,” Renegade said, holding his hands up in surrender. ”I was also told to come tell you guys to be there.”

“We already know about the meeting to decide what to do with
her
,” Rum stated. “We are training to fix a few things that would have helped her in Mexico.” As the words left Rum’s mouth, Renegade’s face fell. For a moment I felt bad, but at the same time he deserved it. He left me and I had to fend for myself when I was supposed to rely on him as a partner.

“Show her somewhere else,” I interjected. “We need to finish before we listen to what Sharp Shooter has to say.” I didn’t know about the meeting beforehand, I assumed there would be one but I didn’t know when. Sharp Shooter hadn’t told me when I left his office so Rum must have heard from Sharp Shooter before we met for training. All I knew was that I was meant to be protecting Katya, but Renegade seemed to have that under control. She was hiding behind him as if terrified Rum and I would attack her, and Renegade probably enjoyed having someone who willingly wanted his protection. His sister didn’t need it since she moved, Alex was taking good care of her, and without a cartel around she didn’t have much to worry about outside of a normal life.

Renegade furrowed his eyebrows and glared at me before stepping back to move Katya and himself from the room. “You’re just like Rum,” he grumbled as he exited the room. It was meant to be an insult, but she was at least here for me. I trusted her and that was more than I could say for him.

“I don’t see what’s wrong with that,” Rum said with a smile. “I feel like I’m a pretty good role model. Now, go get cleaned up. We meet with Sharp Shooter and Demon in an hour to decide what to do with Katya, and no one will want to be around you smelling like you’ve been training for the last few hours.”

“I thought I was protecting her. What is the meeting about?” I asked as we left the training room. I saw Renegade watching us as we stepped outside. We had just made a scene of kicking him out only to leave a few minutes later.

“You’re a very literal thinker.” Rum shook her head as if she was disappointed. “There are different ways to protect people; you should know that more than anyone. You’re protecting her from her father by risking your life, protecting your family by leaving them to be in the agency, and protecting Renegade by keeping your secret.” She gave me a hard glare to make sure I was listening. “There’s a lot of ways to protect people, you just have to find what each person needs.”