King John & Henry VIII (5 page)
Read King John & Henry VIII Online
Authors: William Shakespeare
KING JOHN
Let them approach.—
[
Exit Sheriff
]
Our abbeys and our priories shall pay
This
expeditious charge
49
.
Enter Robert Falconbridge and Philip
[
the Bastard
]
What men are you?
BASTARD
Your faithful subject I, a gentleman,
Born in Northamptonshire and eldest son,
As I suppose, to Robert Falconbridge,
A soldier, by the honour-giving hand
Of
Coeur-de-lion
, knighted in the
field
55
.
KING JOHN
What art thou?
ROBERT
The son and heir to that same Falconbridge.
KING JOHN
Is that the elder, and art thou the heir?
You came not of one mother then, it seems.
BASTARD
Most certain of one mother, mighty king,
That is well known, and, as I think, one father:
But for the certain knowledge of that truth
I
put you o’er
to
heaven
63
, and to my mother;
Of that I doubt, as all men’s children may.
QUEEN ELINOR
Out on thee
,
rude
65
man! Thou dost shame thy mother
And wound her honour with this
diffidence
66
.
BASTARD
I, madam? No, I have no reason for it.
That is my brother’s plea and none of mine,
The which if he can prove,
a
pops me out
69
At least from
fair
70
five hundred pound a year:
Heaven guard my mother’s honour and my land.
Aside / To Bastard
KING JOHN
A good blunt fellow.— Why, being younger born,
Doth he lay claim to thine inheritance?
BASTARD
I know not why, except to get the land:
But
once
75
he slandered me with bastardy:
But
whe’er
I be as
true begot
76
or no,
That still I
lay upon my mother’s head
77
:
But that I am as well begot, my liege —
Fair fall
79
the bones that took the pains for me —
Compare our faces, and be judge yourself
If old Sir Robert did beget us both,
And were our father and this son like him:
O old Sir Robert, father, on my knee
I give heaven thanks I was not
like
84
to thee!
KING JOHN
Why, what a
madcap
hath heaven
lent
85
us here!
QUEEN ELINOR
He hath a
trick
86
of Coeur-de-lion’s face:
The accent of his tongue
affecteth
87
him.
Do you not read some
tokens
88
of my son
In the
large composition
89
of this man?
KING JOHN
Mine eye hath well examined his
parts
90
,
To Robert
BASTARD
Because he hath a
half-face
93
like my father.
With half that
face
94
would he have all my land —
A
half-faced groat
95
— five hundred pound a year!
ROBERT
My gracious liege,
when that
96
my father lived,
Your brother
97
did employ my father much—
BASTARD
Well, sir, by this you cannot get my land:
Your
tale
must be how he
employed
99
my mother.
ROBERT
And once dispatched him in an embassy
To Germany, there with the emperor
To
treat of
high
affairs
touching
102
that time.
Th’advantage of his absence took the king,
And in the meantime
sojourned
104
at my father’s;
Where how he did
prevail
105
, I shame to speak.
But truth is truth: large lengths of seas and shores
Between my father and my mother lay,
As I have heard my father speak himself,
When this same
lusty
gentleman was
got
109
.
Upon his death-bed he by will bequeathed
His lands to me, and
took it on his death
111
That this my mother’s son was none of his;
And if he were, he came into the world
Full fourteen weeks
before the course of time
114
.
Then, good my liege, let me have what is mine,
My father’s land, as was my father’s will.
KING JOHN
Sirrah, your brother is legitimate:
Your father’s wife did after wedlock bear him:
And if she
did play false
, the
fault
119
was hers,
Which fault
lies on the hazards
120
of all husbands
That marry wives. Tell me,
how
if my
brother
121
,
Who, as you say, took pains to get this son,
Had of your father claimed this son for his?
In
sooth
, good friend, your father might have
kept
124
This calf, bred from his cow, from all the world:
In sooth he might. Then if he were my brother’s,
My brother might not claim him, nor your father,
Being none of his,
refuse him
: this
concludes
128
,
My mother’s son did get your father’s heir,
Your father’s heir must have your father’s land.
ROBERT
Shall then my father’s
will
131
be of no force
To dispossess that child which is not his?
