Kellan (17 page)

God. This girl. This moment. I made her tell me she was mine but that was only half of it. She fucking owned me, body and soul. I wanted to hold her, protect her, chase away all the things that darkened her eyes. And I would. If she let me, I would.
 

I stumbled forward, holding Mallory close. I brought her down gently on top of the kitchen table. She drew her knees up and spread her thighs even wider for me. She cupped my face in her hands as I pumped the last of my seed into her. God. We should have been careful. I didn’t think. Then some tiny corner of my brain told me I didn’t care. Because I wanted her. All the way.
 

She must have seen something cross my face because she arched her back a little and smiled. “It’s okay, baby,” she said. “I’m safe.”
 

Yes, you are, I thought. Because in that moment, I knew for certain that I’d never let anyone try to hurt this girl again. I’d die for her if it came to it.
 

Chapter Seventeen

Mallory
 

Boneless. Weightless. Senseless. That’s how Kellan made me feel. No up, no down. No right, no wrong. And I wasn’t used to it. Blue light fell across my face as he held me against him. Moonlight from the slats in the blinds of his bedroom window.
 

It was late. Or early. Three in the morning maybe. I’d slept for maybe an hour. Before that, everything was a blur of pleasure, lust, and every muscle in my body would ache for days. The kitchen counter was just the beginning. From there, we’d moved to the bedroom, the shower, the floor and now finally the bed. I should have slept afterward. Crumpled into a heap of exhausted limbs and sated desires. And I was. But I couldn’t sleep.
 

Kellan snored softly beside me, his arm thrown over me, holding me close against him. I turned slowly, so as not to wake him. He snorted, rolled to his back, but didn’t stir again. He slept with his arm thrown above his head, his left leg crooked at an angle. The covers fell away so I could see all of him, his naked magnificence.
 

I sat beside him, drawing my knees up to my chest. God. He was so perfect. Every inch of him chiseled perfection from his sculpted biceps, chest, and powerful quad muscles. Taking a chance, I leaned forward and traced the ink swirling across his chest then ran my hand over the howling wolf’s head on his right shoulder. His eyelids fluttered but he stayed asleep. I sat back again, running my hand down his solid abs, lingering at his hips. His cock hung harmlessly between his legs though he twitched a little when I spread my hand across his thigh.
 

I let my fingers play along the edges of the deep, jagged scar that marred his leg, but somehow made his form even more perfect. He was wounded but survived. Pieces of him torn away, and yet somehow, he was the most beautiful, complete man I’d ever known.
 

He knew just how to touch me, drive me to the edge of desire and bring me back. With just a simple touch or the whisper against my skin and he had me begging for more. I shuddered to think of it. Spent as I was, just the thought of his last kiss against my most sensitive flesh sent a fresh wave of heat coursing through
me, opening me, making me pliant and hungry for him all over again. He made me tell him I belonged to him. I wanted to. And that scared me most of all. I wasn’t thinking straight. Being with Kellan seemed to drive all reason from my head.
 

I got bolder, letting my fingertips brush against the deep scar that ran all the way down his right leg until just below the knee where they had taken that piece of him away. A strange new thought entered my mind, potent enough that I had to give voice to it, whispering in the dark.
 

“I wish I could have been with you. Helped you through it.”
 

I leaned down and pressed my lips against his flawed but beautiful skin, praying I could erase the pain it had brought him. I hadn’t known him then, but I knew him now. Kellan would have been brave, stoic. He might have even pushed me away. It’s what I would have done. It’s what I’d watched my father do every day of my life. He came home with all of his limbs intact, but I knew his scars from a different war ran just as deep.
 

“You wouldn’t have liked me much back then.” I startled as Kellan placed his hand on the curve of my skull as I rested my head on his thigh.
 

I squeezed my eyes shut tight then slowly rose, bringing my knees up to my chest again. His eyes glinted in the darkness as he regarded me. I watched him. For a few moments, neither of us spoke. But I kept my hand against his leg, almost daring him to move it away. An odd game of chicken. Each of us open, exposed as we looked at each other in the dark.
 

