Laughter in the Wind (6 page)

Rebecca puzzled over Olivia every spare moment as she worked the desk at the Resource Room each day after classes, as she drove the thirty-minute trek to and from Rockford and as she sat at home with her parents, supposedly “studying” with a book in her lap or on the table in front of her. Her mother had to try three times to get her attention Thursday evening to tell her a neighbor’s mother had passed away and she and Rebecca’s father would be gone for a few hours after supper Saturday evening to attend the visitation at the funeral home in Rockford.

Friday brought a new revelation. Rebecca had been drinking coffee at breakfast with her mother, still mulling over the possible motivations behind Olivia’s words and actions. Just as she took a sip of the steaming coffee, she switched her attention from Olivia to herself. She inhaled the coffee and began spluttering loudly when she realized that she might like the idea of Olivia being interested in her.

Rebecca’s mother looked around the edge of her ever-present newspaper. “Are you okay, Bec?”

As soon as she could breathe again, she croaked out, “Yeah, Mom. Just went down the wrong pipe.”

After a few more seconds of throat clearing and wiping the tears from her eyes, Rebecca settled down again and tried another sip, this one more successful.

Her mother placed her paper neatly on the table and caught Rebecca’s eyes in her direct gaze. “Are you really okay, though? You’ve been pretty distracted this week. Is school going okay? What about work?”

Rebecca was slow to reply, taking another sip of the scalding coffee to give herself time to come up with an answer. “Yes, I’m fine. Just thinking about the weekend,” she admitted. She had decided a couple of years before that it was futile to lie to her mother. She always seemed to know the truth. But she wasn’t ready to share the entire truth, that she had invited a girl to spend the night who very well may have been making passes at her. She needed to get her thoughts sorted out before she started working on sharing them with someone else, especially her mother.

“I gotta run,” she said, putting her dishes in the sink. “Do you need anything from town?”

“No.” Her mother stood from her chair at the table and grabbed Rebecca in a quick hug before she could get past her. “I love you, Bec.”

“What was that all about?” Rebecca muttered to herself as she grabbed her books and headed out to the Buick. Not only was she having trouble recognizing herself, now her mother was acting weird, too.

* * *

The daydreams of Friday were dominated by one topic.
What am I going to do if she is interested in me…and if I’m interested in her?
Rebecca sometimes believed she could over-analyze things a bit but this was a pretty important topic, so she let herself go.
I think I kind of like the idea. Do I like it because someone is interested, because Olivia is interested, or because a woman is interested…or because I’m interested in her? If I like it because it’s a woman, is that why I’ve never had a real boyfriend? Is that why I was totally distracted by my high-school English teacher’s breasts my sophomore year, but never gave my math teacher a second glance, even though all my friends thought he was really hot? Surely I couldn’t get this far in life without figuring out if I’m gay…lesbian or not.

After going through her classes in a daze, Rebecca found her work-study boss and made an unusual request. She lied about having an upcoming test and asked for the afternoon off to study. She had made a pact with herself to try to always be honest but this was just going to have to be an exception. The clamor in her head was becoming deafening and she needed desperately to find a quiet place to sort it all out. Time was getting short. She had to figure something out before 10:30 Saturday morning, which was less than a day away.

By the time Rebecca had driven five miles out of town to Piney Creek, she was exhausted by the din in her head. She locked up the Buick and headed down the overgrown trail along the creek bank, looking out at the clear water drifting past. She loved the rivers and creeks in this part of Missouri and Piney Creek was pretty quiet this time of year. About a quarter mile from the trailhead was a large, flat-topped rock which jutted out over the current. She clambered up onto it and watched the water rush by, trying to quiet down her thoughts so she could concentrate on one idea at a time.

The water always seemed to have a calming effect on her and today was no different. It was almost like the current washed away all the chaff from her thoughts, allowing her to focus on what was important. After about an hour, she was starting to get a little chilled and her butt was getting sore from sitting on the hard, cold rock, but the clamor in her head had stilled. She walked back to the Buick feeling a little lighter than before, confident in her decision to be honest with herself and at least have the courage to find the answers, to discover what, or
who
, she did or didn’t want. Self-deception or running from the unknown served her no purpose. A little courage was called for and she vowed to keep an open mind until she really knew how she felt. When she reached that point, she knew more courage might be necessary for her to act on her feelings, but she would worry about that when the time came.