BASTARD
Of no more force to dispossess me, sir,
Than was his
will
134
to get me, as I think.
QUEEN ELINOR
Whether
135
hadst thou rather be: a Falconbridge,
And like thy brother to enjoy thy land,
Or the
reputed
137
son of Coeur-de-lion,
Lord of thy
presence
138
, and no land beside?
And I had his,
Sir Robert’s his like him
140
,
And if my legs were two such
riding-rods
141
,
My arms, such eel-skins stuffed, my face so thin,
That
in
143
mine ear I durst not stick a rose,
Lest men should say, ‘Look, where
three-farthings
144
goes’,
And
to his shape
145
were heir to all this land,
Would I might
146
never stir from off this place,
I would give
it every foot
to have
this
147
face:
QUEEN ELINOR
I like thee well: wilt thou forsake thy fortune,
Bequeath thy land to him and follow me?
I am a soldier and now bound to France.
BASTARD
Brother, take you my land, I’ll take my chance.
Your face hath got five hundred pound a year,
Yet sell your face for five pence and ’tis
dear
154
.—
Madam, I’ll follow you unto the death.
QUEEN ELINOR
Nay, I would have you go before me
thither
156
.
BASTARD
Our country manners
give our betters way
157
.
KING JOHN
What is thy name?
BASTARD
Philip, my liege, so is my name begun,
Philip, good old sir Robert’s wife’s eldest son.
KING JOHN
From henceforth bear his name whose
form
161
thou bear’st:
He knights the Bastard
Kneel thou down Philip, but
rise
162
more great,
Arise sir Richard, and Plantagenet.
BASTARD
Brother by th’mother’s side, give me your hand:
My father gave me honour, yours gave land:
Now blessèd be the
hour
166
by night or day,
When I was got, Sir Robert was away.
QUEEN ELINOR
The very spirit of Plantagenet:
I am thy
grandam
169
, Richard: call me so.
BASTARD
Madam, by chance, but not by
truth
:
what though
170
?
Something about
a little
from the right
171
,
In at the
window
, or else o’er the
hatch
172
:
Who dares not
stir
by day must
walk
173
by night,
And
have
is have, however men do
catch
174
:
Near or far off
, well won is still well
shot
175
,
And I am I, howe’er I was begot.
KING JOHN
Go, Falconbridge, now hast thou thy desire:
A landless knight makes thee a landed squire.—
Come, madam, and come, Richard, we must
speed
179
For France, for France, for it is more than
need
180
.
BASTARD
Brother,
adieu
181
: good fortune come to thee,
For thou wast got i’th’way of honesty.
Exeunt all but Bastard
A
foot
183
of honour better than I was,
But
many a many
184
foot of land the worse.
Well, now can I make any
Joan
185
a lady.
‘Good
den
, Sir Richard’ — ‘
God-a-mercy
186
, fellow’ —
And if his name be George, I’ll call him Peter;
For new-made honour doth forget men’s names:
’Tis
too
respective
189
and too sociable
For your
conversion
190
. Now your traveller,
He and his
toothpick
at my
worship’s mess
191
,
And when my knightly
stomach
is
sufficed
192
,
Why then I suck my teeth and
catechize
193
My
pickèd
man
of countries
194
: ‘My dear sir,’
Thus leaning on mine elbow I begin,
‘I shall beseech you’; that is Question now,
And then comes Answer like an
Absey book
197
:
‘O sir,’ says Answer, ‘at your best command,
At your employment, at your service, sir.’
‘No, sir,’ says Question, ‘I, sweet sir, at yours.’
And so, ere Answer knows what Question
would
201
,
Saving
in
dialogue of compliment
202
,
And talking of the Alps and Apennines,
The Pyrenean and the river Po,
It draws toward
supper
in conclusion
so
205
.
But this is worshipful society,
And fits the
mounting
207
spirit like myself;
For he is but a
bastard to the time
208
That doth not
smack
of
observation
209
,
And
so am I
210
whether I smack or no:
And not alone in
habit
and
device
211
,
Exterior form, outward
accoutrement
212
,
But from the inward
motion
213
to deliver
Sweet, sweet,
sweet poison
for the age’s
tooth
214
,
Which though I will not
practise
215
to deceive,
