Killing Time (18 page)

If I didn’t know better, I almost thought Severin was in love with his brother and didn’t want anyone else to have him. It was probably just my imagination. Was it possible for something so sick to happen between siblings?

I followed Rory wordlessly into the garage. My dress was tucked into a small Louis Vuitton carry-on he’d given me and I wore a Juicy Couture pink sweat suit he’d had delivered earlier that evening. It certainly wasn’t my favorite designer but at least I had on a comfortable pair of Chanel flats to match and my high heels were also in the carry-on along with my small purse and my wool coat I’d worn the night before.

As I climbed into the passenger seat next to him, he seemed to ignore me as he smoothly turned over the engine and adjusted the heat in both the car and the leather seats because the night had grown quite chilly. I looked in his direction every now and then but I didn’t know what to say to ease the ache. It couldn’t have been easy on his ego when I’d outright said no to his offer of a relationship but it wasn’t for the reasons he probably thought and I needed to express myself or I would regret it for the rest of my life.

I turned toward him as he continued to focus on the road. Mylène Farmer’s
Bleu Noir
played low on the stereo and I thought the album was a perfect soundtrack for our past weekend.

“So, are you a big fan?” I inquired.

“Of who? Madame Farmer? Well, Severin is and it kind of grows on you after a while although she is a bit campy, isn’t she?”

“Well, it is true a lot of homosexuals like her music in France but she’s popular amongst everyday people too you know. I grew up listening to her so I am quite fond of her music. It didn’t escape my attention
Point de Suture
was playing at the club last night. It . . . fit the scenery.”

“Severin chooses the play lists when he is in town. There are a lot of Europeans who frequent the club so we tend to play a lot of British and French artists. Although you are surrounded by some of the most depraved activities, you get to see them performed to great music. We try to avoid the whole ‘club atmosphere’ with pulsing bass music as it is a bit of a cliché. There are plenty of BDSM clubs like that but all of ours are exclusive and we try to cultivate that atmosphere.”

“Why didn’t you ask me if I had been tested for sexually transmitted diseases?” I questioned, changing the subject.

“What?”

“Well, you asked me what birth control I was on but you never asked me whether I was Typhoid Mary. I might
look
clean but we both know that means nothing . . .” I trailed off.

Rory laughed out loud. “You are
kidding
, right? Someone in my position doesn’t have to ask such inane questions. I only wanted to know whether you would be truthful or not but I have my ways…of knowing, that is.”

My heart began to accelerate in my chest. “What do you mean?”

“Listen, I know your whole medical history, including the abortion you had when you were twenty-one. Was it Renaud’s?”

My face burned and I knew my complexion was scarlet at the moment. “How did you get a hold of my medical records?”

“It’s easier than you think now that everything is online. Most doctors store their medical files online in places like DropBox and a fair amount of them use Cloud programs provided by Amazon and Apple. Stupid, I know, because a pretty good hacker can crack those programs. I know an excellent hacker and she keeps me up to date for a fee. I’d rather pay it then not and make a horrible mistake.”

I said nothing because the thought of someone invading my privacy in such a way pissed me off to no end. I immediately saw red and had to work hard to keep my volatile temper in check.

“Listen, it’s nothing personal. I do it with all my sexual partners. It might seem like a very promiscuous lifestyle but it isn’t. When I am at the club and I get involved with a customer, I always wear a condom with absolutely no exceptions. The only person I didn’t use any form of protection with was your sister. I knew her and she wouldn’t dare cheat. Plus, I had access to her medical records because she used a doctor I paid for and he knew what to expect from me.

“I have never had a sexually transmitted disease and I would like to keep it that way. It was nothing against you but I have to be careful in my line of work. It isn’t exactly the safest profession as you know but I enjoy what I do and the clubs I run. I provide a service and people are very satisfied with what they find at our establishments. That is the way it should be.”

“When did you have your
hacker
procure my medical records?” I wondered out loud.