Rebecca arrived home a little earlier than usual and her mother asked her about it as soon as she came in the front door.

“Oh, I took off work this afternoon. I can make it up over the next week by working my lunch break. I’ll just take a PB&J sandwich and eat it at the desk.” Rebecca knew this answer wouldn’t satisfy her mother so she added, “I just needed some time to think so I went down to Piney Creek for a while.”

“Well, did you solve the great questions of world peace, or feeding the hungry, or anything else with all of that thinking?” Her mother smiled as she reached out and tousled her hair.

Rebecca’s face brightened a little as she laughed and replied, “Well, no. I guess I didn’t solve anything that important. I guess my own personal turmoil can’t be too important compared to world peace and famine.”

“Care to share that personal turmoil, oh youngest daughter of mine?” her mother probed lightly, looking with worry at her daughter.

“I don’t think I can right now, Mom,” Rebecca answered as truthfully as she could. “I don’t trust my thoughts right now. I need to figure out what I really think about things first.” She paused a little, noticing her mother looked puzzled at her explanation. “I know I’m probably not making much sense, but I promise, Mom, I’ll talk to you as soon as I think I can.” Rebecca had no desire to push her away. At the same time, she knew this was something she was going to have to figure out on her own.

“Okay, I can wait. You know, I’ve found when I’m not sure what I think about something, if I really think about how I feel about it, deep in my heart, I come up with the answer. I don’t know if that helps any, but it has for me. Rebecca, I’ll be here if you need me, if there is any way I can help.” She had placed her hands on both of Rebecca’s shoulders and made sure Rebecca’s eyes met hers as she said this.

“Now,” her mother added, changing to a lighter tone. “Because you are home early, you win the grand prize…the privilege of helping me cook supper!” She linked one arm through Rebecca’s and led her to the kitchen, where a paring knife and a pile of vegetables sat on the counter waiting for her attention.

Chapter Six

The next morning, Rebecca felt jittery at breakfast. She was trying to act calm so her mother wouldn’t ask more questions she didn’t have answers for. She was glad her mother seemed to be letting things slide this morning, only asking, “So, what are you girls planning for today?”

“I’m meeting Olivia at the gas station in town then leading her back here. I thought I’d have her drop her car off here at the house then take her to Grandma’s. We might go to Mrs. Wright’s house after that. She seems to know a lot about people from way-back-when. I may even take her to see Peacock Cemetery.”

“I may not be here when you drop her car off. I’ve got to go grocery shopping this morning. Your dad will be over at Uncle Jim’s most of the day. Remember, it’s deer season, so if you go out to the cemetery, take some orange with you so you don’t get shot.”

“Okay, I’ll pull out a couple of blaze orange ball caps. When is Dad going hunting?”

“I think he plans to go early several mornings this week. Are you going to hunt this year?”

“I don’t think so. I’m pretty busy with classes during the week and Olivia will be here this weekend. Besides, I haven’t even bought a deer tag.”

Rebecca had been excited about deer season ever since her father had taken her the first time when she was ten. She had never shot one but had seen several pass by, with no good shot available. Her father had taught her to hunt safely and to respect wildlife, so she would never take a shot carelessly and risk only injuring the deer, which she knew would lead to infection and suffering before the deer died days later. The deer population locally had grown over the past couple of decades and without hunting, the dangers of driving the roads around the area would be great and the deer would become unhealthy from too little food. She found hunting to be a challenge and enjoyed the venison from the deer her father had harvested. But, she was surprised to realize, she just had no desire to hunt this year. Her mind wasn’t up to the challenge maybe, with all the other distractions she was dealing with.

“I’ll do the dishes,” Rebecca offered as she gathered their cups and plates from the table. She hoped having something to do would make the time pass faster.

