Ladies of Deception 02 - Misleading Lord Martineau (9 page)

Felicity was shocked at the anger she heard in Elliot’s voice, though she knew he had every right to be mad. The only thing she could think to say to him was, “I’m sorry.”

Elliot exploded at this, bolting to his feet and stalking close to where she was sitting. “Sorry isn’t good enough. I don’t want your apologies Felicity, I want answers!”

Felicity put her head in her hands and began to weep. Elliot sat next to her on the settee then reached over to pull her hands from her face so he could look into her eyes. “All of this time you knew that we had a child, that I was a father, but you refused to tell me. I’ve begged you to marry me but you refused, instead choosing to have our daughter wear the ugly stain of illegitimacy.”

Felicity’s eyes were wide as she shook her head back and forth, silent tears coursing down her cheeks. “I wasn’t sure you’d want her, my father said—”

Elliot cut her off with a growl, “Haven’t we already established the fact that your father lied? I never stopped wanting you and had I known you were with child, I wouldn’t have wanted you any less. In fact, I would’ve made sure to make things right as quickly as possible.” He suddenly felt deflated as his words sunk in and part of the puzzle began to click into place. “Did your father know? Is that why you disappeared?”

Felicity couldn’t speak through her sobs so she simply shook her head yes. Feeling his anger ebb, Elliot pulled her into his arms and held her why she wept. It was as if a dam had broken in her heart and years and years worth of tears seemed to flow freely from her eyes. Elliot just held her, rocking her gently back and forth as he brushed the hair back from her forehead.

Felicity hadn’t felt so secure and loved since he had held her in his arms four years ago on that fateful night in the cottage. Her life since then had been depressingly void of love and affection except for her one bright spot, Edith.

When her tears were finally ceasing, Elliot cleared his throat and spoke with sorrow, “I ache to think that I’ve already missed out on so much of her life. I never got to see her suckle at your breast, I never got to rock her to sleep or see her take her first steps or hear her speak her first garbled words.”

A fresh batch of emotion erupted as Felicity began crying once more. Between her barely controlled sobs she exclaimed, “Neither did I!”

Elliot held her out at arm’s length so he could see her face, “What do you mean?” he asked completely stunned.

Felicity wiped her eyes with the back of her hands and sniffled. “After my father had learned that I was ruined he banished me to our country house to wait to see if I was with child. I became terribly ill and when I missed my monthlies it was confirmed that I was indeed going to have a baby.” Felicity blushed as she continued, “My father was furious, I’d never seen him so mad. He forced me and Aunt Agatha to live in one of the abandoned cottages on the estate to await the delivery of the child so no one would have to know about my disgrace.”

Elliot interrupted her, “I don’t understand why he didn’t force me to make things right. I wrote him and told him of my desire to seek your hand in marriage and he never wrote back.”

“He told me that he spoke with you and that you told him you wanted nothing to do with me or our child.” She hiccuped before continuing, “Obviously that wasn’t true. I later learned that there was more to the story—my father had a penchant for many expensive vices that were quickly draining his holdings. Apparently there was a man he owed a large sum of money to, Lord Kilpatrick, who was being relentless in his attempts at extracting the money owed from my father. He had been threatening my father with social ruin if he didn’t pay up but there was no way my father could come up with such a large amount, not when he had other obligations draining his finances at the time as well. In his desperation, he offered my hand in marriage to Lord Kilpatrick as payment towards his debt.”

“
You mean by way of settling the debt completely, right?”

“
No,” she bit her bottom lip before sighing sadly, “The debt was much too large and I didn’t hold enough value to cover the totality of it.”

“
The bloody fool,” Elliot spat. “Your hand in marriage is far more valuable than any amount of wealth. I think I can see where this story is going—when your father found out about your ruination he was furious because he knew that Lord Kilpatrick would no longer accept you as payment, correct?”

“
Yes. I think he was still holding his breath for a time hoping desperately that I wasn’t with child so that he could still attempt to pawn me off on Lord Kilpatrick. When my confinement was confirmed it pushed him over the edge, he knew he would never be able to hold up his end of the agreement with Lord Kilpatrick then.”

“
I can see why he was so upset, but he should have directed his anger at me, not you.”

“
I can’t pretend to understand my father’s rationale, all I know was that from that point on he completely disowned me. He hated me with a vengeance I hadn’t known he was capable of.”

Felicity fell silent as Elliot watched her eyes take on a faraway look and he knew that she was reliving the horrific events her father had forced her to endure. He suddenly felt as if he was alone in the room, it was as if Felicity had disappeared into her thoughts. He silently watched her, trying to comprehend the grief she must’ve felt at her father’s horrendous actions. He was having a hard time accepting all that she had told him, that somebody could treat their own flesh and blood with such disdain. Little did he know that the story was about to take a turn for the worst.

Felicity blinked twice, snapping out of her reverie and turning her head to refocus her eyes once more on Elliot’s face. Her head was tilted to one side as she began speaking in a voice barely above a whisper, continuing her story as if there had never been a pause. “It was so horrible going through labor by myself. My heart was broken at your betrayal and I wasn’t sure I had the strength to bring a new life into the world, let alone to raise it on my own.”

“
I would’ve been there for you in a heartbeat if I had known,” he said vehemently, his voice thick with emotion. He needed her to understand that he never would have willingly abandoned her, that he never stopped caring.

Felicity stared into his eyes, her bottom lip quivering. Without even acknowledging that he had spoken she asked, “Do you want to know what the worst part was?” Elliot nodded, it was clear to him that she had a deep-rooted need to get all the gritty, painful details out in the open and though he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear more of her agonizing ordeal, he knew she needed to tell him.

