Learning to Love Again (6 page)

Mitch leaned back in his chair, his eyes narrowing.  “What did happen between you two back in college?”

“Not what you’re thinking,” she glanced away from his all-too-knowing gaze.  “He started talking about settling down, having a family.”  She took a deep breath, looking back at him.  “I had just turned twenty-one years old, one of the youngest students in my law class, and nowhere near ready to become a wife and mother.  All I could think was, I was going to wind up just like my mother after all, bitter and hating the man I thought I loved.  There he was, picking me, the town joke, when it was obvious there were others out there better suited to him: prettier, smarter, sexier,” she admitted for the first time, even to herself.  “I was scared we were getting in too deep, so I left before it got serious and anyone got hurt.”

Mitch nodded and pushed back from his desk.  He knew his cousin better than she knew herself at times, and maybe even better than his wife did, although none of them would ever admit it.  And he sure as hell didn’t know how to deal with her and all these girly emotions she had going on right now.  But he could at least give her something to think about.

“You want my take on it?  You’re still scared and running, but you’re not a twenty-something year old kid anymore.  So let me set you straight on something.  You are not, nor have you ever been, the town joke.  What your mom did, and what happened after that, well, it left a lot of people in shock.  A lot of people are still upset they didn’t realize what was going on before it came to a head.  But not one of them blames you or holds you responsible in anyway.”  He grabbed his hat off the corner of the desk and set it on his head.  “I’m going to go check with our foreman and see how things have been going, and then I’m going to go clean up.”  He walked around the desk, pausing beside her chair until she tipped her head back to look at him.  “Nicole, you didn’t see Jason after you left, but I did.  It
was
serious for him.”

She closed her eyes as Mitch stepped around her and left the room.  She debated for a moment calling Jack and seeing if she could hang out at his place again, for maybe the next few months until she could get her life straightened out, but that was only delaying the inevitable.  Jack’s comments to her the night before kept playing through her mind, and she realized that Mitch was right.  She was still scared of the feelings Jason had stirred to life in her and she was still trying to run from him and those feelings.  And she was tired of running from her past.  Even if he did hate her, it was time to put the past where it belonged.  Pushing herself to her feet, she headed for her room.

HAVING SPENT AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE HIDING in her room, Nicole left the sanctuary of her bedroom to join her cousins and Jason in the living room for a drink before dinner.  Hearing Jason’s deep voice coming from the living room had her stopping in the hallway, out of sight of anyone inside of the room.  She wanted to be anywhere else right now.

“I can do this,” she whispered even as the fluttering in her stomach increased to epic proportions.  She glanced at the front door and wondered how far she could get before Mitch or Carly chased her down.  The urge to run was strong.  Reminding herself to breathe, she stepped up to the doorway

“Hello, Nicole,” Jason greeted her as she entered the room, his eyes following her.  “You’re moving around better.”

“I’m feeling much better, thank you.  Almost back to my old self.”  Nicole agreed, taking a seat on the sofa, next to Carly.  “And I’ve been reviewing some contracts for Mitch to keep my legal skills sharp and to keep me from going out of my mind.”  She smiled over at her cousin.

“You’re at a point where you could go back to Austin and your job, switch to outpatient therapy instead of making Amy drive all the way out here.  You just shouldn’t travel yet.  The time away from your therapy would cause too many setbacks.”

He couldn’t leave the white coat behind, not even for a night with friends,
Nicole shook her head, a rueful grin on her face.  “I don’t have a job to go back to in Austin,” she informed him, raising her eyebrows at him.  “I’ve already resigned my position.  Poor Mitch here is stuck with me until I decide what I want to do next.  Besides, Amy only makes the drive out here once a week, and she sees some of the ranch hands while she’s here.  Carly drives me into town for the other two days that I do therapy.”

“Wait, you’re thinking of not going back to Austin?  You didn’t tell me that!”  Carly exclaimed.  “That would be so awesome!”

“We’ll see how things go,” Nicole answered evaded.  She accepted a glass of wine from Mitch with a smile.  “Right now, I’m just living in the moment, as the song goes.  I will have to find a new job at some point, you know.”

Mitch gave her a subtle thumbs-up and then led the conversation away from her by asking Jason a sports question, which led to a heated debate about the upcoming football season.  She used the opportunity to observe her ex.  He was dressed in jeans and a snug-fitting black polo that showed off the powerful muscles in his arms.  For a brief moment, Nicole remembered what it had been like to be wrapped up in them.  Maria came to the doorway and announced dinner and the four of them went into the dining room.

