Kin (14 page)

David was in hell. As soon as he got back to Halifax, he headed for his apartment and took the stairs two at a time. He didn't bother with a key; his roommate Scott never locked the door. Said it might interfere with women coming to visit.

As usual, the place looked like they'd been robbed. Whenever Scott was left to his own devices, the apartment took a turn for the worse.

David threw his bag onto the floor. Scott was asleep on the couch, or maybe he was in a coma. He stirred when the bag was dropped. “Hey, you're back.”

“I'm leaving again, so don't get up.”

“Where ya goin'?”

“To get drunk.”

Scott leapt off the couch. “Hell yeah. Let's go!”

The two buddies headed to the nearest bar. A lot of their friends were there and it was a grand drunken reunion to celebrate nothing. But often a drinker trying to forget something gets maudlin and feels everyone should know his sorrow.

David had his head propped up at a table in the back.

“Let's go get laid,” Scott slurred.

“Can't.”

“Why? Did your willy fall off?”

“It's dead.”

“Who killed it?”

“It's a secret. She's a secret. All their goddamn secrets are killin' me.”

“Forget about her. There are all kinds of women just waiting to resuscitate that dead willy of yours.”

They both thought that was hilarious. Eventually they staggered out and sang arm in arm down Spring Garden Road. A few pedestrians gave them a look and scurried out of their way, and a dog chased them for a while, but eventually they made it back to the apartment. Scott resumed his position on the sofa and David fell headlong across his bed with his feet hanging over the side.

His head was hanging over the toilet in the morning. “I'm never drinking again. Do you hear that, Scottie? I'm never drinking again!”

A muffled voice came from the sofa. “Stop yelling. My head's gonna explode.”

They didn't make it to class that day and David vowed he'd never do that again. He was too anxious to soak up his education and use it to his advantage on his rise to the top. That was the plan, but that first week, while his body was in class, his head was somewhere else.

His guilt was so vast he couldn't articulate it. He knew if he'd seen Lila and his baby he'd have gone out of his mind. There was only one thing to do: stay away from her until he could figure out a way to ask her forgiveness.

Night after night he'd start to write her a letter, but it never sounded sorry enough, never sounded sincere enough to express his sadness over what he had done to her. She was blameless. He was older, supposedly wiser, and yet he'd taken what he wanted without giving it a second thought. Annie's words kept rattling around in his head.
She nearly died. She nearly died.

If she had died, he'd have been the one responsible for putting her in the ground.

It made him sick.

He threw up in class one day, much to his horror. Then he did it again on the sidewalk and twice more when he was out with friends. His stomach felt like it was on fire.

Scott, who normally wasn't aware of anything, pointed at him with his spoon one morning. “You look terrible. You should go to the doctor.”

“I'm fine.”

But he wasn't, so he went to a clinic and found out he had an ulcer. The doctor told him it was caused by stress, among other things. He gave him some tablets to melt on his tongue and they helped, but clearly the only cure for David was begging Lila's forgiveness.

The trouble was, he couldn't call her on the phone. She'd have to walk downstairs and talk to him with Eunie and Joe listening and that was clearly no good.

The frustration was unbearable, so in the end he shut down. He went to class, he studied, and he made extra money at night working some of the events at the Student Union Building. Basically he was as a freelance bartender who had no trouble avoiding alcohol. Just smelling it sometimes made his stomach turn.

After a while he got to recognize some of the people who attended the fundraisers, the concerts, and the dinners. The university bigwigs were there all the time, and sometimes men in business suits who looked like they had the world by the tail. They'd laugh and joke around with their wives, who looked like movie stars to David. Not that he cared.

There was one night he noticed an older woman staring at him. He looked down at his white shirt and black tie to make sure he hadn't spilled anything. Then he saw her whisper something to another woman and they both glanced at him and laughed. He kept his head down and ignored them.

It was near the end of term when he became aware of a young woman who spent most of her time in the corner, sipping her drink through a straw and following him with her eyes. She had platinum blonde hair to her shoulders, a curvy figure, and a mouth bright with red lipstick. Even David could tell her dresses were expensive. She was the epitome of a rich, classy girl—the kind he knew nothing about.

Until the night she finally approached him instead of the other two bartenders serving with him.

“What can I get you?” he said.

“I'll have a gin and tonic, please.”

David reached for a glass and scooped some ice into it before pouring in a shot of gin and filling the glass with tonic. He added a lemon wedge to the side of the glass and handed it to her.

“You're a man of few words.”

He nodded and picked up a cloth to wipe up the excess water on the bar.

“Do you know who I am?”

“No.”

“My name is Kathleen Hanover, but my daddy calls me Kay. That's him over there in the suit.” She pointed to a well-heeled man smoking a cigar. “The woman beside him is my mother.”

David glanced up and recognized her as the woman who liked to stare at him.

“She's a bitch.”

David didn't react, but wondered in what universe people called their mother a bitch.

“What's your name?”

“David.”

“David what?”

“It doesn't matter.”

“Don't be like that,” Kay pouted. “I'm trying to be friendly. It's such a bore to have to come here night after night and have my father's friends ogle me. He only brings me along to butter up clients.”

David couldn't help himself. “What does your father do?”

“He owns…well, just about everything.”

“And what do you do?”

“I'm pretending to go to university.”

David smiled.

“You see?” She smiled back. “I'm not so awful.” She took a sip of her drink and glanced over at her mother. “I'll say this quick because my mother is threatening to come over here and break us up.”

“How can you tell?”

“It's her life's work. Would you like to have coffee with me sometime? I live here—in one of the biggest houses in the city, but don't let that put you off.”