“The same day your sister died. It was only precautionary at the time. I wanted to make sure there weren’t any diseases in your family that might have caused Trésor’s death—”

“What are you talking about? Her throat was slit. What would a family disease have to do with that? Don’t be stupid and stop insulting my intelligence.”

“Detective O’Neill and Detective Wozniak had already been assigned the case but both refused to tell me how she died until I was in the country. They merely called my mobile phone and inquired where I was and at the time, I was in the air on a flight back to the States. When I asked how she expired, they refused to give details and told me I would have to meet them at the precinct when I arrived. Ironically, I’d only made it to the station fifteen minutes before you and Grayson came waltzing through the doors. By then, I knew.

“I was worried and thought maybe she died because of something I had done so I scoured her medical records and ordered both you and your parents from my hacker friend. She delivered them within a couple of hours and by the time I got to the police department, I knew it had to be foul play. You will tell me if you find anything suspicious in her journals, won’t you?”

“Of course,” I snapped. “Wait . . . are you honestly telling me you’ve never read them?”

“No, I haven’t. I wouldn’t dare invade her privacy like that.”

I laughed though it was highly inappropriate. “You don’t mind hacking into someone’s medical records but you won’t read your lover’s journal for fear of
invading
her privacy? I’m almost positive you don’t see the irony in that statement.”

“Well, one concerns me. Her health is important to me and the other . . . her journals . . . they are not of my affairs.”

“Yeah, I suppose that makes sense.”

I was quiet for a while and didn’t say anything further until we were on Interstate 495 heading west towards Manhattan.

“So, you said you aren’t staying with Grayson when you get back. May I ask what it is you plan to do?”

I glared at Rory before I said anything. “I don’t think that is any of your business. Let’s just say I don’t have to stay here in New York any longer and my leaving here won’t be a moment too soon. I am not particularly crazy about Manhattan and never have been. I just moved here for the job and after I became engaged to Grayson, well, it was a given this is where we would stay.”

“I always knew you would be the type to suffer from wanderlust. Are you going back to Europe?”

“Maybe,” I replied.

“So, you won’t tell me where you plan to go at all? You can’t just disappear off the face of the earth. Do you think that will stop me from tracking you down?”

“Stop you? No, but I hope you would respect my privacy if I have no wish to be found.”

“I suppose I have no choice. It does make it easier for me to check on you and make sure you are all right. Just because we are not in a relationship doesn’t mean you haven’t gotten under my skin. You are Trésor’s sister and that is a dangerous position in these times if she didn’t commit suicide. You do realize you aren’t safe and if I don’t know where you are—”

I held up a hand to stop him from talking. “It’s better this way, Rory. Less temptation for both of us because . . . you got under my skin too and if you constantly came around, I’m not sure I could resist temptation. You’re a lovely human being and together, we are two, seriously fucked up individuals with a lot of baggage but somehow, we make it work. Sometimes, it just
shouldn’t
work and these are one of those times. You and me—it can’t happen.”

“Is it because I was in a former relationship with Trésor? Do you feel like you are betraying her memory if you were to be with me?”

I shot him a look. “No, she doesn’t have anything to do with it. I need to be on my own for a while and perhaps find some . . . closure to this whole issue. I know it won’t bring her back but let it be a cause—my own personal crusade if you wish—I can actually do something about because she’s my sister and I loved her with all my heart. I can’t do anything about all those conflicts far away but perhaps I can settle the one raging within me. I acted stupid and selfish—I was the older one of us two by seven years, and I should have done everything in my power to make it right.”

Rory sighed and I could tell I was just frustrating the hell out of him. “Your answer, though eloquent, lacks conviction. I would do anything to make sure you are safe yet you will take absolutely nothing from me. What if I threatened to withhold the money?”

“I’m leaving anyway—money or no money, Rory. After what has happened between us, I can’t just go on with my life and pretend everything is okay. It’s never been my style to lie and I will tell Grayson the truth but I won’t blame you. In this case, I knew exactly what I was getting involved in and I did it with my eyes wide open.”

