Last Chance (4 page)

**********

Sometime later I’m awoken by Sally. She kindly helps me sit up, and I notice next to the bed, she brought a wheelchair in. I grimace just looking at it. It’s one thing to accept offered help, it’s another to have all of your energy drained from you and require assistance of that sort.

I am ashamed. Ashamed of myself. Of how I have lived my life for the past five years. Of how low I stooped
, because I didn’t have confidence in my inner strength. I didn’t love myself enough.

That wheelchair
, it’s a sign. I am not that weak. I cannot let someone allow me to feel like I am not good enough. I can’t let what happened to my parents years ago, define who I am. I can’t live in the past, and its well time that I have healed and became the person they would have wanted me to be. Someone for them to be proud of.

Layla

Medical tests make me nervous. She’s awake. Alive. Breathing. Talking. Shouldn’t that signify that she is a
ll right? I pace back and forth in Natalie’s hospital room, while wringing my hands together. Thinking of every bad thing that could have gone wrong because of an overdose.

Besides the coma she awoke from
, she could suffer organ failure, but I think that there would have been signs of that by now. I don’t think any of that will be an issue with Nat’s recovery.

Liam walks in, food in hand. I sto
p pacing. If I worry, he worries. If he worries, I worry. We unquestionably don’t make a good combination.

“I saw you pacing. Stop thinking about it. She’s awake
, that’s what matters. With whatever happens now, at least we know she will make it through. She has us, and you know we won’t let her give up.” Liam says, trying to reassure me.

“I know, I know. It’s just that with the past few days. I just. I…can’t seem to believe that it is real
, ya know? She’s actually awake. I thought when we came in here today it would be the same as yesterday. Her still unresponsive in a coma. I just can’t stop thinking about what would have happened if she didn’t wake up. Or if she does have serious health issues because of what she did. I can’t lose her.”

He throws the bag of food down on the hospital bed and rushes to me. He pulls me in and surrounds me with his arms. It’s comforting. I know he is the only other person who would grieve
, other than my parents if we had lost her. If we do lose her, he’s the only one who would show up.

Liam

“She will be fine.” I tell Layla while I squeeze her. I don’t know how to comfort any other
way than with hugs. Part of me feels that my arms are reserved for Princess. That she’s the only one I should be comforting. Shoving the guilty thoughts into the back of my mind, I feel Layla let out a breath. Suppressing the stress she has put on herself, full of anxiety.

“Natalie should be back soon
, right? Do you want to wait for her to eat, or can we eat now?” I ask Layla.

“I want to wait for Natalie.”

“Umm…before Princess gets back, do you think I could talk to you about something?” I say. Better to get this out now, so she is aware of the situation before I tell Natalie. Neither of them are going to like it. Fuck, they might get pissed at me. If Natalie weren’t awake, I would be afraid that Layla would kick me out, but I know Princess. She’s not going to get rid of me.

Layla shoves me lightly, enough to cause me to drop my arms. She backs away and looks me straight in the eye. Wearily.

Fuck.

Maybe I should wait until Natalie comes back. I run my hand through my short hair and look away.

“Just spit it out. Obviously it’s not something I am going to like, so just out with it.” She demands.

“I uh I…the guys came with me.” I rush the words out.

She doesn’t say anything. She just continues to eye me.

I fill the silence ever
so fruitlessly. “I didn’t really have a choice. Once you called me, I knew I had to say something to the guys. We’re a family, once someone is accepted in they stay in. We never leave our own behind. Ryan took command and had us all on a plane within the hour. I would have come no matter what, but he engineered it all. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want this kind of reaction.”

“You didn’t want what kind of reaction Liam? What
, one where I flip the fuck out? Why wouldn’t you tell me to begin with? You know something, don’t you? What have you been hiding? Tell me Liam. You care so fucking much about Natalie, then why wouldn’t you have just told me? It’s apparent that she doesn’t plan on discussing her reasoning behind her actions, but I would still like to know. What caused her to hit a huge breaking point? Fucking tell me!”

M
ore than two years ago I would have never been the one to back down. From anyone. Ever. It didn’t matter who the hell you were or what your name was. I didn’t back away. I was the confrontationist. I was also an addict, hardcore. Being in a band fucked my shit up ten ways sideways. I looked for a fight. Begged for one. But not now.

Now
I shut my mouth and listen. She wouldn’t be screaming at me if she wasn’t pissed, and she wouldn’t be pissed if she didn’t care so deeply for my Princess. I am in the wrong. I should have told her, but I didn’t want her to do exactly what she is doing right now. Causing a fucking scene.

“I don’t understand why you didn’t say anything. Did any of them want to come see her? I would have let them you know. Even without knowing what went down. I wouldn’t have turned them away.” Layla says.

