Kyland (Sign of Love #7) (6 page)

My breath plumed in the early December air as I made my way quickly to the small building a quarter mile from home. I rushed inside, closing the door behind me, breathing in the slightly musty air. There wasn't any heat in here, but it was warmer than outside, and it'd certainly be a lot warmer than our drafty trailer. I spread my stuff out on the table in the back and got started on my homework. I lingered over my assignments, not wanting to leave, happy in my solitude.

I needed a new book. I stood up to peruse them and noticed a small white piece of paper sticking out of
The Bluest Eye
, the book I'd returned right before Kyland kissed me. Recalling his kiss, I childishly made a disgusted sound aloud in the quiet room—just because it felt good—and then reached for the book. I pulled out the slip of paper, my heart skipping a beat when I saw tiny, slanted script:

One of the bleakest books I've ever read, offering no hope whatsoever. Made me want to throw myself off the nearest cliff. – KB

I paused, reading the line over again. KB. Kyland Barrett. Was he trying to be funny? My anger rose as I sat to write my reply:

Only an ignorant hick would fail to see the true point of this novel, which is that we all have an internal dialogue that either keeps us trapped or sets us free. As far as a cliff, I'd suggest Dead Man's Bluff—the name alone is optimistic as far as your cause. In addition, it's the highest one in the area and offers lots of jagged rocks in the basin, practically guaranteeing your demise. – TF

I smiled a small smile and stuck the paper back in the book, leaving it sticking out the top. Then I stood perusing the books I'd read, looking for the most depressing, disturbing one I could, finally pulling
Brighton Rock
off the shelf, leaving an obvious gap where it had sat.

Two days later, I brought it back and three days after that, when I returned to the library, a note was sticking out of the top:

An enjoyable read. I was especially impressed by the character, Pinkie. – KB

I made a disgusted sound in my throat, quickly scrawling out:

Only a truly disturbed person would be impressed by a villainous, sociopathic gang leader, who cruelly destroyed the beautiful, decent girl who loved him. What happened to Dead Man's Bluff? – TF

Then I looked over the shelf, choosing a book that was not only depressing, but disgusting as well.

Five days later,
The Road
:

An exciting tale of the Apocalypse . . . survival . . . cannibalism . . . underground bunkers. A book every guy will devour! – KB

I frowned.

I see what you did there with the word "devour". You really are a sicko. – TF

I went for gusto, choosing, arguably, the most depressing book ever written.

Four days later,
The Bell Jar
:

Nice try. I'm onto you. – KB

I laughed out loud despite myself. And damn him, I had tried to hang onto my anger and now here I was smiling at his damn note. The smile faded slowly from my face. I perused the shelf for another book, some kind of melancholy gripping my lonely heart. I leaned back against the bookshelf biting my lip. I liked him. And what was the point? And why he was bothering to amuse himself with me, I didn't know. But I had seen what happened when a woman got hung up on a man who wasn't interested in her, and I wasn't going there. I was not. Better to leave things as they were. I wasn't going to encourage this game. It would only create hope, and when it came to Kyland, hope was not something I would entertain. I sighed and gathered up my stuff, leaving the library and lowering my head against the cold as I trudged up the mountain.

Kyland

I went to the small library every morning for the next week, but there was never a note waiting for me. I tried to convince myself it didn't matter—it'd just been a fun distraction, and I'd actually enjoyed the books. They'd helped me pass several lonely nights. But the truth was, I was disappointed that Tenleigh, apparently, was done with our exchange. And I gathered, she might still be mad at me. I'd acted like an idiot kissing her. I brought my fingers to my lips as if some small part of her still remained there. God, she'd tasted so good, even better than I'd imagined. It had taken everything in me to pull away and I'd dreamed about that damn kiss every night since. I wasn't going to do it again, though. As much as I wanted to. I wasn't going to take something from her I could never give back . . . Tenleigh had had enough taken from her in this life. She didn't need me taking that purity away from her, too—I wasn't going to be responsible for giving her false hope and then leaving her high and dry when I left. She deserved better. And as for me, I didn't want any connection to Dennville, Kentucky. I wanted to leave and never, ever look back—in every sense. I didn't need to be forming any connections with dreamy-eyed girls who'd expect me to write them love letters from my college dorm. I planned to be kissing
plenty
of girls, now
and
after I left, but none of them would be Tenleigh Falyn. That's just the way it needed to be.

I walked out of the library and shut the door tightly behind me.

"Hey, Ky," I heard as I walked the road back home, my hands stuffed in my pockets. It was a bitterly cold morning, snow still on the ground from several recent snowfalls and I'd stupidly forgotten my gloves.

I looked back and saw Shelly. "Hey," I said.

She smiled and increased her speed to catch up to me, meeting me and looping her arm through mine. She squeezed me to her and said, "Brr! It's cold this morning."