“Right after Edith was born my father came and took her away. I had barely gotten the chance to hold her and give her a name before he up and took her. He told me that I’d never see the despicable child again and that I was no longer his daughter. A few days later, when I was hardly recovered from her delivery, he sent me to live with my cousin Clinton, his heir. It was so, so horrible. I had already lost you and now I had lost the only piece of you I had left, our daughter. My breasts ached when I couldn’t nurse her and my heart broke every time I thought of what her fate must have been. I had no idea what had happened to her, none. I missed all of those things too Elliot—I never got to see her grow from a sweet little baby to an adorable little toddler. I never heard her coo or got to nurse her back to sleep late at night or give her her first bath.”

Watching her, Elliot felt shameful for his own self pity, realizing at her declaration that she had endured far worse than he had. He had spent the last four years oblivious to the fact that he was a father, only aware of the large gaping hole her absence had produced in his life. She, on the other hand, had mourned not only her perceived loss of his affections, but the loss of their daughter as well, all at the hands of her evil father. In that moment, Elliot was glad that her father was dead because if he was still living, he would be sorely tempted to ring the man’s neck and send him immediately to the hereafter, all without a single ounce of regret.

Elliot sat clenching his fists, his jaw twitching in anger. He was at an emotional impasse—not sure whether he should vent the anger he felt seething inside of him or if he should break down in tears and cling furiously to Felicity. His mind wanted to react both ways, but his body sat stone still, afraid of either potential outburst.

He forced himself to recite the alphabet backwards in his head, an old trick he learned as a boy that helped calm him when he felt his emotions getting too out of control. When he felt some of the tension leave his body he finally allowed himself to speak. “How did you get Edith back?” He asked curiously, suddenly anxious to hear the rest of the story.

“I have Aunt Agatha to thank for that. After I was gone she had the courage to go to my father and beg him to let her raise my sweet baby. He was reluctant at first but she promised him she wouldn’t ever impose the child on him. Luckily for the both of us, my father always had a soft spot for his only sister and was hesitant to refuse her almost anything she wanted. She also had to promise that under no circumstance would she have any contact with me. All those years I had no idea what had happened to Edith, I just hoped and prayed that somebody was loving her and taking care of her. I couldn’t have survived if I let myself think about what my father was capable of doing to her, of what the worst case scenario could have been.”

Elliot was relieved to hear that she had been in safe hands, “God bless Aunt Agatha, but what about you, what were you doing all those years you were absent?”

Felicity’s chin fell to her chest, her eyes downcast. Elliot reached forward and gently cupped her chin, forcing her face upwards to look him in the eyes. “Tell me,” he urged.

“
It was so horrible. I know I keep describing everything as such, but there really is no other word for it. If I thought my father’s anger was bad, Clinton’s loathing was even worse. He detested me—in his eyes I was the sole reason he would be inheriting an estate full of debt. He couldn’t see beyond my actions to the real reason his inheritance was so pitiful—my father was the real person to blame but he wasn’t present so I received the brunt of his anger.”

Elliot’s grip slid from her chin to her shoulders. Shaking her gently he inquired fearfully, “Did he ever lay a hand on you?”

“On occasion,” she answered timidly, ashamed to be admitting it to him.

Elliot crushed her to his chest, both arms going protectively around her so that she felt as if she couldn’t breathe. No amount of times reciting the alphabet backwards was going to distract him from the torrent of emotions he was experiencing. The thought of anyone harming Felicity, physically or emotionally was almost more than he could bear. He bit the inside of his cheek to try and stem the onslaught of emotions he felt but to no avail. He felt one large, almost painful tear squeeze out of his eye and roll down his face, falling onto Felicity’s cheek and blending with her own steady stream of tears. He bent his head and kissed the spot where their tears had met, tasting the saltiness of their union. His precious Felicity had endured so much!

“Pardon me,” a voice interrupted causing Elliot and Felicity to pull apart swiftly, separating their bodies completely and putting a respectable distance between them both. Aunt Agatha stood at the doorway, eyeing the pair speculatively. “I came to see if everything was well in here.” Elliot didn’t miss the look of mistrust she gave him causing him to feel uneasy in her presence.

“
We are fine, Aunt Agatha, but thank you for your concern.” Felicity forced a wan smile to her face in an attempt to appease her dear aunt.

“
Very well,” then casting one more tentative glance at Elliot, she left the room, leaving them alone once more.

“
I don’t think she likes me much,” Elliot offered once he was sure she was out of hearing range.

“
She’s just very protective of me after all that has happened. I think she’s still carrying around a large amount of guilt for her part in all of this.”

“
What do you mean?” Elliot asked, one eyebrow raised curiously.

Felicity looked down into her lap, her voice almost a whisper. “She’s the one who told my father that you had ruined me.”

“What?” Elliot asked bewildered, “How could she have known?”

Felicity gave him a look of disbelief before rolling her eyes. “Elliot she isn’t obtuse. It wasn’t hard to deduct what had happened when after I had gone missing from the ball for an abnormally long time I return looking completely disheveled and flushed.” Elliot felt guilt prick his heart and humiliation warm his cheeks when he thought of all the hurt his foolish actions and lack of self control that night had caused them both. Felicity continued, “I know her intent wasn’t to rat you out but when she found out my father had made arrangements for me to wed Lord Kilpatrick she went to him and told him that you had compromised me hoping that he would then call off the agreement with Lord Kilpatrick and force me to marry you instead. Clearly it didn’t work,” she said sadly.

Shame and remorse were not good feelings to have but at the moment they were utterly consuming Elliot. He laid his palm gently on Felicity’s face and whispered, “I’m so sorry I ruined your life. It was completely selfish of me to take liberties with you before we were wed and we’ve both had to pay tremendously for my actions.”