Learning-to-Feel (4 page)

"You've done the good people of Boston an injustice," he said with a smile. "All those girls and boys who've missed out on you."

I felt my face heat and redden at the mention of boys, and I explained, "I’ve only been with girls before... well, women."

He tilted his head like he was trying to figure something out. "But you're attracted to men, right?"

My heart rate took off, and my breathing accelerated. "I’ve never..." I started to explain and stopped, but I knew this was it. It was now or never. So I told him, "I’ve never been attracted to anyone."

He blinked.

I didn’t want him to think I was a freak, so I tried to explain. "I’ve never been attracted to anyone, not girls and not guys, I never even thought of guys that way, until... until... "

And I stopped talking because I needed to breathe.

Trent put his hand on my chest, over my heart. "Calm down, Nathan," he said soothingly, like he was the doctor, not me. "Breathe for me."

So I did. I took some deep breaths, even though his hand was still on my chest and he was standing too close.

When he was sure I was breathing more steadily, he kept his hand over my heart. "You've never thought of guys that way until... until what, Nathan?"

His voice was musical, soft and smooth, and I answered him without thinking. "Until you."

He smiled. It was a shy smile, a knowing smile. "But you're warring with yourself, aren't you, because I’m a guy?"

All I could do was nod.

He took the bottle from my hand and sat it on the counter. "Close your eyes, Nathan."

He saw my eyes widen, so he added, "Do you trust me?"

And I couldn’t explain why, but I did. I did trust him. I nodded.

"Then close your eyes," he repeated. His voice was just a whisper, and he was so fucking close. I felt the heat from his body against mine, and my eyes slowly closed.

"Breathe, Nathan," he said, and I did, like I'd somehow forgotten to before.

His hand that was pressed to my chest moved slowly up to my neck, and his fingers grazed my skin. "Does that feel wrong?" he whispered.

My whole body felt alive, and I shivered. I shook my head no.

Then his fingers moved to my jaw. He traced my cheek with his thumb, and he whispered again, "Does that feel wrong?"

My skin burned, and my cock throbbed. I couldn’t speak, so I shook my head again.

"How does it feel, Nathan?"

My voice was a whimper and a groan. "Good. Very good."

"Is it wrong that I make you feel good?" he whispered in my ear.

"No."

"Has a woman ever made you feel this good?" he whispered against my skin.

My chest tightened, and my voice croaked. "No."

"Breathe," he whispered again, and I felt the heat of his breath on my skin.

Then both his hands cupped my face, and I felt the warmth of his skin on mine.

"Look at me," his voice was just a breath.

I opened my eyes, and he was so close, barely an inch away. His eyes were dark and determined and his pink lips were parted right in front of me.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked.

I nodded, and he sighed softly. His eyes fluttered closed before he pressed his lips to mine. My heart hammered, and my insides combusted as he moved his lips just a fraction, keeping them against mine, and he kissed me.

I thought my knees might have buckled, but they didn’t, and I kissed him back. My lips opened, and I tasted him, and I needed... I needed to taste more of him. His hands still held my face, but I pushed my mouth onto his. I was urgent, and my sudden desire shocked him. I felt it in the way his lips froze.

I groaned in frustration, in want and need. This sparked something in him because he quickly matched my desire. His hands left my face and curled around my back, and he pulled me against him at the same time his tongue touched mine, making my entire body convulse.

Fuck, my cock ached and throbbed. I was about to explode in my jeans. I’d never known such pleasure, such ecstasy. I was torn between wanting more and embarrassing myself by coming in my pants.

He was devouring my mouth with his tongue, his hands were digging into my skin and it felt so fucking good. I knew one more hard push against him, and I would surely come. I pulled away from him. "Stop."

His lips were swollen, and his eyes were pained. "Why?" he asked, out of breath.

I closed my eyes, and with ragged breathing, I admitted, "You're gonna make me come."

He groaned. "Please. I want to watch," he murmured, and his hand palmed my bursting cock through my jeans, making me cry out.

He pushed and squeezed as best he could through the thick denim, and I was gone. He somehow pushed himself against me, between my legs, squeezing and pumping me with his hand until I pulsed and shot my load into the fabric between us.

