Layover (2 page)

Allen knows his mother does all of these things. That’s why he sometimes feels heaviness on him. Everyone wants him to have his brother’s wife, including him - everyone except Kenny, of course.

I walked quickly to keep pace with Allen but he was moving at top speed to get the hell out of Dodge.

“I’m going to pull the car around,” he told me, “Wait here.”

“I thought we valet parked,” I said, confused.

“I need some air. I’ll be right back.”

I stood in the doorway of the restaurant peering out the window, wondering if I had done something wrong. After a few minutes, Allen peels up the curb, burning rubber, and jumps out of the vehicle. He walks around to my side and opens the door. I got in and he closed the door behind me. He gets in the car and drives off. There is silence. Finally, I realize that he is not going to talk to me, so I start in.

“Did I do something to you?” I asked innocently.

“No.”

“Is there something the matter?”

“No.”

“I must be trippin’ then, because I don’t know what just happened back there.”

There was more silence. I decided to keep my mouth shut and just get through this car ride. If I can just get back to my hotel and try to arrange a flight out of Colorado, I might be alright. I was less than motivated to try to psychoanalyze my brother-in-law. After all, he was Kenny’s brother and a history of mental illness would, in no way, surprise me at this point. When we got to my hotel, I opened my door quickly before he had a chance to get out and open it for me. As I’m getting out, he grabs my hand.

“Do you know what it’s like to be me?” he asked.

“Why don’t you tell me,” I insisted.

“I spend my whole life trying to please my father, make my mother proud, immolate my big brother and be an all-around great guy. I studied hard, I made good grades, I treat people well, especially women, I save my money and never splurge. And what do I get for all that? On the other hand, Kenny just coasts through life, gets in trouble, makes marginal grades, costs my parents extra money by spending an extra year in college before graduating. He disrespects people, runs through women and money, and what does he get for all of his indiscretions? You! Now, you tell me, where is the justice in that?”

“Allen, because you have had what is considered too much to drink, even for a Reilly, I’m going ignore the mean spirit in which that monologue was delivered. However, I feel you on some of those points. But the fact remains that you have Lisa, don’t you?”

“Lisa? Lisa? And so what, Lisa! Lisa is just an around-the-way girl who happens to make a lot of money. She is certainly no reward for the fruits of my labor.”

“So why did you marry her?”

“Because I was lonely and she was the girl who put her game down the strongest.”

“If I did not know better, I would think I was talking to Kenny. You sound about as ignorant as he does at times. So what is it that you think you deserve?”

“Someone like you. Someone gorgeous who can cause an entire room of people to stop and take notice. Someone ambitious who is not afraid to leave the comfort of corporate America and start her own business. Someone eloquent and refined who compliments her man well and makes him shine. Yeh, someone like you.”

“I appreciate the compliments. But if you want something more, just tell Lisa she is not the one, and go find yourself someone else.”

“There is no one else. You are the only one like you and you just so happen to be married to my brother.”

“So you think you should have me because Kenny doesn’t deserve me?”

“Don’t make me answer that,” he said cynically.

“Allen, I’m going to be perfectly honest with you only because it seems that everyone has been harboring these feelings and there is an unspoken rule that no one must ever speak of such things. Everyone from your mother to the waiter thinks that you and I would make a great couple. So what? Everyone knows that Kenny is party boy. So what? You have very strong feelings for me. So what? I have very strong feelings for you. So what? None of that matters because there isn’t a thing any of us can do about it. Even if Kenny and I were to divorce and you and Lisa did the same, could you and I honestly get together without there being absolute pandemonium? I doubt it. It’s not going to happen. The best we can do is love the ones we are with. I wish to God that I had met you first, but it just did not happen that way. Now, if you will let go of my hand, I need to get to my room so I can schedule a flight out of here. Are you alright to drive? You’ve had quite a bit to drink.”

“I’m a Reilly. I’m alright
because
I’ve had plenty to drink.”

As I got out of the car and headed into the hotel lobby, I watched Allen pull off swerving. I was a little concerned until I heard him slam on breaks to keep from hitting a column, then I became very concerned. I ran inside the lobby and called him on his cell phone.

“Allen, I think you should come back to the hotel until you sober up a bit.”

“What do you care?” he asked coldly, “Worry about your own alcoholic husband.”

“I do – every day of my life. Now I’m worried that he won’t have a brother if you don’t get back here.”

“Maybe I want to die. So, just leave me alone.”

He hung up the phone on me. I called back and he hung up again.  I continued to try him until he turned the phone off and my calls rolled straight to voice mail. I was beside myself. I would just die if something happened to him. After all, I think I am in love with him. I guess I did not want to admit it to myself because I knew there was nothing that could be done about it. I went to my room, plopped down on one of the beds, face-first and cried into the pillow. I tried not to think about my feelings but I just could not help thinking about what Allen had said and how right he was about everything.

There was a knock at my door. I got up to answer it. It was Allen.

“I don’t want to die. As long as I’m alive, there is something to hope for, something to live for.”

I closed the door behind him.

“You really love that fool don’t you?” he asked, changing the subject.

“With all my heart.”

“But you said you wish you had met me first.”

“Why are we still talking about this, Allen?”

“Because I have to know.”

“What are you trying to establish, that you are better than Kenny? Does your ego need a boost that badly?

“I want to know that everything I’ve ever worked for in my life wasn’t for nothing.”

