Laugh Lines: Conversations With Comedians (26 page)

Michael: REO Speedwagon is the three-man group?

Corey: No, no, no, three different bands.

Michael: Oh, who did you have?

Corey: REO Speedwagon, Styx and Journey.

Michael: That’s a sweet line up, dude.

Corey: Can you relate each member of Stella to one of the groups?

Michael: There’s only one member of any of those groups that I can name: Steve Perry.

Corey: Steve Perry is no longer with Journey.

David: They have new singer who sounds just like Steve Perry, right?

Michael: What’s his name?

Corey: His name is also Steve.

Michael: Steve Perry?

David: What about Kevin from REO Speedwagon?

Michael: I don’t know who he is.

Wedge: I like that one from Styx!

Michael: Shut up!

Wedge: In the dick area. I have a big dick in my pants.

David: No, it’s a potato.

Wedge: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

David: It looks like a toothpick, FYI. I touched it.

Wedge: No, it looks like a hockey stick.

Corey: Michael, are you still with us?

Michael: I’m here, yeah.

Corey: Now, David Wain and Showalter have their own Web sites. Why don’t you have one?

Michael: I had one, but it got overloaded, the server. I don’t know. Do you want to build me one?

Corey: I could give it a shot.

David: Would it be like, Michael Ian Black dot com or something?

Michael: That’s very funny. I prefer to be more enigmatic than that. I don’t like to make myself available to the public.

Wedge: But he’s on Friendster.

Michael: Yeah, I’m on Friendster.

Corey: How many connections do you have on there?

Michael: 12.

Wedge: The entire starting defense of the St. Louis Cardinals.

David: You mean your last date?

Wedge: It’s the entire starting defense of the St. Louis Rams.

Corey: Those are his Friendster friends?

Wedge: That’s 11 of them and the 12th one is the punter.

Corey: Do you guys mind if we talk about ‘Wet Hot American Summer’ for a minute? Michael, I thought your sex scene was very convincing. Do you consider yourself a method actor? How did you prepare for the scene?

Michael: What is there to prepare for? I just fucked that dude.

Corey: Just kind of a let-the-cameras-roll kind of thing?

David: It was simulated when we shot it, but the preparation was that they fucked all week.

Michael: I fucked the fucking dude from ‘Alias’ (Bradley Cooper).

Corey: Who got to keep the talking can?

David: Oh, Rog Benson. That’s a good question.

Corey: Was that Wedge?

Michael: That was David. Wedge is taking a dump.

Corey: The movie has become a cult hit. How does a movie become a cult hit?

David: It becomes a cult hit by failing when it first gets released.

Corey: So, you were hoping to reach a larger audience.

David: I was very excited that nobody went to see it when it came out. And when the grosses came in and we lost all the money on the movie, we celebrated for months.

Michael: We’re still celebrating.

Michael Showalter: I celebrated so much that I had to stop drinking alcohol.

Michael: Michael Showalter just walked in the room. Hi, Mike.

David: Hi, Mike.

Michael Showalter: Oh, hey.

Michael: Can you tell your brother to calm down? He’s been screaming during the interview.

David: Mike and Wedge are always arguing. But, yes, we’re very happy that it’s a cult classic.

Corey: Do you guys still get recognized for The State?

David: Yes.

Corey: I read there were plans for a DVD release. Have you heard any more about that?

Michael: Never gonna happen.

David: It’s coming out in the spring quarter of 2015.

Michael: What’s the real deal?

David: The real deal is they are actively trying to do it, but there are arguments back and forth every day in the bureaucracy between the distributor and MTV.

Corey: As far as the members being involved, would everyone participate in it?

David: Absolutely. We’re waiting for them to let us. We don’t own that.

Corey: If they gave you carte blanche as to what would be on the DVDs, what would you like?

Michael: The Kids in the Hall stuff is really funny. I’d put that on there. Some of the Python shit’s great. Early ‘SNL’ I’d put on there. Some of that ‘Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman’ stuff is really groundbreaking, I thought.

Corey: That might be a problem.

Michael: Put ‘Sports Night’ on there.

