Kate Sherwood - Dark Horse 03 - Of Dark and Bright (15 page)

Evan sat down on the porch step and peered up at Jeff, trying to get a better look at his face. “But you have an opinion, right? I mean, you want us to solve the problem? You think we’re both idiots, and we need to grow up? Something like that, right?”

Jeff didn’t need to look at Chris this time; he just nodded. “Yeah. I think you need to grow up.” He lifted his glass for another sip.

“Are you mad at me?” Evan sounded like a confused little boy, and a significant part of Jeff wanted to comfort him. It wasn’t like Jeff hadn’t known what he was getting into when he started a relationship with a much younger man. And it wasn’t like Jeff didn’t get off on being the wise, stable one, the father figure who guided the others along. When Danny would let him, Jeff literally got off on it, playing his dom role with enthusiasm and compassion. But Danny wouldn’t sub very often, and Evan had never had any interest in the game whatsoever. And out of the bedroom, they were all grown men, all equals. Chris was right; Jeff had to stop acting like the parent, mediating conflict between two squabbling children. Until he did, they had no reason to grow up and solve their own problems. His chest gave a quick pang, and he forced himself not to think about how soon they might be left without whatever guidance he’d been offering. “I’m not mad,” he said honestly. “I’m just tired. You and Danny need to sort this out on your own.”

“I’m not sure that’s fair,” Evan protested. “We’re supposed to be in this, all three of us, together! You can’t just back out when it gets hard.”

“Bullshit, I can’t,” Jeff responded. There was more heat in his words than he’d expected, but he didn’t feel like pulling back. “When there’s something from the outside—when there’s trouble with Tat, or Dan’s sister, or whatever else, I’m there for you, and I will be as long as I can be. But when it’s just the two of you being jackasses? When you make a deal to buy Dan’s niece or nephew and don’t even tell him about it? That’s your mess. I warned you about it, but it’s not my job to clean up after you.”

“I’m not really thinking of it as ‘buying’ the baby,” Evan corrected.

“I don’t care how you’re thinking of it. You’re giving a woman money in exchange for her child. I’m not saying it’s automatically wrong, although it sure doesn’t feel right. But the words aren’t what matter. The fact is, you knew Dan wouldn’t like it; if you hadn’t known that, you wouldn’t have kept it a secret. You made your choice, and now you need to figure out a way to fix it.” Jeff felt his chest tightening again, and he was pretty sure Chris was watching him more closely than usual. He took a sip of his bourbon and tried to concentrate on his breathing. Regular, not too deep, just calm and easy. He could do this.

Evan was watching him too, but he seemed to be focusing on Jeff’s words, not his expression. “Do you think I’m wrong?” he asked quietly. “Do you think I should have let her give the baby to someone else?
Sell
it to someone else?”

“I have no idea, Evan.” That wasn’t entirely true. Jeff had
some
idea. But he and Chris had talked about this, and they’d agreed. They were going to back off, and Evan and Danny would just have to sort it out on their own. Not that Dan had shown any sign of asking for help, Jeff realized. Chris had been right there with Jeff all evening, and neither of them had gotten a call from Dan. That was a bit worrisome; it definitely made it seem like Dan was back to his “running and hiding” pattern of stress avoidance. Not Jeff’s favorite thing, and obviously not Evan’s, either.

But Jeff needed to have faith in both of them. Dan wouldn’t run for good. And Evan wouldn’t… wouldn’t what? Wouldn’t buy the baby without Dan’s consent? Jeff really wasn’t sure what the next move was for Evan. But he couldn’t let himself worry about that. It was Evan’s job to figure this out.

He took another sip of his bourbon and looked over to see Chris’s sympathetic eyes. Chris raised his glass in a subtle toast, and Jeff actually managed a smile. There was someone looking out for him, and it felt good. It felt like something he hadn’t had for far too long.

Chapter 11

D
ANloved being the first person in the barn in the morning. He’d give the horses their hay, then go around with their feed, then check that the automatic waterers were working. And then nothing. He’d sit there and listen to them munching away, or he’d go outside and watch the farm wake up, the sun hitting the dew on the grass, the birds flitting around looking for stray oats, the fat barn cats watching the birds with interest but no activity. It was peaceful. And he definitely needed a little peace.