Of course, Carly had seated Jason and Nicole across from each other.  More than once throughout the meal she felt his eyes on her, and just as often, she found herself looking back at him.  What was she going to say to him, if the opportunity arose to be alone with him?  There was no way she was going to have
that
conversation with Mitch and Carly hanging around.

“…do you remember that, Nicole?”  Carly’s voice broke into her thoughts.

“I’m sorry, I was thinking of something else.  What did you say?”  She jerked her gaze away from Jason, the heat rising in her cheeks as she realized she’d been caught staring.

“I was saying this is just like old times, when I’d come up to Austin to see you and Mitch and the four of us would hang out.”

“Except the accommodations are a little classier,” Mitch pointed out, waving his hand to indicate the house.

“And roomier.  There’s nothing like your kitchen also being your living room,” he pointed out with a grin.

“And the table doesn’t rock.  Remember the table you had, Jason, the one that you had to put a folded up piece cardboard under the one leg?” Nicole asked him, smiling across the table at him, feeling her heart jump when he returned it.

“And that god-awful sofa he had, with fabric from the ‘60’s?”  Carly laughed.

“Hey, I was living on a budget!” he defended himself.  “We all can’t be born with a silver spoon in our mouth.”

“Umm…except I seem to remember you telling me that you
were
, born with a silver spoon in your mouth, I mean.”  Carly laughed.

“Well, it wasn't that big of a silver spoon. I still had to live on a budget, and redecorating wasn’t in the budget!” he shot back.

“Besides, he was never home.  He was always at the hospital,” Mitch pointed out, trying to help defend his friend.  “He didn’t need to worry about his décor.”

“Or he was at our place trying to score a meal.” Nicole pointed out.

“I never showed up uninvited.  Can I help it if Mitch always invited me at mealtimes?”

“When it was my night to cook.  You never seemed to show up on his night to cook!” Nicole argued with a laugh.

“Can I help it if you were a better cook than me?”  Mitch leaned back in his chair, grinning over at his cousin.  “Remember when I caught the microwave on fire?”

“Which time?”  Nicole teased, exchanging a look with Carly.

He choked on his drink.  “How many times did you catch the microwave on fire?”  He asked.

“We went through five microwaves in the four years we shared that apartment.”  Mitch admitted.

“And now you know why he isn’t allowed in our kitchen!”  Carly told them, laughing at her husband.  “Even Maria knows not to let him in there without supervision!”

She happened to glance across the table at Jason, and their eyes met.  For a brief moment, she saw of flicker of interest, or was it desire, in his eyes, but the moment was so brief, she thought she might have imagined it.  His jaw moved as if had clenched it and he looked away.  Confused, Nicole stared down and pushed the food around her plate.  Mitch glanced over at her and saw the bent head and troubled look.

“Well, I don’t know about all of you, but I am stuffed.”  He pushed back his plate.  “Anyone else for coffee?”

Jason and Nicole both accepted the offer, and Carly smiled at her husband.  “The caffeine isn’t…I mean, the caffeine might keep me up.  I think I’ll stick with water,” she told him.

Nicole turned her head towards her friend, shocked.  “You’re passing up coffee?”

“I haven’t been sleeping well since the trip.  You know, all the jet lag and stuff, and the doctor told me to cut out the caffeine in the evenings.”  Carly explained.

Nicole narrowed her gaze.

“So, outside of the office visits with Nicole and at the hospital, I haven’t seen you guys since your trip.  How was Alaska?”  Jason asked as they moved into the living room and Maria brought the coffee in on a serving tray.

“Nice and relaxing,” Mitch told him, wrapping his arm around Carly’s shoulders and pulling her back against him as he lounged on the sofa.  She rested her head on his shoulder and curled her legs up underneath her.  They had claimed the bigger of the two sofas, leaving the loveseat and the armchair for Jason and Nicole.  “I haven’t had a vacation like that in years.  I have to admit, I was starting to get a little antsy towards the end, though.”

“I’m sorry you had to cut it short because of me,” Nicole told them, sitting down on the love seat, surprised when Jason claimed the seat next to her.

“Stop feeling guilty.  You would’ve done the same thing if the situation were reversed.”  Mitch raised his eyebrow at her in a silent warning, and she remembered his comment from her first day back on the ranch about taking a switch to her.  He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she gave him a small smile.

