Laughter in the Wind (17 page)

Beth interrupted her musings, continuing in the same gentle tone. “I can’t say I understand the path you’ve chosen. It isn’t a turn I would’ve ever taken. After thirty years, I’m as head-over-heels in love with your father as I was the day I married him, possibly even more. I never experienced any of the feelings…” She paused and chose her words carefully. “I never experienced any of the feelings for the same sex that you seem to feel. But I do understand some things about my daughter. You are honest and sincere, compassionate and loving. You would not be trying this lifestyle unless you believed it was right for you. I don’t believe you’re capable of that much self-deception—”

“I don’t know, Mom,” Rebecca interrupted. “I think I’ve done a pretty good job at self-deception the past several years. Trying to be straight.”

“Bec, I’ve watched you struggle with something during all those years. I don’t think you were deceiving yourself as well as you thought or you wouldn’t have been struggling like that. This past month has been different—you’ve stopped fighting with yourself. You seem happier with being you. All I ask is that you follow your heart and remember to listen closely to what it tells you, not just about other people but about yourself, as well.”

“How did you get so smart?” Rebecca asked, teasing lightly as she stood. She leaned over to hug her mother. “You know, I am truly blessed to have you for a mother.”

“I am equally blessed to have you as a daughter,” her mother responded. “Now, enough of all this mushy stuff,” she said briskly, blinking suddenly to fight her tears. “Sit back down and tell me how you enjoyed shopping with Aunt Patsy.”

* * *

Olivia called that evening. She had met again with her mother but she reported no new revelations.

“I had a long talk with my mom today,” Rebecca related. “She feels as bad about it all as I do. You know if you need me for anything, I’m there. Or if you need to get away, you’re always welcome here.”

“Thanks. My mom is being really supportive, too. I think she feels guilty because Grandmama is reacting so harshly. I tried to tell her it’s not her fault but I think she still feels bad.”

“How is Grandmama?” Rebecca asked.

“Better. Mom thinks she’ll come home tomorrow. Mom plans to stay with her for a couple of weeks, maybe through Christmas. Dad’s flying home today.

“You know, I think we can find better things to talk about,” Olivia said, changing not only the subject but her tone. “So, how was the trip home with Aunt Patsy? I bet she talked your ears off and all about your favorite subject…shopping!” Olivia laughed.

“You’re as bad as my mother, tormenting me about Aunt Patsy.” Rebecca responded gladly to the change in tone, laughing and joking with Olivia for the next thirty minutes.

Chapter Fourteen

On Sunday, the world seemed to return to normal for Rebecca. She studied and helped her mother around the house. Her call from Olivia that evening was mostly upbeat. The only time Olivia’s voice showed any strain was when she related that Grandmama had returned home, but she still hadn’t seen her. Olivia’s mother had cautioned her to keep her distance. Grandmama had not calmed down any yet.

The following week went quickly and Rebecca was eager for the end of the semester. Olivia had seemed to brighten each evening during their phone conversations. But their remaining questions about the mysteries were no closer to being answered. Olivia’s mother had been there when she called Thursday evening and Eliza had asked to speak to Beth. When Rebecca and Olivia got their phones back, neither knew what had been discussed between the other two women. They weren’t sure they liked the idea of their mothers keeping secrets from them, but they were glad they had established some communication between them.

One more week of classes, then finals week, then freedom!
Rebecca told herself as she headed home Friday after classes and work. That evening’s phone call was even lighter. Olivia teased her over the phone, reminding her of the tree she had pushed her against while she kissed her in the back pasture. By the time they ended their call, Rebecca was nearly as weak-kneed as she had been the day of their picnic. She slept restlessly that night, with Olivia filling her dreams.

* * *

Saturday morning, Rebecca was surprised when she entered the kitchen and didn’t find her mother at the table. Her paper remained folded on the side of the table where Rebecca’s father always placed it when he brought it to her each morning. When Rebecca turned from filling her coffee cup, her mother was entering the room with her purse and coat.

“Where are you headed so early on a Saturday morning?” Rebecca asked suspiciously.

“Groceries,” her mother said simply. “I’ll be back in an hour. You’re not going anywhere today, are you?”