“I didn’t think it would be safe if they came. They’re a loud bunch, and honestly, I still don’t know what happened back at the hotel to cause her to run off like she did and do this. I know now it had something to do with Ryan, but it’s still untouched water. The guy has fucking lost it. He hasn’t eaten or slept in days. I haven’t found the best time to approach the topic, and the most contact I have had with him is by cell. Gage calls me every fucking day bitching me out that I need to figure shit out, so they can come see her. I didn’t want to overstep our welcome.”

“We need to figure out what happened, but I am not bringing it up to Natalie. It’s way too soon. As for the guys, I would have let them in to see her.” Layla says.

“I want it so fucking bad for it to be true, that she would have wanted me by her bed side, but I’m new in her life. Fuck, we’re new in her life. You’ve grown up with her. Do we really belong here? Tell me Layla, would she have wanted us all in here?”

Just as I thought. Now Layla looks away. This girl is easy as a damn book to read.

“What do you want me to say Liam?”

“The fucking truth Layla!” I yell. My patience is wearing thin.
If this conversation doesn’t diffuse then I’m going to have to walk, and I don’t want to walk.

“
No! Is that what you want me to say? No, she wouldn’t have wanted any of you here. She wouldn’t have wanted me here for Christ’s sake. If she hadn’t been in a coma, she would have tried to shove me out the door, or had the nurses on staff do it for her. It’s just the way she is Liam. She’s a loner. She doesn’t rely on anyone. Since her parents…she just doesn’t need anyone. Nat doesn’t let herself need anyone. Ever.”

Princess and I became close over such a short period of time. I haven’t told her of my past
, and she hasn’t shared hers either. It wasn’t needed for us to connect. And I sure as hell don’t want Layla to be the one to tell me, it isn’t her place.

“Well I can tell you one thing that is for sure, she wouldn’t have been able to shove my big ass away. I would have fought to stay.”
I say trying to calm the conversation down.

“Yeah? I would have liked to see that. It is nice seeing that someone besides myself care
s for Nat. I know you probably think I’m harmless and that I could never hurt you, but trust me I could. I have no clue what’s going on between you two, but I love Natalie. If you hurt her, know that I will be there lurking in the shadows, only to pay you back for whatever hell you put her in.” Layla says while trying to terrify me with her glare.

“Have no fear. She is eternally stuck with me. I will not be going anywhere.”

Steele

As of this moment right now, I fucking hate Liam. He hasn’t answered my calls for the past hour. He sent me a quick text message telling me she was awake, and that’s it. No word. My gut has been churning for days not being able to see her or know first-hand what was happening. Instead, I have to rely on Liam to communicate with me, and turns out he is shit when it comes to getting back to me. My best friend gets to sit by my girls’ side.

Instead
, I am stuck in this damn hotel or waiting outside of the hospital, while he gets to be the one with her. The guys and I have been sharing a suite, so that we knew what was happening with Natalie the entire time. Also because the closest hotel to the hospital only had this readily available.

I try
to call Liam again, but he hits the fuck you button, sending me straight to voicemail. I toss my cell down on my bed and head out into the living area of our suite. Gage, Jason and Zepp are gathered on the couch.

“Have any of you heard word from Liam?” I ask.

“Nothing. I texted him a little while ago, and he hasn’t replied yet. You know we can use our status as an advantage. Man, you’ve been acting like you’re strung out for the past few days. You’re fucking losing it. Why don’t we just go to the hospital and demand they let us in?” Gage suggests.

“Considering at how shit was left a mess back in New York
, suffice it to say after talking to Liam, I don’t think it would be wise for us to go barging in there throwing our asses around. Plus, I already called a doctor in for a favor. He flew in today. I asked him to call me when he left so I would know for sure that she is okay. I just wish the dick head Liam would call me back.”

“Is Liam aware you called a doctor to fly in from God know
s where?” Zepp speaks up.

“No, why would
he? It’s a doctor for crying out loud; an expensive and well educated one at that. She deserves the best, and I wanted someone that I trust to examine her. If his medical opinion is that she will make a one hundred percent recovery, then I will be satisfied.”

“You should have told Liam because he is the one with her right now. They should have a doctor already assigned to her.
One he and Layla have met. Don’t you think he would question why a new doctor is coming in there, wanting to run medical tests on her? Don’t you think that would make them worry unnecessarily?” Gages says question me.

I don’t owe him any kind of explanation
, so I brush it off and ignore him.

“Ryan, I know that you are a caring guy
, and you always want the people around you to be fine, but why such an interest in her? Did something go on between you two? You seem to care much more than normal. Frankly, this is the only woman I have seen you shown any interest in, besides your One Nighters.” Jason finally chimes in, ever the observer.

I know I shouldn’t be an asshole. But it
’s times like these, they see me much too clearly. Way past my comfort zone. Liam is the only one whom I have allowed a few steps past that boundary.

“You know what? Fuck you guys. What’s with the third degree questioning? All of a sudden something has to be going on for me to give a shit about someone?” I snap back.

