Lailah (The Styclar Saga) (35 page)

“Really? What about that guy outside the club?”

My turn to gulp hard. “You killed him, not me.”

“No, I’m pretty sure you killed him. Though you knocked me out before you did, so I didn’t get the pleasure of watching you work, but we were the only ones there. You don’t remember?”

I kept my hand held over the cut, hoping to stop the smell of my blood wafting further in his direction.

Sure, there were many things I didn’t remember; there were enormous almighty holes in my head. I was a scratched record; broken. I didn’t exactly know what I was, but of one thing I was certain: I was not a killer. If I was, how could Gabriel ever love me? I shook my head. Why was Jonah saying all this? Why was he messing with me?

Without warning, Jonah’s fangs burst out with an almighty crack. Lifting his wrist to his mouth, he gauged rips as he tore through his own skin and drifted in close to my body. Taking me with his muscular arm, he yanked me close, so there was no gap between us.

“What are you doing?” I muttered.

My initial angst was rapidly overtaken by the sudden sensation of a billion butterflies in my tummy, and they were far from being nervous. Expelling pure adrenaline, with every frantic flap of their wings, a feeling of electric anticipation raced up and down my body.

I realized then that I was hungry for him to touch me.

He lifted his wrist to my mouth. The sweet scent of cinnamon tickled my taste buds as I breathed him in. It was as though I was back under the water again and he was the air I so badly needed.

“Taste me,” he murmured.

I fixated on the red trickling down his arm, and whimpered in reply, “What … Why?”

“If you are what I think you are, you’ll … enjoy me.”

I locked my eyes with his and said, “If I am what you say I am, I would surely end you.”

“Perhaps, but at least you would know the truth.”

Moving his hand up my T-shirt and scraping past the gash, he rested his palm on my lace bra, grazing my breast. A shudder of excitement filled me; a snap of desire exploded in a way I’d never felt before. I wanted to taste him—have him—more than anything.

My knees began to buckle, and Jonah pulled me in closer.

“He can never be with you. But me, you can have me any which way you like. I want you,” he said, grazing my earlobe with his shiny fangs.

Moving my cheek next to his I panted hard, my mouth watering.

As I lingered, his intoxicatingly sweet aroma filled me and a heat rose in my throat. Obediently I moved his wrist to my lips and contemplated his request.

The clouds that had threatened a downpour finally opened and torrential drops hit us both. Taking my time, I peered up at the gray clouds, still grasping Jonah’s wrist tightly, allowing the rain to wash over me. They didn’t put out the fires that were burning inside me. As I brought my face back down, I caught the darkness inside him waging a war across his eyes.

“Please,” he whispered.

The demon inside was getting the better of him; seemingly the demon inside of me was, too.

Nearing the bloodied slices across his wrist, I ran the tip of my nose along his skin, avoiding the tear. I cupped my cheek with his hand, and then found his lips instead.

Bringing both his hands now over my cheeks, he pressed firmly. I was tired of fighting and exhausted by my life, so I let myself get lost in the darkness that now filled me and was overflowing.

Emptiness replaced everything.

*   *   *

I
WAS BROUGHT BACK
by a white dot at the end of the void. It grew until it overcame the dark. The sun. Its light blinded me and I crumpled in the grass.

I lay on my back, met by the frost beneath, and Jonah perched beside me, looking perplexed.

“Cessie?” He seemed calm, almost motionless.

Leaning over me, he placed his hot hands on my collarbone. I realized then that my top was torn and practically falling off.

“What happened?” I asked, taking in the red crimson splattered around his mouth. “Did you drink from me?”

He slumped next to me, his infernos extinguished by the cold, accusing words that fell from my mouth.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“You, you cut your wrist, but I kissed you. I told you, I’m not like you.”

I didn’t see or sense any bite marks on my skin: even the cut across my waist had repaired in record time. I considered for a moment that the blood around his mouth did not belong to me. “What happened?” I insisted again.

Staring at me blankly he answered gently, “Nothing, beautiful, it’s okay. I think maybe you’re not ready yet.…”

“Not ready for what?”

“Nothing. Don’t worry, come on.”