“I planned on studying most of the day,” she admitted. “But if you need me to run an errand for you, I can. I’m really caught up on studying. I’m just trying to be sure I’m ready for finals.”

“Good. No, I don’t have errands for you. I’m just trying to keep track of you. ’Bye.” She grabbed the cup of coffee in the travel mug sitting beside the coffee pot and headed out of the room.

Rebecca looked at the receding figure of her mother in puzzlement. “Now what is she up to?” she said quietly. She walked to the front door to watch her leave. A sound from her dad’s recliner in the living room startled her and she nearly spilled her cup of coffee. She turned to see him sitting quietly, reading a farm journal.

“Good morning, Dad,” she greeted him. He was nearly always gone by this time of morning, preferring to get out early to check his livestock and machinery. Now she knew something was up. She sat down at the sofa, hoping to pump him for information.

“What’s up, Dad? Are we throwing a party or something? Someone forgot to let me in on it.”

“You’ll have to ask your mother,” he said noncommittally, not looking up from his journal.

“Okay.” She pretended to look at a magazine on the coffee table. “Are June and Kate coming over?”

“I don’t think so.”

Rebecca’s parents didn’t have company often so she wasn’t quite sure how to proceed with her questioning. Also, she knew her father could keep a secret better than most.

“How’s Olivia doing?” Her father’s question jolted her out of her pondering.

“Fine, I guess. Good. I talked to her last night and everything seemed okay.” Rebecca wasn’t sure what he knew about her and Olivia and wasn’t sure how much information she wanted to divulge. On the other hand, she knew she would have to talk to him sometime, so maybe today would be a good time.

“Uh, Dad,” she began hesitantly, unsure how she wanted to proceed.

At her tone he looked up questioningly from his journal.

“Dad, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

He waited patiently for her to gather her thoughts.

“Um, I guess I should explain a few things about Olivia. And about me, I guess.” Rebecca was staring hard at the coffee table. Her mother was much more open with her feelings than her dad had ever been and she wasn’t sure how he was going to react to her news. “I guess I’ve always known I was a little different than June and Kate, but lately, I guess I’ve found out how different. Dad, I hope you’re not disappointed in me, but I think I like women.”

There, that was it. I said it.

She took a deep breath and waited for the worst.

Her dad was silent for a few minutes. She could feel him studying her but she still couldn’t turn to look at him. When he finally did speak, she jumped as if he had yelled, although his voice was calm and quiet.

“Rebecca, your mother and I have discussed this at length. I’ll admit I was surprised at first, but I guess it’s starting to sink in. You asked if I’m disappointed. The answer is yes, in some ways.”

Rebecca dropped her head down a little and he quickly added, “But not like you think. You see, when you were born I dreamed big dreams for you. I had my ideas of how your life would go. And, honestly, you dating a woman wasn’t something I ever dreamed of for you. But as a parent, you learn that your dreams aren’t as important to your children as helping them achieve their own dreams. So, yes, I am disappointed that my dreams are not your dreams. But, I’m not disappointed in
you
.” He watched to see if she would understand the distinction.

Rebecca nodded slightly, blinking back the tears, determined not to let them fall. “I guess I understand.”

“Rebecca, you are my little girl and no matter how old you are you will always be my little girl. My greatest wish for you is to be happy. I hope you can be happy with the choice you’ve made. I’m concerned that you’ve chosen a tough row to hoe. People, especially around here, aren’t really supportive of that kind of lifestyle, so you’re going to have some battles ahead of you. You’re old enough now that your mother and I are limited in the battles we can take on for you.”

He paused again, swallowed deeply, then asked, “Bec, are you sure this is what’s going to make you happy? If you can look at me and tell me it is, I’ll support you all I can.”

Rebecca pulled back her shoulders, thought of Olivia and her inner steel and turned to meet her father’s gaze. “Dad, I’m happier with Olivia than I have been in years. It feels right for me to love her. I really believe this is who I am. A lesbian.”