He hadn’t slept well the night before. Leftover tension from Tat. That was part of it, sure. But mostly it was the situation with Evan. With Evan and Krista. And Chris. And maybe even Jeff. Dan hadn’t spoken to him, but he assumed Jeff was on Evan’s side. That was his default position, after all. Jeff and Evan had been a couple long before Dan showed up, and when things got tense, it was natural for them to fall into old patterns. The two of them against the world. The two of them against Dan.

He wandered over to Smokey’s stall. The little horse pricked his ears forward and left his breakfast to see whether Dan had brought him something better. He was only fed a token handful of grain, just enough to keep him from feeling left out, and then he had to stand there and hear his barn mates still happily crunching through their feed while he was stuck with dry, boring hay. “I haven’t got anything for you, buddy.” Smokey turned his head, and Dan scratched along his neck, finding all the itchy spots. “I’ll get you an apple later, okay? And maybe we’ll go for a ride.” Dan had another one of his urges; he wanted to get on his horse and go. They could ride as far as Smokey’s strong legs would take them, and then rest under a tree somewhere. Dan could fish, maybe, and Smokey would do fine with just grass. They’d live off the land together, no complications, no frustrations.

Dan heard a car door slam out in the parking area. It was not yet time for the barn staff to arrive; he only had the early shift one day a week, but the others were generally more than happy to take the chance to sleep in. He looked toward the main door and wasn’t all that surprised to see Evan and Jeff walk through it.

He stepped away from Smokey. The horse was pretty sensitive to Dan’s emotions, and there was no need to expose him to this wave of negativity. “Hi,” he said. He tried to make it sound businesslike. Evan was a partner in the barn, after all, and still owned a hell of a lot more of it than Dan did. Like the guest house, if Evan decided that he wanted to come by, he absolutely had the right.

“Hi,” Evan said. He took a few steps closer. “We didn’t hear from you last night. Usually you call.”

“Usually somebody does,” Dan agreed. They all kept their separate homes, and they didn’t spend every night together, but they generally did check in. But it’s not like it was Dan’s job or something. He wasn’t going to take responsibility for something that none of them had done.

“I tried,” Evan said. “You didn’t pick up.”

 

Oh. So maybe Dan didn’t really have the high ground on that argument. “I left the phone somewhere. In the truck, I guess.”

“Yeah.” Evan looked like he was trying to control his frustration, but Dan didn’t think he was doing a very good job. “That’s what you do. We have a fight, and you ‘lose’ your phone. I know the pattern.”

“It’s not lost. It’s… it’s probably in the truck.” Dan refused to sound apologetic. He wanted to look at Jeff, wanted to see support in his eyes, but he wasn’t sure it would be there, and he didn’t want to take the chance. So he ignored Jeff and focused on Evan.

“It’s not a great system, Dan. Makes communication kind of difficult.”

And that was about it for Dan’s patience. “And I know how important communication is to you. I mean, you probably wanted to tell me about buying Krista’s baby, but you couldn’t do it because I didn’t have my phone with me all the time. You couldn’t do it in person, and you couldn’t call me any of the times that the phone
was
with me. No, you’re right.
I’m
bad at communication, and you’re a fucking broadcast network.” Evan looked like he might have something to say, but Dan wasn’t quite done. “But last night,
after
I found out about it,
that
was when it was suddenly essential that you talk to me. So, yeah, this whole thing is my fault. I get it.”

“And why do you think I was reluctant to discuss it with you? Because you’re so calm and rational about everything? Or because I knew you’d blow it out of proportion and get all crazy about it?”

“You’re going to talk to me about blowing things out of proportion, after that little display yesterday? Seriously? How the fuck long do you think you can take the ‘I’m calm and controlled’ high road when you’re having panic attacks every time Tat breathes funny? Seriously, Evan, based on yesterday—you were either totally out of control, which means you need to shut up about me being emotional, or you were
in
control, which means you’re a total asshole.”

“No. My sister was missing, possibly kidnapped, and I looked at the most logical suspect. I’m sorry that was your sister. I’m sorry that me treating her the way I did hurt your feelings, or upset your pride, or offended your sense of justice or whatever the fuck it is you’re pissed about, but there’s nothing irrational about suspecting a criminal of committing a crime.” Evan wasn’t trying to maintain control anymore, and his voice was just short of a yell. Jeff was standing off to the side, leaning against one of the stalls, apparently content to just watch.

