Leap of Faith (La Flor #1) (21 page)

“Y’all are like fuckin’ military generals plannin’ a takeover by the way y’all go about lookin’ for the
perfect
dress. Skylar will be in college before y’all are satisfied,” he grumbles. “Let’s go, princess. Save me.”

“I told you so,” I tell him, laughing.

Skylar decides to take pity on him. They head out to have fun “away from this nightmare” as Zane puts it. And our day continues.

Several hours later, Rylee and Josilyn have each found the perfect dress. Successful in our mission, we head back to Carmen and Jacob’s house. We pack up the girls’ belongings and load the vehicles. We relent and let the girls head back alone in Rylee’s Jeep. Even Skylar begs. Zane, Jackie and I get into Zane’s truck. It’s filled not only with the girls’ dresses, but also a closetful of other clothes that we
just had
to have. It’s a good thing we brought the truck and the bed is covered; our loot wouldn’t have fit in the Jeep.

Two hours later, we arrive at our house. Josilyn and Jackie head home, and the rest of us decide on take-out. I’m worried about how this is going to work. How am I going to sleep without Zane in my bed holding me tight? I feel guilty—I’m excited my daughters are home but at the same time, I’m dreading my lonely night.

I don’t expect the girls to take matters into their own hands.

“Zane, you’re stayin’ the night, right?” Rylee asks, making us choke on our food.

Surprised, we look at each other. How do we answer that question? We want to be together, but we fear it might set a bad example or upset the girls’ routine.

But before either one of us can answer “no,” Skylar pipes up.

“Of course he is, silly,” she answers. “Tomorrow mornin,’ he’s gonna make me French toast with strawberries on top, eggs, and bacon—my favoritest breakfast.”

“Baby,” I say softly to my youngest, “Zane can’t spend the night with us. He has to go home to his house.”

“Well, why can’t he stay here?” Skylar asks, blinking her eyes slowly. Oh, boy.

Rylee looks at me and Zane and I look at each other.

“Princess,” he answers, “I can’t spend the night—” Before he can finish, Skylar surprises us.

“But I want you to stay,” she says, close to tears. “You make my mommy happy. I don’t want her to cry at night. She used to cry at night and I don’t want her to cry anymore. You make her smile like the princesses in my movies do. I don’t like it when she cries. Please stay, Zane,” she pleads.

My heart breaks.

I didn’t realize my girls knew about my lonely nights.

“Oh, baby,” I say with a voice full of emotion. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”

I’ve worked hard to hide my tears from them—to always put up a strong front in their presence. During the day I was strong, but when night came—I could let myself go. I never thought anyone could hear me, especially Skylar.

“I told Rylee the first time I heard you,” she replies, and I look at my eldest daughter. She looks back at me with glistening eyes. “She told me not to say anything to you that it would only make you sadder. She said that sometimes grown-ups cry when they are sad, and that you were sad because Daddy was gone and you missed him very, very much. With Zane, you smile a happy smile, Momma. I don’t want you to cry anymore. Zane makes you happy.”

I can’t hold it in any longer; I turn and walk out of the kitchen. As I’m walking out, I hear my Skylar ask, “Is Momma okay?”

“Yes, princess, your Momma is okay. Just give her a minute and she’ll be back,” Zane reassures her.

I get to the living room when I feel a hand on me. I turn and I find Rylee. She has tears running down her face.

“I’m sorry, Momma,” she says.

“No, Rylee,” I cry. “I’m the one that’s sorry. Y’all should never have heard me cry. I’ve tried so hard to be strong for all of us. Your daddy—he was the love of my life. I was so sure we would spend the rest of our lives together. When I lost him, it hurt so much. The days were about my two babies, but the nights—those were so hard for me. Silly me, thinkin’ I could close the door to keep y’all from hearin.’”

“The peanut is right, Momma. Let Zane stay, at least for tonight. Since you’ve been with him, you actually smile a real smile. You’re better with him. He’s good with Skylar and with me—he’s even offered to beat the crap outta any guy that makes me cry. He’s tryin’ so hard, Momma, to be here for us—to make things easier and to be part of our family. All we want is for you to be happy and to find love again. I could be selfish and make things harder for y’all, but I’m not because you accepted me all those years ago as your daughter and have loved and raised me. Now, it’s my turn to accept the man that wants to love
you.
”

She comes to me and I hold her tight.

We cry.

We cry for each other, for the man we both lost too soon, and for Skylar because she never got to meet the incredible man that her father was. We hold each other for what seems forever, but is really mere seconds, before letting go. I give Rylee a kiss, wipe my face, and we both head back to the kitchen. As we walk in, we see Zane holding a crying Skylar. Her face turned into him, tears and snot drenching his tee shirt. Zane doesn’t seem to notice, and he holds my baby tight. He’s murmuring words into her ear and we see him kiss the top of her head. My heart melts at the sight.

They hear us enter and Skylar lifts her head.

“I’m sorry, Momma. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“No, sweetie,” I say reassuringly. “I was just surprised and I had to get myself together. Why are you cryin,’ my little peanut?”

“I just want you to be okay, Momma. Don’t make Zane leave, please. He makes you happy and he makes us happy.”

“Okay,” I say, looking at Zane. “Zane can stay the night. If things feel weird to y’all or y’all feel uncomfortable, please let me know. The two of you will always come first and Zane knows this. We love y’all and want what is best for y’all.”

