Lacrimosa (29 page)
Authors: Christine Fonseca
Enraged.
There is nothing glamorous about war, or its preparations. Not donning the heavy uniform, dark leather that stands out against the golden hues of my pale skin. Nor mentally preparing for death.
It’s been more than four centuries since the last conflict with Azzaziel. He and a small army tried to invade Celestium that time. The war lasted three minutes. And the Dark One ran, defeated.
This time would be different.
This time he had an army of thousands.
The time he had an equal. Aydan.
I grab the whetstone and sharpen my sword and dagger. Each stroke caresses my anger, fueling it. Mikayel’s conversations rise to the surface of my thoughts. I felt his torment, his guilt, his shame. The old stories were true. Azzaziel’s stories were true.
Mikayel knew about love and the choices I face. He knew who Aydan was, knew about my love. He knew everything.
And he refused to help me.
“I brought the new armor," Mikayel says as he appears at my door, his eyes sad. “Let me help you put it on.”
The golden breastplate matches my skin. Mikayel’s sword, the symbol of the Sentinals, adorns the front.
Mikayel helps me fasten the armor around my body. “We should talk.”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“Nesayiel—”
“No. You lied to me.” There is so much anger in my words, anger I have no intention of controlling. “You told me
I
was the problem, that my feelings for Aydan were the problem. You made me feel ashamed. And all the while, you knew exactly what I was battling inside.”
“What did Azzaziel tell you?”
“He said you fell in love with an angel. A Guardian. You betrayed your orders to end the relationship. He said you put everyone at risk.”
Mikayel’s shame is palpable. His emotions—anger and guilt—pass through his expressions until he becomes stoic.
“So it’s true, then? Everything Azzaziel told me was true?”
Deny it. Deny it. Deny it.
“Yes, it’s true.”
Disappointment washes through me. Azza, the Dark One, the embodiment of evil—he’s the honest one? Mikayel, everything I aspire to be…
I can’t finish the thought, can’t conceive of a world where my mentor lies. Everything I thought I knew rains down as my illusions are shattered.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why were you so...hard on me?” I can’t stop the pain seeping into my words as my body shutters.
He stares at me, the same hard expression on his face. “To keep you from making the same mistakes.”
“What mistakes, Mikayel? Loving him?”
Tell me the truth, Mikayel. Tell me.
“No!” He yells. His voice betrays the anguish he tries to hide. “Risking lives to satisfy that love. I’m certain Azza didn’t tell you the whole story.”
“He told me enough.”
“Did he tell you what her death did to me? What my choices condemned me to? I live with the burden of her death. Her torture. Me. Azza may have committed the crimes, but it was my fault. And now we are locked in an endless war because of my own selfishness.” Mikayel’s wings ruffle as he opens and shuts his fists, his body stiff. “I did not want you, my best Sentinal, to repeat my mistakes.” Mikayel whispers. “I couldn’t let you live my life of shame. I care too much to let that happen to you.” His face softens. “You remind me too much of
her
.”
“There were other options, Mikayel. Aydan still has good in him. I can feel it. You could have shown mercy. Offered redemption. Gabriel would have agreed if you asked.” I don’t care about Mikayel’s excuses. I stand, stoic and stiff. Exactly like my master.
“Things are seldom as easy as you make them out to be.”
“You stole the only hope I had. The only hope he had. And we will all pay the price for it now. He has turned to Azza. He will become like Azza. Everything that was good will be—”
“I know.” Mikayel looks broken—as broken as I feel.
“And you did nothing to stop it.
You,
the only other Sentinal to understand love, chose to turn your back on him. On me.” I turn away, unwilling to see the pain my words inflict. “Did you know about our past?”
Say no. Say no. Say no.
“I suspected after you failed at the club that first night.”
My world spins to a halt as his words stab at my heart. “You should have helped me then.” My voice cracks as my wings twitch nervously behind me. So much betrayal. So much pain. “You should have warned me,” I whisper as my legs buckle. “Prepared me for this.”
“The Council believed—”
“What? All of you knew? The whole Council?”
Mikayel sucks in a deep breath and hides behind his warrior façade. “None of that matters at this point.”
It matters to me. Anger and pain weld together as the walls to my chamber close in around me. I pace, desperate to escape the feelings that threaten to undo me. I grab my sword, allowing its weight to focus my thoughts. I swing it once, twice, three times. The movement centers my mind.
“Azza must be stopped,” Mikayel says as I swing the sword once again. “Before Aydan can join his ranks.”
“At least we agree on that.” I thrust the air in front of me.
“I want you to fight at my side, Nesayiel. But, I need to know you will do what I ask of you. No matter what I order.”
I stop and stow my weapon. “I have never disobeyed you on the battlefield.”