Finally, he brought himself up on his elbows. “You can ask me if you want.”
 

I smiled. “Sure. You know, my father won’t talk about it. Not ever. He has nightmares still. I hear him sometimes. He came back over forty years ago. I think it was better when my mom was alive. And even for a few years after she died. Then it wasn’t. I think he’s just waiting to die.”
 

Kellan ran a hand over his face. He focused on some unseen point. I knew that look. He saw something that wasn’t there. Some far-off battlefield. A place I could never go.
 

Something slammed into place in my mind and heart as I watched him. I
knew
that look. My whole life had been framed by what happened to men who got that look. I couldn’t do this. Not again. Whatever passed between us a moment ago was gone now. It had to be. I knew how much scars like Kellan’s and my father
could cost the people who loved them. Before I could even think, I edged away from Kellan.
 

I stumbled off the bed and searched for my clothes. They weren’t here though. They were scattered throughout the house. I grabbed the first thing I could find, Kellan’s t-shirt. It smelled of him: musky, male, and clean. God help me, I inhaled it as I brought it down over my head.
 

But I wasn’t too far gone. It was time to end this now before it hurt too much.
 

“Mallory, stop.” Kellan had recognized some look on my own face. The color drained from his as he grabbed a brace from the side of the wall, threaded his arm through it and stood.
 

“I need to go,” I said. “I can’t.”
 

Kellan took a step toward me and I held up my hand, clawing at the air. I  warded him off. It was too much. Too intense. Too fast.
 

He took another halting step toward me. “What are you afraid of?”
 

Unnatural laughter burst from me. “What? Everything?”
 

How could he ask me that? As the blush of desire gave way to reason, I felt like I was waking up. Even though I’d never been to sleep. I’d made a mistake. Though it hurt my heart to admit it. Kellan was a mistake. If he had even a glimmer of what my father was inside of him, I couldn’t be a part of it. And if he didn’t, he was a Great Wolf. What was I thinking letting that club life into mine?
 

“I don’t want to be another casualty of your war,” I said, regretting it for a fraction of a second. It seemed a poor choice of words, and then I realized it wasn’t. It was perfect.
 

Kellan took another step forward. He towered over me, tall and strong even as he rested his weight on the metal crutch. God. He was whole and virile. Every cell in my body cried out to be touched by him.
 

“I told you I’d keep you safe. I can keep it from touching you.”
 

No, I thought. Just you, Kellan. As he stood there looking sexy and tortured, I knew I was in danger of letting him hurt me most of all.
 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have led you on. Things are just, complicated in my life right now. I have responsibilities. I have my dad. I have Mitch. I need to focus on all of that.”
 

Kellan cocked his head and smiled in that infuriating way I was learning he had. “You’re twenty-five, not fifty-five. You’re allowed to have your own life, Mallory.”
 

“I can’t get mixed up in this. Jesus. Kellan, somebody came after me last night because of you.” I hated myself for saying it. Hated the flash of pain that went through his eyes. I knew he blamed himself for what almost happened. I wasn’t being fair. But I couldn’t play fair. Not now. Not when I’d almost let him in too close.
 

“It’s okay that you’re scared. You can be scared. Scared will make you smarter. But I can protect you.”
 

And who will protect me from you? “It’s not just that. I don’t do well, with this stuff. And it’s easy for you to stand there and tell me I should have a life. You’ve
seen
my life. You got a front row seat to it the other day out on my lawn.”
 

Kellan sighed, his shoulders sagged. “I can help you with that too, Mallory. If you’ll let me. I know a little something about guys like your dad. He needs help. He’s never going to accept it from you. I know why.”
 