It’s not my place to tell them about her. About that night. Until I can see her, speak to her, my lips will remain shut. What if she doesn’t feel the same way? Then all of this would be for nothing.

These guys are my brothers
, but Zepp, Gage and Jason… they’ve lived a completely different life. They wouldn’t understand the things I have done in my past, even though I had to, to survive. They wouldn’t understand the things I have done in the past, because I wanted to.

When, if ever
, I choose to tell them of all the sordid details, that gleam in their eye they currently stare at me with, would perpetually diminish. They’ve put me on this pedestal and rightfully so. I have worked day in and day out to earn it; to earn their respect and trust.

I know that if I want this band to continue with success
, I can’t tell them. Maybe when we’re old and can’t sing or play anymore. One day they will have the truth, just not today.

Pulling me out of my twisted reverie, Zepp starts on a tirade, trying to convince Jason and Gage to throw some sweatpants and sweatshirts on, hoping to camouflage who they are and find their way into Minx’s hospital room. I endeavor to swiftly knock those plans down.

“Are you guys fucking crazy? Nothing like three guys in sweats walking into a hospital together in a group. That wouldn’t draw attention at all. What in the fuck are you thinking Zepp? And you Gage, what the hell man? This has to be one of the most thoughtless plans I have heard in a long time.” I say while glancing back and forth at each of them.

I work, I live, and I perform with fucking idiots.

They look back at me like I am the one who is not making any sense. “Do I really have to lay it all out for you knuckleheads? Picture this, you three dressed in sweats get out of a cab together. You then don’t ask
the receptionist where Natalie’s room is, because you don’t want to risk being kicked out. Are you still with me? So you narrowly dismiss the person at the front of the doors, there for the purpose of directing you where you have to go. Doesn’t that seem a little suspicious?”

“I don’t think that’s suspicious at all. People must go in all the time
, not needing help because they’ve been there. I’m sure Liam doesn’t have to ask where Natalie’s room is every time he enters does he?” Gage replies. Zepp and Jason readily agreeing.

Clearly there is no winning here. They will either
try this with me, or without. As much as I wanted to give the Minx time to recoup before we came trudging on in, I also didn’t want to have our confrontation in front of everyone. I can’t let them all go and if I stay behind, that could cause her to think the worst.

“I have no idea how it is possible for you guys to be the best when it comes to music
, but the most clueless when it comes to common sense. But since its clear you guys are going whether I do or not, I have decided I am. We are only doing this if you do it my way. No weird looking suspicious guys routine. That shit is ridiculous.”

**********

Two hours later here I am, the one stuck in a damn woman’s wig. I have to be the biggest female this cab driver has seen. I’m only saying that because since I’ve sat my ass in the passenger seat next to him, he keeps glancing at me when he thinks I’m not looking. I cannot recall how it happened, that I was the leader of this nefarious plan, and then turned into the one who had to dress as a woman. The only one who had to.

Before we left the hotel Zepp searched online for a costume store that was nearby
, so we could get believable disguises. When we arrived we were greeted by a gleeful clown. This store had its employees dress up in the costumes that they sold.

It was rather creepy. Anyway, the shop clerk clown showed us a few choices
. Gage nor Jason could come to an agreement. Zepp could care less, and I was on board as long as we weren’t going looking like fucking bombers. I sat back and observed their arguing for a little bit. Until I realized, we were getting nowhere in this.

“Just fucking
choose. Do you guys want to get there today?” I yelled, instantly ending the argument, with them suggesting the clown choose our costumes.

We paid her well for her silence. Of course
, the freaky clown would choose me to be a woman. I think it was her way of making us her joke. The bitch is still probably laughing about it.

The cabbie pulls up the to
the entrance ramp of the hospital. I’m still not sure if this is the correct entrance. We will most likely end up walking this entire hospital, before we ask for help or directions to her room.

“Zepp since this was your idea
, pay the guy.” I say, while sliding my ass out of the seat. Not only am I in a dress, I am in a very short one, and I don’t want this creeper witnessing the escape of my balls out of my briefs, which is what will happen if I bend over at any point in time, while exiting this cab.

I slam the door shut hard and fast
, while giving the driver a ‘What the fuck look’. I look over to the guys who have exited the yellow Plymouth, while I was giving a death stare.

Jason, Zepp and Gage all look like characters from a Wayne’s World movie. Classic Rock band t-shirts
, ripped worn out jeans, Converse sneakers, trucker hats and girly long hair wigs. Eighties sunglasses to boot, finishing off the look.

What in the absolute fuck was this clown thinking?

I take the lead, as always and walk into the hospital foyer first. I swiftly decide I would rather waste two minutes asking the elderly lady at the front desk where a one Natalie Wright’s hospital room was, rather than walk around aimlessly with no idea where we were going for twenty.