Corey: Did you say ‘Sports Center’ or ‘Sports Night?’

Michael: ‘Sports Night.’

David: If I had my choice, I’d put the whole thing on there, as it was.

Corey: Would you like to do commentary or some stuff people haven’t seen yet?

David: There’s a lot of stuff people haven’t seen and a lot of unaired sketches. We could do commentary. There’s tons of material in and around the show that people have never seen.

Corey: You guys filmed a Stella special for Comedy Central. Will this give people a taste as to what a live Stella show is like?

Wedge: You want to know what it tastes like?

Corey: What?

Wedge: It starts with the letter P.

Corey: OK.

David: Probably pomegranate.

Corey: Should I guess?

Wedge: Just leave it at that.

Michael: Maybe a pickle.

Wedge: First letter is P, and the last letter is Y. Just leave it at that.

Corey: I was talking to Tom Lennon a couple months ago about ‘Reno 911!’ and he said he actually had a copy of The State album that was never released, but it got lost. Do you guys have one?

Michael: I don’t have one.

Michael Showalter: David has one.

David: I think I do, but I’m not sure where it is.

Corey: Would you like to see bootlegs out there, or have you heard of any chance of Warner Bros. releasing it?

David: They’re very excited about it. They just haven’t quite gotten a release date yet. They’re very, very excited about it. It’s just six years late.

Corey: That was recorded back in the mid-90s?

David: ’97, ’96 maybe?

Corey: You guys had a ‘State by State’ book that is not in print anymore. Have there been talks about putting the story of The State out in book form?

Michael: I don’t see that being a bestseller.

David: What do you think, Corey?

Corey: I would have some interest.

Wedge: Why don’t you write it?

Michael: Wedge, shut up. Were you journalism major?

Corey: I was.

Michael: What happened, you fail?

Corey: No, I graduated.

Michael: Oh, you work for a newspaper newspaper. I thought we were talking to a college newspaper.

Corey: No.

Michael: What newspaper is this?

Corey: This is The Telegraph, in Alton, Illinois.

Michael: Oh, this is the big one.

Corey: Yeah, so a lot of the language will probably have to be cut.

Michael: You can’t print English?

Corey: Sometimes. I’m a little lost right now. Sorry.

Michael: Don’t be, you’re in Illinois.

Corey: It’s just a little hard to hear.

Michael: I’ll talk closer to the microphone. Is this better?

Corey: Perfect. OK, let me gather my thoughts for a second.

(pause)

David: We really threw you for a loop there, didn’t we.

Corey: A bit.

Michael: Thank god Woodward and Bernstein didn’t have this problem.

Corey: (laughs) Yeah.

David: I’ll never crack Watergate.

Michael: He understood that when I said Woodward and Bernstein.

Corey: I tend to stick to the entertainment side of things.

David: You hear of Rona Barrett?

Corey: I’m sorry?

Michael: Rona Barrett, he asked.

David: The greatest entertainment journalist who ever lived.

Corey: That might give me something to aspire to.

Michael: Yeah, she had a nice rack, too.

Corey: OK, so you guys are coming to the University of Missouri.

David: We’re very excited to come out there. We’re gonna be in the Jesse Auditorium.

Michael: Our first trip to the U of M.

Corey: How did this show come together?

Michael: We’re doing knock-off dates, because we’re all kind of busy during the week, so on Saturdays sometimes we go out and do shows.

David: We were sitting around thinking, where should we do a show? The University of Missouri-Columbia.

Corey: Very cool. They have some cool shows there sometimes.

Michael: No shit.

David: Are you gonna be there?

Corey: I would like to, yeah.

Michael: What, are you angling for a free ticket?

David: We don’t have any tickets, OK, dude.

Michael: There are a lot of people in Missouri, and everybody keeps calling. ‘Can you get us in?’ Dude, we can’t service everybody. After the show we might be able to service you, if you know what I’m talking about.

Corey: I’m willing to do pretty much what it takes to get in.

Michael: Say no more.

Corey: I’m not making Rona Barrett kind of money.

Michael: You could be by the end of the night. Play your cards right, kid.