Kate Sherwood - Dark Horse 03 - Of Dark and Bright (13 page)

But that didn’t mean that Dan had to like it. And it didn’t mean that he couldn’t protect himself. If taking favors from Evan meant that Dan had to put up with Evan’s shit, then Dan really didn’t want to take favors from Evan. The trapped sensation that he’d felt when Krista had first shown up was back, stronger than ever. He was already struggling to pay the legal fees; how the hell was he supposed to pay for somewhere else for Krista to stay, and for the guards that would have to supervise her? She could move into his apartment, he supposed. A single guard could keep an eye on the one exit, so that would cut down on costs, and it wouldn’t kill Dan to sleep on the couch for a month or so. Or maybe he could stay at Jeff’s.

Or maybe at Evan’s. Dan really wasn’t sure how big a deal this fight was. It felt pretty huge right then, but maybe that would fade. But, no, he still needed to keep some distance. He’d let himself get sucked in to Evan’s world of favors, but as Evan had made all too clear, when he loaned something, it wasn’t permanent. He could and would take it back when it pleased him. So Dan wouldn’t accept the loans or the favors, and sleeping in Evan’s bed, eating his food, feeling at home in his luxurious house—that was all a favor. It was something that Evan could take away whenever he wanted to, but he couldn’t do that if Dan never accepted it.

He loved Evan. He knew that was real, and strong. But the guy was not easy to live with, and Dan needed to make some changes. He had no idea how Evan would react to them, but Dan was pretty sure he wasn’t going to let that become his problem.

E
VAN’S phone rang. He looked at the display and jerked the phone to
the side of his head. “Tat?” He needed it to be her. Needed her to be safe. But what if it was just somebody else with her phone…. “Hi, Evan.” Tat’s voice was clear and calm. “I’m sorry if you were worried. I’m fine.”

Evan couldn’t even name his emotion. Was it possible to be completely enraged at the same time that he wanted to collapse with relief and love? “Tat? Where are you?” he managed.

“We went hiking. In a canyon. I guess my cell didn’t get coverage there.” She still sounded calm, and Evan realized she had probably practiced all this. Hell, maybe she’d planned the entire drama.

He wasn’t sure where to begin shoveling through that pile of bullshit. “You ditched your security, Tat. You
knew
I’d be worried.” His voice was reasonably level, but his legs were trembling, and he sank into the nearest chair without being aware that he was moving.

“The security was completely unnecessary, Evan.” Tat sounded a little less rehearsed, a little less mature, and it was strangely comforting to hear her being testy. “I was with friends, and we weren’t going anywhere that anyone would have known about.”

Evan couldn’t have this conversation. “Where are you, Tat? I’m sending a security team to pick you up, right now.”

“No, Evan. I’m fine. I’ll be home in a bit. Like I said, I’m sorry you were worried.” And then she hung up. She had apparently made the statement of independence that she had intended, and that was it. He pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it in disbelief. He was tempted to call her back, but he was pretty sure she wouldn’t answer.

He realized that he had quite an audience, and raised his eyes to find Jeff looking a little pale but smiling anyway. He’d been sitting quietly on the couch since he’d come in with the sandwiches, watching and waiting along with Evan. It had felt good to have his support, even if it reminded Evan a little too much of Dan’s departure. “She’s okay,” Jeff said softly.

“She’s fucking
dead
,” Evan corrected. He jerked upright, his energy back, and turned to Bill. “Sorry for the false alarm.” Then past Bill to look at Krista, still sitting in her armchair, serene as the Mona Lisa amid all the chaos. He had felt like a fool talking to Bill, but he felt like something much worse when he looked at Dan’s sister. “I’m sorry for bothering you. I’ll get the laptop and iPad back. Sorry.” Obviously the words weren’t enough, but they were all he had.

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t really need them,” she said calmly.

 

“No, I’ll get them. If you’re not enjoying them, maybe there’s some software you’d like, games or movies or something….” “No, I’m fine. You hang onto them. I appreciate the thought, though.”

Evan wasn’t sure how to take this. Was Krista just as angry as Dan, but hiding it better? Was this her version of Dan’s mask, a calm exterior to shut out people who didn’t deserve access to the insides? “I really am sorry,” he tried again. He realized just how much he had to lose if Krista decided to stay angry at him. He couldn’t discuss it with all the people in the room, but he hoped he could get a message across anyway. “I guess I’m a bit overprotective. You know—of kids under my care. I really… I guess it’s not fun for everyone else, but I take my responsibilities very seriously.”
And I’d take good care of your baby
, he tried to say with his eyes.