“Most of what we do in life is for nothing. Most of it is just to pass the time until God gets ready to take our souls. So, yes, most of what you did in your life was to please other people but that doesn’t mean it was for nothing. If you learned anything, then it wasn’t for nothing.”

“The only thing I’ve learned is that you have to do something to please yourself. You have to do at least one thing in this life to please you. One moment of pleasure makes it all worth it.” He explained.

“Not at the expense of other people.” I argued.

“Why not? They would do it to you.”

“You have to be better than them. They steal momentary pleasure here and there, wherever they can get it. You, on the other hand, you have the ability to save up all of your little moments and trade them in for one big moment. If you are patient, God will give you whatever you desire.”

“Whatever I desire?” He asked

“Anything:”

“So, how did Kenny get to be so lucky as to have you?”

“Allen, it’s true, I love Kenny with all my heart. But you, I feel that I could love you for all my life. I could love you until time itself just ran out. I don’t know why God brought Kenny and me together, but I have to believe that it is for a good reason and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. Still, I believe that you will find all the happiness that you deserve.”

“Why were you crying when I came in?” he asked, on a seemingly different note.

“I was worried about you.”

“You must cry a lot at home then, being married to Kenny. I know he goes out intoxicated quite often.”

“I stopped crying over Kenny a long time ago.”

“Why?”

“Because he is going to do what he wants to do anyway. I may as well save all of my tears for something more meaningful,” I assured him.   

“You think I’m worth crying over?”

“Yes - until you show me that you are going to do what you want to do regardless of what’s right or wrong. The fact that you came back just shows me that you know right from wrong and that you are considerate enough to know when someone cares about your well-being.”

“If you were my wife, you would never cry. I would make sure you never felt any pain. I would make it my life’s work to keep you happy.”

“I appreciate that, Allen. But you should be focusing that energy on Lisa,” I reminded him.

“I’ve tried. Lisa doesn’t want that kind of attention. She wants to run things. She wants to be the man, the bread winner, the boss. She won’t let me do anything for her.”

“She let you take her to her parents’ house this week. Why didn’t she just take her car?” I asked, curious.

“She hasn’t been doing well. Her use of her legs has been diminishing for some time now and she can hardly get around, let alone drive.”

“Why haven’t you all told anyone? Is there anything that can be done?”

“No. She’s been going to the doctor for tests. They don’t know anything yet.”

“I’ll keep her in my prayers,” I assured him.

“Do that.”

“Well, I need to get on the phone and try to get a flight out of here in the morning and you need to get some rest.”

“What time is your meeting?”

“It’s at 12:00pm. If I miss this meeting, it will spell disaster for my business,” I told him.

“If I have to, I’ll drive you to LA. I’ll do anything I can to make sure you succeed in your business.”

It was at that moment that I realized that this is the man I should be with. He just said the magic phrase. He just showed me the faith he had in me. This wasn’t about love, money, feelings, emotions, Tahoes, or Mercedes. This was about someone believing in you. This man believed in me and it just made him the sexiest man in the world.

I walked over to the chair where he was sitting and took a much needed hug. I laid my head helplessly on his strong strapping shoulder and squeezed him as tightly as my petite arms would let me. He reached around my small back with his massive arms and reciprocated a deep and sensual hug, practically lifting me off the ground as he stood up to make the hug sincere. As he lifted up, I felt something pressing into my stomach that felt like raw steel. It was huge and rock-hard. I pulled away faster than a Catholic teenage virgin the night before her wedding. I was afraid of what I was feeling, literally and emotionally. This thing was happening way too fast for me and we were in way deeper than we both knew. I quickly moved back to the “safe” side of the room and got on the phone with the airlines. I was more than ready to get on the first thing smoking out of here. I watched out of my peripheral vision as Allen fell asleep on his bed and I imagined he was mine. I longed to crawl in the bed with him and find out what that was pressed against my stomach moments earlier. These are the defining moments of our life. It’s times like these that help us determine who we are. I often wondered if I would be able to display integrity in the moment of truth. Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching. There was nothing preventing us from performing the best sexual acts of our life right here and now. We are two people in less than desirable marriages, alone with each other, hundreds of miles away from anyone who could discover our possible indiscretion, longing to touch each other in the most erotic way imaginable. Who would find out, who would know? We would. We would and God would. For all the hot, hearty sex on the planet, it’s not worth it for that reason.

He slept while I tried feverishly to book a flight out in time for my meeting. I kept getting the same response. Those flights were filled hours ago, while I was out frolicking with my brother-in-law. It was apparent that I was going to miss my meeting. I knew I was going to have to reschedule. I knew it was going to be practically impossible to get these people to agree to see me another time. This had been set for months and one bad weather day was going to ruin my chances of landing the deal of the century. Maybe this was my punishment for coveting my brother-in-law. If I had been on the phone with the airline instead of gazing into Allen’s light brown eyes at dinner, maybe I would be halfway on my way to California right now or at least by morning. After what seemed like hours of back-and-forth with the airlines, to no avail, I finally gave up. I decided to take a shower and go to bed. Maybe my luck would be better in the morning after some much-needed rest.

When I woke up the next morning, Allen was sitting in a chair next to my bed, showered and fully-dressed, staring at me.

“What are looking at?” I asked, disoriented.

“I was just watching you sleep. You look so beautiful.”

“Allen. Get a grip. I am your sister-in-law. Don’t you think this is getting too deep? Let’s not complicate things. We just spent the night together in a hotel and neither of our spouses knows where we are. I would say we are pushing our luck.”