He flinched a little at her last words but she could see he was trying to understand her. “You know, Bec, I’m proud of you. You’ve always been our strong-willed daughter and you’re showing me now that you aren’t afraid of doing what’s right for you just because it may not be easy. I hope I can be as brave as you about this, but if I falter at times, please forgive me. I love you, girl, just remember that.”

“Dad, I love you, too,” she said, and this time she couldn’t stop the tears.

He placed his journal on the end table beside his chair and held his arms out toward her. She walked over and sat down on his lap. For the first time in many years, she cried on his shoulder while he held her and rocked her gently.

“Your mother is going to skin me,” he finally said.

“Why’s that?” she sniffled.

“She told me not to get my shirt messed up while she was gone. I do believe you have soaked it thoroughly. At least you don’t wear makeup like your sisters. Then it would really be a mess.”

“Dad?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you for letting me mess up your shirt.”

“You’re welcome.”

“And, Dad?”

“Yes.”

“Will you tell me what’s going on today?”

“No. I’ve been sworn to secrecy by your mother. Now, go pick me out another nice shirt from my closet so I can change before she gets back.”

She did as he asked and he settled back to reading his journal.

She went to the kitchen, fixed a bowl of cereal and toast and sat at the table, eating quietly, thinking about how lucky she was to be born into her family.

Her mother returned when she was getting ready to feed the cows. Rebecca went outside to help her carry in groceries.

“What’s up, Mom?” she asked, putting frozen vegetables in the freezer.

“Company is coming for lunch,” she said, “but that is all you’re going to get out of me. I suggest you hustle and get all your outside chores done, then head to the shower and get cleaned up before they get here.”

Rebecca was really puzzled over their mystery guests but she did as her mother asked. After feeding the cattle, she hurried through the shower. She had heard her parents talking in the other room when she returned from outside and assumed her dad was telling her mom about their conversation. Her assumption was proven correct when her mother came in and gave her a hug after her shower, while she was getting dressed. “I’m glad you talked to your father,” was all she said.

Rebecca had just slipped into a pair of black jeans and a long-sleeved blue sweater when she heard a car pull up in front of the house. Her bedroom windows faced the rear of the house so she couldn’t peek out to identify the newcomers. She grabbed a comb from the dresser and quickly flipped her hair into a semblance of order.

She heard voices at the front door and stepped into the hallway just in time to see Olivia making her way toward her. Olivia smiled that funny smile and winked at Rebecca. “Hi, Bec. Surprise!”

Olivia laughed at the look of confusion on Rebecca’s face, followed by surprise then pleasure as she drank in the sight of Olivia. She looked great in a red V-neck dress that wasn’t so short to be daring but showed enough cleavage and thigh to cause Rebecca’s pulse to quicken. She blinked as she saw her mother right behind Olivia and realized she could see the look of desire she knew must show on her face. She reined in her thoughts quickly and hoped she had regained control of her expressions, because Eliza stepped into the hallway directly behind Beth. She wanted to rush up and embrace Olivia, but was too embarrassed to do so in front of their mothers. Olivia, however, was more sure of herself and walked to her to give her a warm hug. “Close your mouth,” she whispered in her ear. “They planned this to surprise us.”

“Well, I think they succeeded,” Rebecca said quietly. “Why didn’t you—”

“Don’t blame it on me. I didn’t know till we were halfway here and Mom wouldn’t let me call or text you to let you know,” Olivia defended herself.

Olivia’s mother stepped forward. “Hello, Rebecca. It’s good to see you again. I know this has been a rough time for Olivia lately and I thought it would do her good to get away for the day. I spoke with your mother the other evening and she graciously invited us for lunch. It was your mother’s idea to keep it a secret from you, too.” She laughed lightly. Both the mothers looked very pleased at their scheme’s success.

“Thank you for the surprise,” Rebecca replied. “Oh, and it’s good to see you again, too,” she said, remembering her manners.

They moved from the hallway to the kitchen. “Can I help with lunch, Mom?” Rebecca asked.

“I’ve got everything under control,” she assured her. “It’s all in the oven. Why don’t you and Olivia go to your room to catch up while Eliza and I get to know each other better?” The two mothers sat down at the table with coffee cups and the coffee pot close at hand.