“Okay,” Krista agreed blandly. There was no sign of her receiving his message, and no sign that she cared. She turned her head toward Bill. “Could I impose on you to help me up? I’m pretty tired, and I think I’ll go have a nap.”

“Of course,” Evan said, stepping toward the door. “We’ll get out of your hair.”

“It’s your house, Evan,” she said calmly. “Obviously you can stay as long as you want.” She headed for the stairs. “I’m a sound sleeper; I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

“No, it’s….” Evan stopped. He looked around the room, saw the security personnel, the half-eaten sandwiches and empty coffee cups, and realized that he’d made himself and his team completely at home. He hadn’t even thought about it; it was his guest house, and she was a suspect in his sister’s disappearance. But now that Tat was safe, Krista was back to being a guest, and he really hadn’t treated her well. “We can tidy up before we go,” he tried.

“Whatever you think is best,” she replied, and she started up the stairs, slow and tired-looking. Evan needed to make this up to her, he decided. And he needed to make it up to Dan, as well. He wasn’t sure which apology would be more challenging.

J
EFF had thought about driving himself to the emergency room, but the pain had started to fade shortly after Krista had gotten him the chair, and he decided that he could stick around. Then, after the crisis was resolved, he could have gotten some attention, but he really just wanted to go to bed. He’d have a couple glasses of bourbon first, he figured, and that would take the edge off. And he would go to the doctor the next day. He would. Standing on the sidelines watching Evan and Dan fight had made it clear that he was no good to them as he was, so he’d have to get himself fixed. Or, if the news was bad, he’d have to start figuring out how they’d get along without him. Either way, the time for indecision was over. He was tired, but determined.

He saw the truck in his driveway as he pulled in and looked over to see Chris sitting on his porch. Chris. Young, healthy Chris, with a good head on his shoulders, who got along with both Dan and Evan… maybe Chris was a resource Jeff needed to be keeping in mind. If he couldn’t be around, maybe Chris was a reasonable substitute. He tried not to think about Chris’s recent experimentation with bisexuality. He refused to let himself consider Chris replacing him in bed. There was nothing Jeff could do about the possibility, and that meant he had no reason to torture himself thinking about it.

“Hey,” Jeff said as he climbed out of his car. “What’s up?”

“Jesus, Jeff, what’s up with
you
? You look like you got hit by a train.” Chris stepped off the porch, skipping three steps and landing easily. Jeff tried not to hate him. And he tried not to think what it meant, that he’d been able to hide his illness from the two people who were supposed to be closest to him, when Chris had seen it at a glance. It was because Evan and Dan hadn’t seen him at his worst, he told himself. At least, they hadn’t seen him at his worst when they weren’t in the middle of their own dramas.

“I’m not feeling too good,” he admitted. There was no point in trying to deny it.

Chris gave him an appraising look. “What kind of not good? Do you want me to drive you to the doctor? ’Cause I’m serious, man, you look terrible. All gray and nasty.”

“Thanks, Chris,” Jeff said dryly. “Always good to hear. But, yeah, I just want to sit down. And maybe have a drink.”

 

“Do you want me to call Danny? Or Evan?”

“No, I’m fine.” Jeff dragged himself up onto the porch and sank down in one of the Adirondack chairs. It felt like something was pulling when he moved, as if there was something in his chest that was tied too tightly to something else, but when he was still, he was okay. He still had his keys in his hand, and he lifted his arm a few inches and showed them to Chris. “Any chance of you going on a Turkey hunt?”

Chris still looked skeptical. “Are you sure it’s a good idea for you to be drinking?”

“I’m absolutely positive,” Jeff said, and apparently his voice was persuasive, because Chris took the keys and unlocked the door. Lou, Jeff’s dog, bounced out to greet them both, and at least Jeff didn’t have to worry about her. She spent half her time at Evan’s anyway; she’d be fine there if he couldn’t take care of her anymore. He let his fingers rub through the soft fur of her ears, and for the first time wondered why Chris was at his house, waiting for him.