“You have never faced off with your lover, either.”
His words flatten me. “You already condemned him to death the minute you refused my request for redemption. He means nothing to me now.” A lie, I know, but one I have to believe in if I’m to do what I must.
“Promise me, Nesayiel. You must follow every order. If I command you to leave, you leave. Otherwise, you must stay here with your friends.”
“I’m not staying here. No way. This is as much my fight as it is yours. He killed Lorelei, my human sister. And now he’s prepared to join Azzaziel. I will not let him twist into a replica of the Dark One.”
“This cannot be about vengeance.”
“Why not? It’s about vengeance with you. It always has been.”
“Because, Sentinal, it will cloud your judgment. Trust me.” The authority in Mikayel’s voice stops me. “If you are only going to seek vengeance, I will forbid it. It has to be about something more.”
I shroud my feelings, becoming the Sentinal Mikayel trained me to be. “Vengeance is no more my cause than it is yours. I will do anything you command of me.”
Mikayel drills into my thoughts. I allow him to see the torment and betrayal, see the pain he has inflicted—pain as deep as that inflicted by any of the UnHoly.
Mikayel’s face echoes my feelings, passing from agony to anger to detachment. “So you agree to my terms? You will follow every command?”
“I know my duty.” I say, my detachment matching his.
“Then, we leave in ten minutes.”
The tears fall as soon as I’m alone, stinging my cheeks. Betrayed. Again. And not just by Mikayel, but the whole Council.
Their silence condemned me to this fate. Condemned Aydan to his death.
Their silence killed my sister.
My stomach clenches as I swallow everything down.
My guilt.
Mikayel’s lies.
Aydan’s betrayal.
Lorelei’s sacrifice.
I don’t have time for this. Don’t have time to wallow in my useless emotions. So I focus my energy elsewhere.
On Lori...
They’ll pay for your death, my sister. I promise
.
On Aydan…
You betrayed me for the last time.
On Azzaziel…
One way or another, your reign ends tonight.
Fastening my gauntlets and strapping on my weapons, I walk to the Great Hall, ready for war.
And my sweet vengeance.
Chapter 39 - Marked
Aydan
I emerge from the shadows into the church courtyard. Mikayel’s statute looms in front of me, holding the Sword of Truth. Soon it will be the only thing that can kill me.
Make him come, Nesy. Make him finish this.
The words bring little comfort.
I look around the gardens. Four days since I met Nesy—again. Two days since I knew who she was. One day since I promised myself to her.
It feels like a century.
She hates me now. Hates what I’ll become.
So do I.
“A few more things before we can proceed.” Azza places a hand on my shoulder, sending a shiver down my spine.
Shadows coil around the courtyard as the UnHoly file in around us.
I’ve never seen so many dark creatures assembled in one place. I wasn’t part of the last battle with Celestium. From what I was told, that one ended in defeat. Based on the mob mustered here now, things will be different.
Deadly.
“Tonight is the night we’ve waited centuries for,” Azza bellows. “Tonight, we will end the Council’s rule and crush their army. We know how to penetrate their skin, how to end their lives.” Azza’s voice bleeds through the ranks of UnHoly. They scream, their hatred palpable.
My stomach twists with disgust.
I’m sorry, Nesy
.
“Tonight,” Azza continues. “I will forge another Dark One as I unleash the Beast. Aydan is more than my apprentice now. Tonight, he becomes my equal. One more that cannot die at the hands of the Sentinal. One more to secure our victory over Mikayel and his army.” Azza catches my eye and smiles.
The crowd erupts in a burst of anticipation.
“Aydan is no ordinary UnHoly. He was trained by me for one purpose. To bring down the Sentinals once and for all.”
More cries erupt from the mob.
“And he has done a brilliant job. He confused the one meant to destroy him. Convinced her to betray her orders.”
Azza’s words slap me to attention.
I did confuse her
—
and she confused me.
Profess my love for her
—
I will always love her.
Tempt her
—
was that always your plan, Azza?
“Tonight he binds himself to me. He will bear the marks and eliminate the last of his ties to Celestium. None but Mikayel will be able to harm him.” Azza’s voice drops to a whisper. “And Mikayel will not live through the night.”
The horde goes wild with excitement. They throw rocks at the statue of Mikayel, breaking off pieces of stone from his wings, his body, his face.
What have I done?
What have I done?
I close my eyes and do the only thing I can think of—something I haven’t done since leaving Celestium.
I pray.
“
Succurre mihi, Mikayel. Defendere Celestium. Divina virtute in infernum detrude daemones.
Help me, Mikayel. Defend Celestium and cast Azza into the Abyss. End his reign.” My whisper pulls me into a strange place deep inside my memories. A place before my fall.