“No,” I stated, sitting up. “Not you as well.” I shook my head in frustration. “You’re going to tell me what I missed, Jonah.”

Ignoring me, he reached for my hand and slid his fingers in between my own, lifting me off the sloping stream bank.

“How about you start with what happened to my T-shirt!” I said, flustered, throwing my hand down from his.

Again, he didn’t answer; instead he grabbed his discarded jacket from off the ground and placed it over my shoulders.

“Did Ethan come back?” I offered him the most hopeful explanation I could think of.

I scoured the scenery intently.

That would make sense. We must have gotten into an altercation. That was why my top was torn and why Jonah had traces of blood smeared on his skin. I must have fainted or something.

While he didn’t seem willing to fill me in, apparently he wasn’t prepared to lie to me either. “Nope, he did a disappearing act when you fell in.”

“Then why is my top barely in one piece?” I practically hissed. “Why is there blood on your cheeks and around your mouth?” I was getting angry, and Jonah was pacing away from me. “Tell. Me. Now,” I enunciated, and Jonah stopped in his tracks.

He let the silence drift between us for a moment, and with his back to me he bowed his head toward the ground.

“Jonah!” I shouted.

Looking over his shoulder, finally he said, “I think the question you should be asking is why is there blood on
your
cheeks and around
your
mouth.”

He was right; I wasn’t ready to hear that.

TWENTY-FIVE

C
HRISTMAS
E
VE.
Gabriel was due back this evening and I was nervous.

I was striding up and down the living area, trying to take my mind off the fact that he had an Angel and Hanora in tow. I was dreading the conversation we were certain to have about him and her.

Making his way to the kettle, Ruadhan proceeded to brew me a cup of tea. It was now midday, and Jonah and Brooke had been gone for hours. She had nagged him to drive her to Toulouse in the hope of finding some decent shopping haunts, and as usual he had bent to her will.

Despite Brooke’s cool-as-a-cucumber persona, the look of relief on her face when she’d returned to find Jonah back safe and sound made it plain to see how worried she’d actually been. I half suspected that for once she didn’t really want to go shopping, and that she was using it as an excuse to mask her need to be alone with him for a while.

Jonah had seemed preoccupied since he’d rescued me from my fall, and after what he had said to me, I was more than happy to let him be.

“Shouldn’t Gabriel be here by now?” I asked Ruadhan.

“Aye, soon enough. He’s bringing one of his own with him. Don’t suppose
he’ll
be pleased to find us lot when he gets here.”

“I’m sure Gabriel’s told him.”

“I reckon he knows about Hanora, given they are traveling together. I doubt Gabriel’s explained about the rest of us,” he said firmly. “It’s not exactly an Angel’s place to be mixing with our kind, let alone roaming around freeing us.”

Shifting from left to right, I contemplated my next question. “Ruadhan…”

“Yes?”

He had his back to me as he poured the boiling water into the small teacup.

“How long have Gabriel and Hanora, you know…”

He finished pouring and, setting the kettle down, he turned to me, leaning his elbows on the island in the kitchen that separated us. “It’s not like that between them, love. Believe me, there are enough reasons!”

Shifting over to the fridge, he added some milk and I made as much noise as I could pulling out a chair at the dining table, inviting him to sit and tell me the story.

Hesitantly he joined, drifting at my side.

“It’s not my place to go speaking about other folks’ business.”

I wanted so badly to hear what Ruadhan knew, and he saw it in my face.

Sighing, he plonked himself down across from me. “I told you Gabriel saved all of us?”

I nodded briskly.

“Hanora was the first, best part of a century ago in fact. But she rejected him. She was distressed at being parted from her Gualtiero, and it took her an awful long time to accept the new life he was offering her.”

“Why’d he bother? He should have just let her go back if she felt like that.”

“They’d have ended her if she had tried to return. She’d escaped, disbanded, remember. He worked with her, helped her overcome the connection she still felt to her Master. Eventually she came around, but seemingly all that time she spent with him, well, let’s just say she mistook his interest in her.”

I gulped hard. I had to be careful; I couldn’t let him see how deeply I cared. Ruadhan wasn’t stupid. I was sure he was aware, to some degree at least, about my feelings toward Gabriel.