Anger rose deep within me. God, Kellan was doing the same thing my father did over and over. Telling me I didn’t understand. I couldn’t know. I knew everything that followed probably wasn’t fair. But I’d spent so long in defense mode, it was a hard thing to shut off. And the simple fact remained, I
was
better off steering clear of whatever mess Kellan’s club was in right now. I
had
almost gotten hurt by someone connected to him.
 

“I’m out of here,” I said. “This was fun. More than fun. But it’s out of our system now. Don’t you think?”
 

His eyes grew dark even though the smirk didn’t leave his face. God. It infuriated me even more. It was like he
knew
me. Like he was reading my fucking mind. All the more reason to back the hell away and fast.
 

I turned on my heel and went out in the hallway. I found my bag in the middle of the floor and tore through it until I had my phone. How fast could Justin get here? If he wasn’t shitfaced after last night, he couldn't be that far away. I’d
walk to the damn bus stop if I had to. Anything to put some distance between that piercing stare of Kellan’s.
 

He’d gotten in too deep too fast. I couldn’t let my heart go there. He’d hurt me. He’d leave me. Or worse, he’d stay but pull away so far I’d never get to him. The way all the men in my life had done except for the one I was trying to raise.
 

“It’s four o’clock in the morning,” Justin’s groggy voice filled my ear as I pressed my phone against it. Kellan had emerged from the bedroom and threw on his jeans. I couldn’t help that my eyes took in the way they hugged his body in all the right places.
 

“Can you come pick me up? I’m on Bradley Street. Kellan’s bike is parked out front and I’ll drop you a pin.”
 

Justin made some guttural noise but finally answered. “Yeah. You’re lucky. That’s about five minutes from where I am. You okay?”
 

“Yeah. Just come get me.”
 

I tapped the screen to end the call and turned away, not wanting to meet Kellan’s eyes just then. I could feel him though. He leaned casually against the wall near the kitchen, his arms crossed in front of him.
 

I found my skirt and slid it on. My underwear was ruined. My blood warmed replaying the instant when Kellan tore it to shreds and entered me. But to protect myself, I could be strong. Kellan was a bad boy. His shit was too heavy for me. He knew it. I knew it. One of us had to be a grown up about this. It was sex. It was just sex.
 

I took a deep breath and finally turned to face him. He was calm, but his eyes raked over me, hard and predatory. An answering heat flared within me. I’d have to learn to shut it off.
 

“Justin’s on his way.”
 

“I heard.”
 

“I really am sorry. You get it though, right?”
 

Kellan shrugged. His eyes held that bemused expression that drove me nuts.
 

“I’ll see you next weekend,” I assured him. “Nothing’s changed. I’ll do my job.”
 

He pursed his lips and nodded. God, I think it would have been better if he said something. Anything. I think I wanted him to be angry with me. Fight back. Call me a slut or a liar. Something. Instead, he just stood there, leaning against the wall where it opened to the kitchen. His eyes flashed fire though he kept his smile in place.
 

Then, Justin was in the doorway.
 

“You ready?” he said, peering in through the screen. Kellan raised a hand to wave but didn’t move from his spot.
 

I picked my bag up off the floor and slid it over my shoulder. I turned to go, feeling Kellan’s eyes blazing into my back as I left.
 

Chapter Eighteen

Kellan
 

I knew from the look on Colt’s face it was bad news. I followed him in to the backroom at the
Den
and damn near held my breath the whole way. It wasn’t Mallory. She was safe. She could be pissed at me all she wanted. She could push me away out of fear or stubbornness or whatever the hell spooked her the other night, but she wasn’t getting rid of me that easily. I’d give her space and a little bit of time. But that girl was in my blood now.  I wasn’t going anywhere.
 

I could wait, for now. The shit with the club provided an unwelcome distraction but a distraction. Except now when Colt turned around and sank into the chair at the head of the table, my gut clenched. Whatever happened had to be even worse than I thought.
 

I looked around the table. Brax was missing. My heart sank straight down into my boots. Sank, then hardened to stone. If they’d gone after one of my brothers, they’d gone after me. And this had just gotten a whole lot worse.