Dan shook his head. “So you were totally right. Nothing to feel at all bad about.”

“I’ve been more than generous with your sister, Dan. I paid her bail, invited her into my home, bought her gifts, let her spend time with my innocent seventeen-year-old sister….”

“You paid her bail? What happened to the whole ‘we’ll use
our
money to help
our
family’? And you bought her gifts? I thought so too, until the chips were down and you decided that they weren’t gifts after all, they were just loans. Shit you could take back whenever you felt like it. And seriously, dude, you’re pretty inconsistent on the ‘my home’ line too. How many times have you tried to convince me and Jeff to move in, since we essentially live here already? Looking at the last couple days, can you understand why we weren’t real enthusiastic about the idea? The next time you decide that it’d be more convenient for you if we lived here, remember this conversation. Remember why we need to have our own places, need to have something that you can’t decide to take away whenever you feel like it.” Dan was pretty sure he saw that hit home. Evan looked almost shaken, and Dan waited for his answer. He waited to hear Evan admit that he was wrong.

Instead, Evan said, “I really don’t think you need to worry about me making that invitation again anytime soon, Dan.”

Dan tried not to react. He’d be damned if he’d let Evan see how that had stung. Instead, he made his face relax, made himself smile, and said, “Okay. That conversation’s not on the table. And there’s not much point in going over yesterday’s bullshit again. So let’s cut to the chase. You think you’re going to buy one of my family members, and I don’t think I’m going to let that happen.”

“
Y
OU’REnot going to….” Evan had already gone way further with

this fight than he’d meant to. Dan had hurt him, and he’d hurt back, and now the whole thing was out of control. But Evan didn’t know how to de-escalate it, and wasn’t sure he wanted to. “What do you mean? I assume you’ve already tried to talk Krista out of it, and I assume she’s already blown you off. I don’t really see what else you can do about it.” They needed to fight this out, Evan was pretty sure, and then make up afterward.
But Dan wasn’t fighting. His face was totally calm, totally unDan-like. “It’s illegal to buy and sell babies, Evan. I’m sure Chris has made that clear to you. I don’t know what scam he came up with to make it work, but it’s not going to happen if I blow the whistle. If I tell the court the kind of deal you made, they’ll shut it down. And they’ll keep a close eye on Krista to make sure she doesn’t make a deal with anyone else, either. Her husband’s a fugitive, and she’s already made it clear that his family is even less stable than hers. So you know who’s going to end up with custody, Evan? Me. Anytime I want, all I have to do is find a judge who cares about kids, and your whole deal is over.”

“And you’d do that?” Normally, Dan was completely transparent, and Evan could read him easily. But when he got like this, his mask was thick and solid, and Evan had no idea what was going on underneath.

Dan’s shrug seemed genuinely nonchalant. “If I have to. I’d rather not, obviously. Krista’s already got enough legal trouble. And you don’t need the hassle, or the bad publicity. But if you think you can throw your weight around and get what you want just because you’re rich, you should think again. Not everything’s for sale, Evan. I’m not, and neither is my sister’s kid.”

It was one of the first things that had drawn Evan to Dan. Well, the very first thing had been his looks. And possibly the second, third, and fourth things had also been mainly physical. But his integrity had been what made Evan want more than a short-term fling. It was that core that Evan had been thinking about the other day, that stable, unshakeable certainty in some things. Dan wasn’t for sale. Evan absolutely knew that to be true. And if Dan decided to extend the protection to his niece or nephew, he could probably manage it. Dan’s integrity was admirable. But it was also absolutely infuriating. “You’d do that, just to win? I mean, what’s your objection, really? Do you think I wouldn’t be a good dad? That
we
, all three of us, wouldn’t be good dads? Do you really think the baby would be better off somewhere else? Do you even
want
to raise it yourself? Or is this whole thing just….” Evan struggled for the words. “Is it just about being
right
, for the sake of it?”

Dan stared at him, and then let the mask fall away as he shook his head sadly. “I’m really not sure we
would
be good parents, Evan. I mean—are you planning to raise the kid with that philosophy? The ends justify the means? It’s not important to do the right thing as long as you get what you want? Is that what we’d teach it?”