“But they were together for a while at least?”

“No. Never. He’s an Angel, born from light. She’s dark. The two don’t mix like that,” he said.

“Why?”

“Love is light. Hate, evil is darkness. Polar opposites. It would never matter what she did, even with a being such as Gabriel, he could never love her like that.”

I swallowed harder. Jonah said he thought I was dark, that I was some sort of weird Vampire. If I was, surely by Ruadhan’s rules the same outcome would apply. No. Jonah was crazy.… I wasn’t a Vampire.

My stomach turned as I realized that no matter how much I attempted to convince myself otherwise, after what Jonah had said down by the stream, it was becoming difficult for me to deny that he was onto something.

“Didn’t stop her trying, mind! She’s one of those that wants what they can’t have, you know? I think the fact that he’s turned her down makes her want him even more. Greed, lust … that’s a darkness, you know.”

I didn’t want a lecture in religion or ethics. I tried to steer around it.

“She’s always traveled with you?” I said.

“Yes and no. When it gets too much she leaves, but she always returns. We’re the nearest thing to a family she has, and whether she can be with him or not, she finds herself back here trying again.”

Could the girl not just take no for an answer?

“Gabriel told me that none of you had a choice in becoming what you are. And that when there was an opportunity, and for those that sought it, he granted salvation.” I pondered. “But how is it that he found Hanora in the first place? How did he find any of you?”

“Drink your tea, love, it’s getting cold.”

Sipping obediently, I waited for my answer.

“Chance really, coupled with the fact that Gabriel is atoning for something—” He stopped. He didn’t want to go any further; I had to push him along.

“Ruadhan, you can tell me. What happened to him?”

“Not really the business of either of us. You asked me if he was involved with Hanora and I’ve told you he’s not. Though why does she concern you so much?” His bushy eyebrows lifted as my cheeks flushed pink.

“Oh, little love, he cares about you, but, well, not in that way.”

He leaned over the table to squeeze my hand, like some doting father picking up the pieces of his daughter’s latest heartbreak.

“I didn’t say he did!” I said, snatching it back.

“You’re very, very lovely, but one thing I’m certain of is that he would never enter into a relationship with a mortal. He’s done that once before and, from what I understand, it didn’t exactly work out.”

I wanted to push for more, but sensed Ruadhan wasn’t yet done.

“I really shouldn’t be talking to you about this.…” His eyes meeting mine, he continued, “Ah, Cessie. I don’t pretend to know the ins and outs of his life. But I do worry about him.” He pawed his stubble thoughtfully.

“This girl, the mortal girl he fell for, what happened with her?”

He cast his eyes to the floor, looking as though he was on the verge of walking away from the conversation.

“I care about him, too, you know,” I whispered. “If I could just understand.”

“He made a fatal mistake—he fell in love. He’s only ever spoken to me once about her, you know. Roaming the Earth, he seeks her out, searching for her soul. You asked how he came to find us. That’s how. He was traveling toward supernatural energy. I don’t fully understand why he thinks her soul is Earthbound. I told him she must be in Heaven.” He shook his head, confused himself.

“So he’s atoning for falling in love? That doesn’t make sense. Why would he feel guilty about that?”

He paused and somberly answered, “He told me that he killed her.”

I nearly spat out my lukewarm tea.

Ruadhan leaped up, knocking over his chair in the process. “I’ve said too much,” he mumbled.

Grabbing his arm, I dared his gaze back to my own. I threw out one last question. “Did he tell you her name?”

Sure now he must be talking about someone else, my whole body began to feel heavy. It seemed no aspect of my life was exempt from conflicting emotion. Whatever Ruadhan’s answer, it was a double-edged sword.

It suddenly felt like I was playing Russian roulette. As Ruadhan started to speak, I could almost hear a chamber rolling over. I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath, waiting to find out if my dreams were about to be shot down.

“Aye, he did.” He paused. “Said her name was Lailah.”

Ruadhan broke free of me, rushing away. My initial relief from knowing that there hadn’t been someone else faded and I was left feeling dumbfounded.

Why did Ruadhan think Gabriel had been the one who killed me? It had been Ethan. It made no sense. But then nothing seemed to make any sense these days.