He said nothing further and as the bright lights of Manhattan began to illuminate the night sky, my chest constricted painfully and I found it hard to breathe. By the time he pulled up to the foreboding building where I resided with Grayson, I was in the midst of a full on anxiety attack.

Rory stared at me for a long time before he grabbed my hand closest to him and squeezed tightly. “Do you want to go inside?”

“Not really,” I managed in a soft voice. “To be honest, I am afraid but I have to pick up some clothes and Trésor’s possessions. Gray might be a bit reluctant to hand them over and I don’t want a huge fight but I suppose it can’t be avoided at this point. It’s my own sorry fault. If I had been honest with my fiancé and myself from the get-go then this wouldn’t be happening.”

“Listen, do you have the code to the parking lot?”

“Of course.”

“Then I will park in a guest spot and accompany you upstairs. You’re breaking it off anyway so I don’t see how my presence can harm the situation.”

At that moment, neither could I and therefore I merely nodded in acquiescence to his decision.

We parked and both got out. As we boarded a private elevator connected to the garage, he pulled me to him and I didn’t fight his touch or his embrace. “Where will you stay?”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead to be honest—”

“I can’t drive back to the Hamptons tonight…I’m worn out from all the exertion of our sexual activities. You can stay with me at the Waldorf until we figure out what you’re going to do.”

“Rory, don’t push it.”

He stopped touching me and instead held his hands up in mock-surrender. “Why don’t we get this out of the way now? I care a lot about you but I will never push you past boundaries you are not willing to cross so let’s make a deal. Stay with me until you get everything straightened out. At least until Trésor’s funeral is over since I also have a house in Vaucresson that is empty more often than not and could use a guest every now and then. When you know what it is you want to do then I will let you go. On your own—without me—is that understood?

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do and that includes sexually speaking as well. We will get your belongings and we’ll leave for France as soon as it can be arranged, deal? I have to make sure the police department has taken me off their ‘persons of interest’ list before I can leave the country.

“You can rest up and do whatever kind of research you need. In fact, I will put you in touch with some of her friends who were also in the community. I don’t want us to fight about this. You need to find out what happened to her and so do I. Perhaps you are the better person to carry out that investigation and I can accept that.”

He paused and touched my face with his hands. “I can’t be free of you yet and I know I don’t have a right to ask but just please . . . be with me. It’s the loneliness that gets to me more than anything. I miss her smile, her laugh and having her in my life. Can you understand that? I don’t want to be on my own because I am bound to follow my brother down a path of self-destruction. However, I fear I might not be able to recover this time.

“I never ask for anything—I take it, demand it, and
own
it. It’s how I am and how I always will be but this time, I need you to agree with me. You think Trésor’s death was only hard on you and your family? Granted you can’t be naïve enough to think she didn’t have people who loved and cared about her in our community. Please, I am
begging
you.”

I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “How big is this house in Vaucresson and will I have to see you everyday?”

“Not if you don’t want to. I also have a cottage in the country and once you leave me, will you promise to stay there? No strings? You don’t have to worry because Severin doesn’t know anything about it and you will have all the privacy you need. Please, let me do this for you. You have no idea how much her death eats away at my conscience because I can’t help to believe everything that has happened is my fault.”

“No, it isn’t.” I leaned in to him and barely felt his left hand as it clutched the nape of my neck before he brought me in for a passionate kiss. His tongue probed my own and I found myself surrendering to the feeling of complete and utter ecstasy. His right hand reached down into my sweats and caressed my clit from the outline of my panties and I sighed into his mouth.

The elevator doors pinged to signify the appropriate floor before they opened.

“
What the fuck is going on here?
”

We both stared at a scarlet-faced Grayson who had caught us both with our hands in the proverbial cookie jar. I realized with embarrassment Rory’s left hand clutched my right breast possessively. If I wanted to make sure my relationship with my fiancé had properly and completely been severed, I had done it tonight with flourish.