At these words, Skylar jumps out of Zane’s lap and runs to me. She hugs Rylee and me. It’s the three of us like it’s been for years. Then, both girls turn and look at Zane.

“Zane, it’s a family hug,” Rylee tell him.

“Get over here, silly. We need you with us,” Skylar finishes.

At first Zane is shocked but quickly snaps out of it and joins the three Duval girls. As we hold each other, I see Zane look up to the heavens, his lips moving, and then he bows his head and holds us tighter. He’s been accepted into our family by the girls. I send a silent prayer up above, thanking the Lord for first blessing me with Jake, and now giving me another chance with Zane.

Everything is perfect.

If I had known what would happen later, I would’ve prayed harder.

That night in March, Zane became a part of our family.

Since that night, he’s spent every night he isn’t at the station in our house and in my bed. He helps with dinner, cleaning, mowing, and taking out the trash. That’s a major plus because that’s the one thing I hate the most—taking out the trash. It sucks big time!

We even started sharing carpooling duties. More often than not, he picks up Skylar from school, and she even keeps CDs in his truck. It was the sweetest thing, watching the two of them jamming out to Taylor Swift. I’ll never forget the image of my hot-as-hell, badass, muscular, manly man singing along to girly tunes with my youngest daughter at the top of his lungs and dancing.

It’s the cutest thing
ever
and so sweet.

With Rylee, he doesn’t want to overstep but he’s still very protective of her. For example, any time Dean picks her up for one of their dates, Zane is always there glaring at the poor boy. One time, Zane decided to sharpen his hunting knife collection—which I didn’t even know he had. Another time, he took out one of my guns and started cleaning it in front of the kid, showing him how quick he could assemble and disassemble it, and letting Dean know that he never missed his target. He was trying to intimidate the boy and was being successful. I was worried Rylee would get angry, but she took it in stride.

“It feels good having someone else worryin’ along with you anytime I go out, Momma. If Daddy can’t be here, I’m glad Zane is here for you and for us. Plus, I think it’s kinda funny,” she tells me when I ask if Zane’s behavior upsets her.

Her words make me realize no matter how hard I’ve worked to be both father and mother to my girls, they still miss and need Jake. Zane isn’t their father, but he’s starting to become a father figure to them. At first, I was worried wondering how the girls were going to take it if it didn’t work out with the two of us, but little by little, that worry is disappearing.

After the third time with Dean, I finally ask Zane why he’s so hard on the boy.

“If that boy can’t take what I’m dishin’ out, then he doesn’t deserve Rylee. She needs a man that will stand up for her and keep her safe. A man that will defend her with his life if need be. I don’t want her datin’ a pussy and if this kid can’t handle me, then he needs to stay the fuck away from our girl. I’m not her father, but I’ll take care of her and Skylar as if they are my own. And I’d die for them and for you, Faith.”

What could I say to that?

For this man to claim us and to tell me straight up that he would die for my girls and for me is humbling. Can it be that I’m getting another chance at forever?

“Okay, baby,” is all I reply.

Nothing I say can let him know how much his words mean to me, so the only thing I can do is jump on him and show him how much I appreciate his gestures and words. To show him how much I love his body and how I love the way he makes me feel. With him I feel cherished, protected, and such a strong emotion I don’t want to say it just yet, but I know it is love. I love this man.

The past years, I’ve had to be strong—not only for my family but also for the company that was my husband’s dream. Unfortunately, Jake never got to see his dream become a reputable, respected, and feared organization. He never got the opportunity to work his ass off to make his dream come true—that fell to me.

I had to toughen up and deal with people that could eat me alive. Any weakness would be pounced upon and used against me, especially being a woman in a man’s world. A woman whose only background included being a military child and spouse, mother, student, and athlete. I had no experience, and at first, everyone thought I was a joke, but I showed them and I showed them good. I put aside my career to ensure I was able to realize the legacy Jake had dreamed about beginning. To have a man that is not intimidated by my accomplishments and my job (which he still doesn’t know completely about) and who wants to take care of me and protect me, is a wonderful feeling that I never want to lose.

26 April 2013

Today is an emotional day for all of us.

Five years ago today, I lost the man I professed to love forever and spend the rest of my life with. Today, the girls and I are preparing ourselves to head out to Jake’s grave. Since moving here, every Sunday after church we visit Jake, but today is a special day so we are visiting earlier than usual.

I called the school and let them know Rylee and Skylar wouldn’t be in attendance today because it was their father’s anniversary. Over the years, regardless of what’s going on, we’ve always visited Jake on this day. Thankfully, the schools were understanding; otherwise, there would have been hell to pay.

Today is also Rylee’s senior prom.

Rylee was torn, so we had a long discussion on whether or not she should attend. She was afraid it was disrespectful, but I told her Jake wouldn’t want her to miss out. I explained to her that Jake will always be part of our lives and we will always love him, but our lives go on. We will always honor this day, but we can’t be sad anymore—today is about remembering the great man our Jake was.

When I asked what she really wanted to do, she replied.

“I want to visit my daddy and reminisce the memories I have of us together. I want to share my memories with everyone, but I also want to go to my prom. I feel childish and selfish, but I don’t want to miss out on my last prom.”