I nodded, wanting to shrug her off, but resisting. Shelly and I messed around when one or the other of us wanted to. It'd been going on since we were fifteen. I considered it casual, and I was mostly sure she did, too. Although she didn't seem to like it when she found out I'd been with someone else. Secretly, I hoped she'd find a boyfriend and move on even from our casual encounters. They were starting to bore me. But Shelly, like me, seemed to prefer casual. And Shelly met my other requirement, too: she didn't live up on the mountain—she was poor, but not the desperate kind of poor. Not poor like Tenleigh was poor. My chest squeezed and I gritted my teeth. I didn't need to worry about the survival of anyone other than myself.

"Where are you headed?" I asked.

She looked up at me through her lashes. "Well, I was headed to Rusty's for an ingredient my grandma forgot to buy for dinner. But . . ." she looked up at me flirtily, "no one will notice I'm gone if I don't get back for a little while."

"I'm headed home, Shelly. My mama needs me," I lied.

Her expression fell. "Well, all right, then. Hey, wanna come with me to the play at school later? They're performing,
A Christmas Carol
." She grinned. I knew Shelly liked to get out of her house whenever she could. She was stuffed in there with her dad and four brothers. Her mama had died when she was little. She described her home like it was a zoo, but truthfully, it didn't sound half bad to me—at least no one was ever lonely.

"Is it Christmastime already?" I asked. I knew very well it was Christmastime. And I hated it. I had successfully avoided the major funk I usually found myself in this time of year with the reading and the little book club Tenleigh and I had going on, but now I'd have to deal with it.

Tenleigh.
Stop, Kyland. Stop thinking about Tenleigh.

I put my arm around Shelly and pulled her closer to my body. She smiled up at me. "It's the twenty-fourth, Ky," she said. "Winter break started two days ago . . . did you not notice?"

I sighed. "No. I noticed. I was just kidding." And truthfully, getting out of my house later didn't sound half bad, and they always offered food at intermission. Some of it might even be more than cookies or cupcakes. Last year, they'd had these little pigs in a blanket . . .

"Yeah, all right, let's go see the play tonight. Sounds festive." We stopped in front of Rusty's.

"Good! My brothers are going, too, so I'll meet you there." She squeezed me tighter. "And if you're free afterward . . ." She let that idea linger, letting go of me and blowing me a kiss as she walked away.

**********

I met Shelly outside the school, my boots soaked from walking through the snow. I stomped them off and brushed the snow out of my hair as Shelly grinned at me and pretended to shiver. "Brr!" she said, pulling her red wool coat around her. "Warm me up." She latched onto my arm and pressed herself into my body. Her strong vanilla fragrance filled my nostrils.

We went inside the warm lobby, a large decorated tree in the middle of the open space. The school went all out for the Christmas play. Most likely, I thought, because many of the parents from Evansly, the ones who worked in the executive offices of the mine, would be there. As I looked around, I saw several of them, their thick winter coats and fur-trimmed boots and hats giving them away. Shelly took my hand and led me inside to some empty seats near the middle of the auditorium. There was a low buzz of voices—chatter and laughter—and the room was dim and warm. I was suddenly glad I'd trudged through the weather to come here. I looked forward to the refreshments that would be served during intermission—it'd been a rough month. Heating my house, at least enough to survive, became as much of a priority as eating. When I was younger, I used to chip coal off the highway embankment. But it was illegal, and a very
public
illegal act at that, and I didn't think it was worth the risk. I was so close to everything I'd worked for . . .
so close
. I followed Shelly, scooting past the people already seated in the row she'd chosen.

We sat down, and Shelly removed her jacket and leaned back, letting out a sigh of comfort as she grabbed my hand. I looked over at her . . . and met Tenleigh's eyes sitting right next to Shelly. I jolted slightly, and couldn't help the smile that immediately took over my face. "Tenleigh," I said, leaning forward, and there was some sort of feeling of relief that moved through my chest as if I'd been waiting to see her for far too long.
Had I?
Tenleigh looked slightly stricken, but didn't say anything as her eyes moved from mine down to my lap where Shelly's and my hands were linked. I let go quickly as if I'd been caught doing something wrong and Shelly looked over at me, frowning. Then she looked next to her at Tenleigh and back to me, her frown growing. She grabbed my hand again just as the lights dimmed. I sat back, my heart beating more quickly. I felt uncomfortable, jittery, and I wasn't even sure exactly why. Tenleigh and I didn't have anything more than a friendship . . . if even that. And neither did Shelly and I, as a matter of fact. Although I'd certainly been more intimate with Shelly. So why did I feel as if I'd done something wrong to
Tenleigh
? Why did I suddenly feel guilty and distracted by her presence right next to us? Why did I suddenly feel the need to
explain
this to her?

The show started and I didn't hear a word of it. I tried to see Tenleigh in my peripheral vision, but she had leaned all the way back and Shelly was now blocking her. I glanced at her quickly when a kid started crying in the aisle down from us and saw that she was staring straight ahead, rigid.