My senses were obliterated. My body felt boneless. Trent thrust himself against me. I felt his denim clad length against my hip as he sought friction, so I grabbed his hips and pulled him against me. I opened my eyes in time to see his jaw clench. His eyes rolled back and his whole frame jerked against me, as he groaned through his orgasm. I wrapped my arms around him as he slumped against me, still trembling. He made the sweetest whimpering sound.

I leaned against the kitchen counter, and Trent was still in my arms, leaning heavily against me. The room was spinning, and I wasn’t sure I believed what I’d just done.
Don’t freak out, don’t freak out...

Breathe in, breathe out and feel. Let yourself feel...

Then Trent chuckled into my neck and looked at me with a post-orgasm haze in his eyes. "Fuck," he said, smiling. "You're so fucking hot when you come."

I couldn’t help but laugh, and he rubbed his nose along my jaw before kissing me again.

"I uh... I um... I think I need a shower," I said quietly, needing to put some distance between us, but not really wanting to let him go.

His eyes lit up. "Need some help?"

"No," I laughed. "I think I’d got this."

He pouted playfully as I left him alone in the kitchen and went upstairs.

CHAPTER 5

Walking back down the stairs, I heard noise coming from the kitchen somewhere… Trent. I’d just showered to clean myself up because we'd just made out and dry humped each other into orgasm. A little unsure of how to approach him, I hesitated in the foyer. But I had made the decision yesterday to allow myself to feel, so taking a deep breath, I walked into the kitchen.

To find it empty.

"Can you bring out the oil?" he yelled from the patio. When I looked out the window, I could see he was busy at the grill. He smiled at me, and I saw my beer on the table next to his. I grabbed the oil and walked out to join him, leaned against the table and watched him do his thing.

He was oiling the grill, explaining it was so the meat wouldn't stick. He’d changed his clothes and was wearing a blue shirt that matched his eyes. Something I doubt I'd have recognized two days ago.

He stopped for a pull of his beer and quickly turned to peck my lips before he turned his attention back to the grill. I felt myself blush, which gave me away every time. "Is that okay?" he asked. "If I kiss you like that?"

I smiled, but couldn’t form the words to say it out loud, so I nodded.

He could tell I was nervous. He put down the bottle of beer and stood in front of me, between my legs. "Nathan, talk to me."

I said nothing, so he took my hand in his and said, "It only gets weird if we let it."

I found myself squeezing his fingers. I could feel him looking at me, his eyes were burning into mine. "What we did, in the kitchen earlier, was that weird?" he asked. "Or did it feel good?"

I bit my lip, but I answered truthfully. "It felt good."

"Not weird?" he asked, smiling as he bent down to look into my eyes.

I grinned. "No, not weird."

"It was very fucking good, Nathan," he said with a chuckle, then leaned in and whispered in my ear, "You made me jizz my pants."

I laughed, and he chuckled again before taking my chin in his fingers to lift my face and kiss me sweetly. Then he tapped my forehead, "Let go of what's in here," he said, then his hand slid down to my chest, "and just feel."

And he just said the magic word: Feel.

During dinner Trent talked about everything and nothing in particular. I found myself smiling as I listened to him. He looked at me every so often, smiled and just kept talking. It was so easy to be with him.

His words, '
it only gets weird if we let it',
played in my mind, and I knew he was right. So I relaxed and just let myself enjoy his company. I had no idea what this thing was between us or what I wanted it to be. But by the time we finished dinner, I was fairly certain I didn’t care. I'd just let it be whatever it is.

I couldn’t deny the attraction I felt for him, but if our earlier make out session was all I got from him, I'd take it. If he did want more from me, I had no idea just how much of myself I was willing to give. But I was willing to give something...

Well, I thought I was...

"So, work tomorrow?" he asked as I finished drying the dishes.

"Yeah," I said with a nod. "I’m looking forward to it." I insisted on dish duty because he cooked. When I put the last dish away, I turned to find him ogling my ass.

He knew I’d caught him and grinned without shame. He walked over to me, and I thought he might kiss me, but he grabbed my hand instead. "Come on," he said and pulled me into the lounge room.