“I think I like this new mood you’ve been in,” her mother teased, watching her work for a few minutes before she returned to her paper.

* * *

Rebecca made sure she was fifteen minutes early when she got to the gas station that morning. She couldn’t help but tease Olivia when she pulled in five minutes late. “Traffic heavy?” she asked, arching one eyebrow and trying to look serious.

Olivia smiled out the open car window. “I knew you’d have something to say about it,” she laughed.

“Follow me and my trusty Buick and I’ll take you to my house,” Rebecca said as she handed Olivia a bottle of cherry Coke.

“What’s this for?”

“I picked us both up a soda while I was waiting on you,” Rebecca said. “That is what you had the other day, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, you got it right. Thanks.” Olivia smiled and winked and Rebecca felt herself blush a little, so she turned quickly and jogged across the lot to her car.

By the time they drove the two miles to her house, Rebecca felt like she had it all under control again but when Olivia slid into the front seat of the Buick, she felt her cheeks try to pinken. Desperate to divert Olivia’s attention away from her unease, she blurted out, “So, how did you get the picture?”

Rebecca felt herself slowly relaxing as Olivia recounted how she had asked her grandmama if she could copy some old photos from her albums, then had slid out the one of MJ, Jane, and Ralph, and hid it behind the others. “I don’t think Grandmama was any the wiser,” she said confidently.

Rebecca pointed out to Olivia, as she drove to Grandma’s, all the fields and pastures that belonged to either her father or Grandma. She also explained that most people around the area called her Grandma whether they were related or not and assured her that Grandma would want her to call her that, also, if she was comfortable doing so.

Rebecca was a little embarrassed when they entered Grandma’s front door. She had forgotten to tell Olivia about the bear hug. She felt the familiar pull on her cheeks to get her down to Grandma’s shorter stature, then she hugged Grandma as much as she could while being squeezed tightly. She was pleased to see Olivia receive the same treatment. Grandma had so many grandkids and other relatives that she treated anyone that came through her door like they were one of her own. Olivia didn’t seem at all bothered by the familiarity and hugged Grandma back with equal affection.

After Rebecca introduced Olivia, Grandma interrupted, “So, are you two girls keeping out of trouble today?”

Rebecca had forgotten to explain this ritual, also, but responded with her typical answer. “No. How about you, Grandma?” This caused a lifted eyebrow from Olivia but she didn’t ask questions. They spent the next thirty minutes laughing with Grandma about how she made this daughter mad about one thing and went somewhere with another one, which upset a third daughter, and on and on.

Grandma could make a dull week sound grand. You never knew quite what to expect from her and she had surprised Rebecca more than once. She hated playing cards, thought it was “the devil’s work.” She hated divorce, but just a few weeks before, she had told Rebecca, “I think it’s better to try someone out for a while to see if you can get along than it is to marry them, then find out you can’t stand to look at them over the breakfast table.”

Rebecca loved it when Grandma shared her thoughts with her, but was sure some of her thoughts were why she was always in trouble with one daughter or another. Grandma wasn’t one to hide her feelings and Rebecca knew Grandma would speak up at times when she would have chosen to let things settle down a little. But that was also one of the things Rebecca most loved and respected about her.

Finally, Grandma said, “Tell me about yourself, Olivia. Is your family from this area?”

Olivia quickly explained about her army brat upbringing, her parents retiring in North Carolina, her father’s family in Oregon, and her mother’s family from St. Louis. Then she pulled out the copy of the old photo and showed it to her. “Do you recognize any of these people?” she asked.

Grandma studied the picture intently for a few minutes. “I don’t believe I can tell you who they are. I’m not even sure where it was taken, but the house in the background does look familiar. I just can’t place it right now.”

Rebecca looked at the picture over Grandma’s shoulder. She hadn’t thought to look at the background. “You’re right, Grandma. That house does seem familiar, but I can’t think of where I’ve seen it. Maybe Ola Wright will know. We’re planning on taking it to her next. Is there anyone else you can think of who might recognize someone or something in the picture?”