Mitch and Carly described some of the sights they had seen on their cruise, including a pod of whales.  After a while, Nicole felt her back start to stiffen, so with a small groan, she shifted and started to push herself to her feet. “I’m sorry, but I need to go take a walk and move around a little.  My back is starting to bother me.”

“Are you okay?”  Jason stood up and extended his hand to her, a silent offer of help.  Hesitating for a second, she placed her hand in his and he helped her to her feet.

“I’m fine. I just still get a little stiff if I sit for too long.  I’ve been taking short walks in the evening before bed to help work the kinks out,” she answered him.

“Would you like some company?”   Jason offered, moving towards the door with her.

Surprised, she nodded and turned for the door.  She caught the smug look on Mitch’s face as well, but ignored him.  They didn’t speak for the first few minutes, just walked down to the paddock.  The sun was making its descent towards the horizon, and already, the night birds were beginning to stir and the crickets were starting to chirp.  He leaned against a post, watching her.

“You look tired.  Are you sleeping okay?” he asked, his gaze narrowed as his eyes moved over her.  “And you’ve lost some weight.”

“I’m fine.  Those pain killers you gave me made the nightmares worse and they also made me lose my appetite.”  She shrugged her shoulders.  “I quit taking them, and although I’m not sleeping great, the nightmares aren’t as bad, and my appetite is starting to come back.”  She leaned her own weight on the corral post and absently rubbed at her lower back.

“You’re far enough out from the accident now you could try Motrin for the pain,” Jason suggested.  “Are you ready to see someone for the nightmares?”

“No, I’m okay.  Honest,” she added at his dubious look.  “I just keep seeing the crash.  It’s to be expected, or so I’m told,” she lowered her gaze and stared at the ground.  He didn’t say anything.  “At least I’m not waking the entire household up with my screaming anymore.”  She glanced up at him from under her eyelashes to find him staring at her but his face wasn’t revealing any of his thoughts.  She sighed and looked away.
  This wasn’t going anywhere.

“You woke Jack up last night.”  He broke his silence and at her surprised look, he shrugged his shoulders.  “He’s worried about you.”

“Is that why you offered to walk with me; because you want to reassure Jack?”  She asked, straightening her spine and squaring her shoulders, as if steeling herself against a blow, he thought.  It made him stop and think back to the conversation he’d had a few weeks ago with Jack, which despite the amount of whiskey he’d ingested, he’d remembered quite well.  He narrowed his gaze and answered her question as much honesty as he could.

“No, I offered to walk with you because I wanted to spend a few minutes alone with you, maybe clear the air and get back onto solid ground, so to speak.  The fact that I am your doctor and you are having a few problems just gives us something else to talk about besides our complicated history,” he told her, his voice harsher than he intended.

“I’m sorry.”  She released a ragged breath.  “I get a little defensive.  I don’t want to see any other doctors.  The nightmares are starting to get better, and they’re not happening every night anymore.”

“You’ll let me know if you change your mind?” Jason made it a question as he stared at her, trying to read her mind.  She gave him a slight nod as she forced her eyes away from his intense stare.  They stood there, both leaning against the fence, listening to the sounds of the night.

“Carly’s pregnant,” she said to fill the silence between them.

“That’s my guess, too.  That
was
the point of the second honeymoon, I believe,” he drawled, a slight grin on his face.

“They’ve waited a long time,” she shifted, her hand again going to her lower back.

“Mitch wanted to wait, since they were married when she was so young, and hadn’t gotten to get out of Waketon like you and he did for college.  He didn’t want her to feel tied down,” he agreed.

“I’m guessing he wanted to avoid ending up like my parents,” she turned to start walking again and he pushed away from the fence and fell into step beside her.

“Your parents?  What about them?” startled, he glanced at her.  He hadn’t expected her to give him the opening he wanting.

“My parents married when my mom was seventeen, almost as soon as she’d graduated from high school, and she had me less than a year later.  She always talked about the things she never got to do, like college or traveling.  And of course, Dad was busy working so he never had time to do any of those things with her.  They died when I was fifteen,” she kicked at a rock on the ground.  “Mom always resented Daddy for keeping her from doing what she wanted to do. At least, that’s how she saw it.  She wasn’t a very happy person.  I think that’s why, when Carly started mentioning wanting to see Alaska and going on that cruise, Mitch encouraged her to plan this second honeymoon.  He knows she wouldn’t go without him and he didn’t want her to feel cheated.”