He sat on the sofa and patted the seat next to him as he flicked on the TV. Taking a deep breath, I sat beside him. He was so comfortable and relaxed, like it was the most natural thing in the world, and although it was so very new to me, he put me at ease.

His hand casually sat on my thigh, and I felt it burn my skin causing the nerves in my dick to pulse with excitement. He was only touching me on the leg for fuck’s sake, and I felt my cock harden.

"Is it okay if I put my hand there?" he asked. And I liked the fact he asked. He knew this was new to me, and he didn't want to push me.

I smiled and puffed my cheeks out as I exhaled loudly. "It’s fine."

He chuckled. "You're so nervous," he observed. "Relax, Nathan. I’m not about to throw you down on the sofa and have my wicked way with you."

His words clenched in my stomach, and my breath caught.

His eyes widened a little. "Do you like how that sounds?" He leaned forward, and his voice was husky when he asked, "Do you want to find out how it feels?"

I swallowed loudly, and my dick was now fully hard and rather uncomfortable in my jeans. I needed to relieve the pressure because it was bordering on painful. But I didn’t want to dry hump him again, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be naked with him just yet. "I um, have an early start in the morning. I better go upstairs."

I stood, and his eyes trailed from my face to the prominent erection I was now sporting. I could see his eyes darken. "You have sweet dreams now," he said, and his gaze fixed on mine.

I picked up the paperwork I'd left on the table earlier that afternoon and ran up the stairs and heard him say, "Goodnight, Nathan," and he chuckled.

I threw my papers on the desk in my room and headed straight for the shower. I almost groaned in relief when I stripped off my jeans and my cock sprung free. By the time the water was hot enough, the head of my dick was purple. The intensity of my attraction to him, how he made me feel, baffled me.

A few words, a look of lust in his eyes and I was so fucking hard. Using shower gel as a lubricant, I stroked and pumped myself, relishing the feeling that hummed through me. I’d never been a sexual being. I’d never... fuck, I’d never been so turned on.

This time instead of picturing Trent on his knees in front of me, I imagined him pushing me down onto the sofa, his body on top of mine. How he'd kiss me, how his hands would touch me, big hands, rough hands, would skim over my chest and hold my waist as his cock would slide against mine.

That image,
that image
, of his naked body, his hard cock, was all it took. My whole body lurched, come erupting forcefully from me in long, thick spurts. I squeezed my dick, and God only knew what sounds escaped me. But I came back to earth from my orgasm and found my breathing labored and my forehead against the tiles.

I dried off, crawled into bed and read through my paperwork until well after midnight. I fell asleep to pictures of a blond haired, blue-eyed man with a beautiful smile flickering through my mind.

The next morning I was up early again. I took Bentley for a run, and we shared toast for breakfast, then I got dressed for my first day at work.

I came back into the kitchen and found Trent making two cups of coffee. He looked up at me and hummed approvingly. "Looking good, Doctor Tierney," he smirked. I was dressed in my usual work clothes; dress pants, a button down shirt and tie.

“Ready for your first day?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”

“You’ll do just fine.”

I let out a shaky breath. “I’m sure I will.” Then I asked, “What’s on your agenda?”

“More painting,” he said with a smirk. “Bit of this, bit of that.”

I found myself smiling back at him, just as Bentley trotted up to Trent and looked up at him expectantly. "He’s had breakfast already," I told Trent, "don’t let him tell you otherwise."

Trent laughed, and I smiled all the way to the hospital.

I barely had time to settle in at work before we were bombarded with patients. I soon realized the majority of Belfast had come to see me, curious and nosey, but not ill or injured.

"Gossip fodder," a deep voice said with a chuckle.

I looked up to find a uniformed officer smiling under a greying moustache. "Chief Peters," he announced with a firm handshake. I immediately liked him.

"Don’t mind the locals," he told me. "They'll lose interest in you when someone new comes along."

He talked of his town like it was in his blood and told me
he
, meaning the entire town of Belfast, was pleased to have me. He asked me how I was finding it, and I told him how I did a bit of sightseeing yesterday and how my housemate showed me around.