Then he didn’t care, for a while, because Chris returned with two glasses of ice and a bottle of beautiful brown liquid. Chris poured for them both, handed Jeff a glass, and sank into the neighboring Adirondack chair. He raised his glass in a gentle toast, which Jeff managed to return, and they sat quietly for a while, enjoying their drinks and the oncoming dusk.

Chris was the one to break the silence. “So, I came over here for a reason. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

 

“Yeah? Don’t leave me in suspense.”

Chris sighed, then took another sip of his drink. “Well, it wasn’t exactly a
good
reason, maybe. I mean, I was framing it in my head as ‘asking for advice’, but now that I think about it, maybe it’s more like ‘bitching’.”

“Bitching’s good too.”

“Yeah? Well, then, I’ve got a bellyful of ‘good’ to share with you.” Chris grinned quickly, then leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees, looking intently at Jeff. “I just… it occurred to me that you’re probably the only other person who really understands how it feels. Being stuck between Dan and Evan all the time, I mean.”

Jeff wasn’t sure how to take that. “You feel stuck between them?”

“You don’t?” Chris sounded incredulous. “When they get along, it’s fine, but as soon as there’s even a little bit of tension, they both try to get me on their side, and neither one of them seems to realize that I’m getting pulled in two directions. I mean… I
work
for Evan. He’s my boss.
And
he’s my friend. But Danny’s… I don’t know, he’s
Danny
. He’s….” Chris faded out. “You know,” he finished lamely.

And Jeff was surprised to find that he
did
know. Not just about Danny being Danny, but also about being caught in the middle. “Evan’s so bullheaded, once he decides that something’s right. And Dan’s just as stubborn in the opposite direction. Neither one of them is any good at seeing things from the other’s perspective.”

“Exactly,” Chris said triumphantly. “They’re usually good, but when they get going, they’re like little kids.
Annoying
little kids, not the cute, well-behaved kind.”

And that was another reminder. “Evan wants to adopt Krista’s baby,” Jeff said. He was sure Chris already knew, but it wasn’t something Jeff thought had been discussed enough.

“And Dan doesn’t,” Chris agreed.

 

“Is that for sure? I heard him say he’d step in if she needed him. It sounded like maybe he wasn’t totally against the idea in principle.” “But he doesn’t like the terms of her deal. Yeah.”

 

“It
is
problematic. Buying a baby….” Jeff wasn’t sure how he felt about it himself.

“But from Evan’s perspective, it’s… I don’t know. Money doesn’t mean the same to him that it does to Danny.” Chris sounded like he’d given this some thought. “For him, it’s like air, or something. If Krista wants money, and he
has
money, why not pass it along? Everyone’s happy.”

“Except Dan.”
“What about you? Are you looking to be a daddy?”

Jeff wondered why he’d never asked himself that question. He wondered why Evan and Dan didn’t seem to have asked it either. “I don’t know.” Would a baby be just one more responsibility that he’d be unable to fulfill if things didn’t go well at the doctor’s? “It’s complicated. With three of us, especially. I mean, Tat was old enough to sort of understand, and we’ve kept it pretty quiet, in general. A little baby… that would be a lot trickier. And a much longer commitment.”

They sat silently for a while, each thinking his own thoughts and sipping his own drink. Then Chris said, “For what it’s worth, I think you’d be a great dad.” Then he frowned. “Unless you… unless you spoiled the kid. I don’t mean with stuff. That’ll be Evan, for sure. But the way you act with Dan and Evan, acting as if they’re the only important things… that’s great when a kid’s a baby, but I wonder….” He took a thoughtful sip of his drink, and didn’t seem inclined to finish the thought.

But Jeff was pretty sure he wanted to hear the rest of the sentence. “You wonder what?”

Chris looked apologetic, but at least he continued. “I wonder if that’s part of the reason Evan and Danny act so childish sometimes. I don’t mean just you. Maybe I’m part of it too. You and I both drop all our own shit the second either of them sneezes. I wonder if they act like they’re the centers of the universe because
we
act like they are too.” He shrugged. “And I wonder if the same thing might happen with a kid. Is there a way to make someone feel totally secure and totally loved without teaching them to take other people for granted?”

Jeff drained his glass and wordlessly extended it for a refill. He didn’t say anything in response to Chris’s question, but he definitely thought about it. And again, they sat there quietly, drinking, and they watched as the night fell.