Suddenly, Shelly took her jacket from behind her and spread it on her lap as if she were cold, moving it so it covered half of me as well. I felt her hand moving over my crotch and jumped slightly. She ran her palm over my dick and then squeezed it through my jeans, still looking straight ahead, a small smile on her lips. I reached under the jacket and removed her hand from my body and put it on top of her coat. She looked over at me and raised her eyebrows and I nodded my head to the stage, indicating what, I wasn't exactly sure.

I looked over at Tenleigh and her head was still facing forward, but I could see that her eyes were cast downward and to the side where Shelly's jacket covered us, and where our hands had been moving beneath the fabric.

I cleared my throat and her eyes darted to mine in the dim theater, her lips parting. Her eyes widened and then she whipped her head forward again, ignoring me.

Shelly grabbed my hand on top of her jacket and used her thumb to make slow circles on my skin.

I sat through the first half of the play tense and uncomfortable, trying my best to get into the performance, but to no avail. I was painfully aware of Tenleigh, as if she were some sort of magnet, not allowing me to feel anything other than the pull of her mere presence.

Relief swept through me when the lights came on and flashed for intermission. I stood up and looked next to Shelly at Tenleigh, but she was already turned and headed out the other side of the row we were in, moving with the crowd toward the lobby.

I followed the people in front of me out the other side of the aisle, Shelly right behind me, and looked around in every direction, peering over the heads of those in front of me when we flowed out into the lobby.

Shelly was saying something behind me, but I wasn't paying attention.

The smell of coffee and sweets filled the open space and Shelly pulled me over to a line at a table. "Are you hungry?" she asked.

Always. But not for food right now. For . . . something I don't know how to name.

I nodded at Shelly and stood in line with her, continuing to look around.

All of a sudden, the outside door opened and a woman stood there, hair blanketed in snow, in a wet evening gown, no jacket, and a dingy-looking banner of some sort over her shoulder and around her dress. I blinked and focused in on her.
Oh shit
. It was Tenleigh's mama. And she looked like a crazy, drowned rat. The dress clung tightly to her body, clearly showing her puckered, pink nipples, and a dark triangle of pubic hair. My heart dropped.

She was shivering violently, but at the sight of the crowd, she seemed to instantly warm as a bright smile took over her face and she pulled her shoulders back, gliding forward into the lobby where everyone was now growing silent as they all stared, confused expressions on their faces, some younger kids snickering.

I looked around desperately for Tenleigh, a need to protect her from what I sensed was coming, gripping me, making me feel desperate, hot, itchy.

"Eddie," Tenleigh's mama singsonged, moving more quickly toward someone standing at the back of the lobby. "Eddie, darling. I'm sorry I'm late." My head swiveled and my eyes first fastened on Tenleigh, standing frozen, a look of horrified shock on her face, and then followed her gaze to Edward Kearney, the Vice President of Drilling Operations at the Tyton coal mine and the administrator of the yearly Tyton Coal Scholarship. I clenched my jaw.

Shit. Fuck.

He was staring at Tenleigh's mama as she came toward him, his eyes wide, his expression one of pure and open horror. His wife, standing next to him said quietly, "Oh my God," as she gathered a girl who looked to be about ten years old to her. Her tone was full of disgust.

Suddenly the door swung open again and everyone's head swiveled as the woman I recognized as Tenleigh's sister burst through, wet and shivering like her mother, without the proper snow attire on. I started making my way over to Tenleigh as quickly as I could, as Tenleigh's sister called out, "Mama! Come here." I looked back at her as she let out an embarrassed laugh, looking around, obviously trying to act as casual as she could in this awful, embarrassing, very-public situation.

I felt someone grab my hand and tug and when I looked backward, it was Shelly. I shook her free and turned back to Tenleigh.

Tenleigh's mama looked behind her, a confused smile on her face, and when she saw her daughter, she stopped and said, "My goodness, Marlo, what are you doing?"

"Mama, we're not supposed to be
here
," she said, reaching her, and grabbing her hand. I moved closer to Tenleigh. I heard Shelly calling after me once, but I ignored her.

"Of course we're supposed to be here," she said. "This is where Eddie is. Eddie!" she called again, trying to move toward him. "Eddie, baby, I knew you'd be here, I walked all this way . . ."

"Mama," Marlo hissed, pulling on her harder. Tenleigh was moving toward them now, too, away from me. I wanted to call out to her, but I didn't want to call attention
to
her.

"Jesus Christ, she's a nut," I heard Edward Kearney say to my right. "Let's get out of here, Diane. There's a side door."

Tenleigh reached her mother, took her other arm, and tried to help Marlo guide her to the front door, but when her mother saw Eddie and his family leaving, she tried to race forward. Marlo lurched to grab her, and Tenleigh tripped over Marlo's feet and went sprawling onto the floor, letting out a pained cry.
Shit! Shit! Shit!

Marlo grabbed her mama as her mama started screeching, "Eddie! Eddie!" turning around to flail out at Marlo, connecting with her face as Marlo cried out, too.