“I don't think so. Thanks anyway.”

David could tell she was disappointed.

“That's okay, maybe another time. Thanks for the drink.” She walked back to her parents.

David had a massive headache and couldn't wait to get home.

A week later David ran into Kay again, this time quite by accident. She was leaving a corner store and he was going in. He almost didn't recognize her with her hair back in a ponytail and no makeup on. She still looked lovely, but more approachable.

She gave him a big smile. “Hi, David.”

“Hi.”

“You know who I am, right?”

“Yeah, I know. I'm surprised that you're shopping at a hole in the wall if your father owns everything in town.”

“I try to act like a normal person most of the time.”

David held up his hand. “That was rude. I'm sorry.”

“Do you know why I look at you when you're tending bar?”

“Why?”

“You're so awfully sad.”

“You're right.” Feeling like shit had become such a habit he wasn't aware of it anymore. He used to be a happy person. Now it was more energy than he had to put a smile on his face.

“You could use a friend. Why don't we grab a bite somewhere?”

He was about to say no, but he was lonely. “Okay.”

They went to a diner and sat in a booth made of imitation red leather and were served by a bored waitress. “What'll it be?”

David waited for Kay to go first.

“I'll have a cheeseburger, fries, and a root beer.”

“I'll have a chicken sandwich and a glass of milk.”

The waitress moved on.

“That's what my grandmother orders for lunch,” Kay smiled.

“I have an ulcer. Fried foods don't help.”

“That's too bad. Aren't you kind of young to have an ulcer?”

David shrugged.

“Were you overseas?”

“Yeah.”

“Where?”

“Do you mind if I don't talk about it?”

Kay looked sheepish. “I'm sorry. I should know better. My brother never wants to talk about the war either.”

“So what are you pretending to major in?”

“English,” she smiled. “I thought it would be simple, because even I speak English, but it turns out they want me to read Shakespeare and some guy named Chaucer. Have you ever tried to read Chaucer, let alone understand what he's saying? I've stooped to showing a little leg to my professor, who is now giving me straight A's.”

While they ate their lunch, David realized he enjoyed her company. Kay wasn't just a pretty face. She was funny and self-deprecating and she had a great laugh. He insisted on paying for lunch and they left together, walking and talking until they got to campus.

“I have a class at three, so I'd better go,” he said.

“Will we do this again?”

He hesitated and then nodded. “Sure.”

Kay kissed him lightly on the mouth. “I like you, David.”

He watched her as she walked away. There was no doubt she was as spectacular from behind as she was coming towards him, but immediately Lila popped into his head like a splash of cold water. Whatever he did, he couldn't escape her. The sooner he got home the better. He knew he couldn't live like this for much longer.

There was one more event he had to work before he went home to Cape Breton for the summer. His dad had lined up a job for him with the highway department, and the sooner he started the more money he would save.

David saw Mr. Hanover at the dinner. He wondered where Kay was, but it was just as well she wasn't there; he certainly didn't need any more complications in his life. Thankfully it was a relatively short evening and David got to leave around ten-thirty. When he walked out of the building, Kay was sitting on the cement fence that edged the perimeter, dressed casually in slacks and a blue sweater set.

“Hi, David.”

He thought about walking right by her, but knew that was unkind, so he stopped. “Hi. Why are you here?”

“To see you.”

“It's late. You should be getting your beauty sleep.”

“I don't sleep very often. It's a curse.”

David put his hands in his pockets. “So, what's new?”

“I'm finished for the year. You?”

“Yeah, I'm leaving for Cape Breton in the morning.”

“I've never been to Cape Breton. Is it nice?”

“Very.”

“You'll have to show me around sometime.”

David nodded but didn't say anything.

Kay jumped off the fence. “I can tell you're annoyed with me. I'll say goodnight.” She started to walk away when he pulled her arm back toward him.

“I'm sorry, Kay. I'm always apologizing to you for my awful manners. I'm not usually rude to people.”

She looked at her arm and he released it.

“David, do you think I follow men as a rule? I can assure you it's always the other way around. I'm trying to let you know that I think you're special and I'd like to be with you. It's obvious you're having a hard time, but I won't be made to feel as if I'm being a nuisance.”

What was he doing? Here was someone who wanted to be with him. Lila might be lost forever and he needed a girl at that very moment to tell him he wasn't a terrible person. David gathered her in his arms and kissed her with everything he had. She responded in kind. He didn't care who was around and neither did she. David only thought how wonderful it felt to have a woman in his arms. At one point they stopped kissing but kept their foreheads together, both of them trying to catch their breath.

“Do you have to go home?” she whispered. “My dad can get you a job anywhere in the city. We can spend the summer together. Wouldn't you like that?”

He kissed her again so she'd stop talking. Reality seeped in nonetheless. He finally pulled away.

“You're a great girl…”

“But…?”

“I have to go home. There's something I need to fix.”

“I'm guessing it involves a female.” Kay ran her fingers through her hair to try and straighten it a little. “I get the picture. I'm making a fool of myself.”

“No, you're not.”

“I'm thinking aloud, David. I don't need your opinion. Have a great summer.”

She walked away.

When David got home, the first thing his mother said was, “Have you been ill?”

“No. Why?”

“You look terrible.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

She walked over to him and put her hand on his shoulder. “I know there's something wrong. Don't dismiss me.”

“Apparently I have an ulcer.”

Now his mother was on a mission, just like the secret missions she'd send him on when he was a kid, like the time he had to go over to Aunt Muriel's kitchen to find out what type of cake she was entering in the Fall Fair, or the time she'd made him take the wine bottles out of the Butts's garbage can so she'd have evidence of their neglect of Lila.